Wound-to-Healing

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Welcome to The Masculine Journey. We are glad that you're with us this week. We continue on our series of the bootcamp talks that we'll be doing at bootcamp. So far we've covered a couple different ones.

What have we covered? Does anyone remember? I do.

Okay, go ahead. And I wasn't even here last week. You weren't even here last week.

I was super posing when I was. Yeah. So we did the court desires. We did court desires.

Like what really makes a man come alive. And then we also did yesterday. I mean, last week we did the poser. That's how I've become super poser, right?

Yeah. Yeah, apparently we're super posers. So we have to figure that one out. We have what it takes. We do. We do.

We super have what it takes apparently. Anyway. You know you're a poser if you have to leave town whenever the poser talks. Yeah, next week will be on judging. So we'll go back to that. Anyway, so Andy. And I won't be here. Andy, why don't you tell us what this week's topic is as you wound everybody. Exactly. Okay.

Thank you for setting that up, Sam. Now we wanted to talk about the wound. And I don't really want to talk about it.

But that is what I'm going to talk about at the boot camp this year or this spring. And you know, I think I kind of avoided that talk. I mean, you know, talks just kind of, there's certain things of interest.

And, you know, I felt like I needed to do it. I responded early on when I started doing talks about my wound. But it's not something that you want to go into naturally deep. People avoid that. You know, it's something that, you know, somebody, we either push it down and say it didn't really happen or we know it's there and we just avoid it. So, you know, that's what we're talking about here is just really going in and not just staying at the wound but going through the process that will get you to healing because really all this goodness of God that we talk about, all the blessings from him are going to have to be come out of that healing to where you can go on and find your new name and really experience sonship and learn how to do spiritual warfare, whatever.

Why are you staring at me the whole time you're talking? No, you're absolutely right. I think there's one other option, though. I think that we see sometimes, probably in our own lives, other people's lives, definitely sometimes in social media, people also wear their wound like a badge to some degree. I mean, we can throw it out there in front of everybody but never get healing from it.

And none of those really work until you find the place where God can help you get healing. I guess it could be our excuse instead of our wound, right? Yeah, it could be the barrier we put up against other people as well. Sure. So would you like to go to the first clip? Yeah, let's go to the first clip.

I'll just put it right back on you to let you set this up. Let's go with the clip from Lost. Okay, yeah, this is from the TV show Lost that was, I know, several years ago. But in that TV show, if you watch it for a little while, it's about this plane that crashes on this island, and no one knows what's going on.

There's no real leader. The pilot's no longer alive, that type of thing. And so they keep looking to Jack, one of the characters, to rise up.

He's a surgeon. They want him to rise up and take leadership. And there's something in him that wants to, but he just can't. And so he's talking with one of the other castaways, you know, that's on the island with him and asking, you know, Jack, where's that really come from, this reluctance to step into leadership, when everybody wants you to do it? And Jack flashes back to a time when he was about 10 years old. He's been in a fight, helping defend one of his friends. And he comes in and his father, who's also a surgeon, is setting having his after dinner drink or drinks to try to cope with the day. And this is the interaction they have with each other. I was able today, I don't know, maybe a year younger than you, he had a bad heart.

He got real hairy, real fast. And everybody's looking at your old man to make decisions. And I was able to make those decisions because at the end of the day, after the boy died, I was able to wash my hands and come home to dinner, you know, watch a little Carol Burnett laugh till my sides hurt.

How can I do that? And even when I fail, how do I do that, Jack? Because I have what it takes. Don't choose, Jack.

Don't decide. You don't want to be a hero. You don't want to try and save everyone.

Because when you fail, you just don't have what it takes. Probably a talk that would stick with you, you know, for a long time, if that's your father who you're kind of called to look to, to give you an answer of how you're doing as a man. You know, even a young man, you know, Dad, do I have what it takes? And his dad directly says, Jack, you don't have what it takes, and you're never going to have what it takes. You know, and it is a very confusing conversation he has with him. His dad's battling his own demons, obviously. But you know, you fast forward in the TV show, and that's where TV really gets some things right sometimes. You know, they fast forward into Jack's life, and at this point, he's in his late 20s, early 30s, a new surgeon kind of thing, maybe mid 30s at that point. And he still battles that old voice, saying, you know, Jack, don't choose, don't try to be a hero, don't rise up when people need you to, because at the end of the day, you're gonna fail.

