This is the Truth Network. Coming to you from an entrenched barricade deep in the heart of central North Carolina, Masculine Journey After Hours, a time to go deeper and be more transparent on the topic covered on this week's broadcast.
So sit back and join us on this adventure. The Masculine Journey After Hours starts here now. Welcome to Masculine Journey After Hours, and we are talking about. on a hill far away. which is the first phrase in the old hymn, The Old Rugged Cross.
For those of you who don't like the old hymns, that would be a good one to go back and listen to and make you fall in love with old hymns. But I'm just an old Baptist boy. I grew up singing all that stuff. My son asked me one time, Darren said, How many hymns do you know? I said, When they're embedded in your memory week to week.
I only know the first, second, and fifth verse, so you know.
So that's just the way it was. But the, you know, on a hill far away, which has prompted. Um you know, a topic that, you know, how many times in our life Does the cross seem so far away? Or does God seem so distant? And, you know, whether you're just new into faith or getting ready to come to the faith or been in the faith 20 or 30 years, it doesn't make any difference.
There are times in our life when. Or 75, Harold. I would have said that. Yeah, 150 years, or, you know, the um the uh uh the uh He might have seen the original on a hurricane far away. Right, well, you know, as he was describing it a while ago, I said, I think he was an eyewitness.
Yeah, I think he was there. Yeah. Hebrew barrel. The uh But you know, so often we you know, we get in those spots. That God seems so far away.
And that's not reality, but it's the way we feel. It's the way we've, the enemy has whispered, we've took the bait. You know, and you know, we're talking in the other show, and I always get tickled because we talked about community and how it's safe, you know, and you got something to share. I get so tickled when either it's me talking about something, I'll just talk about an experience I'm going through, and all of a sudden you hear three voices going, sounds like an agreement to me. You know, just a loving way of going, okay, you kind of off base there.
You know, let's tune this thing in. But we all get there. And somehow, some way, And it becomes if it's left unchecked, it becomes a hopeless place. And, you know, we're, you know, scripture tells us over and over again: we're not a people without hope. We're not hopeless.
We we have a living hope. a risen Savior, as we were talking about him between the shows and I think so. The gospel is never far away. And that's kind of where we want to go with this kind of thing. And talk about our experiences with that.
You know, because all of us have been there. And You know, but how did you get out of it? What what what was the the deal breaker and how do you see it now? You know, 'cause you look back and that kind of thing and and I'm going to play a clip here. It's from The Legend of Bagger Vance, which is one of my favorites.
And uh you know and it's an interchange between Juna, who's the The golfer who's trying to find redemption in this this whole thing, or he doesn't know what he's trying to find. And Bagger Vance shows up and kind of a godlike figure in his life. Pretty much torments him into redemption if you look at it. But they're in the locker room, and you hear Juna's. view on how life really is.
And the interchange is classic. But you know, Juna is just. Where a lot of us have been, maybe you are, I don't know. But Juna's there. And listening to baggers Rebuttal to it is kind of the thing that kind of shakes us out of it, I think.
We'll play the clip. I don't care if I'm 12 strokes back. I just don't. You don't even want to win? It's just a game, bagger.
Ah. Yes, sudden said it yourself now, dus a game.
So maybe, there's maybe there's something else that's riling you. Maybe you thought you was just gonna sachet out onto that green and the old hero of Savannah just reappeared all by itself. Don't work that way is all. The journey you was, you ain't never gonna be again. Ever Yeah, that's all I'm saying.
No no. Uh me.
Well yeah, I know one thing for sure, you're gonna look pretty foolish tromping out there with two different shoes on your feet. That's right. You gotta answer for everything, don't you, Backup? Yeah. Let me tell you something.
There's no difference between winning and losing and anything in between. What's lost is lost. A man lives, a man dies. And in the end it all turns out the same. You alone.
And that's all you're ever gonna be. That effect. Alone.
So a soul is born with everything that the Lord can give it. Things don't go its way, so it just gives up, and the good Lord just takes everything back. That's right. And then the soul dies. alone.
But that's pretty much what you say? That's right. That's a sad story, mister Junior. Yes, it is. dumbest thing I heard any fool say, Ever.
You got yourself a hard eye there, Mr. Jenner.
Soul is born with everything, don't look dies and the good Lord. You're a funny man, Mr. Jenner.
Yeah. What a sad spot to be in. Yeah. You know, and you know been there and done that. And you know, that you know, one of the phrases that struck me and that clip was, you know.
Bagger tells him. Do you think you were just going to walk out on that green and be the hero of Savannah again? You're never going to be that juna again. And one of the things that I've had to come to grips with over the last few months is that. You know, if you've had a traumatic event, like, you know, this cancer has done a number on me.
