Classic Comedy - Sage Advice

The world's philosophers and theologians had gathered for a summit, Mike, and held dramatically enough on the sum of an actual mountain everyone was having a great time mingling together discussing the great philosophical and theological questions of the day, when rumors started to swirl about that there was one particular holy man who had joined the day's festivities, these secrets of the most puzzling social and personal issues of their disciplines. Obviously intrigued, several of the attendees approached the old sage, who was seated cross-legged on a small mat and engaged him in conversation. Excuse us, sir, but we have heard great stories about your accomplishments. Are these tales true? Have you found the answers to the questions of peace, love, and bliss?

said the crowd. Of course, the sage replied, Well, my children, these questions are not as difficult to answer as one might think. For example, let us discuss the question of bliss. Surely a life of bliss seems a complicated and lofty goal, but is one that can actually be achieved by a simple change in diet. A change in diet?

What do you mean? The crowd asked. The sage responded, Many years ago, I tried to achieve a state of bliss by trying many different foods from all over the world. After several months, I noticed that a consistent diet of asparagus led me to a closer life of bliss than any other food. Asparagus, my children, is how one may achieve bliss. The crowd stood stunned, but eventually replied, Asparagus, what does it have to do with it? At the exact same moment, the skies opened up and there was a torrential dau pour of rain, and people ran to and fro, the entire group gathering out, got completely soaked.

There was no shelter from the mountain. And just as quickly as it started, however, the rain stopped and the sun came back out to shine. And as everyone was recovering from this sudden drenching attention, they were drenched. The attention turned once again to the sage, who had actually sat right out there in front of the whole time in the storm, but was conspicuously bone dry. Surely the stories must be true. You must be a very holy man to have weathered this rain untouched. Share with us your secrets, cried the crowd. And the cow. The sage motioned for them to come closer, raised one finger as he spoke, and the answer, my children, is very simple. This is the awning of the sage of Asparagus.