Wound-to-Healing After Hours

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Coming to you from an entrenched barricade deep in the heart of central North Carolina. Masculine journey after hours. A time to go deeper and be more transparent on the topic covered on this week's broadcast. So sit back and join us on this adventure. The masculine journey after hours starts here now. Welcome to masculine journey after hours and Andy, this is your show today.

And so, yay. So we're talking about the wound, right? And if you missed the first episode, the regular podcast, the radio show, we touched on certain things. If you want to touch on those again a little bit. So we talked about, you know, the woundings that we have that we acquire as men. And one of the things I wanted to really point out is we talked a lot about the father wound in that previous show. But your wounds can come from all over. The enemy doesn't just choose your father to wound you. No, that's the one he likes to do because he wants to take you out in experiencing sonship with, you know, God as your father. But, you know, he'll use whatever he ever means. He doesn't play fair. We were just talking.

He doesn't play by the rules like there is rules and in spiritual warfare, but he does not play by the rules. Other things were, you know, just how, you know, a lot of our wounds come at a young age and we have to get them healed. We have to go back to that when they happened at that age that they happened. It's hard to heal something and just only look at it from the perspective that you see it as an adult.

You really have to go back and get the feelings that you had. And I think I haven't been to counseling to speak to talk about the wounds specifically, but I think you guys have and they say a lot of good counselors will take you back to that place where you were wounded as a child. And then we also kind of linked it back to last week's show and the pose and that the pose is used a lot of time to cover up and to hide. You know, I think there had to be a wound in during the fall whenever the wound that came was, you know, naked. Adam was naked, you know, and he didn't realize that and there was a wounding in that because there was something severed between he and God. So in the same way, you know, we have to deal with those wounds that we have in the same way of being kind of separated from God. Really healing a wound is going to bring you closer to God.

If it doesn't, it's got to be some kind of counterfeit healing. Agreed. And I think the danger that we run as adults, if we've had that woundedness as kids, is we can think through it, rationalize it, process it.

We're processing it at the age where we are today. Right. Right.

And really what God needs to take you back is to that place where you couldn't process it as a kid and heal that spot. Right. Yeah. Because knowledge, you know, when they were at the Garden of Eden, there were two trees, right?

There was a tree of life and a tree of knowledge. Right. Knowledge will give you lots of things, but it will never give you the life. That's right. Right. And so getting knowledge of something is good, but you've got to seek the life in the midst of it. Okay, God, I understand this more.

Now I need you to take me where I need to go. Right. You know, when I was reading the book Wild at Heart, which we talked about on the show before, it talks about the father wound. And I kind of stopped there because I was like, you know, Dad had his issues. I can point to a couple things, but they're not really that big a deal.

And it's because God had another wound he needed to work on me with that came from a family member. Right. Right.

Until that one got out of the way, he really couldn't work on the other ones. Right. Yeah. You know, that was the great blockade.

You know, that was my Suez Canal boat that wasn't letting things through. Right. And so, you know, God had to get that out of the way.

And then, yeah, he took me back into some stuff about my dad and some stuff about my mom that I love dearly. Right. But she had some things. She wasn't perfect.

And there were some things that she did or didn't do that wounded me. Right. But we all take wounds throughout our life. But, you know, God knows the order they need to be processed in for him to really get to the healing.

Yeah. I think another thing, too, as we talked about at the end of the last program, too, was a lot of these wounds, we own them too much. They really aren't necessarily ours. We were tempted into something and we believed it was all us when we were, you know, we were drug in there unwilling. We were given more than we could handle at a particular age. Something really came at us. And for whatever the enemy, the liar that he is, will tell us it was our fault and it's really not our fault. So I think we're ready to move on to the clip.

Robby, if you can set that up. Sure. This was from the movie Hacksaw Ridge. And you may be familiar with Desmond Doss, who won the Congressional Medal of Honor for, you know, going into battle without a gun. And so you see throughout the movie this, you know, young man who just refuses to take a gun.

He takes a lot of heat for that. Well, it came from somewhere and it came from a wound. And so when we see this clip, he's actually up on Hacksaw Ridge now and he's been, you know, trying to help out people, you know, not defend himself. And he's in the foxhole with this other young man. And he's beginning to tell him the story of what was actually behind the wound, you know, that set up him not being able to use a gun.

And so we'll take it from there. My daddy used to beat me and my brother just because of song rows and whippers, just because of the set. I can take that. But when he would do it to our mama. But you didn't kill me. My heart, I didn't kill you.

