Healing and Restoring

The heart of every man craves a great adventure, but life doesn't usually feel that way. Jesus speaks of narrow gates and wide roads, but the masculine journey is filled with many twists and turns.

So how do we keep from losing heart while trying to find the good way when life feels more like a losing battle than something worth dying for? Grab your gear and come on a quest with your band of brothers who will serve as the guides in what we call the masculine journey. The masculine journey starts here, now. Welcome to Masculine Journey. We were in a scramble here at the last minute.

I don't know if you heard that on the pre-show, but he's going, Sam, Sam. Yeah, I looked and it was said off. Oh, okay. We were good.

Okay, yeah.

Well, I had my back to the studio and was talking to somebody, and the thing was playing. You looked up, and I saw you looked at the time, and I'm like, he knows.

Well, that's. Yeah, that's an assumption that probably wasn't accurate. But yeah, they fixed the clocks last weekend. Oh, okay. All right.

Well, all right.

Now that's right, you weren't here. I wasn't here. That's right. That's right. We mentioned all that, and I'm like, oh, I forgot you weren't here.

Yeah, I did listen to you guys, or actually watched you guys, as brutal as that is, to watch you guys laugh me on YouTube. For that note, we've shut down the cameras this week. Yeah, I think popular demand. We finally got some email, some requests.

Some requests. But we are continuing our topic.

Well, we're expanding our topic from last week. The part that I did catch is you guys kept not wanting, and I think it was because of Robby's legalism. That's it. You know, that you guys didn't want to touch on the second half of the equation that God's constantly doing four things in your life. Andy, you want to recap what those four things are?

Yeah, disruption. We've all been disrupted. Dismantling, it's kind of Pulling us away from stuff we're connected to. Healing. Healing for, you know, all the bad stuff and then restoration to where were restored back to where we're intended to be in a particular area.

Yeah, we've always got this stuff going on. You know, you may have you may be working on dismantling on one thing, at the same time you're working on healing or restoration on the other, so Yeah, and if you don't know what that looks like in your life, have you ever said something like this? Why can't I get my home life and my work life together at the same time? I get one going and it seems like the other one falls apart.

Well, that could be this disruption, dismantling, healing, and restoring cycle that you're in healing and restoration in one part of your life. And you're in disruption and dismantling in the other part of your life. And it all has to do with growth. I mean, one could say it's a way of pruning us that God does. And, you know, whenever you have pruning, that you cut back something, then it comes back and grows back.

It's a little bit shorter. But really, it is about process. You know, discipleship is about process. It's not a Most people you you can get quite a you can get all of them, four four of them in a short span, but most of the time they take some time to do because We're slow as creatures at times. Yeah, we're thick.

We're thick. It takes us a while to get things. I mean, God may have to disrupt and disrupt and disrupt before you can even be prepared to go to dismantling.

Well, and sometimes our own stubbornness. Yeah. Right? That God tries to disrupt, and we're just like, oh. That's just a flesh wound.

And then you try to get away from it. What are you talking about? I have no idea. Yeah, and then we may be living hurt and wounded. And and not happy about that and would like it, but it's still all we've known and we're comfortable there and we don't want to go out get, you know, disrupted out of it.

So yeah, we like to sit in our Storm Because sometimes it can be f painful to go through the disruption and dismantling and stuff. It's it's the unknown. It's like and we d we just you know, sometimes you're like, Is God? Is this really you in it and stuff?

So I would say all the time it's painful. It's some level of pain to go through that. Grant, did you want to add something? But that's educational. It is.

That's where we learn, that's where we drew. There's the learning. It's like the onion. You peel off a layer.

Well that wasn't so bad. Peel off another one. A little more hurt, but eventually it starts to really hurt. And that's when he's like, after something, you got to stop and just understand.

Okay, I need to really listen and understand what's going on in my life because something's changing for a reason. Right. And so we're gonna get to some of the healing and r restoring, but I think in order to really do that, we may have to revisit some of the disrupting and dismantling to make it make sense. Right, and so the first clip that we have is one that we've used pretty often, always at boot camp, it seems like, that we use it quite often at boot camp. And we've used it pretty frequently here.

