Wounds

The heart of every man craves a great adventure, but life doesn't usually feel that way. Jesus speaks of narrow gates and wide roads, but the masculine journey is filled with many twists and turns.

So how do we keep from losing heart while trying to find the good way when life feels more like a losing battle than something worth dying for? Grab your gear and come on a quest with your band of brothers who will serve as the guides in what we call the masculine journey. The masculine journey starts here, now. Welcome to Masculine Journey. We're glad to have you with us this week, and we are.

We're continuing to go through the Foundation series.

Well, yeah, it's a series. We can call it that. We can call it whatever we want. It's not a pillar, it's a foundation. The pillars of foundation.

Yeah. The pillars go on top of a foundation.

So, our friend Andy, who's not here this week, I don't know why, work release, something. I don't know. He had to go do something. No, he. He's I think he's in Missouri.

If I remember right, he told me I just wasn't listening very well. It's a show me state. Yeah, it is. It is. He'll hear this and he'll remind me of what he told me the other day.

But no, anyway, we've been going through this series of the foundations of the ministry. What are the things that we believe in, that we hold on to? If you're new, listen to the show, if you're in the Greenville, Spartanburg area listening to us and you're like, who are these guys?

Well, none of us have really ever gone to church together. There's a couple of us now that go to church together, but that didn't start out that way. We all come from different backgrounds of Christianity. Right, but God brought us all together as a group, and so what are the foundations that we believe in that ties us together that lets us live out this ministry every day that we do called the masculine journey? And so, that's what the foundation series was: let's just go back and unpack some of those things that we've done shows on over the years, but let's revisit, renew it in our minds, and then also let other people know this is this is where we're coming from.

And so, we've jumped around a little bit. Last week, we talked about one of our boot camp talks called The Poser. And so, you know, part of the reason we want to talk about the poser is you have to deal with the poser to get to the thing underneath the poser, the thing that's causing you to want to pose. and that's the topic of this week, which is the wound. Right.

Robby, anything you'd like to add to that so far? I I just think it's fundamental that John Eldridge started this merchant, you know, the Wilded Heart book. Which led to the original boot camps. And so, you know, the ministry was founded by people that met at a boot camp in Colorado, and our boot camps were formed from that same thing.

So if you go read Wild at Heart, you're going to get some sense of this, which is all very, very, very biblically based. In other words, the poser, you know, how many times does Paul have to say to take off a mask, you know, or that people realize that, you know, being authentic in everything, especially with God, is fundamental. But the question is, Why do I not be authentic? Why am I buying into lies, etcetera, etcetera? And often it has to do with this idea in it, which is very biblical.

You have an enemy and you know Satan rolls roams around, you know. Accusing the brethren. It's very biblical stuff. But what does he accuse you of? is is kind of where we're going.

To an extent tonight, because it's of our wounding that gives him essentially. bullets in his gun. Yeah, and we're going to talk about a lot of different aspects of it. We're not going to do the boot camp talk. If you want to hear the boot camp talk, you have to come to boot camp.

Right. And we have one coming up in November, November 20th through 23rd, which we'll talk about right at the break, like we always do. But you can go to masculinejourney.org to register if you'd like to do that. But uh no, we're going to talk about our journeys in in the topic of the wound. And so I'll begin a little bit.

You know, when I first read Wild at Heart, it was an amazing book. It came to me at a perfect time in my life and brought me into a deeper intimacy with God that I obviously needed. I was going through some really hard times in my marriage at the time, and it's exactly what I needed. And you get through the first three chapters, chapter three was the poser. And I thought, well, that was kind of tough, you know, but I worked through that.

And then I got to chapter four, which was the wound. And I sat there. And I sat there. and I sat there for about a year, And I've finished the book, but I never could figure out what my wound was. You know, and then I went to a boot camp.

Yeah. And knowing that I just find that Fascinating. Knowing your life as I know it is is as you've unpacked it. For you not to realize your wound just seems. Unbelievable, but that isn't, isn't that exactly what it is with all of us?