There's far less of me than there ever was. You know, I started out at 260. Yeah, when this adventure began and I'm at one about one ninety five now. About 65, 70 pounds. And you look great, Danny.
Yeah, and uh, yeah, but part of that is that. I've changed physically and I've still got some challenges that have been created and everything. But the reality of it is mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I'm never gonna be. that hero of Savannah again.
I'm not going to be the guy. That was January 2025. Not gonna be that guy ever again, Robby. And because things have changed drastically. But what as I pursued that thought, and I had to mourn that guy, you know what I mean?
It's weird, but I had to mourn the loss of. Because my goal for months was to get back to where I was. to get back to that that guy was. And when you realize, you know what, that ain't gonna happen. It's hard.
And more than that and didn't realize, you know what, my whole life's been that way. I got news for you. Your life's been that way too. You're never going to be the guy you were yesterday. or last week.
because life's experiences have changed us. have molded us. We've learned some things, hopefully. We're probably going to hit the same brick wall again several times because we're hard charging, like we talked about. And you had to bounce off the wall a few times to realize, you know what, there's probably a door in this wall somewhere along the way.
You know, and you know, kind of you know, that kind of thing. And but the you know, I've had to realize that I'm not going to be the same guy.
Okay, Lord Who am I now? What is this supposed to teach me? What kind of juice are you going to squeeze out of this grape? Because you know that's the kind of when you squeeze the fruit, you get the juice. And you know, life has a way of squeezing this.
It's just a matter of what you're going to produce. And so, you know, that's kind of the the idea behind it, is that I don't see God far away. There was a time in this journey over the past year where I could not pray. I remember my wife walking into the hospital room when I was after surgery. Or maybe one of the trips after the surgery, I don't know.
I had my own room at Baptist for a while. It was just like the Danny Morris wing or whatever. She walked in there, she says, honey, can you pray? And I'm like, no. I can't.
And I realized I couldn't. It wasn't that I didn't feel like God was hearing me. It wasn't that I felt like He had abandoned me. It was I was in such a survival mode. that all I could do was get up and focus on staying alive that day.
and was hoping He had to deal. You know, and I gotta think, and she was in the same place. It was that survival mode. It wasn't a bad place, it wasn't a Baxlin place, but it was a hard, hard place. And we were talking about it over the weekend: that Scripture says that the Spirit prays with groanings and utterings that could not be uttered.
Hey. I can't pray. But I got an advocate with the Father that lives within me. That prays for me. That meets on the right hand of God.
An advocate with the Father. And that's the kind of thing that. It may feel far away, but it's not. Does that make sense? Yeah.
There's an interesting Challenge. that I faced many, many times, not unlike your own. That You know, it says in John 15, that You know, I'm the vine and you're the branches and guess what? Apart from me. And he's got some snippers.
That would be the father. And he's going to snip. And And believe me, if you haven't experienced the SNP yet, you will. It's coming. And.
The interesting thing about it, I guess it came into focus for me a lot more this weekend as I was studying the You you may have heard me tell the story about the Vietnamese pastor. who had been imprisoned in the North Vietnam swamp. with a thousand other inmates for five years. Right. And I ask him You know, during the interview, what God had given him, and he said he'd given him the 91st Psalm.
And with the 91st Psalm you may know, it starts out he Who? Right, abides in the secret place of the Almighty will rest under the shadow of his wings, essentially. That's a paraphrase. But Jesus said, After you've in You've gone through the snipping. If you'll abide in me, you'll bear much fruit.
Well, if you think about that pastor. He went into the swamp. His ministry was gone. His family was gone. He had nothing.
That's what we thought. God added something altogether different. Because I asked the pastor, I said, how did you get out after five years? And all you could eat was the water. It was in this swamp with a thousand other people dying every night, hundreds dying over a period.
And he said, well, I kept leading people to Christ. And they needed to get they put me in there to keep me from leading people to Christ and they put me in there and I started kept leading so many people to Christ that they wanted to get me out of there.
Well, when you think about that... God not only sustained that pastor in that situation for five years, it's unthinkable. But he sent all those other people a pastor. and because he had been snipped in such a way, he was bearing fruit all over the place. Why?
91st Psalm. He was abiding. Right? Because if he was. actually abiding with Christ in the secret place in that swamp.
He had In his presence, his fullness of joy.
Somehow I don't get it. But if you're in that swamp with a guy and you're looking at him and he's praising God and things look good, like, man, what's he got I don't have. And obviously, he was abundantly fruitful.