And you don't have what it takes. You know, and we all have those jack moments in our life, where a coach or somebody has spoken those types of words to us. And we think they don't impact us, but impact us, but if they're never healed, they echo around in there somewhere. Yeah, for sure.

And I think we were talking about this earlier, we don't focus a lot. Those wounds happen to us all through our life. But I think the ones that are most impactful stay with us and affect who we become as we grow into an adult, or those wounds that happen as a child. So, yeah, you can definitely tell, you know, when you learn somebody's story, you know, when you know squat about somebody else, you know, their story that you can, you kind of can say, okay, that's where that probably came in, you know, and help them see, okay, maybe that's why you're battling this.

Right? Because there's an undealt undealt with wound, even back when you're four or five, six, even before that. Robby, no, I want to point to you because, you know, you and I both had breakthrough at this level of healing is God taking us back into very early years in our childhood to deal with issues that cause a whole host of things down the road that doesn't feel related.

Right. And it makes you feel like a six year old again inside. And so when they were asking Jack, you know, why don't you lead this, he's feeling like a little boy, and like he doesn't have what it takes and exactly like it felt there. And so, you know, one of the critical issues I was dealing with when I was 12 or 13, obviously, with was some abuse that I had from my, you know, one of my relatives. And so every time that I would find myself struggling with those addictions, I was going back to the 13 year old Robby that had to be had to find a way out, you know, and it's so it's part of Jesus's plan to bring him in, you know, to that situation. To help that 13 year old or the six year old or the five year old or whatever age you were to interpret this.

And then for the older Robby to begin to integrate the younger one so he doesn't keep embarrassing me. Or by the same token, I actually feel him and that young part of me come alive and the wonder and the and the childlike spirit that God has in mind that we would integrate back into our healing. Yeah, one of the scriptures that we use a boot camp and basis of boot camp is Isaiah 61 and we talked about on the show before but Jesus talks about he's come to heal the broken hearted and that word for broken hearted literally means shattered. So if you imagine dropping a glass from very high up or a plate glass window, all the shards that go out there and each one of those shards are wounded places that's happened in our life at different times that he's got to integrate back in to get the picture full again.

Yeah, for sure. And you know, I was sitting here thinking too, well, what's the significance of a child to Jesus? You know, it says, you know, don't forbid the children to come to me, you know, such as the kingdom of heaven. But also, you remember when he talks about if you offend one of these, you know, it's better than millstone be held around your neck. Well, how does that feel to him when those things happen to you when you're wounded when you're in that child? I mean, that's what he's trying to prevent. You know, he doesn't want those kind of things happening to children because he knows the impact going on. And he knows I mean, he knows he's going to be there and there's going to be released relationship gained by taking the person through that healing process.

But it's just he understands the young heart better than anybody, you know, so I think that's why that scripture is there. I want to ask you, as a listener out there, when you mess up on something, what's the terminology you use with yourself? It's usually very condescending. And I promise you, it's tied to a place back in your history that you're just trying to build evidence of, you know, oh, you're an idiot. Okay, well, it's pushing back on a wounded place.

Way back there somewhere. It could have been a week ago, it could have been 25 years ago or more. But it's pushing on that place that Jesus is trying to deal with.

Right? Because he has to reconcile that or you won't move past it. It doesn't mean your past defines you totally. You're impacted by your past, especially if you don't deal with these things.

Right. And the cool thing, when you begin to unpack it and again, come to boot camp, we hope and to see the effect of all this and bring God in, is that when you begin to feel that young place welling up, like, Golly, I feel like I'm two or I, you know, I feel so anxious. Then it's like a check engine flashing like, okay, bop, bop, bop, Jesus, this is something that really is going to require some work on my part to go back into this. You know, it may mean counseling, it may mean a lot of things. But what he definitely wants is he wants in on it.

And he wants you to live back, hold hearted, and to bind up those shards back into what he had originally designed for you. Absolutely. You know, and good counselors will take you back to those places.

