859. Home Improvement

Welcome to The Daily Platform from Bob Jones University in Greenville, South Carolina.

The school was founded in 1927 by the evangelist Dr. Bob Jones, Sr. His intent was to make a school where Christ would be the center of everything so he established daily chapel services. Today, that tradition continues with fervent biblical preaching from the University Chapel Platform. Today on The Daily Platform, we're continuing a study series entitled, Seeking Things Above, which is a study of the book of Colossians. This study explores and applies the timeless truth that Christ is our sufficiency in all relationships, responsibilities, and circumstances.

If you would like to follow along in the study booklet, you can get one on Kindle or you can order a printed copy from the website thedailyplatform.com. I'd like to invite your attention this morning to the book of Colossians chapter 3. We're going to read verses 18 through 21. The scripture says, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged. Now, I'm fairly confident in saying that most of you are not a homeowner, at least yet. But when you purchase a home and it doesn't matter if it's new or old, you have to understand that being a homeowner requires constant maintenance and upkeep. Fixing and improving your home is the consistent responsibility of all homeowners. And in many ways, this is also true when you establish a home through marriage and a family through having children, it requires the constant process of improvement.

So this morning, I'd like to speak to you on the theme of home improvement. And I'd like us to look this morning as the Apostle Paul is addressing the church of Colossae and he is giving the believers their mutual roles and responsibilities in the home. And as we have looked at this passage of scripture, seeking things above and Paul is dealing with the false teaching that was going on in the church, and we come to chapter three and he talks about this victorious life, he is addressing the Christian family also. Because we all know that life is lived within families. And as we read, as we've read this passage this morning, I'd like to try to answer at least four questions this morning as we look at the passage together. And the first question is this, are these commands sufficient for building a Christian home? I mean let's be honest, it doesn't really say a whole lot. It gives the name of the individual in the family, it gives really one short command and one reason why we should do this.

It's short and simple. Is this enough? If you were to walk into a Christian bookstore and you were to look for the section on the family, how many books would be there?

How thick would the books be? How much instruction would there be on the family? Well it's obviously a lot more than what Paul says. So are these commands sufficient for building a Christian home? Second question is, does a Christian view of the family destroy the equality of the individual? I mean it appears as you read these verses that the wife and the child are put in a place of inferiority and even vulnerability.

So where's the equality of the individual? And then number three, do these commands create a cultural conflict? I mean the idea of a wife being submissive is not real popular today.

For some it immediately creates tension. Should the roles and the responsibilities be altered or adjusted because of our culture? Does the definition of a biblical family conflict with those who today are proponents of a non-traditional family, such as a gay marriage or raising children in a gay family? And then there's a fourth question, and that is what worldview best describes your view of the family? Paul viewed the family through the lens of God's truth and our salvation. We are all members of the family of God and we are all called new creations and as members of this family of believers, we are commanded to live out a new identity in every area of our life.

And we've already looked at that. We looked at morals and we looked at relationships and we looked at our responsibility to the church and now we see how our faith is to touch not only these realms of our lives but also our relationship with our own family. These commands reveal how a Christian family is to look and to operate under the authority of Jesus Christ. And so what we're going to do this morning is follow Paul's pattern as he speaks to each family member and he gives them a responsibility, a command, and then he gives them a motivating reason behind this command. So let's take them as they appear in the scripture, each individual, and let's begin first of all with wives.

Notice what the Bible says, wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Well I think the most important word we have to grasp is the word submit. What does that mean? Well literally it means to rank under, to subject oneself. It's a military term so in the military if you've ever known anything about the military you have a rank structure. So you start with privates and then corporals and sergeants and there's different kinds of sergeants. There's squad sergeants and staff sergeants and first sergeants and major sergeants. Then you get up into the commissioned officers. You have second lieutenants, first lieutenants, captains, majors, lieutenant, colonels, colonels, and then you get up to the general grade and there's four grades of generals. One star brigadier, two star major, three star lieutenant, and four star just general. So once you go into the military one of the first things you learn is where do you fit.