But if you haven't listened to us, because you're on, we're now on in Greenville and Spartanburg, as far as we know, that we're down there. And so if you guys are listening to us there, you may not have heard this, but this is from a TV show that you wouldn't expect to get something really deep and really meaningful from. It's from Everybody Loves Raymond. And I remember watching it for the first time and seeing this clip and just It just floored me. On how deep and how true this was.

And what you have, if you haven't ever really watched the show, I'm like, where have you been? Right? I mean, it's been around in reruns forever. But, you know, you have Ray Barone and his family, and he has his brother Robert and their dad, Frank. And Frank kind of is always relentless, picking on them.

It just seems like no matter what they do, he's just kind of riding them all the time about stuff. And, you know, they just think they have a really horrible life. And so things are going along the way. And the ladies in their lives, their wives, send them to counseling. And so where we pick up this scene is they're supposed to be going to counseling to do this group counseling between the two brothers and their dad, you know, with this counselor, and they've been blowing it off and they've been going to the horse track and betting and they've been making up stuff to tell the ladies.

But in the midst of what they're trying to figure out how what they're going to tell the ladies, There's some disruption and dismantling and healing and restoring that happens.

So let's listen to it. You were withdrawn from your relationship with us because Your father was like that with you? That's friggin' great. Very good, Raymond. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, because it's like what you were talking about the other day. I'm kind of a lousy dad because of him, so I just back it up one more to Grandpa Joe. Yeah, yeah, and and his dad was the worst. My grandpa Sal. Oh yeah?

Oh yeah, Grandpa Sal very scary. He once made Mussolini wet himself. My dad used to tell me horrible stories about how his father used to hit him. when he wasn't hitting me. Grandpa Joe hit you?

Sure, I got hit every day.

Well done. I didn't know that it was like that for you. It was like that for everybody. That's just the way it was.

So So your dad's dad hit him. He hit you and You never really hit us. I couldn't. I don't know. I was always weaker than him.

Maybe you didn't want to be like him. I didn't. The girls will buy that.

Alright. They'll eat it up like a bag of candy. Come on, let's bet the next race. I'm three. Hey Dad, can we get ice cream?

So Frank and the boys, they learned something about their dad's life. They learned that, okay, I really thought we had it bad until we know what their dad went through. I know that's that's a lot of our story. You know, for me, you know, my dad was Pretty tough on us growing up. You know, he.

I had a a switch. I had to go pick my own switch. I got the belt at least just one time that I really deserved it, I guess. And you know, there were other things that were. By the way, it doesn't help to get that hand down there to cover things up because it hurts just as bad on the tip of your finger.

Yeah, yeah. And it just it just uh. Increases increases the the velocity. Yeah, yeah, that that too. Speaking from experience.

Yeah, you know, and I thought that, okay, in my brothers and I, we could probably complain about, you know, the way my dad was and how tough he was, and he was tough. at times until I learned more of my dad's story. You know, after my when I got into Wild at Heart, um my dad had been gone. My dad died in 1984. I didn't go to my first Wild at Heart.

I didn't read Wild at Heart to two thousand one and didn't go to my first boot camp to two thousand two. And so, you know, I was living under this impression that, you know, I can't really do much about it. Dad's gone. Right, but God started digging into that and and helped me Understand my dad and have grace for my dad when I learned more of his story and learned that he really had it much worse than I ever did. You know, that the grandpa that I knew, my dad always used to tell me that's not the man that raised me.

Yeah, it was the same person, but he had changed over the years. And in hearing some of those stories, you know, I realized that, okay, you know, Dad in his own way did his best to try to do what he could with us. that wasn't as bad as he got. You know, and I made a lot of mistakes as a father. You know, along the way, but I think I could say the same thing.

I tried to not do the same things my parents did. you know, along the way, but what happens with that? when you get that perspective is you get grace and you get healing. on the other side, even if that parent's no longer around. Yeah, and you start to hear more about your parent.

