I got sent home from school one day with a shiner on my eye. Fighting was against the rules and it didn't matter why. When dad got home, I told that story. Just like I rehearsed. Convinced of their own On those trembling knees.
Waited for the worst. And he said, let me tell you a secret about a father's love. Secret that my daddy said just between us He said daddies don't just love their Children. Every now and then It's a love without end, Amen It's a love without end, Amen When I became a father in the spring of 81 There wasn't no doubt. That stubborn boy was just like my father's son.
And when I thought my patience had been tested to the end, I took my daddy's secret. And I passed it on to him. I said let me tell you a secret about a father's love A secret that my daddy said was just between us. Said daddies don't just love their children. Every now and then it's a love without end It's a love without in name last night I dreamed I died and stood outside the Pearly games.
When suddenly I I realize there must be some mistake. If they know half the things I've done, they'll never let me in And then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again And they said let me tell you a secret about a father's love A secret that my daddy said was just between us You see, daddies don't just love their Children. Every now and then it's a love without his name. Amen. It's a love without his name.
Amen. Well, I'd like to thank George Strait for being with us today. What do you think? You bet. And um Yeah, it's good song.
And also, thank him for reminding us of what some wonderful things are that godly dads do in this Father's Day. That's what we want to talk about. And if you've got a Bible, I want you to open it to Luke chapter 15. We're going to be coming there in just a minute. Luke chapter 15, but you might say, you know, I'm not a father.
So, really, what am I doing here today? Let me say, however, that I think we've got a little bit for everybody this morning. First of all, if you're here and you're a young man, you're not a father yet, I'm going to try to paint you a picture today of what you're aiming to be, the target you're shooting for when you become a dad. If you're here and you're a wife or a grandparent, I'm going to try to paint a picture of what we want to try to pray your husband, your son, or your son-in-law into being. And if you're here and you're a young lady and you haven't picked out a husband yet, I'm going to try to paint you a picture of the kind of man you're looking for, at least in part, to be the father for your children.
So I kind of think we got a little bit for everybody today. And we want to talk about some things that. Godly dads do.
Now, godly dads do a lot of things. I've only picked four to talk about today, but I think these are the most important four. And so we're going to dig in. I hope it'll be something that'll challenge all of us. It was a challenge to me as I wrote this.
Number one, godly dads are men who love their children unconditionally. You know, I've been in full-time Christian ministry for over 20 years, and I've counseled, I don't know, hundreds, maybe thousands of people in that time. And I've come to a conclusion about what is the number one cause of human dysfunctionality. And that, what I believe is the number one cause is when people are loved with conditional love, especially by their dads.
Now, conditional love simply means that when we perform correctly, we get loved. And when we perform incorrectly, we get love withheld. And all of us as dads are prone to do this. We're all just kind of wired this way. I'm not sure why.
But you know, your kid hits a home run, and on the way. Home, you stop and buy him a milkshake. The kid strikes out three times in the same game, and it's a very quiet car on the way home.
Well, we do the same thing when it comes to grades and piano recitals and the way our children do chores and the way they dress. But you see, a godly dad rises above this. A godly dad understands the power of unconditional love. A godly dead is a man who, as the song says, shows his children love without end. Amen.
Now, one of the greatest examples of this kind of dad anywhere is found right here in the Bible in Luke chapter 15, where I ask you to turn. Here we have the story that Jesus tells of the prodigal son, but this is also a wonderful story about the prodigal son's father. Let's remind ourselves of what happened here. Verse 11: There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, Father, give me my share of the estate.
So his father did so. Not long after that, the younger son set off for a distant country and squandered all of his wealth in wild living. Verse 30 tells us prostitutes were part of this.
Well, when the boy finally came to his senses and decided to take the risk and return home, I want you to see what the dad did. Verse 20. While the boy was a long way off, his father saw him and ran to meet his son. Then the father threw his arms around his son and kissed him.
Now, friends, in doing this, this father was trying to send a message to his son. And the message very simply was this: Son, you can't mess up badly enough for me to stop loving you.
Son, you can't do anything nasty or wrong enough that it'll stop me from loving you. May I take a moment here and say that if you're here today and you've never trusted Christ as your real and personal Savior, oftentimes what gets in the way of people making a U-turn in their life and turning around and approaching Jesus Christ to give their life to Him is that they're a little bit afraid of the reception they're going to receive. You know, I've met people who have said, Gosh, after the things that I've done, after the things that I've been involved with, after some of the things that have crossed my path, I mean, I don't really think God wants me back. I'm not really sure what kind of reception I would get if I turned around and asked God to take me back.