It's also a governmental term that speaks to the citizens of a country who are to rank in submission to the government. So when you're driving down the highway and a police car drives by what do you what do you instantly feel? What goes through your head?

What do you do with your foot? We all understand the idea of submission so it is very clear that Paul's approach in this passage of Scripture is to address first of all the one who is placed in a subordinate role. Now let's stop and ask a question. Is this not a denial of the equality of the individual? Are women being lowered by this command? Has not Paul already spoken about the equality of all believers in God's family? Because there are other verses that say this for example Galatians 3 28 there's neither Jew nor Greek there's neither bond nor free there's neither male nor female for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. Colossians 3 11 where there's neither Greek nor Jews circumcision or uncircumcision, barbarian, Scythian, bond or free, but Christ is all and in all. It is very clear that Paul places no distinction between men and women in their relationship with God. They are all equally one.

So the question then is what is up with the submission command? And I think the best way to answer it is that it's all about the way God has set it up for the family to function appropriately. And there are three things I'd like to say about that. Number one God has established a functional order in the home. For example let's take the Trinity the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

We all recognize they're co-equal. The Father is God, the Son is God, the Spirit is God. However there's a functional order in the Trinity where one person of the Trinity submits himself to the other person in the Trinity in order to accomplish God's sovereign purposes. For example we know Jesus submitted himself to his father's will. His death on the cross was subjection to his father's authority.

Why? Because that's how he could accomplish God's plan and purpose for our redemption. If Jesus was not submissive you would not be saved. Likewise the Holy Spirit functions in submission to the Father's sovereign will because what does the Spirit of God do? He works in the hearts of those that the Father has chosen to be heirs of salvation.

We all know that you could not be saved if the Spirit did not prompt your heart. So within the Trinity equality and submission coexist and the submission has a functional purpose and God has revealed a functional order in the family. 1st Corinthians 11 3 but I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ and the head of a wife is her husband and the head of Christ is God.

God, Christ, husband, and wife. In order for a family to function you could say there's a divine flow chart. An order of responsibility and accountability. The duties of the subordinate are always first.

Why? Because if there's no submission it can't work. Everything will fall apart and there is still equality but submission is necessary for the family to function. Relationally we are equal but functionally there's an order and that leads to the second thing and that is it's important to recognize that this submission is always voluntary. Do you remember when you were playing with as a kid with friends and somebody would tell you to do something? Have you ever heard a kid respond say you're not my boss?

You ever heard that? Now you have to understand that the commandment to submit is in the present middle tense which means it's voluntary. It's very different to children because children are to be obedient and it's in the present active it means it's not an option. So the wife is not coming to the husband unwilling, reluctant, kicking, screaming, but she is joyful and willingly she is submitting herself to him.

Role differences do not set one as a superior and the other as an inferior. They are both equal and the trajectory that Paul is setting is that both husband and wife share in mutual responsibilities. The husband is commanded to obey God by loving his wife and making her needs, her desires, and her wishes his focus. Do you know that when God said that he created woman Eve and brought Eve to man, Adam, he said that she was Adam's help meet, her helper. The word for helper is the same word that refers to the Holy Spirit as our helper and we as Christians depend upon the Holy Spirit to help us and if a husband had half a brain he would this he would depend upon his wife.

My wife is here this morning in fact is my mother-in-law is here this morning and they're coming to check out this message guaranteed. And do you know what I look to my wife literally and trusting her just like I would trust in the Holy Spirit. In many ways it's almost like I'm looking up to her and I have a sense of a duty of responsibility to love her and that's the functional order that God has set up. Well one other thing and that is submission is ultimately to the Lord. Paul says that this is fitting or proper for the wife to submit herself to her husband because of Christ's preeminence.

He's the head of the church to which we are all apart. Remember these are commands for Christian families. And it also makes it clear that the wife's submission will never require her to disobey God by obeying her husband.

It would not be fitting because ultimately she's under the authority of the Lord. So this is the role of the wife. Then secondly let's look at the husband. It says husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. The husband is given two commands. Number one, positively he is to love his wife. Now this was an odd command in ancient times.