So that's why, people, I promised to God I ain't never going to touch a gun again. So, you know, there's a story. And, you know, one of the things that really helped me at boot camp personally was I thought my story was just normal, you know, that and I think everybody did. And somebody said, you know, you, you find somebody, what was your childhood like, well, he used to tie me up in barbed wire, you know, and, and, and beat me with an axe handle. Well, that's probably not normal.

Okay. But if it's your story, you think it's normal. And so for Desmond and his father coming home and beating on his mama, you know, that was his story. And all of a sudden, he had this phenomenal outbreak of, of emotion and trying to protect his mother. And he saw what he was capable of if you put a gun in his hand, when he was out of control as a, what would appear to be 12 or 13 year old boy, if you were to see the clip.

And so what you see here is actually even more of what we talk about boot camp is he, he not only makes an agreement, you know, he makes a vow that I never going to do this, which obviously God allowed that to create a hero because that's what Desmond Doss was. However, he would really like to get inside and, and you can see the emotion. And, you know, Desmond himself, who obviously had phenomenal capabilities had not worked into, you know, where, where is his broken heart getting healed? Because at this point in time, you can see, you know, his heart still broke. Yeah, it's still a lot of guilt there instead of just healing and moving on. I mean, he's doing what he's doing of not picking up a gun, in my opinion, the normal way route would be to do that, you know, serving your country or whatever, but it was out of guilt. Now, again, like I said, we all if only all of us would do more of picking, not picking guns up less and doing trying to heal or whatever, as he did. But with that said, I still think there was some brokenness there, like what you're saying.

Oh, absolutely. And, you know, again, how many of us in the fit of rage because of something that we were duped into, then made agreements and vows that were really, you know, in agreement was something that's not true. One of the verses that really has always helped me heal some is when Paul says that, you know, I do the things I don't want to do. And I don't do the things I want to do. And for the many years, I missed the punch line on that, which is, but it's not me, it's the sin within me. And that's where you can forgive yourself. And it's also where you can forgive those that have wounded you. And that, you know, it's, it's the enemy that's wounding you. It's not mom, dad, brother, sister, self.

And as you guys put out it, it is true, I'm very good at sticking the gun to my head and pulling the trigger rather than shooting at somebody else. Yeah, I think the, you know, often the enemy uses other people to voice his hatred towards us. And so yes, that person falls into the role, you know, and allows it to happen. And there's a forgiveness of that person that needs to happen at some point, forgiveness of self.

You know, Robby, you talked about in the first show, and it was really a thing for me, the forgiveness of self was the hardest thing. You know, because the enemy has you really where he wants you when you can't forgive yourself, because you're stuck. And the thing is, he'll use things that are partially true, as we've talked about before.

And because that's partially true, you think the whole thing's true. And being able to say, Okay, God, help me only see the truth in that. And where's the lie?

Where's the agreement? Where's the place that I'm being held in bondage, you know, and a prisoner to the enemy, because I won't forgive myself, or I won't forgive somebody else and, and give me some breakthrough. One of the some beautiful movies done by Jefferson Moore, this Christian director, if you ever have a chance to watch one of them, but he's got one called one message about this woman who, you know, her fiance, she got breast cancer, her fiance, you know, pulls all these shenanigans while she's going through all that, and she's having a hard time forgiving him and she goes into this deep depression. And the person that is, you know, kind of the Jesus rescuer in the movie comes to her and says, You don't forgive that person, because they deserve to be forgiven. You forgive that person, because Jesus forgave you well, turn that on for yourself for a second. Okay, you don't forgive yourself. Because you deserve to be forgiven.

You forgive yourself because Jesus did. You see, and am I going to call him wrong? Well, probably not a good idea. You know, just wouldn't play out too good.

It does get convoluted, though. Because sometimes these wounded places that we pose, you know, and try to protect or we won't let God heal. It, it drives us and we get good results from it. It's not always negative. It's not always, Hey, I kicked the dog, yelled at the cat, whatever, you know, the case is, or, you know, was mean to my kids or my wife, you know, sometimes that drivenness will make you not want to fail. You know, that you'll work all these extra hours, you do what it takes to not fail.

Right. And so you're rewarded for that. And then you get rewarded that say, Okay, maybe I'm better off just staying in this place. Well, no, you can still do well, and be healed. You know, that's the whole thing that, you know, the enemy really can. He hits you on every side, you know, to try to avoid you getting to that place of healing.

