Self Nullification After Hours

Nakita Kolov, the Russian nightmare.

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Coming to you from an entrenched barricade, deep in the heart of central North Carolina. Masculine Journey After Hours. A time to go deeper and be more transparent on the topic covered on this week's broadcast. So sit back and join us on this adventure. The Masculine Journey After Hours starts here, now. I think we just dug another mile deeper in our barricade here folks.

We are talking about self-nullification here. Go back and listen to the radio show. Hopefully, if you haven't had a chance to hear that, you can get a hold of that on the masculinejourneyradio.org or masculinejourney.org.

Either one works these days. So go on out there and make sure you listen to either one on the podcast here. So as we go deeper, we're going to talk a little bit about either one on the podcast here.

So as we go deeper with this subject, we're just sitting around talking in between shows about, really, relationships. How living with Jesus is a relationship with Him, which affects your relationship, therefore, with everybody else. So the deeper you go into His Word, into prayer, into understanding who He is and trying to seek Him out and understand who you are as one of His creations.

And not only as, oh, He created me, therefore I am, but for that relationship with Him. I was just thinking when Andy was talking on the last show and it was kind of coming to me as like, when did it first really hit you that, you know, you really first had to kind of deny yourself a little bit and think about others. And for me, it was real easy to be selfish and do my own thing for a long time in my life. And then I had my first child. And yeah, marriage was a step forward.

You know, getting a dog was a step forward. But boy, when I had a child that completely depended on me for every single thing that it was going to get or not get, well, my wife for more than me, but it was still just this life that you have been a part in creating and bringing to this world. And you're sitting there trying to think, well, yeah, I'd like to go. For me, it was always about sports.

So if I want to go play baseball, I want to go play basketball, football, go bowling, golfing, you know, you name it, I love to go do it. And it's like, I have to put something else really before me because this child is really depending on you to come through. And that's one of the things that over my life and trying to figure out, okay, when did it really matter was when I had that relationship with Jesus and the stronger that relationship got, it affects how I think about my relationships then with my family, with those that are my co-workers, those that I just meet walking through the store.

You know, whoever it is, it just changes your focus. I'm not always perfect in it. When you were talking earlier, we always kind of want to end up strangling somebody here and there because they're not treating us right.

You know, it's not fair. That always still comes out. But honestly, when you're walking with Jesus, it doesn't get as sour, it doesn't go as south, and you can keep a much better perspective on who you really are.

And that just helps. I know we were talking earlier about letting go and trying to do that. So guys, what do you have to share with our listeners about where you've had an opportunity in your life to let go, give over that control, that ship to the master?

Who, Harold's going to go first? One of the big issues for me is I'm highly competitive. No, I always have been the short guy syndrome. And one of my issues is, after having spent all those years in computer programming and systems analysis, things have to be right. And one of the issues that I've had to try to overcome is not always correcting someone when they say something that's wrong.

They use the wrong word in the wrong context. And it's like, whoa, just let it go. Because my first impulse is, you know, to fix it because it's not right. And yet, how I need to look in the mirror and say, gee, Willikers, what's not right with you?

If God looks at you as you really are, not as Jesus makes you look. Yeah. And then there's things you do need to actually stop and correct people on. And that's, I think, even harder for me. Because you sit there and you say, okay, I've got to put myself in a position of authority. I've got to put myself in this position of basically knowing something or hearing something or seeing something that was wrong with me. And it needs to be corrected. That's a hard place to put yourself into a lot of times.

Yeah. But pride gets in the way because, you know, if I know I'm right, don't challenge me. Because I like to think if I'm uncertain, I'll couch it in terms like I think it might be or whatever.

But when I make a very positive assertion, I react negatively to being challenged on that. And that's wrong of me. I know it's wrong, but I hadn't been able to get it changed all the way yet. My sweetheart's helping me. I bet she is. I think you're completely wrong.

Sorry, Harold. No, you wouldn't be the first time. For me, it's a little bit different angle. When I live in the identity that I've assumed I live in the identity, the world's given me the labels. I'm not able to love people very well, maybe on the surface, you know, but let something go wrong and my true how I'm seeing myself comes out, which is normally negative towards towards someone else. Right. And so when I live in my identity, I let that down. And I live in the identity God's given me. I love people so much better, because I feel better about me. Right.