Right. And then interject Jesus in the midst of it. You don't have to come to a boot camp to have that happen. Jesus is right there with you all the time. And the only reason we say about coming to a boot camp, because what a boot camp allows you to do is to check the outside world away and just get away for three and a half days. You know, and really just let Jesus do work that's so hard to find time to do in a busy daily life.

Right. Try to get somewhere where you're not getting a text, a phone call, something or somebody pulling at you. A boot camp allows you to do that and to get healing. And so to register for the boot camp, go to masculinejourney.org. Registration's up there. It's coming up at the end of the month, April 29th through May 2nd. Go to masculinejourney.org to register now. Coming up April 29th through May 2nd. Go to masculinejourney.org and register today. Mail it to P.O.

Box 550, Kernersville, North Carolina, 27285. So, Andy, other than depressing all of us with that little song, every time I listen to that, I'm like, oh, my gosh, am I going to do this? Right. But why did you choose that for the bump in? Well, interestingly, I felt like I had my dad did go and throw the ball with me, but I remember my brother bringing this up and he didn't feel like he got the time with dad like that. And I've just known it always to be a song where there's regrets of the father not being there for the son and the wounds that happened. I mean, you know, I'm too busy for you. I'm going to make it a career. I'm making my, you know, building my kingdom. And the kid, hey, I just learned it from you.

The rest of the song goes on of how the kid kind of turns it back when the father wants time with him late in life. So, Harold, before we went to break, there was a point you want to make about boot camp. Yeah. What I was wanting to say is one of the big advantages of boot camp is you find out you're not the only one. That's a good point. The enemy wants to convince you that it's just you that deals with these things.

You find out that it's a lot more common than you might believe. Yeah. Good point. Good point. So, Andy, you want to talk a little bit more about the topic of woundedness.

And so where do you want to go next? So, you know, wounds come in a wide variety. You know, we just talked about the, you know, the song and just that was neglect. And then the example earlier was basically a father telling his son he didn't have what he took.

Verbal abuse, neglect. Now, the next, I want Robby to set up this next clip on Good Will Hunting. But just on it, you know, that movie's been around for years and really is, you know, a classic on wounds and what it does to an individual. And some really powerful moments where a counselor goes after a man's heart and just the healing that comes from that. But it's more of a, it's a different type of abuse. Yeah. And that movie, if you haven't watched it and strong language bothers you, that would not be the movie for you to watch. Yeah.

Get the Vid Angel version. Yeah. Exactly. I am one that is kind of prudish when it comes to language, but it's funny. That is one movie where, and it was flying all the time, but it didn't impact me like it does in the others because it's not gratuitous. Right.

It's just in their language. So it's a case of this young man who's obviously a genius because, you know, he's working at Harvard and is a janitor. But he's figuring out all the math problems, but he's got a real problem with his temper. He's got a real problem with fighting. He gets into all kinds of trouble, ends up, you know, getting probation.

He's got to go see of all counselors. He'd be the one I would pick Robin Williams, who just does a fantastic job. But in this particular scene, you know, he's been seeing Robin for a while and they certainly, you know, have developed a good relationship and he trusts him. And so that's part of the reason that you'll hear the response that you'll hear. And they're comparing stories. And so he finds out that Robin Williams' dad was now alcoholic and beat him and now he's being confronted by how this worked out in his own.

So you'll hear a little bit of his story on how his dad beat him and then how Robin Williams goes after that, which had a gigantic impact in my own life in the understanding that really through this clip, from my opinion, this clip, every human being needs to listen to this because at some point in time in their own wounding, they will face this particular reality. He used to just put a wrench, a stick, and a belt on the table and just say choose. Well, I got to go with the belt there, Vanna. I used to go with the wrench. Why the wrench? It was for him.

That's why. You're foster father. Yeah. So, you know, what is it, like Will has an attachment disorder? Is it all that stuff?

Fear of abandonment? Is that why I broke up with Skylar? I didn't know you had it. I did. You want to talk about it? No. Hey, Will.

I don't know a lot. You see this? Holy shit. This is not your fault. Yeah, I know that.

Look at me, son. It's not your fault. I know. It's not your fault. I know.

No, no, you don't. It's not your fault. I know. It's not your fault.

All right. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

Don't. It's not your fault. Don't fuck with me, all right? Don't fuck with me, Sean.