Well, let me just put you at ease. The kind of reception you would get is the exact kind of reception this boy got. God, in this passage, is meant to be a picture of our Heavenly Father. And friend, it doesn't matter where you've been, what you've done, what you've said, makes no difference. When we turn around and come home to God, we always find Him with His arms out and ready to run to us and love us and hug us and kiss us.
And welcome us home. This is the love of God as expressed through Jesus Christ. There is nothing you and I can do that will stop God from loving us through Jesus Christ.
Now, godly dads understand this and they try to extend this same love to their children. They may not like their children's choice of clothes or hairstyle. They may not like the music they listen to or all the friends they hang around with. They may not like, as their children get older, their politics or their career choice or the automobile they drive, but they don't put conditions on their love. They're always sending a message to these children: I don't love you, because we always agree.
And I don't love you because you always get it right. I love you because you're mine. I love you because you're mine. And you can't do anything. There is nothing in this world you can do that'll cause me to stop loving you.
Now, as dads, let's remember: if you and I are never able to give our children. a room of their own, a car of their own, all the clothes they want, or send them to the college of their choice, you know what? They're not going to grow up and be all the worse for it.
So long as we love these children the way God called us to love them. You say, but Lon, that's not easy. I mean, in the heat of the battle, sometimes it's hard to remember this.
Well, friends, let me tell you, I've raised three male children, and I understand the heat of the battle. I do. I've been there. But that's when we've got to ask God, God, don't help me miss the opportunity in the heat of the battle to communicate this message to my children. I remember back in 1986, My son Jamie was nine years old, and he and I and our family, we went to a singles retreat and I spoke.
And after I spoke, the last day we had lunch, the whole family with them, and then we were going to leave and come home. And I'll never forget what we had for lunch. We had pizza, We had uh salad with French dressing. We had chocolate pudding.
Now I love chocolate pudding. I remember that chocolate pudding to this day. We had coffee and tea and lemonade and all that. And so my son Jamie had a retainer at the time, and he took his retainer out and ate.
So we're getting ready about an hour later to get in the car and drive home, and he says to me, Hey, Dan. He says, I can't find my retainer.
So I gave him the classic dad response. What do you mean you can't find your retainer? He said, Well, it's not in my mouth. I don't know what happened to it. I said, well, where did you last see it?
He said, well, I took it out and rolled it up in a napkin to eat, and that's the last time I saw it.
So I said, come with me, son.
So we walked on back up to the kitchen area at this camp. Everything was clean. The tables were just spotless. And the lady took us out back and showed us this huge trash bag. I mean, you could see through it.
It was plastic, and you could see what was inside. And she said, you're welcome to go through it if you want.
Well, you know, retainers are expensive. I don't know if you know this, but to replace a retainer is hundreds and hundreds of dollars. But I looked inside that trash bag, and inside of there was cold pizza. and limp lettuce. all swimming around in French dressing and chocolate pudding.
and lemonade and coffee grounds. And I stood there for a minute. He said, What'd you do?
Well, friends, just let me tell you something. I may be saved, but I'm still Jewish. You understand what I'm saying? I said, Jamie. Pull up your sleeves, son.
We're going in.
Okay.
Okay.
And we went in up to our elbows, friends. I'm serious, and three-quarters of the way through, we found that retainer. Yes, we did. You bet. Yeah.
Now listen. While we were elbow deep in this trash, I suddenly realized God had given me an incredible teaching moment. I suddenly r I looked at my son's face and he was about ready to cry. Because he was so upset, you know, he felt like such a failure, and he felt like he'd let me down. And here I am on my knees going through this trash bag with him.
And I realized: man, I got a teaching moment here with this boy. And I'll never forget looking up and saying to him, Jamie, I want to tell you something. If we never find that retainer, it's okay. I can buy another retainer. But I want you to know something.
It won't change how I love you one bit.
Son, I love you a lot more than I love a retainer.
Now, you know, if you had a dad like that, you ought to rise up every day and call that man blessed. And if you didn't. No really. And if you didn't have a dad like that, because I didn't have a dad like that, Then, what I'm here to tell you is, just because we didn't have dads like that doesn't mean we got to pass that curse on to our children. With Jesus Christ in our life, we can change that cycle.