It was taught widespread by the Greeks and the Jews that wives were to submit but there was no code in the ancient world requiring that a husband love his wife. So immediately what does Christianity do? It actually elevates the wife in a Christian home. And what kind of love is this? It's the love of Christ. It is distinctively unselfish. It is a self-giving love.

It is modeled by Jesus who went to the cross and died for us. The role of the husband is to give himself to meet every need of his wife and to show her the greatest respect. And then notice this is kind of an interesting command. He says and be not bitter or be not harsh with her. Don't become sour towards your wife.

Now does that sound a little odd? I mean what would cause a husband to become bitter towards his own wife? I mean really it would seem like the person that's in the subjection role would be the one that would become most bitter. But in reality the commandment is given to the man. Now I have a personal reason why I believe that this is true because I think men generally are more selfish than women.

And selfish people get bitter very easily. I think it comes because of basically the greatest fear of a man and the greatest fear of a woman in marriage. When I was an evangelist and we would have members of our team get married, we would always have conversations about marriage.

And I would always have one of those sit-down conversations, let's talk about some things. And I would talk about the greatest fear of a woman and the greatest fear of a man in marriage. And the greatest fear of a woman is basically abandonment. He's going to leave her.

Not necessarily divorce, just either neglect her or become more, other things will become more important to him. His job, his golf clubs, his shotguns, his cars or whatever. So a woman fears abandonment but a man is different. A man fears more disappointment or maybe even embarrassment. The man becomes disappointed because his wife does not live up to his expectations. They could be physical.

They could be mental. They could be emotional or financial or relational. It is easy for marriages over time, through fear and disappointment, suddenly that you draw apart. This was a hard lesson for me to learn but it took me 10 years in marriage. And that is everything that I wanted to see changed in my wife was simply a reflection of what God wanted to change in me. My wife was a mirror. And when I looked at her and thought, would you change this? She put up the mirror and she said, why don't you look at yourself first? Every time I pointed a finger at my wife, I had three fingers pointing back at me. I've learned something. I can't change anybody, especially my wife.

It's not going to happen. But you know what I can do? I can love her. I can serve her and I can change and you know what I find out? It motivates her. You don't win your spouse by controlling them. You win them by loving and serving them. And the lordship of Christ demands that when you serve, say I do, that you are to serve your wife and give yourself to her the rest of your life. It's not about you.

It's about loving her. And then that leads to the third person and that's children. Notice it says, children obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Children actually are addressed as responsible people within the church.

The responsibility for the family is mutual. Even children have a role and it says children obey. The word obey is interesting. It means to listen. It comes from the Old Testament Shema.

Deuteronomy 6 4, hear O Israel. The word hear is Shema. It means to not just hear or listen. It means to obey. In our culture you can listen and not obey, but in Jewish culture they were one in the same. This is an eager ear that listens with the intent to obey absolutely.

And it appears that Paul here is addressing young children, those who are living under the protective care of their parents. They are obligated to obey. Obedience for a child is to be in everything. Everything.

What you wear, where you go, where you can't go, what you do with your time and your schedule, who your friends are, what you can watch on TV, what music you can listen to. In every way a child is to obey. This is appropriate behavior within the Christian community. Now I think it would be appropriate for me to say a word to you because you know you're not really a child.

So where does it fit with you? And I think personally when it comes to a college student there are three key words that are important for you in your relationship with your parents. Number one, respect. Number two, honor. And number three, trust. God changed my heart in my relationship with my dad at 19 years old and from that point forward I decided to honor, to respect, and to trust my father.

And you know what I found? He began to trust me as I trusted him. So in my own life as a child, even as what I would call an adult child, that I always want to have within my family that spirit of respect, honor, and trust. And then finally notice the last statement dealing with fathers. For fathers, provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged. This command is directed to the father as the one who is to be the motivator of the children. Do not exasperate your child. Don't irritate your child.