It's hard to love somebody truly love somebody for a long period of time when you don't feel good about yourself. Right. And so there's some self care there that I need to let God do. You know, I can go, you know, white knucklehead and push through and do all the right things for a season, then something would go wrong.

And I would blow up and, you know, there'd be a huge withdrawal in the relationship account of whoever that might be. And so, you know, the key for me in loving others well, and having grace and, and a lot of that is staying very connected, so that I don't absorb the identities that the world tries to tell me that I am, you know, the things that's happened to me in my life, or, or the things where I've made mistakes, you know, the enemy's always out there reminding of those things. Right.

And as long as I can keep them blocked at the gate, and not let them into my head and into my heart, you know, I want to be a lot better place of loving others well, you know, and having grace and understanding that I need to have for them. Yeah. And we talked about identity so much. And I think even your next clip, Andy, the fight within.

Yes. So the fight within is, it's a pretty straightforward clip. It's about a UFC fighter in I don't know anything about the story.

I just know the clip. And he walks up on a homeless guy, and they just start talking. I think he gives him a pack, the homeless guy a pack of skittles, and they just start talking. But really, what comes out is, is this guy's searching, he's searching for some truth, some life. And then in doing it, you could tell that he really wants to take and do something to obtain his relationship with God, which we've heard that many times. It's not about not about works. It's about grace.

And this homeless guy just sits the guy straight on it. God. It's not about what you can or can't do for his love. It's about your faith in him, who he is in your life. How does faith change anything? With faith, you'll seek, and you'll find God. Once you find God, everything changes. Not because it has to, but because you want it to. You want to do things his way. Sounds like I had a lot of work to do.

You know, all our reasons are really just the same. Yeah, there's, there's a lot of work to do. And just think, when you think about that, there's a lot of work to do, but yet your work earns you nothing. It's not about your work. It's about his work and what he's doing in and through you. And boy, how much better is it to live that life, just like Sam was explaining, where you're letting go. He's in control.

You don't have to, you don't have to punish yourself for every little thing you did wrong. He's right there with you. You know, he's taking that walk with you. He's holding your hand and taking you through that walk. He's got you there at that moment right now for a reason. Darrell Bock Yeah, I wanted to read a scripture.

I think Robby wanted us to reference it, and I think it really goes good with that clip and what you're talking about. That, you know, self-nulification, I think probably the best scripture that explains it, where Jesus is talking about denying yourself. So I'm going to read that from Matthew 16, 24 through 26. Then Jesus told his disciples, If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?

Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? And I used to really like that scripture, but I found it to be very hard. But I think it's much more simple, kind of like that clip, in the fact that you're just, you're not having to worry, you know, deny yourself.

That sounds very difficult, very hard, something I have to do. Darrell Bock No more ice cream, yeah. Robby Barnes Yeah, exactly. Well, I really do struggle with that kind of stuff. But, you know, really denying yourself, we do think a lot of the things in the flesh, but I think it's denying your false self is really what he's saying. Darrell Bock Yeah. Back to identity, right?

Robby Barnes Yeah, finding your true self in him. You know, I think it's also interesting that, you know, they did know about crucifixion at that time. But this is before Jesus was crucified, and he was telling them to take up their cross. They had to have known what that meant. But it actually means that cross that you're picking up, it is a burden. It is something that you do have to carry with you. But it's not like, that's why I think that it always stuck out with me. That looks, I don't want to be carrying a cross around it. I remember seeing the people that are simulating that around Easter time carrying the cross. I don't want to do that. I say, you know, Passion of the Christ, I don't want to do that.

But it's not really like that. I think it's just a matter of losing that false self and finding your true self in him. Darrell Bock Yeah, and you think about Moses, you know, he was just full of humility. Here he was, had all kinds of providential leading by God, talked to God, lived, you know, great part of his life, communing with God. And yet, he walked in humility. You know, there's just so much that God bestowed on him and told him how great he was compared to the rest of us morons around this world, you know. And yet, he stayed humble.

That says a lot for a man like that. And that's, you know, not the easiest thing to do. But again, that's why I love what the book of examples is. You can reach inside there and find, oh, yeah, there's these imperfect people that were striving and had some success in their life.

