Heaven in the Home

Love has to do with the decision of the will, not the feelings of the emotions. Dr. Tony Evans says true love in the home reflects the kind of love God chose to show us. It's like God deciding I'm going to die for you whether you receive me or not. It is a decision of the will.

This is the alternative broadcast, featuring the timeless biblical teachings from the archives of Dr. Tony Evans. A godly home doesn't happen by accident. It's built on mutual love and submission. Today, Dr.

Evans explores how God's design for marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. Let's join him in Ephesians 5:21 as he shares how heaven's values can transform even the most ordinary parts of family life. He begins by talking to wives.

So ladies were married and marriage wannabes. He has a word for us or for you. Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is head of the church, he himself being savior of the body. As the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their own husbands in everything.

He starts off with the subjecting role of the wife. It has been misdefined, redefined, and certainly not biblically defined. And therefore Men have particularly misuse this word much to the hatred and detriment of many a Christian wife. Yet I do not want to reduce it to less than what it is saying. He clearly says that a woman Who is a wife, who is married, who has a husband, is to subject herself, which means, A wife is to place herself underneath.

Listen to this. The headship of her husband.

Now this is very important. for one fundamental theological reason, and that is God functions in history hierarchically, that is, in accordance with a chain of command.

Now, what you need to know, ladies, is that this chain of command. is not related to essence. Or worse. It is related to function or roles or responsibility. The reason why this word has caused so much trouble is that it has been mistaught or misunderstood to mean That a woman is less than a man.

And that is not true. The Bible declares we are all one in Christ. The Bible says that a husband is to treat his wife like an equal heir. Every woman. is equal to your husband.

in terms of your being. That is, when God looks at you and looks at him, he looks at two equal people, equally created in terms of the characteristics of humanity. Are equally valued by God, equally significant to the kingdom of God. But equality of essence does not mean equality of function. That is, Just because we're equal in our being doesn't make us equal in our function.

Just like at work, you have the boss man and then you may have a manager or supervisor, then you may have the hourly worker.

Well, as beings, they're equal, but in the roles that they play, they're not equal. That's the difference.

So a wife is to recognize the positional headship of her husband. Look at 1 Corinthians chapter 11, verse 3. 1 Corinthians chapter 11, verse 3, which brings it to even sharper focus. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and that the man is the head of a woman, and that God is the head of Christ. There it is.

Even the Trinity functions this way. God is the head of Christ.

Now, the Bible makes it plain that Jesus Christ is the fullness of the Godhead in bodily form. That is, Jesus Christ has all the essence of deity. His being is God. But when it comes to his historical function, he comes under the authority of the Father. That's why when he was on earth, he said, not my will, but thy will be done.

The reason why God establishes the hierarchy is to accomplish a program. That's why he does it. He doesn't do it to render somebody less significant. He does it. Because if everybody in the company was president, then the work wouldn't get done.

And if everybody was the manager or on and on and on and if everybody was a congressman, you must have a chain of command in order to have a functional...

Society, in God's kingdom, God has established it that way. He makes it plain in Ephesians. Chapter 5. That the husband is the head of the wife. He is the head of the wife.

Now this concept of headship It's not a concept of dictatorship. It is not a concept of dominance. That's not hair chip. Headship has to do with position or role. It has to do with recognizing The husband role.

That's a fundamental principle here of hair chip. That your husband has been positioned in a roll of head. That is. The Leader of the home.

Now, a lot of ladies say, but I'm a better leader than he is. You may be. But that's not the point. You may be a better boss than your boss is, but that's not the point either. The point is, who has the position?

Not who has the ability. It is positional headship.

Now, if you have more ability, then you should be using those ability. Not to replace his position. but to strengthen his position. to enhance his position. not to tear down his position.

What is the limitation? The limitation is that when the husband uses his position as head to demand things of the wife outside of that which is acceptable to Christ, he's overstepped his bounds. He must operate within the paradigm. That's why it says Christ is the head of every man because there are limitations.

So, ladies, if your husband is operating within a biblical frame of reference, you are obligated. To follow his lead, to support his lead. And even if you're a better leader, which is not the point. He should become better because he has somebody better as his partner. What this means, ladies, is He should, the children should, and anybody else who comes into your house should be crystal clear on who the leader is from you.

Okay, okay. Submission is powerful. 1 Peter chapter 6 says, to the wife who submits, this kind of submission I mean, as unto the Lord, it's a Christian responsibility, and you're really doing it for the Lord, not even for your husband per se. That is precious in the sight of God, 1 Peter says, chapter 3. God values that and when God values something he blesses it.

He comes to chapter 6 and he says, like Sarah who called Abraham what? Then why is that important? That's important for two reasons. Number one, It was uh verbal. In other words, she called him that.