We think everybody has experienced. you know, that this is normal, that we're normal. Yeah, well, it was one of the things, and the thing that had happened to me was pretty. Pretty bad in my life, and I'd made a vow that it would never affect my life. And so every time God would kind of bring up this wound, I'd go, nope.

Not going there. You know, and so, you know, God was wanting to deal with it, and it had to do with being sexually molested as a kid and by a family member. And, you know, that lasted until I got on the side of the mountain and heard God very clearly, very lovingly. Say, Sam, this is what we need to deal with. And at the time, I would have told you that was probably my deepest wound that needed to be dealt with.

And it was a deep wound, but it wasn't the most impactful wound in my life. God had to get that one out of the way.

so he could work on the next one. And what you'll find is really pretty cool that if you can't find your wound, maybe it's something that you kind of know or you forgot that you knew and God's trying to unearth it and you won't let him. Right? Because he's going to be patient and he's going to be there and he's going to wait on you, but he's going to eventually want to get to it. And he's going to bring that out, and you have to kind of deal with that because he knows exactly what your heart needs when you don't.

You know, and he knew that I needed to deal with that wound first. Yeah, I think that's gigantic because a lot of us as men were taught. That You don't focus on the past, you just push that. away somewhere And you move forward. Right.

Right? I mean, that's not something that you need to deal with. Right. But you're forgetting what it says in Isaiah 61: is that he came, right, to bind up the brokenhearted. And when if you can't admit you're brokenhearted, then you can't bind it up.

And it's like the idea if you don't put the oxygen mask on first, you can't really be in a position to give life to anybody else because you don't have any. Yeah, when Jesus quotes it, this is why he came. Yeah. Did he come for you or not? Right.

I mean, obviously, he was talking about every one of us that were brokenhearted. And I think when we're honest with ourselves and we sit down and say, okay. Yeah, there's been some hurts in my life. There's been some things and yeah, I can justify in all sorts of ways, but at the end of the day, it did impact me. And we are prisoners to the wounds.

I mean, w all of what he came for is involved in in really this one topic. Yeah, well, well you you know, a lot of us were were uh raised up in the the John Wayne mentality. Right. You know, and if it wasn't then then it was Monty Python. It's just a flesh wound, right?

I mean, somewhere along the way it's a constant story that, you know, just shove it down, don't let it define you. Real men don't do that.

Well, then you get to a scripture, then how do you explain this when David says very clearly in scripture, I am needy and my heart is wounded within me. If there was ever a man's man in Scripture that you could point to, David'd be one of those guys. He'd be in the top few. Anyway, right? He kills Goliath, he kills a lion and a bear, you know, when he's out.

He's 10,000s. Yeah, and a lot of people too, you know, along the way. And so he was a man's man, but he knew at his soul. that something was wounded within him. Right, and only the healer could come deal with that.

And so that's what I want to kind of encourage you. Moving on from that one, and I'll get to a clip before we go to break. The deepest wound that was in my life that had the most fingers, there's a thing called a bitter root. wound. And those are, if you ever had a garden or if you ever had a yard that you tried to make look nice, there's certain weeds you can't seem to get out of it.

And you'll pull them up and you think you got them, and then it starts growing up again, or it grows a couple of inches over and it starts popping up again. And you're thinking, this root system must run all through my whole yard. Right? Because I keep pulling up these same weed everywhere.

Well, it's kind of what a bitter root wound does: it's infiltrated in lots of areas of your life. And for me, it was one I'll just play the clip because this is what I heard from the time I can remember hearing my oldest sister talk to me, who is 28 years older than me.

Some version of this I heard over and over. my whole life. I didn't hear outlaw Josie Wales. I guess that would be a wound there. Thank you.

Trampled by the horses. Yeah. There we go.

Now I've got the right one. Here we go. Shut up. Shut up! Shut!

Uh shut up! Shut up! Shut! Shut! Shut!

Shut! Shut up! Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Now, I know that was painful to listen to, but imagine how much more painful it would be to hear it all the time that you're dealing with a sibling and someone that's an adult when you're a kid. And um You know, and the the the part about it was I couldn't reconcile for the longest time.