Don't provoke them so that they lose their heart. And I think what is teaching here is this, that God puts within the heart of every child a compelling desire to please their parents, especially their fathers. When my girls were little and I would come home after working all day, they would meet me at the front door and start screaming, daddy's home! And then they would say, daddy come, daddy come watch me, let me show you.

And they would show me what they drew that day or what they did that day and I would go, sweetheart, you are so smart and you are so wonderful. And then as I grew up as a child, I remember how much I wanted my parents to be there. I remember when I played public high school football and I'd run out on the field and I would look up in the stands and I would look to see if my mom or dad were there. I remember very clearly as a freshman in college, I played on the soccer team and we came up from Charleston, South Carolina to play Erskine College and as I was sitting on the bench, which is what I did all day that day, I looked over and I saw my father standing there who had driven 92 miles from Columbia to come and see me sit on the bench.

But I never forgot it. I remember how encouraged I was when my whole family attended my college graduation as they came from Denver, Colorado. And I also remember how my father said to me one week before he died in 1997, he had been paralyzed through surgeries from his chest down. And he rolled over and looked at me one week before he died and he said, son, I just want you to know how proud I am of you.

That meant more to me than anything that's ever been said to me in my life outside of my family who loves me. So how can, how can a father provoke his children to wrath? This is a serious issue. I think the answer is by saying and doing things in such a way that suggests that a child's acceptance with his parents is being challenged because they don't measure up. That their love and approval from their father is conditional so that either through constant belittling and criticizing by being angry or abusive or through the failure to acknowledge your child's achievement by being apathetic or absent, they feel that they cannot please their parents and that they have little worth and little value. It is a precious thing, but a great responsibility for a father to be given the responsibility to motivate his children. And even now that my children are grown up, most of my conversation with my children today is either centered around advising them or encouraging them and actually much more encouragement than advice. Because that's what a dad is to do. He is to encourage his children to believe that they can do it. And as we conclude this morning, then I want to finish with these questions we started with.

First of all, are these commands sufficient? I mean, let's be honest, it doesn't really say a whole lot. But it does say something that's very important and that is the key to a family is each person obeying God. You are responsible to obey God wherever you find yourself. Second question, does the Christian belief on the family destroy the equality of the individual?

Absolutely not. It actually elevates the individual and gives them purpose and meaning in their personal roles and functions. Then number three, is there a cultural conflict with these commands?

Perhaps. The two views today and especially Christian society, we call it complementarianism which believes in the essential equality of men and women and yet because of their gender distinction, they have a different functional role especially in the church and the family. The other viewpoint is egalitarianism which believes in gender distinct, the gender distinctions have been removed and therefore the roles are interchangeable between men and women.

I'm a complementarianism because I think God has given us roles. A man, a woman, what we're supposed to do. I realize that there are cultural adjustments in traditions.

For example, there's a huge difference between Eastern culture and Western culture. We understand that but basically the laws of the family from the scripture are unalterable. Does the definition of a biblical family conflict with the current belief in our society of those who do not believe in the traditional family?

The answer is absolutely. Folks, we cannot redefine marriage to be anything other than the marriage of a man and a woman. And then finally, who is ultimately responsible for the family? And in the end, all of us, first of all, are responsible for our roles but it is my belief that whoever's the leader of the family, especially the father, God has put a heavy responsibility on him to appropriately lead his family. All of us are responsible and all of us are to obey God.

And so God gave these first century Christians, without any Christian family background, sufficient commands to develop a strong Christian home. Our hope here at Bob Jones is that you'll be married and that you'll go out in the world and represent Christ in his church in the marriage relationship you have with one another. Father, thank you for your word. Thank you for your grace. We pray for your blessing. Help us to walk faithfully with you and our families. In Jesus' name, Amen. You've been listening to a sermon from the study series in the book of Colossians by Dr. Steve Pettit, president of Bob Jones University. For more information on Dr. Pettit's series, visit our website at thedailyplatform.com where you can get a copy of Steve's study booklet entitled Seeking Things Above. A Kindle version is also available. Thanks for listening and join us again tomorrow as we continue the study in Colossians here on The Daily Platform.