What Does Restoration Feel Like After Hours

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So sit back and join us on this adventure. The Masculine Journey After Hours starts here, now. Welcome to Masculine Journey After Hours, and we are talking about the topic of restoration. And what does restoration feel like? And I know that may sound like a weird question, but honestly, what does it feel like? If restoration is a big part of our story, what does it feel like to us spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, you know, all the different things that it can be?

And so we're just going to jump right in it. And so none of you put a microphone in front of you. So that really lets me pick, unless someone wants to put a microphone in front of them, on what does restoration feel like?

And since it's not in front of anyone right now, and I'll let you guys think for a minute, I'll go ahead and I'll share one. And I probably talked a little bit about it last week. But, you know, part of my story after my divorce, I thought I took some time to heal, and didn't really take enough time to heal and didn't really heal deep enough and started entering into dating. And just was a series of misadventures, you know, just, it was not good for my heart. In a lot of ways, it was not good for some other people's hearts and me dating them, you know, honestly. And so I just kind of shut down, you know, for a while and went into a season of it. And this last boot camp, through some people speaking to me, which I talked about last week, and our prayer, and God just really opened my heart to help me understand that, you know, as I talked last week, I was taking on too much of responsibility in certain situations. I had done that in my marriage, I had done that in relationships, and helped me just kind of see what is the part that I need to own. And what came from that, because where the power was in that, was the part that wasn't mine that the enemy was making me feel like was mine was shame.

Right? Because I didn't own it, I couldn't really get forgiveness from it, because it was not mine to be forgiven of. I don't know if that's making any sense. And so it's just this big shame cycle that would set there. And so once he broke the shame cycle, yeah, I still have to repent of my own parts of the situations, the parts of my marriage that I didn't step in when I needed to, or if I wasn't the husband I needed to be, I need to own those and learn from them. But I don't need to take on more than what's mine, because that's what the enemy wants me to do. You know, to take the whole hook and go.

Right? And so once that shame was broken, I've really just been in a very, very good place. You know, and part of Nikita had told me, you know, make sure you submit yourself to God every day, you know, and I should have been doing that forever now. And I've been doing that almost every day.

You know, I forgot in a couple days and tried to do it when I remember. But it's helping me hold on to the truth. Because I know that that other stuff isn't true. Right? I don't own that.

Other people may own it or the enemy owns it, I don't know. But the restoration I feel physically I don't feel physically I don't feel a cloud on on me anymore. You know, what's a cartoon character, Robby, you may remember the one that walked around with the dust cloud. Does anyone know who it was? Big Pen. Yeah, there was another one to Eeyore does Eeyore Yeah, you know, and I kind of walked around feeling that way. You know, just feeling this presence on on me. Right? And physically, it just felt very heavy. And so physically, that feels a lot better now I still have trouble with my ankle and I still have trouble with the other stuff physically.

That's not gone. I'm just talking. I feel like a weight's been lifted from me, you know, and it goes back to that scripture, you know, my yoke is light. Right? And it just shows me I was taking on someone else's yoke, the enemy's yoke through that and emotionally, I felt so much better. Spiritually, you know, just felt so much closer to God. You know, all those places have been touched in that and it was just a few little minutes at boot camp that broke a cycle that's been going on for more years than I know. You know, I don't even know how far back it goes, that I took on things that weren't mine as relationships didn't work out.

Right? And that's not pushing away the things that aren't mine, like I talked about before, I got to own those, but helping me understand the difference and that's where the freedom came and I want to live in that freedom. I'm looking very forward to moving into relationship in a very healthy way. And I've never felt as good moving towards a relationship ever, because God's been working on me and not looking for validation there and also not owning what's not mine.

So that's enough about me, but that's kind of what I've been feeling all the way. And so here's a clip that I have. This is my clip. Freedom!

So when we were thinking of clips, that's the only clip that, well, it's one to two clips that came to mind was, you know, this freedom. My heart just feels free in a lot of ways. Now I still have a lot of other ways of being attacked.

Right? There's so many other sides of life that's still coming at me. But if I can hold on to this one, you know, those have less of an impact. Not that they can't be devastating, they just have less of an impact because my heart's in a good place. Anyone else want to go next?

Harold, would you like to go next? First I'll talk about physical restoration. I had knee surgery, developed a blood clot, they put me on Xarelto, and for about three months I could not sleep. I had terrible insomnia. The restoration was getting off of Xarelto and getting back to where I could sleep at night. Then the emotional, after my sweetheart and I got engaged and I was no longer going to be trying to be a fighter pilot in the Navy, I joined the Alabama Air National Guard and I went off for eight weeks to basic training. When I got back off that plane after eight weeks and I saw her, I didn't need an airplane, I was in the air. The spiritual thing to me, when I have failed most miserably, God and I are on opposite sides of the Grand Canyon. When I get right, we're sitting together on the front porch swing, having a talk. That's what restoration is to me, spiritually.