And you understand their story more. and maybe they made some strides at one point. Maybe they did some things. I know like My dad His older brother was excellent at school. Just did wonderfully.

my dad, he was passed along because he was the brother. Mm-hmm. He just got passed through. He got used to not doing any work, didn't do anything, didn't strive for anything. And then he graduates high school and really couldn't do anything.

So he goes to the army and then he becomes out and he's uh Mechanic Excellent mechanic. I mean, you look at the things he had to go work on, all the unique things, and so such a variety. But he knew what to do, he knew to look up stuff, he knew to go do stuff. He was their head mechanic for all this stuff, and you're just like How do you do all of that and not have any of the schooling? But he just Didn't strive for any of that.

And then how he then tries to parent. and tries to lead a family. It wasn't good. Right, there's a lot of things in there that are bad. But He was never a believer.

and he just he just lived his life. And there are things that I know that he did was that We're not good. But You learn to live and love a person through all that. Even though he wasn't a believer and things of that nature, but you're just. you're drawn to the one that you're closest to, and you're very close to your family.

Your parents, and I'm an only child.

So I watched a lot of what they had to say, what they did. And there's just so many things that just. You look back after it's all done, and you're older, and I finally came to faith, you know, about 10, 11 years ago, and it's just like, oh. This is why, this is what happened. You look at things, you may never know perfectly, but.

It's nice to understand more. than it is when you just have the understanding that you don't know. When you don't know something, you're just like, I just don't know. But You know, God reveals things to you as you go through your life. Yeah, for me what had happened was, you know, getting to see m my dad's brokenness.

to understand more of what he carried? You know, when you're a kid, you don't have the eyes to see that, right? When you get older and you can look at it and you can look back and say, Oh, I can understand that now as a man. and how hard that had to be for them. And then that grace and that anger, that grace comes in, and that anger is displaced with understanding and love.

Harold, go ahead. Yeah, I got a similar kind of story, but I probably need to wait till I have a We'll talk to it.

Sorry, Harold. I just write to you when the music started. Oh, yeah. 30 seconds. Talk quick, Harold.

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I see the evidence of your goodness all over my life, all over my life. I see the promises in fulfillment all over my life, all over my life. Welcome back to Masculine Journey. We're glad to have you back with us. We are going to continue talking about the topic of Getting perspective as a Son in our fathers' lives.

And Harold, you were just sharing some of your story right when I just kicked it to you right when the music started. Yeah, you're talking about your finding out about your dad and his situation. I never knew either one of my grandfathers. They were both passed on by the time I was old enough to remember anything. But I d so I don't know the real details.

of my dad's relationship with his dad, What I do know is that as a teenager My dad ran away. and Hobo. This was back during the Depression times. And he hoboed out to Texas trying to find a job and stuff. I remember him telling me that uh He would go hungry.

rather than spend the dollar that he had in his pocket. Because if you had at least a dollar, they wouldn't put you in the jail.

So my dad had it uh way rougher. And like like the guy said, uh Your dad beat you, but you didn't beat us.

Well, my dad didn't beat me, but I'm pretty sure. Pretty certain. that his dad did him pretty bad. And uh My dad had a an alcohol problem that took me becoming an adult or forgive him for that, but I worked I worked my way through that. And I And a part of it was having a greater appreciation for what he went through growing up.

Mm-hmm. So it's it's something that you never know. what somebody's experienced. Unless you can talk with 'em.

Now wasn't there a time when your your dad came and stayed with you? Or did I hear that right? Or you went you spent some time with him as he was older? Um He never lived with us, but we did visit.

Okay. Yeah, it's one of those things that God just slowly starts to peel away those things and says, Okay, I want you to see a greater story here. It might be so we can open up. Yeah. Yeah.

Danny, welcome. We haven't really said anything to you yet. Yawn, buddy. Yeah, I slew it in right under the radar.

Well, that's okay. You got here in time. Yeah, so on call this week, so. Yeah, I understand. Understand.