Yeah, I was thinking, I will try this. A lot of things being unpacked in my life right now, my word for the year was heritage. And I thought that was really cool at the beginning of it. Now we're in a not so cool part, I think. A thought came to me as we were talking that I have sacrificed my life on the altar of acceptance more than once. And just to be a part of something.

And so it's almost a masculine wound, instead of maybe a father wound. And you know, realizing the I was a skinny curly haired boy, and I have overcome both of those. I'm bald and fat now. You have super overcome. I'm a super poser.

I'm right there with you, brother. But those are the things that, you know, up until school age, lived out in the country, and I was pretty much an only child. And life was somewhat normal, whatever that was. I go to school and all of a sudden, I'm the kid that people picked on. And I strove the rest of my life being accepted by you whatever the cost, which is what I think we talk about posing. And you know, trying to be I can remember in high school, there was the it was the the rednecks and the preppies that date how old I am.

Well, I would wear an eyes on the shirt, blue jeans and cowboy boots, because I wasn't sure which crowd I really wanted to be. Those kind of things. So psychotic, if you will, but it led to lots of different addictions. And but I'm beginning to see and I knew at an early age, God gave me a warrior's heart. But here's a skinny kid who was an athletic, wasn't that kind of guy. And I thought that's what it meant to be a man. And I had a dad who was he's a loving father.

He's a good man, but he was quiet. And so I didn't know how to process things. And I heard a speaker say one time and I'll, I'll hush with his he says, felt like he was an eight year old boy who God called all the eight year old little boys in the world together. So look, here's what you've got to do to get through life. And just as he started talking, I had to go to the bathroom. And when I come back, and he said, that's all you need to know.

And I was too proud to ask any of the other eight little so I had to pretend I knew what was going on. And that's the way I felt most of my life. Yeah. And you know, you can have a great father.

But when a father is unable to express themselves, or to speak the words into you that they need to speak into you. That really is a wounded wounded part. That's dead air right there. That's what we call that.

Dead air. Yeah. Well, we were hearing the chirping bug. So hopefully, yeah, like a super cricket.

Super posing cricket super posing. Yeah. So Andy, you have another clip here. You want to go ahead and get to that?

Yeah, yeah, sure. So this is my clip for the week. And I love this.

We use it at boot camp talking about the wound. And I watched quite a bit of everybody loves Raymond off and on through the years. And this one is one where the girls have asked the guys, Frank, Robert, and Raymond. Yeah, that that guy.

But try. So the girls have asked him to go to counseling to kind of get in touch with their, you know, more emotional selves or whatever to be more open. And, and, you know, those guys never follow the rules.

So they ended up at the racetrack and betting and making money and, and they get to talking over lunch one day, and they've got to kind of coordinate their stories to make sure that the girls really believe that they've been going deeper into their, you know, their backstories in their lives, what's going on. And that's, I'm just gonna pretty much leave it at that. It's really humorous how they walk through it, though, about Frank and how he grew up. And then how he treated those boys as they grew up.

And, you know, just really that you'll probably see some here of in this that there's healing that comes from this, you hear about the wound that Frank experienced, but how he didn't really project that on the boys so much, even though, you know, he he was a different kind of abuse to the boys and what he received. So here you go. You were withdrawn from your relationship with us because your father was like that with you. That's friggin great. Very good, Raymond.

Yeah, yeah, because it's like what you were talking about the other day. I'm kind of a lousy dad because of him. So so I just back it up one more to Grandpa Joe.

And his dad was the worst. My grandpa Sal. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Grandpa Sal, very scary. He once made Mussolini wet himself. My dad used to tell me horrible stories about how his father used to hit him when he wasn't hitting me. Grandpa Joe hit you.

Sure. I got hit every day. Well, I didn't know that it was like that for you. It was like that for everybody. That's just the way it was. So so your dad's dad hit him. He hit you and you never really hit us. I couldn't. I don't know. I was always weaker than him.

Maybe you didn't want to be like him. I didn't. The girls will buy that.

They'll leave it up like a bag of cake. That I remember when I saw that clip, I was actually watching the show and I'm sitting there and I'm just kind of tracking along. And then all of a sudden, Frank says, yeah, when he wasn't hitting me and about fell out of my chair because I'd been in the message a little bit a while at heart.

And I'm like, everybody everybody loves Raymond's even telling the truth in this situation. You know, and really, that was something that helped me later on as I had some issues with my dad. You know, I was able to get with one of my older sisters, talk to my mom before she passed away, and learn more about his life growing up. And the more I learned about his life that he never shared, he was a quiet guy in that respect. Really helped me understand that, you know, I had it so much better than he did. And then in his own way, even though he he failed, and wounded me, man, he didn't win me the way he got wounded. Yeah.

