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September 12, 2020 8:00 am
Welcome fellow adventurers, to Masculine Journey After Hours! On this episode, the band of brothers continue their discussion from Masculine Journey about bad dads of the Bible. The clip used this week comes from the show "Everybody Loves Raymond."
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Hello this is Matt slick from the match lick live podcast right defend the Christian faith and lay out our foundation of the truth of God's word for chosen Truth Network podcasts is starting in just a few seconds. Enjoy it, share it, but most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing The Truth Podcast Network.
This is the Truth Network coming to an infringement barricade in the heart of a masculine journey after hours time to go to be more transparent and on the topic. So sit back and masculine journey starts here now. Welcome masculine journey after hours just joining us from the radio show. You know that we just talked about the bad dad to the Bible to get through a total of one dad, I think we spent most of her time talking about David and you know the whole topic you didn't get a list of the other show.
Please go back and listen to it because it may sound worse than what it really is. But when you think back in Scripture.
There really wasn't great examples of father figures other than God right when you really dig into the Scripture we kind of fell short lease with the ones we can read it. Yeah now okay that they kinda did interrupt you have an idea for the after hours. That's similar and throw that out there. How bad. Dad said the mass plunger resemble actors that you know it's the same kind of thing is we share our struggles, you know, we were kind of let me know you're not alone and at the same point. Hopefully that will kick off an idea in your own mind if of maybe how you can pray for God to come into your story and there's even situations in our life we walk together long enough that we can have a heart to be a good dad which I hope everybody has, but not now have any clue what to do because life situations come at you with no answers and there isn't a big rulebook. You can pick up.
Yes, there's a Bible and you can look at that and obviously of God is that the ultimate reference, but there's nothing that you can go read up on your exact situation.
In most cases struggles struggles well and starts out with a clip. And this is from Jim Graham's favorite show is not at Mike's I go ahead and say it is. Everybody loves Raymond it's actually one of his least favorite shows. But it's one of my favorite shows it in you have a lot of cash a lot of things back and forth in this family you know a lot of stuff back and forth to him and Ray and Robert are the two sons. They decided they want to get back at their dad, Frank is always picking on is always get something sarcastic to say to me is always picking on them they would get back at them so they decide they're going to hide in his closet in his bedroom when he's in the bathroom getting ready for bed and they're going to jump out and surprise him Frank has another thing when he figures out what this is how this plays out or not or not there is no time just shut down screen you will will is a lot to him the list in the shower phase 5 now will know all the way people wait until the fall asleep while all you and you will will freeze out there by himself in his bathroom set that up that you log in the family and ironically this kind of reminds me honestly of my bad dad moments a couple of them. Not exactly what I was used to tell my kids mess of the bully get the horns. That way you get a point to make it so that we could have you a very sarcastic person but I don't mean it in a mean-spirited and just joking you know it in Frank does, that Frank, is that throughout the whole show into you get into the later seasons. The boys think that Skynet who is right, but later on when they learn there's more to his story and how their dad is really been a much better dad to them and he never had them the full rest of it comes round and they realize how much he does really love them and there's little glimpses of that and for me I being someone who likes a Jacaranda live to be very intentional about giving even more accolades are even more loving times because you never know when those really miss her as disappointment, you know. Or as another thing. And what you intend them to be in that joking around. Absence of love as this can be hurt in on. I think I probably did that with my my oldest daughter a little bit, you know, because she always felt a lot of times a member saying I'm just a disappointment.
You know, and I never saw her that way still consider that way that's I think somehow I gave her that impression.
And with each my kids. I could go back and save my bad data in this area for bad dad in this area later on maybe Michelle first time will share about with Eli because guys actually helped redeem that one for me know that I'm waiting on opportunities to redeem some of the stuff with the other kids and I'm I keep asking God okay got. How can I enter into their world and he's allowed me to do that lots of ways. You know I need to redeem some things that I warrant wasn't in a place to give them them. Part of that for me anyway was I'm a much different man than I was when Rachel was little much different man. I was little.