Okay, thank you. Anyone else? There's four more of you. I'm looking right at all of you at once. It's making my eyes hurt, but I can do it.

Robby? Well, as you may know, my word for the year was to engage, which, interestingly, God took me on quite the adventure in that word and that he had me start to memorize Psalms, which is actually ingesting the word of God to where you have it at your disposal all the time. And specifically the 119 Psalm, which is really, from some people's standpoint, the ultimate Psalm on spiritual warfare. So you're hitting all these different points in over eight verses of every letter of the Hebrew alphabet. But the 20th verse really speaks to, I think, what you were talking about, and it speaks to a lot of where God's had me through the last few years, is the 20th verse, which is in the Gimel section, says, My soul breaketh longing for thy judgments at all times. Which sounds kind of weird, isn't it, King James?

No doubt. But the idea of judgments from God's perspective is God looks for the – when he's judging, he's looking for the good. Right? So when you're going to him trying to get his perspective on a particular given situation, he can point out to you, here's the good. Here's where the direction that you should be going. His judgment is going to have you go the good way, right? Towards goodness. And so, like when Rodney gave his talk three boot camps ago or whatever, and he started talking about disappointment, and all of a sudden I realized that I was projecting that disappointment of my father's that was just like what you said, Sam. It was something the enemy had handed me, but it wasn't what God saw. That wasn't the good in the situation.

It was what he saw. So I'm owning something that is actually bad, and so my soul is literally breaking for the longing that it had for God's judgment on this situation. The tradition is not that God's disappointed in me in any way, shape, or form, but actually he's very pleased with me. Then when you get to that, the 80th verse says, let my heart be sound, which means actually perfect, so complete. Let my heart be sound in your commandments, in your statutes, actually, that I be not ashamed. And the more I've thought about that verse lately, the more I realize if I no longer think I'm a disappointment to God, but actually when I start to feel shame in any way, shape, or form, say, Father, where am I not turning to you to father me in this situation? It's like a chick engine light going off saying, oh, I feel ashamed right this minute because I'm so behind on my yard work.

I'm so behind on this. God, what's the next thing? And let him father me through it, and immediately he gives me my heart back and I can get some shame. I know that's not the long-term restoration type of situation, but when you put those two Psalms, those two verses together, you kind of get the idea how if you have that word in your heart and you're constantly chewing on it, right, he's helping you become your father's son.

And be the me that I always wanted to be, as Jerry Maguire would say. Those are really key points out of that clip that really was genius. I think the Holy Spirit clearly directed whoever set up that intro to Jerry Maguire.

It's an amazing movie. I tell you guys sometimes, I'm going to tell you off air, but I'm not going to now. We went to the chosen thing last night, and the part that did move me was the names of God. And the reason I was asking that is if there was a name of God that said God hears, back to some of my story, and I won't go into a lot of it because I've done a lot of shows, but I was attacked there for so long.

You have nothing to say, all that kind of thing. And the name Samuel literally means God listens, God hears you. And so if God had that name, stick with me for a minute. I'm not a tattoo guy, but my kids, my oldest son and youngest daughter both love them, and they always ask me, what are you going to get a tattoo of?

I said, I don't know. I don't know of anything I want permanently on my body. I don't need your names. I know your names.

I don't need that stuff. But that's the one thing I would actually consider putting on my body, is God hears. As a reminder to me, and if anyone would ever ask, what's that mean? Well, it means God hears me, right?

And I need to know that on an everyday basis. You know, when I feel like no one else is listening, I don't get my pickle or whatever that is, right? Whatever that might be or that type of thing. And if you haven't listened to the show, you don't know what that reference is, go back and listen.

But anyway, again, that's part of a restoration piece that I think God's taken me, and I don't know that I'll ever do it, but that's the one I think I would consider doing. The pickle? Not the pickle, but a big dill pickle on my shoulder. Pickle tattoo. Yeah, a big pickle tattoo. Nothing about God hears but a pickle. That's my friend, Dill. Peter Piper. Would it be kosher? It could be.

Only if it was an official name, then it would be kosher. Andy or Danny? You both have microphones, so one of you go. Andy.

All right, I'll go quick. You know, the first show, the Jerry Maguire clip, really spoke to me and what it feels like to me. And I don't want to say that everything is always just great and wonderful, but I can tell you that, man, I used to be so up and down. I was so fickle, so, you know, shame brought a lot of stuff in into my life, and, you know, I got to get validation from somebody else. Well, heck, you know, you're dependent on the mood of somebody else of whether you are, you know, going all right, you know, if life is good or not. Well, that's pretty, you know, up and down.