Right. And I still have to have Jesus do the healing in that. But man, forgiveness was so much easier. At that point, when I realized, wow, he really did try to stand into the gap in the gap as much as he could, yeah, in some ways and not pass those things down. Yeah, you can be hard on them. And then you see opportunities to actually give them grace whenever you know the full story.

Very well, similar, but different. My dad, you know, he was really good at a young age. But then I've told on the show that he, my dad, moral failure had to leave the state to find other work. And at 13, I went from a dad at home to not being around. My mom remarried, and this guy wasn't the greatest.

I mean, at least he was there. But he was, you know, he was very hard on me. And I wasn't used to that because my dad was loving. But now he was absent.

So I didn't really have either one. So what I, I guess, when I go back and look at dad's story, then I find out, well, his dad committed suicide. Now, he was grown when this happened. But still, what does that do to somebody?

And what did he want to do to try to make sure and he did a lot even after he had left to try to come back and fix those problems. And then I found out, you know, who raised my dad actually was a drunken grandfather that beat him and stuff. So, you know, a lot of that really is essentially it's a progressive thing.

And it may not just be like that. But it's a breaking of generational curses, I believe in, in somebody taken, taken a step up and say, No, I'm not going to wound like I was wounded. Anyone else have a story they'd like to share? No, but I was gonna talk anyway.

Okay. One of the cliches really, that you hear in counseling a lot, but it's a cliche as most of them are because it's true, is that wounded people when people and if you can, and you said it, you know, once you knew where that was coming from, and your father, it's a whole lot easier to forgive them. And I guarantee you, everybody that hurts you, has been hurt and maybe worse than they hurt you. And if you can consider that, then the forgiveness of them is easier. And again, that for me, that makes it tougher to forgive myself, but I'm getting there.

Yeah, it is hard, you know, and I think that people don't give the enemy his credit in the role that he plays. You know, he may not have been the one that did that, that beat you, that molested you, that verbally abused you. But I promise you, he's 100% behind the message that comes with it of, you shouldn't have allowed that to happen, it's really your fault. Or you wanted that to happen at some level, it's really your fault. Right? Or, you know, your dad never loved you, you know, you're not lovable, you know, whatever the things that come behind that as an agreement.

That's really where he gets the foothold for a long time. Yeah. And when I process it now, and I mean, years later, that my actual father, father wound, you know, the one that I would say, Okay, yeah, that's my father wound, was really never spoken. That, I assumed it based on things that my father had said, and the way he acted, which was, I'm a disappointment.

Okay. And, you know, I would get less than good grades. And, you know, I would see the look on my dad's face. It's not like he's gonna say, you're a disappointment, you don't have what it takes, whatever. But I'd interpreted all those things. And I continued actually to interpret those clear through most of my adult life until it was in my 60s, that I realized I'm hearing this voice actually at a boot camp, that I was teaching at this boot camp.

But, you know, one of our other guys got up there responding. And he said, you know, I was hearing this, you're a disappointment and you're a disappointment. I'm like, Oh, man, I hear that all the time.

I'm a disappointment. Where's that coming from? And all of a sudden, I just started bawling because I realized it was actually coming from something I thought my father believed.

He never spoke it in there. But the enemy had interpreted it for years. And I had internalized it to where I was doing things in my life that were as effective what I believed to be true, which was completely a lie. So, you know, it's not necessarily that I had a bad dad. So it was pretty hard to pick that out to go, Okay, here's where my father spoke that, but he didn't say it. But by listening to the internal messages I was getting, I pinpointed it back to where I really felt that was coming from. And if my earthly father who adored me, I was a disappointment and what kind of a disappointment I might have gone.

Yeah, go ahead. You know, I got a frank type story. And I never knew either one of my grandfather's they had both passed away. I was still too young to remember anything. But what I know is that my paternal grandfather had a very violent temper, and he beat my father. My father never even gave me a spanking. I was very bad to beat my son. Well, I learned corporal discipline mainly from my mother. And so I passed that on. But my son that I gave beatings to, not with an axe handle or anything like that, but more than I should have in anger.

He hasn't done that to his kids. So the story that was told on Raymond thing is true in my life. Thank you, Harold. And so to register for the boot camp, go to masculine journey.org. Registrations up there. It's coming up at the end of the month, April 29, through May 2, go to masculine journey.org and be registered now. This is the Truth Network.