Now I'm sure you've begun to experience this already. You'll experience it a lot more. That My own personal testimony. Ministry before I got cancer was like just But after I started Talking about what happened through the cancer and the Jeep crushing me and whatever. And all the different shenanigans that God's.
We don't have time for this show, actually, for you to list off. There's going to be one after, after, after, after you're going to have to. Give us the first 12 or 13. That would be. All I'm saying is.
in in those situations of much snipping. Abiding will bear fruit that's unbelievable. Um That He brought it, but it and then he just uses you to kind of show Satan Look, you can throw what you want to. This is my man here. and watch the people watch him.
And watch the fruit as a result of it. And it's a beautiful thing, but it comes from you abiding. And so those of us who watched you and visited you in the hospital and saw your family and witnessed that, As we witnessed Aaron when he went through his whole thing with his intestines. Harold. I mean, you know, all of us have our.
But we see The fruit of that relationship when the cross. You know, at at times It's hard because it's not just shame. Yeah. Darren pointed out shame's there, but let me tell you: physical suffering, there is a side of that that. That's quite good.
Hard. Yeah, and the emotional suffering as well. usually drives you towards that sense of Well If I'm going through this emotional suffering, if I'm going through this relationship loss, if I'm going through this, I got fired from my job, if I'm going through this. Uh my sin finally caught up with me. All of those different things.
then there's the mental suffering that goes along with that. And there's also shame that goes along with that. And the beauty is there's only one source And there's only one way to get out of any of it. and that is abiding. And Uh I remember when Oh, goodness, long time ago.
Over 20 years ago, when my. Uh first wife had left me And I was I was probably borderline suicidal at that time. Um I'm guessing, you know, had I been Forced. to endure much more I probably would have been wholeheartedly. But I remember the only thing I could do.
was Read scripture. Yeah. And and journal. And I learned the habit of journaling Scripture. and asking God questions and letting him answer that through those scripture and through the journaling and all of those things.
And I literally for several months did it pretty much morning, noon and night. And to the point where my dad and my mom were there staying with me at the time because they were worried that I was suicidal. And my dad looked at my mom at some point and said, what is he doing over there? And and my mom said, He's praying. He's journaling.
He's Processing. And And that was the reality. I was. And Had I not had Scripture, had I not had some faith, And my faith was wavering at that point. It really was, because I was madder than a wet hen, you know, at God.
uh for not protecting me from these things. That was my take on it. wasn't his, but it was mine at the time. But the only thing that got me out In that immediate, acute situation, laying in the hospital, I cannot pray. Um Was that act of abiding?
And I probably, if somebody would have asked me, what are you doing? I probably wouldn't have said, oh, I'm abiding. Oh, yeah. But, you know, I might have called it a lot of other things. But you asked about, you know, how do you look back on it now?
How do you see it now?
Well, that was it. you know it it was abiding Um or at least it was learning to abide. I can remember coming out of treatment in ninety four. and the treatment center, you know, alcoholism and drug addiction, gave me a Bible. First one I laid hands on just because they gave it to me in quite some time.
you know, 'cause I was raised in in church and, you know, had a relationship with the Lord at eleven, preached my first sermon at fourteen. And so I knew what abiding was about. I knew what a relationship with Jesus looked like. And so and then, you know, get into all this other mess. and end up in a treatment center, they give me this bottle.
Well, I come home and I'm laying there and and uh I decided to pick the thing up. What a novel idea. You know what I mean? Read the thing, see what happens. And I remember reading, you know, the story, you know, knowing Noah, the story of Noah, he built the ark, you know, that kind of thing.
Well, I read a little past that and realized Noah took drunk afterwards. Yeah, he did. And I was like, oh, I didn't know that was in there. You know, I was like, did they give me the Rick James version of the ball or what? I don't know what happened.
But I remember just diving in. I was reading something one night, and it was something about it. I just felt the impression of the Lord to say, go back to church. And I'm like, no. you know, because there's a bunch of hypocrites where I come from.
And I said, Well, okay, I'll go to another church. You know, I gotta get at me. And he says, Why don't you go back to the one you left?
Well a bunch of hypocrites. He said why don't you go over and show them how not to be one? You're not making this easy.
So I did what any good Baxlid and Baptist boy would do. I went on Sunday night because I knew there wouldn't be a whole lot of people there. And I went, slid in, sat on the back row. and Henry Marsh, who was related to me somehow. Henry was just a devout member of that church, just one of the nicest men you'll ever meet.