And that's what we're striving for, too. Darrell Bock Yeah, I was thinking, probably my elementary introduction to self-nullification was introduced to me in a 12-step program. And, you know, we talked about it during the break. And, you know, the exercise is that of listing the people that you resent or, you know, that hurt you. And then you're not really allowed to focus on what they did to you. But you have to find your part in the situation. Because no matter how pure we think our motives are, our greasy fingerprints are on every situation.

And so I always described it in my country fashion as cleaning off your front porch, not the other front porch. And so, you know, example of that is, you know, my first wife, my daughter's mother, I mean, I resented her, I mean, she was just, the love that was broken hurt deep. And I mean, inside, there was a whole lot of, you know, I couldn't make a marriage work, a lot of self-blame and that kind of thing. But it was also these things that she did and said that I carried. But when I had to sit down with a piece of paper and dissect that, you know, I can remember being in tears and realizing I did play a role in what happened. I did play a role in some of the things.

And I had to own those. And ultimately, God led me to sitting down with her and making amends the best way I could to what I had done. But what that led me to is that I was able to look the world in the eye again, you know, because I walked in shame and pity. I mean, having been an alcoholic and a drug addict and God knows whatever else, and you think you're worthless, but God says, no, there's redemption in this, but let's get some stuff out of the way.

And it's a glorious thing to deny yourself. You know, I'm like you, Rodney, I don't do it well. There are times when I think Danny's justified and that's dangerous. Yeah, that's dangerous. But, you know, but it's the thing of, it helps me with those relationships. And, you know, Jim Vitti, my dear friend, used to say that he'd make a symbol with his hand with the cross.

He said, when you get this relationship, right, Tom, between you and Jesus, these relationships work out pretty good. Yeah. And I always keep that in mind.

Yeah, the vertical versus the horizontal. Very good. Thank you, Danny.

Just thinking along the lines of where you're at with, you know, relationships, this keeps coming out and sacrificing yourself and thinking of others before yourself. And that's kind of where we go here when we go into the Forrest Gump clip that Andy provided. So this is Forrest when they're in Vietnam with Lieutenant Dan and Bubba. And Forrest is, you know, really concerned about Bubba.

They're in a firefight. And this is just kind of the scene that goes there. Forrest really gets into just, he really becomes selfless in this. But, you know, Forrest, from what I could tell through the whole movie, he was living from the true self. What you see is what you got.

There was no pretense or anything, but this is a flip. Bubba was my best good friend. I had to make sure that he was okay. And on my way back to find Bubba, well, there was this boy laying on the ground. I couldn't just let him lay there all alone and scared the way he was. So I grabbed him up, run him out of there. And every time I went back looking for Bubba, somebody else was saying, help me, Forrest, help me.

And I started to get scared that I might never find Bubba. I know my position is danger close. We got Charlie all over this area.

I got to have those fast movers in here now. Over. Lieutenant Dan, call his dad.

I know his dad. I hope Lieutenant Dan doesn't leave me here. Just leave me here. Get out. Then it felt like something just jumped up. I didn't ask you to pull me out of there. Where do you think you're going? I got an airstrike inbound right now. They're going to nape the whole area.

Don't you stay here. That's an order. So in the clip there, uh, it's kind of interesting. You know, I'm not even worried about a spoiler. That's a 20 year old movie. But, um, you know, forest, he loses Bubba. He doesn't say Bubba, but Bubba kind of, um, gives him his, uh, fishing, uh, business, his shrimp business, um, as he dies. And, but he, you notice there, he saved Lieutenant Dan and Lieutenant Danny actually impacts him and helps him find God later in the movie. But again, he's, it's an example of him denying himself of doing what he knew to be right, living out of his true self. And then the glory that he, that came from that, from him finding his life and his purpose and impacting others with that, um, is, um, it's a great example to me of, of that. I agree. As you listen to that clip, you get to see the opposite in Lieutenant Dan, right?

The opposite of self nullification. The, I have to do this because my family's always died at war. This is my purpose.

This is my life. And, you know, he has to go through and process that and break through that agreement, you know, as, as he's, uh, doing stuff with forest on the boat to where he can find some breakthrough and some freedom in it. But he was wanting to try to live his whole life by that, that, that identity that wasn't really truly who he was. Right. Yeah. He, he, that had been imposed upon him and it become his false self of, you know, our, our family dies for others instead of, you know, we actually are, or live a life of our own.