You know, you're just not going to have any kind of stability. But when I, you know, you guys have heard me, and I'm going to continue to go back to it because it's what made the impact. God took me through so much stuff in healing and seeing wounds and pose and all that stuff. But when I really found God as Father and the restoration that he was able to do in my, who I saw him as, and again, I always thought like I had a good view of God. It was this orphan spirit that you mentioned, Sam, of just not really feeling like he was there for me. My dad, as I mentioned, kind of went out of my life as an adolescent, and that made a big impact.

He wasn't there on one of the probably the most critical times a son could have. But anyway, I was just thinking, what does it feel like? And I feel like I walk today with such confidence and boldness and security that I didn't even know. It's something I always desired. But I felt like Jerry Maguire when he said I wanted to become my father's son and, you know, I returned to that place, that identity of who I am as a person. But just a tidbit, I went to get a Christmas tree this weekend, and I wanted to go to the, there was this road I lived on.

There was a Christmas tree palm. I tried to go there several years and always too late to get it. Well, where I normally would go get it, they were closed, and they never closed this early. So I got to finally go to the place I wanted to. Went up to this place, and it's, I love scenery. I love beautiful views. It was the most beautiful view that I think there is in Boone area.

At least not on the Blue Ridge, but close to it. Beautiful. I really enjoyed it. People were nice, Christians and all. So I was coming back down from that, and I saw this deer bounding up on the ridge. And it was like God was like, that's for you. And then it was like that scripture that I used to hear, and I was like, I'll never get to that place.

You know, as the deer panties for the water, so my soul pants after you. I was like, shame always got in the way of that feeling of really feeling like I was somebody that would have that passion for God. And you know, I was like, you know God, I really do. And he was like, I know. And it was just a, it was a great moment, and just solidified what God has done in my life in the past ten years. That's awesome. I was going to make some comment about, you know, not taking the chainsaw and having to drag the tree out with your car like, you know, the Griswolds.

But I can't do that after that. That was pretty amazing. Thank you.

Thanks. I was thinking, you know, I did the New Name talk in the last boot camp, and have dug a lot into my name. And thinking about restoration, one of the things that has come out of this is that one of the things God showed me in the previous boot camp was that I had sacrificed myself on the altar of acceptance.

And he's began to unfold that when I let him in the last little while. And where that has led me at times is, you know, I grew up in a family and, you know, disclaimer, I believe you should be a part of a church body. But it was almost like the message I got was, you got to be there every time the doors are open. And God's keeping count.

And what will people think if I'm not there? And that has wreaked havoc in my life. Nothing wrong with perfect attendance. But it has wreaked havoc because it was that altar of acceptance. It wasn't about being closer to God for me a lot of years.

It was about check off the list and make sure you're seen. And that has caused great grief in lots of different things. It almost cost me my marriage and just simply because I was gone all the time. I had, quote, a ministry and doing those kind of things that the wife should just understand.

I don't ever recommend that. But what God is doing now as he's unpacking some of this stuff is that I'm finding some freedom in not being obligated, not owning the stuff that's not mine. You know, people say, hey, missed you last week. But it wasn't, hey, you weren't here.

You have your seat, no longer your seat anymore. But, you know, and my wife is beginning to engage again. And she's beginning to engage in this community, which is beautiful because she has put the church community at an arm length. But, you know, she truly and I mentioned it before we went on air. She talks about how authentic you guys are.

And I told her I was a bunch of posers, but she didn't believe me. But that's the beauty of what it feels like mentally, physically, and spiritually is that as I learn to walk in another freedom, that being who I truly am, that I don't have to be a Robby or a Sam or a Harold or anybody else. I can learn to be me and who I truly am.

And that is the biggest battle, I think. Thank you, Danny. Rodney, you got a microphone in front of you? Yeah, but after all of that, it's like what, I can, each one of you said something that I'm like, that's part of my story. That's a part of my, that's a part of my story. You want to set up a movie clip again? Hey, you know what, do we have enough time?

Is that the best norm you got? That's what I love about being in this band of brothers, in God's word, and then I get other brothers, you know, that you just, you be a part of that. You're just like, you start to hear stuff from their story and that's where you, that's when you get that freedom of I can hear somebody else's story. I can apply it to mine and I can come out on the other side better and then they, I can offer up my story. You know, I can have the courage to actually say, this is what's going on in my life. You know, this is what's happening, this is what's going on and have people hear that and not be worried about, oh, what are they going to say?