She gave verbal recognition of his position. And if any of you know Abraham, he wasn't all there all the time. You know, he had a lot of faults in his life. You say, well, I can't do that, but you do it every day at work.

Some of you ladies work for men are terrible. You're better than they are, you're more intelligent than they are, but every time they come in the room, yes, Mr.

So-and-so. Yes, sir. What you do is you honor his position. That's what you do. Even if you don't like him, you still honor the post.

It was verbal and it was visible. She treated him as Lord. She appealed to his position. Ladies, did you know that there's no command in the Bible for a wife to love her husband? It says older women teach young women how to love their husband as an instruction, but never a command.

Let him find his reverence, respect. adoration, significance, and value from your feeding. Like Sarah who called Abraham Lord.

Well, now I know what some of you are saying, that's in the Old Testament. But the verse says, you are her daughters if you do likewise.

So he's appealing, taking an Old Testament principle and making a New Testament point. You say, well, what's the benefit? What do I get out of this deal? Because I see he's just going to run over that. You know what Sarah got?

She got a miracle. Remember she was 90 years old, had never had a baby. Is that?

Soon as she called Abraham Lord. It said, well, first of all, she says, shall I have... Yeah. Pleasure of Abraham again. She calls him Lord.

He's declining in years.

Next thing she knows, she gets a miracle. The point is, God honors her honoring. him. That does not mean you don't disagree with him when he's wrong. It does not mean that you don't express yourself.

No, it doesn't mean that. It means you give recognition to his position. And if he's within the framework of the Lord, you follow that, obey that, and honor that. But biblical leadership in the home comes with responsibility on both sides. And Dr.

Evans will unpack what the Bible has to say to husbands when he continues in just a moment. Stay with us. It was my first time meeting Jesus in the Bible. That's what one student is saying after studying bibliology through the Tony Evans Training Center, taught by renowned theologian Dr. Tony Evans.

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Here's Dr. Evans. Husbands, love your wives. The role of the husband.

Now this word love has fallen in bad days today. People say, I love chocolate. I love the movies. And so they've watered this word down so that it has absolutely no meaning whatsoever. Let's make sure we're defining the word properly.

Love is doing what is best for the other person, even at your own expense. That's a lot. Love, well. It's not like. You can love people you do not like.

Now you can like people that you love. But you can also love people you don't like. That's why God says love your enemies. Because love has to do with the decision of the will. not the feelings of the emotions.

It is where a husband decides, I'm going to love you whether you like it or not. It's like God deciding I'm gonna die for you whether you receive me or not. It is a decision of the will. How your wife treats you has no bearing on your decision to love her. You love her by choice.

Now, certainly, the better the relationship, the easier it is to love. But the whole point of salvation is while we were yet sinners, Christ loved us. A husband is to love his wife. He gives three ways in which a husband is to love his wife. First of all, he is to be his wife's savior.

Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, verse 25. What did it cost Christ? to love the church. It cost him his life.

So what must you do to love your wife? Die to self. And that's the worst kind of death there is. To give up What is important to you? in order to meet the need of another.

Can be a very Painful process.

Sort of like being crucified. Jesus Christ gave up his life. Which means he left heaven and gave up his prerogatives. Because he was in heaven, he could have enjoyed all the prerogatives of deity, but he gave up those prerogatives to meet a need. Secondly, You're to be your wife's sanctifier.

Verse 26, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all of her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless. The word sanctified, man, means... It's the progress of spiritual development. That's sanctification. It means to be set apart for God.

In a process that takes you from where you are and turns you into what you ought to be. That's what sanctification does. That's what marriage is. A husband is his wife's sanctifier. Christ cares for us in our imperfections.

Amen. What Christ is letting us see and what we have to go through with our wives is what he has to go through with us. And we have a lot to be desired as far as Jesus is concerned. but he does not divorce us because we keep messing up. He keeps the process of sanctification going.

Yes, it's tiring. Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it can be traumatic. But so are a lot of things in life that are your responsibility. It is a responsibility.

So the husband is to be the sanctifier. Then thirdly, the husband is to be the satisfier of his wife. The satisfyer of his wife. Verse 28. Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his own wife loves himself. No one ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church. The satisfier. We are the ones who take the lead in the meeting of needs. To put it in simple terms, what Paul is saying is, whatever you do for you, make sure you do for her, because she is an extension of you.

The Bible says That the man who does not meet the needs of his wife, his prayers are hindered. 1 Peter 3-7. A man is to be his wife. Satisfier.

So that is the commitment.

Okay, so. Husbands are to love their wives by a decision of the will, be the Savior, sanctifier, and satisfier.

Well, he summarizes husbands and wives in verse 33. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife, even as himself, and let the wife see to it. Make it a point, ladies, that you respect. Your husbands, then you're gonna hear when you wake up in the morning. Boy, I just, I love you.