With Jesus Christ in our life, we can start loving our children differently than we were loved, and we can teach them how to unconditionally love their children, who will unconditionally love their children to the third and fourth generation. Amen, love without end. We can do that. And, guys, above everything else, this is what I believe is the primary thing godly dads are called to do, and that is love their children unconditionally with the same kind of love that Jesus Christ loves us.
Now the second thing Is that godly dads, second of all, are men who love their children enough to discipline them? As we all know, the NBA Championship just ended. And just out of curiosity, I want to take a little poll here. How many of you during the NBA Championship are rooting for the Lakers? Raise your hand.
Uh-huh. How many of you guys were rooting for the Nets? How many of you guys could have cared less who won that ball game? All right, well, that's so far that's won in every single service. But you know, of course, the Lakers won.
And whenever you think of the L.A. Lakers, who do you think of? You think of Shaq, Shaquille O'Neal. This is a big man. Shaquille O'Neal is 7 feet 1 inch tall.
He weighs 310 pounds. He wears a size 20 shoe. This is a big man. And you know, Shaquille growing up had a very unusual father. He had a good father, his dad's name was Philip.
And Philip had an enormous impact on this boy's life. In fact, in game one of the Western Conference semifinals, this year they were playing the San Antonio Spurs. If you remember, Shaquille went up to dunk the ball and ripped his index finger up, caught it on the basket, had to go to the training room. This was in the third quarter. They had to numb his hand, put three stitches in his finger, and he was out the whole third quarter, most of the fourth quarter.
And the Lakers began to fall behind and lose by a lot. And all of a sudden, let me read you what happened. Shaq said this in the paper, and I quote: He said, I wasn't sure I'd be able to come back at all. My fingers were pretty numb. Then suddenly the phone rang in the trainer's room.
It was my father. He said, Shaquille, get yourself back on that course. Can you believe that? And he did. He went out and scored 13 points in the closing minutes of the fourth quarter, and they won the ball game.
This is an unusual dad. And you know, his dad, Philip. Was a career military man, a non-commissioned officer in the Army for his career, and he believed in discipline. He was not afraid to confront his children. He didn't care what size they were.
Shaquille tells the story in Parade magazine. He said, Once we were living on an Army base and I was eight, I pulled a fire alarm on the base my dad had told me never to mess with.
Well, the MPs caught me and hauled me into their station. Then they called my dad.
So my dad came walking into the station holding one of those racquetball paddles. And the bad news was there was no racquetball court anywhere nearby. Philip, they said, one of the MPs said, if you use that racket on your son, we're going to arrest you right here where you stand. My dad said, well, then you better start filling out the paperwork because I'm going to tear his behind up. And he did.
Shaq said and he did.
Well, you know the story's got a happy ending. Listen to what Shaq said. He said, after I signed my first MBA contract for $40 million. I drove up to my parents' house in a brand new black Mercedes, and I gave the keys to my dad. I wanted to really thank this man whom I love and who did the most for me.
Now you see, Shaquille O'Neal grew to understand something. He grew up to understand that dads who really love their children discipline their children. And here's the interesting dynamic. Those children then grow up to love the dads who did that to them. Because you see, friends, this is the Bible.
The Bible tells us that a good father has to be a confrontational father. We're not talking about brutality here. We're not talking about physical abusiveness here. We are talking about consistent, godly, confrontational discipline and correction. See, this relates to my theory of raising children.
Raising children is nothing more than civilizing wild animals. That's how I see it. And if you're going to civilize a wild animal, you've got to get in the cage with them, and you've got to confront them. And the Bible tells us that correction is a major part of our fatherly responsibility. Proverbs 23:13, do not withhold correction from your child.
Even though you punish him with the battle, he shall not die.
Now, he may. He may sound like he's going to die, and she may want you to think she's going to die. Nobody's going to die. Proverbs 22, 15, foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from them. Proverbs 29, 15, the rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
You know, I look around today and I see all of these men and women in industry and everywhere else doing things that disgrace their parents. And I say, why is this happening?
Well, the Bible tells us why. It's because when they were growing up, they didn't have dads who disciplined them. And you know, friend, the Bible is full of examples of men who were godly men but horrible dads. One of the great examples is King David. David may have been a great king, but he was a terrible father.
One of his own sons, Adonijah, grew up to mutiny against his dad when his dad was on his deathbed. But I'll tell you why the son grew up like that. Listen to what the Bible says about how David raised him. 1 Kings 1. David, his father, had never interfered with his son Adonijah by asking him, why do you behave as you do?