My parents, who always seemed to be very defensive and and protect me, didn't protect me from my sister. You know, and there was some wounding in that, that they never once in my presence ever told her to shut up or To not say that. And she wouldn't say, she would say, shut up. But she'd say, shut up, motor mouth. You have nothing important to say.

You're still talking. No one wants to hear you talk. That was a constant thing. And the thing about these wounds, you know, I had the first one that I had, and then you have this other one, and God chose to work on them in that order. Because with each one of these wounds, some you make an agreement.

And that's where the enemy has power with you. when he comes in and like when I was sexually molested as a kid, the first thing I heard, and I don't know why, but it sounded a lot like Pinocchio, you'll never be a real man, you know. And and I made an agreement with that. You know, and so whenever a girlfriend would break up with me or she'd start seeing somebody else, it was always, see, she found a real man. That was the story of my life because I made this agreement.

And if I can't be a good enough man, Yeah. Everybody's going to lead me. And so that was from the first one. And then the second wound was: if I really just speak up and talk, no one's going to want to listen. and so it's just better to shut up and not say anything.

And so, you have these two things that have been instrumental in my life, and then I take those into my first marriage. I wonder how that's going to work out, right? Quietly. Yeah, quietly, you know. But for me, it would be quiet, quiet, quiet rage, quiet, quiet, quiet rage, you know, and go from there.

And, you know, because it would press on these things too closely. And so, we're going to let other people talk, I promise, in the show. I just was wanting to unpack a little bit of it because one of the things I wanted to point out is each step along the way, God has a method to what He's doing. Right. And and I have a a series of of couple failed marriages.

Right, that didn't work out, and a lot of that had to do with not just me, there were two of us involved.

Well, actually, more than that, when you count the enemy in there, but uh. I have my own things that I brought in that was really broken in the relationship. You know, and that made it hard enough on its own for it to not want to work out. And then when the spouse brings in their own baggage, Makes it even tougher. And we're going to talk more about that.

And we're going to talk about the healing that we get to. We're not going to leave you broken and wounded. We're going to get to healing. Go to masculinejourney.org to register for the upcoming boot camp November 20th through 23rd. What we have at our boot camp is something that makes you stronger and gives you the strength to go on your regular walk with God.

It's something that will make you be bigger than you were when you got there. I think sometimes as men, we feel like we're on our own and we've got to do everything ourselves, and the weight of the world is on our shoulders, and it's our job to fix everything and make everything right and have all the answers. And I think when you come here, you just get really honed back in and reminded that God really is for us. That a good father helps you, and a good father makes sure you have all the tools you need. And a good father comes through for you when you need him and you just feel less alone.

Register today at masculinejourney.org. No, I'm healing. I'm here, ashamed. I don't strike through the pain. What was broken?

It's standing again. No, I'm healing. No, I'm healing. No, I'm healing. Welcome back to Masculine Journey.

That's Riley Clemens, and I know. The guys will laugh at me because I always read the lyrics, because for me I have a hard time picking up the words unless I know the song. And so I always feel obligated to try to read what you were hearing there. But it's really pretty powerful, and that's why I chose it as a bump in, was as she's singing, Now I'm healing, now I'm healing. I'm here unashamed, I found strength through the pain, What was broken is standing again.

Now I'm healing.

Now I'm healing.

And that's what we're talking about: God will take you through this journey. And it's not always a pleasant journey, is it, Robby? Oh my gosh. No. No.

It's painful. Right. Right. And and that's one of the major themes of our ministry is freedom that Christ gives you. In Christ, you get that freedom.

But you got to push into it. And you know, the idea of no pain, no gain is right here, believe me, is that is you get that because You you get healing through Obviously, you know, he's going to bind up your broken heart to somehow or another give you some understanding of what's in there, which will end up being some type of an agreement, but also all sorts of unforgiveness. Not just unforgiveness for the sister, the bully. But often, and the one that's most difficult to forgive in the equation is myself. Absolutely.

And realizing You know that I was taking prisoners in the midst of all this. And so. What becomes revealed to you is all these things that give you forgiveness, give you freedom from wounding and it's so worth from my perspective, the the adventure of of pushing in. Oh, absolutely. And i and the the old adage rem remains true, you either get bitter or you get better.