Not you. It's not your fault. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. You know, I just found that as I actually was working through with Jesus and one of the incidents is that it really messed up my life more than anything else that was just significant wound from a family member but I always thought I caused it. I always thought it was my fault. And fascinatingly, as Jesus took me back through that and it took him to do that, that I literally couldn't accept forgiveness because this was my bad. This was something that I put myself in that position in order to receive this particular treatment and all that other stuff.

And so the blame was there. And forgiving yourself is, of course, the epitome of the pride that I think Jesus is really trying to get to in a lot of our wounds that we want to take that on ourselves. And so what happens there in that clip to me, my prayer is that we would all hear it and be willing to go back into these places and reevaluate as an adult or as a 65-year-old instead of a 25-year-old. Whatever it is, go back into that place and let Jesus help you interpret that and then accept his forgiveness so that you can then give forgiveness to those people that you haven't forgiven. And otherwise, there's no healing without all the forgiveness that's important, critical to my point of view of yourself, the other people, and sometimes God. Like, how did you let this happen? I, in listening to that and earlier, I have, and I need to listen to that some more because I had wonderful parents, I had wonderful grandparents.

I knew I was loved unconditionally. I struggled with this topic for several, well, probably all the boot camps, except for one or two where God intervened. But I do feel like most of my wounds have been self-inflicted. So how do we deal with those? I was Robby last week, so this week I'm going to be Sam and ask Andy the tough questions. How do you deal with those, Andy? Yeah, Andy.

Pass. You know, I don't know. Those tough wounds like that have just, you know, it's a process, I think.

It's something that you have to get more input from others. I mean, just looking at how Robin Williams in that case went after Matt Damon's heart. He didn't just let it go. Matt was hiding. Will was hunting. I mean, Will was hiding. He was hiding and hunting. But he was hiding and he was posing.

We talked earlier about this, how we tend to pose, and that's to hide it. That's to hide, you know, that wound. And he didn't really want to let go of that. I mean, he really had to keep going. I mean, it almost came to fist, you know, there, because he just wanted to keep backing away and to allow somebody in. You know, we talked last week, too, about authenticity.

You know, for Robin Williams to share his story really opened, you know, Will back to, you know, healing. Let me answer that a different way, Jim. Knowing you for a few years now, you're your own worst enemy as far as you're very hard on yourself. I would start asking God where did the foundation of that begin, because I promise you there's probably a wounded place where someone told you or you accepted I should have been smarter in that situation and it would have been avoided, right, and everything else since then is just building evidence back on that wound. But also, I would add, which is exactly along the same lines since you asked the question, is you had an enemy who knew exactly how to bait you, right, which is what happened in my own story. And what Jesus pointed out to me inside of that is, Robby, you were duped.

You were thinking the outcome was going to be this through that behavior, but the enemy knew what he was really setting you up for, and so it was, in fact, you were set up and you were stolen from, but you took all the blame because, again, it was pride. I was going to say that you know the who. You know the what. You know the when.

You've got to find out the why. There you go. And you guys are right, and I did have a breakthrough in that. This was counseling when I was doing chaplaincy training, a guy who I really didn't like that was on the leadership of that. Basically, I was talking about, well, I need to read the Bible more. I need to do this.

I need to do that. And he looked at me and said, you're arrogant, and that blew me out of the water. How do you get arrogant out of that?

Bottom line was, and this was a breakthrough and step forward. I still got a lot of weight to go, but it was, you know, God has forgiven you through Jesus, and you won't forgive yourself. So you're stepping in and being arrogant, saying, you know, what you did for me wasn't enough, God.

And at the time, that really hit me hard. So my, as you put it well, and I have always known it, I'm my own biggest enemy, but I have to forgive me too. I think we'll probably get to forgiveness in the next part of this. Yeah, we're going to continue the topic in the after hours.

So if you listen to it on the radio, please go to masculinejourney.org, and you can get the after hours where we continue to talk about woundedness. And at the end of the day, Jesus needs to guide you through that. It may be a father wound. It may be a mother wound. It may be a coach, a sibling.

It may be an ex-wife or a current wife or whatever that might be. Jesus knows what you need to work on most in the wounding. But go to him and say, Jesus, where do you want me to work? Please work in me and help me move past this. We'll talk to you more next week.