He said, David never asked him that. That's what the Bible says. No wonder the boy grew up to be a disaster.
Now, listen, let's be honest. It takes a lot of energy to discipline children. It's stressful, it's exhausting, it's demanding, it's a whole lot easier to come home at night and flop in a chair, turn on the television, and go, oh, whatever. But, friends, the parents who go, oh, whatever, are the ones who have children grow up to disgrace you when they become adults. We have a responsibility as dads to pay the price in time, energy, stress and exhaustion to confrontationally and lovingly discipline our children.
That's what godly dads do. Number three. Godly dads are men who help their children achieve their God-given destiny. See, Psalm 37, verse 4 says, Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. What this means is, as a person is walking with God, God implants in their heart desires, dreams that fit with His perfect plan for that child's life.
Now, I believe that God has a perfect plan for every one of my children's lives. I believe He has the same perfect plan for every one of your children's lives. And that as they walk with God, God puts a dream in their heart, He puts an aspiration in their heart to draw them in the direction of that plan that He's got for them. One of our jobs as godly dads is to come alongside our children and assist them in achieving the destiny that God has for every one of them. How do we do that?
Number one, we do it by listening to their dreams. We've got to hear what they're dreaming. And second of all, we do it by coming alongside them and doing everything in our power to help them reach those goals. We try to be spiritual partners to them, spiritual enablers to them. If our child says, I believe God wants me to go into music, then we get them piano lessons and we get them music lessons and we send them to Peabody Conservatory.
If our child says, I want to be a dancer for God, then we get them ballet lessons and we get them dance lessons, whatever it is. We send them to camps, we get them skill training, we get them into the right seminars, the right programs, the right schools, we pray with them. to that end.
Now, guys, in order to do this as dads, this presupposes that we're emotionally in touch with our children. This presupposes we're emotionally connected to our children that we know what they're dreaming. I mean, how in the world are we going to be partners in helping our children achieve their God-given destiny if they're strangers to us and we don't even know what they're thinking? We don't even know what they're dreaming.
Well, the answer is it's impossible. If we're just two ships that pass in the night in our home, we're never going to help our children get there. And let me tell you something else. Your children want to tell you what their dreams are. They're dying to tell you what their dreams are.
If you and I will only slow down long enough to listen and be interested. I mean, when was the last time you took one of your children out to breakfast? When was the last time you took one of your children out putt-putting? When was the last time you took one of your sons out for a boys' night out and dinner? Or you took one of your daughters out on a date and went to a movie and to get ice cream or whatever.
And you sat down and asked them a few questions about themselves, and then you shut up. And you listened. When was the last time you did that? Friend, you can't help a stranger achieve their dreams. Number four, and finally, Godly dads are men.
who let their children know who they are. You know, Reba McIntyre wrote a song about her dad. I'm not sure it really she dedicated it to him. I don't think it was a great honor. Because the title of the song was The Greatest Man I Never Knew.
And many of us have dads just like that. I have a dad just like that. You know, my dad lived and died, came and went, and left virtually nothing of himself with me. You know, my dad went to the very same high school in Portsmouth, Virginia, that I went to, a few years separated, obviously. I don't know a thing about his high school life.
Don't know one story from when he was in high school. My dad served in the Army in World War II. Don't know anything about his Army career. He never told me. My dad met my mom, started a business, built our first house.
I don't know anything about any of those experiences. He never told me. I don't know anything about my grandparents. His parents, they died before I was six. He never sat around and talked about them.
My dad came and went and left virtually nothing with me. And some of us, as I said, had dads just like that.
Well, I maintain that's not how godly dads do it. I maintain that godly dads give a piece of themselves to their children that their children can hold on to and carry with them and pass on to their children. A godly dad opens up his life to his children emotionally. He tells them stories about his successes. He tells them stories about his failures.
He tells them how he feels about things. He tells them stories about his life before they were even a dream, before they were even in the pipeline. He tells them about his parents and about his grandparents, about the things that made him who he is today, the good things and the bad things. You know, the Bible characters did this. Moses, who wrote down the life of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the book of Genesis, do you realize Moses lived 400 years after Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob?
He said, well, how in the world did he know these stories to write down? Aha, because these men shared their lives with their children. Abraham shared his life with his son Isaac. Isaac shared his life with his son Jacob. And he said not only his life, but the life of his grandfather Abraham.