Well, we're gonna move over to our our next clip, and I think we'll do the one from Goodwill Hunting. And the reason I kinda wanted to play this is I think that there's a lot of people out here that get stuck in the same loop. That we all the enemy is really, really good at convincing us that some of what's happened to us is our fault.

Now, there is a truth in that we need to take ownership for the things that we own. And there is truth in that. But the enemy is the king of the half truths. Right, and I may own part of something, but he'll make me think I own the whole thing. Right, I may say yes to something that I don't fully understand because I'm young.

Right, but because I said yes doesn't mean that I had comprehension. Right, or things like that, and so he'll make you think that because you own a piece of it, you own the whole thing. And then everything remains your fault. And so, when we pick up this clip from Goodwill Hunting, Sean is the counselor. And Will's been sent to him.

I remember the name of who it is, Danny. Will's been sent to him for court-ordered counseling. And Sean's not not probably the most gifted guy. out there, but but Will has chewed up the gifted guys along the way. If you watch it, it is pretty comical in a way as he just kinda eats for lunch.

All these guys are supposed to be incredibly smart. But Sean has got a good heart and Sean knows people. Right, and Sean knows what the root of the problem is. And here at this point, he's built a relationship with Will through a lot of fire. You know, they've had a lot of hard conversations and a lot of things back and forth, but a very genuine, authentic relationship.

And they've built trust in this relationship. And so Sean sees his opportunity to go what Will really needs to hear. In this clip, and I want you to hear the breakthrough that comes from Sean's determination to keep telling him the truth and love. Yeah, he used to just put a um A wrench, a stick, and a belt. on the table and just say choose.

Well, I gotta go with the belt to have an used to go with the right Yeah. Why the wrench? Because of him, that's why. Your foster father. Yeah.

So, uh, you know, what is it like? Will has an attachment disorder, is it all that stuff? Fear of abandonment. Is that why uh Yeah, why I broke up with Skyl? I didn't know you had it.

I did. You wanna talk about it? No. Hey, Will? I don't know about it.

You see this? Holy It's not your fault. Look at me, son. It's not your fault. I know.

It's not your fault. I know. No, no, you don't. It's not your fault. I know.

It's not your fault. Alright? It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Don't f.

It's not your fault. Don't fit me, alright? Don't finish on, not you. It's not your fault. Oh my god Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

What I really like. about that clip. It's a very hard clip to listen to. It's a very tough movie to watch, quite honestly. It's a well-done movie, but to say it's a good movie is hard to say that because it's such a trendy.

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty raw. Pretty raw. Pretty honest.

Pretty honest. uh pretty vulgar, you know, all those kinds of things. And But what I I liked about this clip is you get to see the disruption. The dismantling that moves into the healing and restoring. You know, they built relationship.

Right, and then all of a sudden Sean's being a little different with him, he's disrupting the flow of their conversation. And he's speaking truth to him over and over again, which is dismantling the lie that he's been believing. Because for the longest time wheel has been deflecting any of these things that S Sean has done to c to reach in deeper. And that's why s I think Sean took a different approach. He's like, I just got to keep pursuing.

Right. I'm going to keep pushing into this, regardless of what happens. And what you can't see in the clip, because you're listening to it, obviously, is he shoves him at one point, right? He shoves him pretty hard and says, you know, not you, Sean. You know, like all these other people have come at me.

I thought I could trust you. In other words, yeah, he shoves him away, but every time that Sean says, What you know, that it's not your fault. He steps towards him while he's all up in his grill. Oh, yeah, and he keeps moving towards him and moving towards him. But what happens once the dismantling occurs.

Now there's space when the truth is evident, there's space for healing. Right, and then after that healing at some point down the road's gonna come restoration. The bricks have to be laid. Yeah. To get the bricks down on the road, and this is what it takes.