Just ooze Jesus, he did. He come around He said, I always sit in the same spot. You always know where Henry sat. Comes around, he sits with me on the back row, and he begins to talk to me like I'd never left. I've known Henry all my life.
talk to me about my grandpa. He didn't ask where you've been. He didn't ask, oh, I heard this, that. He just talked to me like a human being. And that was the sermon that night.
Yeah. Because when the altar calls, next thing I know, I'm looking the pastor in the face. I don't even know what I'm doing. You know what I mean? But what it began in me was I began to realize Jesus hadn't give up on me.
And you know, that's the thing. We realize that I look back now and I go. Lord, you're awesome. You know, and you know, I tell the stories how he came to the crack house and got me. People, Jesus would never come to a crack house.
Well, he did that one, you know, because he was after me. If he go to a cross, he'll go anywhere to come get you. Yeah. And that's what we forget, is that, you know, that hill ain't that far away. It just looks that way.
From my tear-stained eyes and my or my lack thereof, Robby, because my eyes are so dry, they're blurred 'cause I refuse to cry. whatever it is. that blurs my vision. You know, Paul talks about the scales falling off of his ass. No scales make the cross look so far away.
The lenses are messed up. Danny, let me share something with you about The Hypocrites If there's a hypocrite between you and God. He's closer to God than you are. That's true. That's true.
That's pretty good, Harold. That is pretty good. How many years did it take you to figure that out? He took the Hippocratic oath. He did take the Hippocratic oath.
The Hippocratic Oath.
So in my case, it was Hippocritical. Yeah. The Hippocritical Oath, yeah. The Hippocritical Oath. Within these last few minutes, what about you guys?
When have you. felt that way every morning. I just you know Yeah. I try to get to that place, that secret place to pray. I want to feel his presence like I've experienced it in the past.
And I know it can happen. But it is not automatic for me. It's not for me. It's a struggle. It's a push.
And I have Um Breakthrough sometimes. Um that just blows my mind and sometimes I honestly It's fascinating to me. I can push for two or three hours and get nowhere. And then all of a sudden, in five minutes, he can blow my socks off. And so time is not really of the.
But He could do more for my soul in 20 seconds. Then I can spend six hours chasing after him. And so I don't know how it works. I just know it's worth the effort.
So, for people listening and hearing that, and hearing you say that, and I would say ditto to everything you just said. It's not a combination lock. No. I mean, there is no combination.
Okay, I need to read seven verses. I need to pray this prayer. I need to sit and. you know, uh lectia divina, and you know, and I I need to listen to God, hold my breath, stand, you know, bark or at a tree. I it's none of that.
It's It's Coming into his presence, even when you don't feel like you're in his presence necessarily, but knowing. You are abiding. It just doesn't feel that way right now. And fighting that battle, that agreement, that no, I I am abiding, It just doesn't feel like it. Yes, let me see your face.
Yes. Let me hear your voice. Yes, I know you're there. Help me to stay present for the half a millisecond it might take. The hill.
The cross on the hill. Maybe far away. But that little sparrow is right there at the box. When that little sparrow comes, I see God. And when I see that sparrow and see God, I look past that.
And there's those all the variety of trees on the other lot. like I know God's here. I don't care what the physicist or the people that or obsessed with himself. Their brain is mush. Because I see God.
I know. that this stuff is not an accident. This stuff could not hang together. without a guide. And so, you know, they can call me simple-minded, and I'm just tickled to death.
It's it's funny that that we were sitting here. I listen to you talk about journaling three times a day and everything. I know Robby's routine, you know, praying for 12 hours a day or whatever he does. And, you know, and I think. And as I hear those stories, I hear the enemy whisper.
Yeah, see, cause I've tried to journal. I've got all kinds of journals in my house. And I told my wife the other day, she said, Why don't you journal? I said, Because I don't ever feel like I'm doing it right. She said, What do you mean not doing it right?
There's no way to write or wrong way to do it. I said, You ain't in this brain. Yeah. And I think, but you know, and I don't, you know. It was an accomplishment for me years ago just to sit for two minutes.
Quietly. It's still a challenge. Without thinking about the socks that you left in the dryer. Or whatever. I mean, you know, I'm still a failure at journaling, so don't let the enemy say anything.
But anyway, you know, that's kind of.
Well, we hope that we maybe. Scratch the surface of his topic. I don't ever seem, we feel like we do him justice. That's a great topic. But uh You know, we've got a boot camp coming up November 19th to the 22nd, which is the weekend before Thanksgiving.
So if you want to get spiritually abiding before you meet the family the next weekend, it'd be a great time to come to boot camp. And, you know, and you know, you can register online at masculinejourney.org. You can listen to this as a podcast. You can listen to all the shows on any platform, Spotify. Apple or anything and we will talk to you next week.
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