My youngest, that's a thing as we evolve. We talked on the show. Our kids get different dads even though it's the same person as second generation dad. I know actually been trying to figure out which of the many many many bad door that dad stories I could share its ongoing the one that really is the biggest struggle almost to this day.
What was that, frankly, my wife and I had completely different ideas of what was bad behavior and yet because in her life and her father died when she was eight. She didn't have a father mother was very harsh and so she expected strong discipline.
Anytime anything was outside what she thought was a proper behavior and that had to come for me because she didn't want to be the bad guy is similar to what we talked about King David where she didn't have this dad that reached out to her email she didn't want to be the mom that didn't reach out to her kids and so I was the one that would feel the pressure from her like you got to do something about this and she would be very, very, very upset. And then sometimes some of my children. I will call them by name.
All three of somehow another. They read to you know what I'm saying. Like they know how to really get you angry and and what's going to take it up a notch and to test to see where that's going and so I would already they did not know this be completely inside turning over the struggle between my wife and I and then when they got into the mix, you know, all hell broke loose. I don't know how to put it other than hell broke loose. And sometimes that led to spankings and verbal things that were way above the tone of love and seriously bad dad and ship you put it on the mat and and so to this day I struggle with how to write redeem that God where do I go and how to write, enter into those conversations with my children which he's given me lots of opportunities because I do have good relationships with all of them and an chances to actually try to see some of the agreements they might've made and that try to describe to them what I struggle with in order to get into that agreement to help him break the agreement, or in some cases just speak into them.
How I'm not disappointed in them how much I do love them. How much you know. I see their glory in the way that they reflect God, and different things that I learned along the lines with Masten journey, but were really kind came in one neat story was the idea of a promise ring for tax and herded actually from Morgan Snyder that he was giving him his younger daughter. This promise ring. The promise ring wasn't that she wasn't doing anything outside of marriage. The promise was that he was going to love her that she was the apple of his side bubble bath and and and that he would be able to do that so God gave me this is a way to relate to my daughter and be able to give her that ring of talked about it before, but the part I want to mention here is what that did was it opened up a dialogue between Tess and I really went deeper and and and gave her a chance to share with me some things that were really still bothering her, which is as late as this summer. She shared and we had a chance to go there and so now we are a long way to go, and I'm all messed up but you know I got all kinds of hope that if I keep pushing in an and I know I much I love my kids that God will and I keep praying that God will give me opportunities to not let him fix it when things under anchor. Everyone share. I know how my daughter got to feel like she was a disappointment initiated on another show before, but it was in the midst of my company going through and I was pretty high up in my company, and in responsible for lots of things in the letter that was finding root cause root cause analysis is doing that all the time and in many different ways and they sentenced all these different classes sick sick man all these different things on how to get root cause and so in being what I thought it good that we do it we bring that root cause analysis to my relationship right and so everything had to come down to somebody's fault. I won't has to be somebody's fault and that's what you focus on not not the grace not the redemption money that you focus on fault and obviously summarizing and feeling disappointment if you don't do that anymore won't be your fault, right exactly 9 AM and in thinking back on how I treated her heart, especially when she was young, not out of a bad place, not intentionally but it really did a bad number on her and and and and again with all the kids of made my mistakes in different ways with her. That's really what contributed to her feeling that way a lot you know is how her dad handled her heart, which is me. Yeah I that I have so many stories to mention in the and I have basically three children and again different different dad in all three of those kids. Carson's actually in the studio so maybe we could just put him on the Mike and he could share with you my bad dad tricks. We don't have enough time would Jesus think because you know he's got some stories and but there's so many I could talk about with my daughter but I'm going to go a different way. I have my daughters. My oldest child and my son is two years younger than him and and I remember being the bad Little League dad. You know that dad this living vicariously through his kid that sort of thing and I and I never wanted to be that guy and I tried not to be that guy. All my goodness, but it's so hard and even in the midst of that you end up becoming that guy Howard I did.