You one brick at a time. And he had to go bust one up to get a better brick in there. Yeah. There's a phrase that I saw years ago on a training room wall that I was training in. It said, people don't.

care how much you know until they know how much you care. And that's kind of what you see in that clip. And and I can remember right before I got sober and went to treatment and I think I sat across the desk from a I guess a psychiatrist. But it was just an an information session. And I'm sitting there thinking, You don't know anything about me and y you're not trying to ask questions and anything And I walked out of there hopeless.

But later on, God put people in my life that built the foundations and and formed the relationships and were able to speak deeply and truthfully into my life. Yeah, it um Well, I'll just talk about some of the disruption dismantling for me. You know, growing up as a kid and and I've talked about it on the air many times, but growing up as a kid I had a older relative that uh molested me when I was young. You know, I was uh single digits in age, you know, eight, nine, somewhere in there. I don't know exactly when it it happened.

Um But, you know, it happened and For the longest time. I couldn't get past it. You know, honestly, for years and years, I shoved it down and pretended it didn't exist. They said, okay, this is not going to define me. And it did everything.

To define me, as long as I kept shoving it down and refusing to deal with it, and every time God would try to bring it up. I would, you know, just kind of push it down again. And, you know, fast forward to I read Wild at Heart. And so when you get to Chapter Four of Wild at Heart, it says the wound chapter. Right.

And for a year I can't figure out what my wound is. And I'm frustrated because I know I should know what my wound is. But every time God would bring up this whole thing of the molestation, I'd shove it down and go, No, that's not my wound, you know, and shove it back. And that seems so silly. Yeah, I'm passing.

That didn't affect me. You know, God, come on, you don't know what you're talking about, right? And I was not that bold, but I would have that attitude, you know, until I got on the side of a mountain at my wilder heart boot camp. That's why boot camps are so important to me. That's where I had breakthrough.

That's where I heard God for the first time clearly in my life, and He did healing and restoration and all those things, and why I'm passionate about it. And He continues to do that at every boot camp I go to. But on the side of the mountain, right after the wound session, I went out and I'm like, Okay, God, what's my wound? And He just He he had a Sean moment. You know, Sean, what he was acting like Sean did in that clip, and just kept pushing into that same thing.

Until I let it go, until I went through the anger, went through the yes, okay, and then it was like, okay, yes, that is my wound. you know, and then from there the the the breaking of the lie and the agreement that the enemy has a hold of you. When you live life of something that wasn't your fault and you take it on as your fault, it gives the enemy full access in your life. Right, whether you see that or not, and it does. And once that was broken, I could move through some healing, I could move some restoration.

You know, it was one of those things I had said I would never ever talk to anyone about it in my life. I would go to my deathbed with this, right? And I've talked about it from stage, I've talked about it on the radio show, I've talked about it to anybody that listens, I think, sometimes. But no, but it's like there is no power in that lie anymore. There's no power in what happened to me.

There's no embarrassment there because I don't own. the part that's only mine, which was a small little thing. Right, and so just if you're there and you're stuck on something and God keeps pushing into it. Listen. Maybe you're taking on stuff that's not your fault.

That's why you're not getting the healing and restoration on the other side because you're not letting them dismantle the beliefs that are broken and warped in your life. Yeah, there's a lot of healing that needs to happen in life, but we want it to be nice and easy. You don't want to have to push into something, go deeper, work through something. It's like, no, that's what it takes. You're going to have to work through it because your head's not right now.

But you keep going forward, you keep pushing into things, God will continue to correct it. It's amazing what he's done in my life with Just small things, nothing like that, but just small things, and I know there's more. And I'm like, just Lord, you're just going to have to keep working because I know there's times when I let you work, and there's times when I don't. And it's mostly on my shoulders.

Well, and one thing you just did there, Rodney, which I encourage us not to do, which I was grateful of. Don't judge our own wounds for being small. Right. A speck in your eye hurts a lot. Yep.

You know, you can't wait to get it out. Or a splinter in the right location. You're like, okay, that's got to get out of here, it's going to fester.

Alright, go to masculinejourney.org to register for the upcoming boot camp November 20th through 23rd. We'll talk with you next week.