Right? You don't stand still. And so if you refuse to enter into that place where you're going to get better, Your only other option is you're going to get more and more bitter. Right. And how many of you do we know uh older people that uh have chosen to remain stuck in these wounded areas and they're really pretty bitter people and you hate that for their hearts, but that's all they know.

Now, and so when I think of it, I'm like, well, there's really only one choice, honestly. I want to get better. And the reason I went through tho those wounds Was with each one of those, I did make an agreement, and in each one of those, it negatively impacted relationships in my life. You know, with my kids when they were young and they didn't want to listen, which every parent goes through, I would get over the top angry. Because here's just another evidence of people don't listen to what I have to say.

I have nothing important to say. And until I had healing in that area, you know, when when it should be a level one punishment, it'd be at level four. Right, you know, and they'd be grounded forever, you know, or whatever the case is, and no TV for a month, or, you know, it didn't match. what was going on and what was really going on there is God peeled back all these infected areas in my life with this agreement of I have nothing important to say that came from the wound and unpacked each one of those, those relationships turned around and became really strong. You know, and there's been times for me to apologize with my part in their winding.

Right, because I was very much instrumental in it. You know, and and God's turn those things into really good relationships now. And later on, maybe in the after hours, I'll talk about some current stuff he's taken me through. But I would never be at some current wound healing. Unless I went through those other steps.

And that's what I'm going to encourage you by laying that all kind of out there: wherever God wants to start you, go there with Him. He knows exactly what you need. Look back in Scripture. Jesus never healed the blind the same way twice. God's not going to work on you the same way He worked on me.

He's not going to work on Robby the same way He worked on Jim. Because we're uniquely made in his image, and we have unique wounds that have hit us. In a unique way. And I guess I'm using that word for you, Jim. And you used it correctly every time.

I was blown away. Yeah. But so his he his healing of you is going to be unique. And so that's kind of my 24 cents. It was more than just one cent there.

But I threw a bunch of it out there. But what do you guys want to add? go from there.

Well the things as you said that Kind of hooked me, Robby, is that we all think we're normal. Yeah. Um I After seeing and hearing from so many men about what their normal was. I had a very abnormal upbringing. I had two parents that loved me unconditionally that stayed together.

I had two sets of grandparents that lived till I was an adult and also loved me unconditionally. And that's the exception, not the rule. And yet there's still wounds in there. And I would, the first one I reckon, and I was sort of like you. I got to that chapter and just sort of, okay, this doesn't apply to me.

I had a great childhood. And I did. But the first one that God pointed out to me was. We can I had unconditional love. But not acceptance.

When I did something well, they say, You did a great job with this, Jimmy, but you could have done this, and it'd be better. And that was instructional, and it was often information I needed to hear, but it was never just total, you know, great job. And we need to hear that from our fathers in particular. And if you read the book, and I hope you have or Will, this is addressed as the father wound, but the wounds can come from all. kinds of different places like you said from your oldest sister.

Yeah, and they do come from all these other places. You know, once God starts opening up your eyes to see this. You know, you realize, wow, there's some work to do here. God's got some work to do, but the cool thing is, He doesn't do it all at once. You know, he gives you a little.

times of of R and R. You know, a little bit to kind of mend. You know, there's been times I've kind of went at him and said, God, I just can't handle anymore right now, honestly. I just need to, whew, can we slow this one down a little bit? And he'll be patient with you.

But he's going to be persistent and he's going to want to get there because he loves you more than you love you. and he wants to get you to a place of healing and restoration that w is what he's after in your life. But you've got to make time for that. Right, you do. You know, a lot of people, you know, I don't have time to go to boot camp or I don't have time to to sit down with God and and And really hash that, or you know, I don't know what stands in between.

you know, the point of Gee, I need to do something about this. Because Unfortunately, we know this. Hurt people hurt people. Right? And so, as you're walking around with your wounds, there's a number of things going on.