And that false sense of hero. Yeah. I've got to come through in a situation where, no, that is not necessarily the situation that's important. Yep. There are, there are those moments. Yep.

Go ahead, go out there, be the hero, you know, do something for others. And, but in a situation like this, it was just about, Nope, I'm just thinking about myself. And he lived with that for a very long time. Just lived a horrible life, was miserable, was just being a bum. Just, I don't want to have anything good.

Nothing good can, can even come to me. That was his total thought. Yeah. And he, and he got on for us for saving him. Yes. You got somebody who saves your life and you're like, that's enemy number one now.

Why didn't you let me die? And then I think he actually tried to commit suicide or thought about it. Yeah. And just eventually, you know, is on that boat and in that storm. And doesn't that where God comes with us in our own lives?

Is that storm? I know for me, I just lost a job and was commuting down to Charlotte, got another job and just fortunate enough to be listening to Dr. Jay Vernon McGee at five in the morning. Cause I had such a long drive and just when God in that storm, cause I was still like, now, how am I going to make this work? I got to drive an hour and a half, you know, each way to work. And how's this, how's this going to even, you know, play because I'm now I'm not going to basically be in my kid's life, you know, my, my wife's life, you know, family as I knew it and what was going on was going to change.

How in the heck is this going to work? And when he entered in and God said, here I am, this is who I am. This is who you are.

Everything flipped. And it's like, I didn't really think about all the things that were so bad in my life. I started thinking much more about others and where they were and being able to, you know, think about others in that way really helps free your own heart for yourself as well. And that's one of the things I found that was very freeing is yes, when a lot of people say, well, um, you know, when you, when you're trying to go help others and do things for other people, that's when you get the most freedom. And that's where I've, I've continually been in that, been in that spot. Yeah. A simple exercise sometimes is, you know, if you get a nasty cashier with a bad attitude or a waitress or, or that kind of thing is stopping just a second and thinking what's behind that attitude.

You know, what are they going home to? What are they, you know, just, just taking a moment and realizing that that attitude isn't about me. You know, I hadn't had that much time to make her that mad. I don't think, you know, but, or something to that effect, but to reflect on what they may be facing and that, that kind of softens the blow. I think that's part of what we're talking about is the self notification of just going, you know what, I know this attitude ain't about me. It ain't, you know, I used to train guys when we did appliance repair going in somebody's house and when somebody's got something that's not working in a restaurant or no, they can be very unreasonable or a truck yeah. So, but, um, I'm on the flip side of that one, but, um, and I say, you know what, you're not the target, but you are the closest thing they got to shoot at. And I think also doing the same when you yourself have that attitude. Like you said, when you're on the flip side and actually having your truck worked on, you know, and it's not getting done right.

Yeah. And you come these things that, you know, dig at you. Those are the things to go to God with. Why does that bother me so much? What is it about that, that I don't trust you in this? Why is it that I have to have control now? What, what is it about this situation? You actually tapped on something that God's really been working on me with. And I shared a little bit about it a few weeks ago, but you know, I'm a worrier, you know, I have to have control.

And I've been in some situations here recently where I've had to relinquish control, you know, some of that, uh, some financial things and some of it, like even coming up to the wedding that we just had, there were a lot of relational issues that I had no control over. Right. And as I would pray about them, as I'd pray about other situations in my life, God's only been given me, it'll be all right. And I've become comfortable with not asking, okay, what's that mean? Yeah. Just letting it go. Okay, God, you said it's going to be all right. It's going to be all right. Whatever the outcome is, is all right.

Right. And so far each time it's, uh, not necessarily been perfect, but it's been better than what I could even have tried to create on my own. It's very freeing.

It's very freeing. And that trust relationship of realizing, God, I can really trust you in these things, right? I don't know what it means that it's going to be all right, but I know eventually the outcome will lead to good things. And there may be a few it's not all rights before it becomes really all right to you and yourself and how you want things to come out. You often pray, you often go to God for things that you want.

They don't always come right away, but part of giving that up and then trusting in our Father, that He can come through in those situations, that's a huge step towards being able to trust and go deeper with the Lord. So everyone, we talk about a lot of these things at bootcamp. Danny's going to do his dance. We've got a great time coming up the weekend before Thanksgiving. So please head on out to Masculine Journey and register for the bootcamp. And we'd love to see you there. See you next week. This is the Truth Network.