And Jacob went on and shared it with his children. And they shared it with their children until finally Moses heard it and wrote it down. But see, these people weren't moving a thousand miles an hour like we are in Washington. They had the time to sit around and talk about this stuff.
Well, I think we're moving too fast if we don't have the time to sit around and talk about this. When was the last time, guys, you took one of your children and sat them down, or all of them, and shared about how things were with you in high school? You go, I don't even want to think about that.
Well, okay. But they need to know what happened to you in high school. Give them some heritage. How about sharing with them what happened to you in college? How about talking to them about your military service?
Telling them what your mom was like, what your dad was like, what your grandparents were like. How about talking to them about your feelings, your mistakes, your successes, funny stories out of your life? I mean, if you were to die tonight, my question is: would your children know enough about you to write an intelligent eulogy?
Well, if they wouldn't Then I maintain we're missing the mark as godly dance. Hey, listen. Don't let your child Listen to Reva McIntyre's song, The Greatest Man I Never Knew, and say. That was my dad. We don't want to do that, friends.
Let's summarize, we're done. Four things godly dads do. Number one, godly dads love their children unconditionally. Number two, godly dads love their children enough to to discipline them. Number three, godly dads help their children achieve their God given destiny.
They know what that destiny is and they're there as partners with their kids. And number four, godly dads let their children know who they really are. You say, well, Lana, I hear what you're saying, but you know what? To do this the way you're talking about is going to take a lot of time. It's going to take a lot of energy.
It's going to take a lot of work. What I want to know as a dad is, what's in it for me? Excuse me? What's in it for me? I mean, if I take all this time to do this with my children, my golf game's going to suffer.
My tennis game is going to suffer. I'm going to miss a lot of ER in the West Wing on television.
So, what's in it for me?
Well My answer to that is: if you are one of those dads who are willing to put out this kind of effort, you might just get a birthday card like this one day, and this will be your reward. I got this in 1999 from my son, the Retainer King. You remember him? Jamie, right after he graduated from the Naval Academy for my birthday, here's what he wrote: He said, Dan, I'm sorry, I know this card is a few days late, but I thought that it was important that you sit down and read how great a dad you are and how much I love you. I guess with my graduation from the Naval Academy, my time under your supervision is officially over.
You want to make sure I knew that. But I want you to know how great of a job I think you've done raising me as my father. I never lacked any love or affection when you were around, and I am just now understanding how important that was in shaping my personality today. You always tell me what a great kid I am, but much of that is the result of the excellent job you did as my father. I love you, Jamie.
Friends, if that's not enough reward for you, I don't know what I can tell you. But you know what? When I got this card, I said, God, my golf game stinks, my tennis game stinks, and I don't watch a whole lot of television, but I don't care. I don't care. This is what it's all about to be a dad.
And if you're a good dad, you're a godly dad, and you ask Jesus to help you, one of these days you're going to get a card like this and you're going to say, you know what? Every bit of the time I put in was worth it. May God help us do that. One last thing: it's never too late to start, fellas. You say, Yeah, my children are grown.
So what?
Well, I got children in their 20s and 30s.
Well, so what? You know what? Those children would love to hug you. They would love to kiss you. They'd love to forgive you.
They'd love to start over if you had enough humility and courage to go ask them. It's never too late to start.
So, I don't care whether your child is 5 or 35, it doesn't make a bit of difference. You want to be a godly dad, and you go tell them, even if you have to start with an apology, I'm here to tell you there's not a child I ever met who won't embrace that and say, okay, let's start now. May God help us do that. Let's pray. Lord Jesus, you know, in our world today it's hard to be a dad.
We've got people all over the world clamoring, yelling for our attention and our time. And Lord, you know they yell loud. and they yell vociferously. And our children who are five and eight and ten years old, they can't yell like that. They don't know the language.
They can't say to us, If you don't spend time with me now and do what God calls you to do now, you're going to grow up and regret this, and so am I. They can't say that. Lord, we need to have the wisdom to appreciate that. Help us understand that when it comes to who's yelling at us, it's really an inverted pyramid. The people yelling the loudest usually are.
Are the least priority. And the people who are quiet, like our family, they're the greatest priority. If there are men here who need to make a course correction, I pray that you would give us the courage to do that. If there are men here who need to go to children and say, I'm sorry, I let you down. I failed you to this point.
But with God's help, I want to start over. Can you forgive me? Lord, give them the courage to do that. and make us the kind of dads that not only you want us to be, but that our children in this world so desperately need us to be. And we pray these things in Jesus' name.
Amen.