Anyway, not necessarily everybody. There are a few guys that I know that handled it really well and gracefully and and I admire those guys. To this day. However it's so hard when your kid you feel like you kids get mistreated. Your kids can take advantage of or whatever or you know, that sort of thing and and you know I can remember so many stupid things at ball games, you know, getting I just when Derek was I think in the goodness he was probably six or seven years old and playing. I think coach pitch or maybe it was his first year of regular pitch ball and deleting that he was in. We had an umpire that was not an umpire he literally wasn't.
He was like this guy that they wanted to bless him. I guess in giving the little extra money and he was extremely overweight and couldn't move, and it was just him and there was nobody else: the bases or anything like that any literally hot hung one hand on the backstop constantly to stay stood up right. Well, you know, I'm actually a preacher at this time I should be having some grace for the guy, you know but but in the midst of that he made several horrible calls and it wasn't like balls and strike calls. It was like you know kids in a pickle and it was taking too long will their seven-year-olds, it's going to take a while and he would just go no no you go back to that they should go back to because he was tired of being in the wrath I guess I don't know and and I would lose my mind over things like that and it was much like the Tom Hanks.
There's no crying in baseball type of moments and I can remember literally being thrown out of games. You know, just because my sense of right and wrong really overpowered my sense of grace, and you know know what's right is right and that's what we must live by and I go back and I look at things like that and I think all my goodness, I'm I hope that my kids live long enough to outgrow. You know the stupid dad tricks of things like that. But what that did was it. It showed to my kids something of value to those events that really there's not that much value in those events and you you you turn it into something that's way bigger in life than it then it is loving people is what's being in life and so having the opportunity to love someone well even when there are plots was the opportunity I failed miserably and in there so many stories like that and just you know and and those are dealt directly relatable to my kids. But those are things my kids had to watch their father do right in and feel.
However, they felt through that you are you saying they might've been embarrassed her title to shame. I have a 9 AM value. To this day had a feeling it was way so you as my friend would've been at Shea. Take your medicine.
I was more quiet version of that dad football games. But I was that okay everything you want to share their liquid form is at II was my gosh it. I was famous for getting kicked a basketball game and sometimes you know they just kicked me out because I thought it was me that you want to see your taller nearby house in question. We were in banana. When he kicked at the I did is giving you a hard time but I know through you and to share on the topic. Yeah, I was thinking about how we come out of addictions and the like that you and my wife and I got married the year we were trying to put a family together. I had a daughter, so we will lose little church family like a lady and I was a do's and don'ts, got you had to be here in attendance. And I'm sure they were keeping a record my children. Nothing will happen was because they went to their alternate parents every week in muscle and shared it with me later own uses cashier and it was that you he was, the Audi kid in the youth group because he was a Darrell without yet, and it hurt his heart goes, nobody else saw and didn't represent out to will, but God's redemption is that had a pastor who believed in all Father's Day. You bless your family and if even if they weren't there wrote letters to them.
So I'm now famous for the letters. My son got married.
He told I gave him his wife. I, due to my daughter and her husband also looked at his wife and goes you're gonna cry. But that's the thing you see there is redemption behind it at the date yet. Her story after story, but I will have permission to tail media nine and 81 allshare was one and I measured it on the air a bit in the past, but boot camp after boot camp of her series. I did the wound talk and part of the wound talk is your pay play clip from the movie the kid and the kid in this clip that is very aggressive, very inappropriate with his son's heart in it always tore me up to the point of tears. Every time I watch it because I was that dad with my youngest son Eli and I know this is a father that's matured to three other kids.
I should be past, that at that point but you know each kid is different and Eli is a great kid.
I loving as a young man love him dearly but he can be very set in his ways and he could be very set in his ways.