And I'm talking about myself, as I'm walking around with my wounds. I'm cheating. Myself out of the light there, but I'm also cheating all those people around me of seeing my healing. Because if they see me heal, they would give them hope that they could have healing. And I say that only because I've been around Sam for nearly 15 years now.

And. Maybe longer than that. And I've seen Sam Healed through so many difficult situations. It gave me hope and gave me insight on how I could push into similar healing if I would take the time, if I would commit to do those kind of things and make that process. But see, Sam didn't cheat me of that because he pushed into it himself.

But then he also. Is investing in the relationship with his own family and his future wife, in this case, maybe. And so. You know, I'll just share this story because it's so relevant to me. I used to have this salesman, his name was Scott Barwick.

I love him to death. He Was all about making money. He just had to make money. He had all these bills. I got to make money, Robby.

I got to make money.

Well, he was a great salesman, and so The way Chrysler had it at the time, if you were certified, you would get $150, $200 per car for every car that you sold on top of whatever you got from the dealership. Right? What As soon as he could get certified, he would get back pay on all these cars he'd sold for the last two years, which amounted to $6,000 or $7,000, right? I mean,. But every time I would go to him, like, Scott, you've got to go get certified.

I don't have time to go get certified. Why do you not have time? I've got to make money. I said, dude. 6,000.

What could you do? I mean, take two days that you would make selling cars. Go take your test. And how many times I had this conversation with him, but it was, I'm too busy, I don't have time. What do you mean?

Why don't you have time? I've got to make money. Duh, duh, right? But unfortunately, in my own life, right, how long did I wait? Going through All that I put my family through, all that I put myself through, all that I certainly put God through, because he's sitting there waiting, you know, like Robby, you know, I'm right here.

But it takes.

Okay. I surrender. Yeah. I'm going to take the time to go to boot camp or someplace where I can get alone with God. and the scriptures and the right questions to ask God.

And I can't think of a better place than boot camp. And I just think that it's so worth it, it's unbelievable. Yeah, I would totally agree. I mean, that's where I found I've yet to attend a boot camp and gym, and I have been to so many of them that there hasn't been something God's done that's been instrumental in my life. But let's say you don't have time.

So and you don't know what your wounds are.

So next time you're watching a T V show and something just jumps up at you and makes you brings you makes you really angry, makes brings you to tears, makes you show an emotion that doesn't match the scene. Right, or you hear a song that does something to you emotionally, that's the Holy Spirit kind of digging at you saying, Hey, there's something here. Just take a few minutes, shut off the radio, shut off the T V. Take some time right away as if you can, if not as soon as you can, and say, God, what was that about? Just ask him that question, why did I get so emotional over this situation, over this movie clip, over this song I heard.

We call it checking under the hood. You'll be amazed that God will just open your eyes to things that you didn't even remember that had happened. You know, and that that song pushes on a a spot that was really tender from years ago. Right? Or that clip reminds you of something that happened in your childhood.

And you just don't have the words for it, but God knows the memory's there. Your subconscious knows the memory's there. You know, he's this guy to help you unearth it so he can start to work on it. That's beautiful. You know, and so even if you don't have the minute to come to boot camp, there's no reason you can't.

Start to get some healing because what you get on the other side of that, and I will not downplay it, and Robby said it very well. I know Jim would echo it, it is painful. to go back through these wounds. God has to take you back in there. It's kind of like digging out a splinter.

It doesn't feel real good. But oh my gosh, does it feel so much better once that splinters out, right? And it's not going to fester and get worse and you know, become infected even more, right? And that's what it's doing to your life right now.

So let God do that surgery and come in because the healing and the restoration and the freedom. In the deeper intimacy you have with God on the other side, Oh my gosh, is it worth it. I mean, there's no other way to say it. There's nothing that will make you grow more in your relationship with God than letting Him in to work on these vulnerable spots in your life. Go to masconjourney.org to register for the upcoming boot camp.

We will continue with this topic in our after-hours. If you don't know what that is, go to any podcast location, look up Mascone Journey. You'll find the after hours. We continue this topic when Robby and Jim actually get a chance to talk some. And we'll go back through some of those wounds.

Register for the upcoming boot camp November 20th through 23rd, masconjourney.org. Um