One guy was cool with it. He's somebody asked him. He said, If you couldn't be who you are. Who else would you want to be? Thought about it for a minute and said, If I couldn't be who I am.

that I'd want to be my wife's second husband. She went, Mm-hmm. Couldn't take it. Couldn't take it, you know? Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother, which is the commandment, with promise that it may go well with you, that you may live long on the earth. Children are called to obedience. We live today in the adultification of children. This madness that you're seeing going on today in our world is the result of children who are becoming adults far too early. Children are children.

Children's job, verse 1 says, is to obey. The concept of obey means to listen underneath of. Meaning listening under which has the idea of hearing and doing what you're told. He gives reasons for this. First of all, because you're Christian children.

You're in the Lord.

So it's the Christian approach. Secondly. Because it is right. It is the order of things. It is the natural order.

for children to obey their parents. Thirdly, It is a command. To honor, love, respect. Verse 2, honor your father and your mother. That involves obedience, but it also involves love and care.

of children toward parents. There used to be a time when A child would talk to an adult and always there would be a handle on the name, Mr. or Mrs. Aunt or uncle? Not.

Hey, Joe or John. Especially smaller children. Honor. Lift it up. Even Pastor Timothy was told to honor the older men in the church as fathers and the older women in the church as mothers.

That's where the tradition came, calling the older women mother so-and-so. It meant honor. When I say our older men, I more often than not call them by the last name with a handle in front. Israelites who disrespected their parents could lose their lives. The other thing is that it brings blessing.

He says in verse 3, that it may go well with you and that you may live long on the earth. Children who honor, love, respect, reverence, and care for their parents are blessed with a better quality of life and a better quantity of life. quantity and quality. Why? Because God works his program hierarchically.

So when a child relates properly to his parents, God is free to work properly with that child. If you, even as an adult, If you're not living under their house, then you don't have to obey their rules, but you still have to honor their position. You must still honor his position, even if you don't like his person. I don't like my mother. I don't like my father.

That's fine. We're not talking about liking them, we're talking about honoring them. You must honor them or hold them up in high esteem because of who they are. Fourthly, the role of parents. Verse 4.

Fathers, why? Because he's the governmental head of the home. Doesn't exclude mothers. He's just talking to the head. He says, Fathers, do not provoke.

your children to anger. The concept here to not put your kids in a position Where you're unnecessarily bringing them pain and anguish. To not put your children in the position. where you're hurting them when you shouldn't be. Don't provoke them.

They are sensitive, they are developing.

So, there's enough in a child's life that you have to deal with that needs dealing with. Don't create stuff. Don't create problems for your children. Unrealistic expectations. Wanting them to do what you didn't do when you were growing up and they become the fulfillment of your dreams rather than God's will for them.

Criticism can provoke them to anger. because it's constant, never affirmation. Rather, bring them up. That's the word for nurturing. Nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Now, this doesn't mean Bible studies eight hours a day, seven days a week. It means raise them in a Christian environment that involves instruction and discipline. Deuteronomy 6 brings it out. It says, teach them along the way while you're walking, while you're talking, why you're watching television.

So, you can be teaching all the time, even when you're not formally in Bible study.

So it's an environment of nurture. an environment of development and growth. for the child. Dr. Tony Evans, sharing God's design for a successful, thriving family.

And he'll return to wrap up this message in just a moment. Before he does, though, today's study, Heaven in the Home, is part of Tony's 16-part audio series called Ordinary Holy, a deep dive into the book of Ephesians that shows how God meets us in the everyday. It's yours with our thanks, along with his book, Kingdom Living, when you support Tony's work on this station and beyond. Just visit tonyevans.org, where you'll find all the details right on the home page, or call 1-800-800-3222 to make your request. But do it right away.

This special double offer will only be available for a couple more days. Again, that's tonyevans.org or by phone, 1-800-800-3222. Most people don't think of the workplace as a spiritual environment. But God does. Tomorrow, Dr.

Evans explains how our attitude, integrity, and work ethic can reflect heaven's values no matter what job we do. Right now, he's back with these closing words about the family. God has a paradigm, a heavenly paradigm for your family. Nehemiah 4:14 says it best fight for your family. No matter what happened yesterday, you fight for your family.

And if you've not fulfilled your biblical role, you have not fought for your family. If you can't point out a consistent pattern of wives honoring the husbands and husbands loving the wives and parents encouraging and not discouraging the children, children obeying the parents, if you can't show that, Then there's no grounds for divorce. There's no grounds for splitting up. There's grounds for let's get this consistent pattern going. That's the grounds.

We got people want to give up when they've never started it right. They've never fulfilled Heaven's description for the family. And when you do it heaven's way, then heaven will help the home.