At age 2, you know, and part of my role when I would come home at night is Heidi was tired of dealing with the kids throughout the day and it's like okay I want I need a break. I need you to step in and take care of this disciplinary issue idealized and acting up today and so that's been gone all day and dad comes home, and the only thing that I get a do most nights is coming to be disciplinary doesn't result in a very good relationship and is it relationship was fractured and we not have any wisdom to see it as a relationship was fractured, he would amp up a little bit and he would match my aggression was stubbornness and to the point where you know I know I spanking him at times well beyond what was needed in a well beyond love.
It was just anger or frustration or are mad that I had to deal with the situation.
After long day at work. I went home and love on my side and we come home and have to make you stay in his room all night in our whatever the case was I didn't want to have to be there and is matted.
Other situations it came out at him and I and so every time I would do that talking out see that dad have the sink on the gas that's me know and I mentioned it from the stage a few times in the last minute boot camps and lastly camp in the spring that we had made visible gnosis for is a spring before had on the summer the last spring we had in our Eli came up after that talking said I've heard you talk about that a lot.
Can we talk and we sit down and we had a heart-to-heart during free time. About three hours. Rita Skinner shared his heart, which was brutal on having the feel accountable that but also very grateful for God redeeming because we are able to have some conversations is a 16-year-old that time he would've understood before that unit.
Actually, what did I know the enemy would've meant to divide apart God joined us even closer together. You know in. We seldom have issues for the last several years now, but we we seldom have issues. As we have a way we can communicate through because we know each other better, if that makes sense and so very grateful for God's intervention in me struggling with it so many times at boot camps and him seeing me struggle with it is and I think you gave him the permission to say that.
Can we talk about this because I remember some of this yeah and ending that's that this ugly stuff that you remember but the truth of the matter is if you work that dad that you are he would've never felt like there was a safe place to confront you as a as a brother and a son, and to do it in respect and that's the beauty of it is that you are a phenomenal dad, and that you've been that for your boys. I've watched it personally with your boys and and to some extent was Sydney, but seeing that with Eli and now seeing the man that he is the young man that he is that strength that he has to confront you comes from you. So that's that that's the powerful part of it is God still used Sam to confront Sam, thank you, thank you so we got a lot of bad that you think we get down to about three minutes left in the segment we get down to pay what you do with it. You know what if you're not at a place of redemption right.
What if you're in a fractured place in your relationship with your kids or the kids don't want to talk to you.
Whatever the situation may be what you do with that that that's in hours. One story I didn't tell was actually in a really really heartbreaking for me when one of my children was in the hospital and refusing to let dad come and they were in the hospital based on some of their own choices and it totally broke my heart that they just would not allow dad there and I prayed a lot in God reminded me of something that that child asked for a Bible that I had that was really special and that child had also you know indicated that they wanted it when I die and so as I began disable how to do this. God he said will write a letter so I begin to write this letter a dandy letter and as I was writing it I realized that I was completely guilty of the same sin that they had committed and actually based on my situation had I and successful and that I would've actually murdered three of my chickens. I never would've come in the Anna and I never even had thought through my own sin and the fact that this was now being played out in my family and it was really amazing how he redeems that and how the child responded. As a result of the letter which not only turned around their relationship with me turned on my relationship with God and it is one of the most redeeming things I've ever seen happen, but to me it was just totally God to the rescue because I went to my knees and I have situations come up time to time with kids in.
I like to say I've never been a dad of a 33-year-old daughter you neck sure never blurted out a 34-year-old daughter, which brings its own challenges, or 23-year-old son or whatever that may be in it. I find myself times I got I don't know what to do here.
I don't know how to handle this. I don't know how to be the dad I need to be here and I need you to show me I need you to father me through it back because that's the only way we can get through maybe visiting any letter which will always come down let us now be visiting any letter they are something else but God knows what needs to speak to their heart and he knows that how you need to share knows it always begins with killing him and dropping an easy thing.
Father, I need you here because I don't know how to do this right.
I think I might know you definitely know and I need you to guide me through it with love for you to join us for the next week. If you have great opportunities to go together on that and many other things go to masking journey.org to register for the upcoming boot camp November 12-15 masking journey.org this is the Truth Network