What are they going to think? What are the, you know, putting all my hope and fear in man rather than God. So for me, you know, it's really been about just the word contentment is the best word I've been able to come up with that says, I'm good. I'm good with myself. I make mistakes. I have problems. Things aren't rosy.

But I'm okay with that. I'm going through my walk. I don't have to be like you just said.

In other people's walks, I don't have to worry about whether people are saying, Danny, I can just, I can do my thing. And I can be content with where I'm at. It's not always happy. It's not always joy.

It's not always these wonderful emotional things. But I'm good. I'm okay with myself. You know, being screwed up and being, having all the other problems that I have, I can live with those.

But it's being able to, because like you talked about, you know, I've been thinking about doing this. I'm like, okay, the emotional stuff is easy, but like you said, physical, physical. I'm like, is there really anything physical? And I'm like, I have not been working out in a long time and just had a serious back spasm that basically crippled me here for a little while.

And I've gotten some absolute relief from that, which is so thankful Robby sent me to the good chiropractor there. But, you know, I just think through it, I'm like, just not having anxious moments, not having temper, not having anger, not just being upset about other things. I would have been just wanting to throw my hand through the wall because of all the shenanigans we've had in the last couple of years. I mean, it's been all kinds of stuff.

What would normally just tick me off has been something like, yeah, it's really stupid, but what am I going to do about it? God's got control of this. Okay, all things work together for good, so I'm just going to roll with it and live in it and talk about it with my brothers and other people, but I'm not going to let it rule me. And that's where you have that control.

Thank you. You actually, it's funny, before you said the one word, I was being prompted to say, I was going to ask you guys, if you could do restoration down to one word, you can only use one word, nothing more. What would be the one word you would use? Well, you just said contentment, right? So going around the room. I'm going to pass.

You wouldn't take a minute. I mean, probably, I really like contentment. No, no, no, no, no, you got to pick your own word. We'll come back to you.

Danny? Okay. I'm still thinking. Still thinking? All right.

I see smoke. All right. Guys? Joy. Joy. Okay, that's a good word. No temper. That's two words.

No, you can't do it. Temperless. There you go. Okay. Make a compound word. We're good. Temptress.

I'm going to submit two. So freedom. Yeah. I mean, this is really what it's all talking about. But I think in that, yeah.

Well, you had already said it, so with your. But probably just a confidence. So I guess it's freedom. You could use freedom.

All right, go ahead, Aidan. But, you know, there is a confidence in who I am as a son, I guess, a bit confidence. Go with that. Thank you. That's a good one. Thank you, good word.

Well, you can narrow it down to one. Redeemed. Redeemed. There you go. That's a good one. Freedom, you know, I used.

And that would be one. But I think a close second for me would be hope. Right? That, you know, there's hope on the horizon because this whole world doesn't really seem like it's very hopeful most of the time. Right? You know, even when you don't watch the news and do all the things that I try to stay away from, it's still, it's hard to have hope right now.

And so, you know, that restoration provides a freedom which gives me hope that, you know, things, regardless of what's going around in the world or going on in the world, that it's going to be okay. Right? I talked so long we don't have time for your clip, Danny. I'm sorry. We'll have to get to it. You besmirched the Christmas carols. You know, I even set it up.

I know I set it up with Ebenezer Scrooge with the George C. Scott reference and then we couldn't even get to it. You're staring at, you're staring me down. I feel, I'm feeling like Rodney right now. I'm just saying. This reminds, this reminds me of a boot camp not too long ago. Oh yeah. That was a much different stare. That was much different. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah.

That was a much different. I'll be submitting the same clip next week. I know it works. It doesn't matter what the topic is, right? It doesn't matter. I will tell you that the setup next week will be really long. We'll have to start at the first show and end at the second show. And you know, I give you a hard time, but we've all done that, right?

I mean, we've all, you know, been around and set up a clip much more than we need to, but that would. There are no hard feelings. Yeah, there can't be in this group. All right, so hope, contentment, confidence, redeemed, joy. Harold's compound word of temper free or whatever it was. Temperless. Temperless. Tempurpedic.

Tempurpedic. You know? Yeah.

I like that one. Dis-temper. It's something. Dis-temper. That's it.

I think it's dis-temper. Yeah. Going with it. Not losing my temper. Yeah. All right. And then we had freedom.

We had hope. Man, just so many words. And what I'd ask you to do this week, a couple things. If you feel yourself posing, ask your God why, and then say, what's the shame that's underneath it? Right? Or if you feel yourself in shame, say, God, why, and why are you bringing it up to my heart because I know you want to heal it, and walk there with Him. We'll talk to you next week. This is the Truth Network.