Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. The Bible gives us many principles to make marriage work. It also has examples of people whose marriages were failures. Samson's love life was a rocky road. Today, a look at a great man's shortcomings and how we can avoid his pitfalls.
Stay with us for more of We've Been Down This Road Before. From the Moody Church in Chicago, this is Running to Win with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Pastor Lutzer, the choice of a marriage partner is perhaps the most crucial choice we can make.
Yes, indeed. The choice of a marriage partner, I always say, is number two in terms of the decisions that we make. Number one would be to receive Jesus Christ as our Savior. But even as I'm speaking now, I realize that there are many people who are listening who may be in trouble with their marriage. And we here at Running to Win try to provide a variety of programs to help people, no matter what difficulty they are in, to be faithful all the way to the finish line. If you ask me the question, Pastor Lutzer, what is it that gives you the most enthusiasm for this ministry?
It would be the many different languages in which Running to Win is now available. And one of those is Arabic. And since I'm speaking about marriage, I'm holding in my hands a letter from an Arabic listener who says, I was wondering about the issues in my marriage, but Dr. Lutzer's words hit me to the core.
And I'm now working with my wife and listening together to the episodes. Now that happens because of people just like you. And at the end of this month, which is just two or three days away, it's the end of our fiscal year. And any gift that you give will be doubled. What an opportunity to make an investment in the lives of thousands of people in different parts of the world. At the end of this broadcast, I'm going to be giving you some contact info.
For now, let us listen carefully. Samson is an interesting man because he was a man with two hearts. He's a man on whom the Holy Spirit of God came mightily, but also a man who often lived according to the flesh.
He was a man of God who pursued trivia, the complexity of his personality. Today, we're going to talk about his marriage. And we're going to talk about marriage for first of all, there are many of us who may be here today. Some of you who are here, many of you who are here who, who are not yet married and Samson has a lot to teach you regarding what not to do so we can learn from him negatively. That's why this message is entitled a marriage that is doomed to fail.
Never yet met a couple that said, you know, our great desire is to be purely miserable in our marriage. You know, the day we get together and we have this lovely ceremony, we're committed to misery, but you find out that there are many miserable marriages because they didn't look at Samson. And then there are those of us who are married, thankfully happily married on the part of some of us, including me, I'm here, but also going through perhaps you are today, some struggles and Samson will give us some, some information there too.
He will also teach us how to react and how to have our lives changed. That also we will find in the text. What we'd like to do today is to look at five mistakes that Samson made in his married life. Five mistakes that he made in his marriage and the story is found in Judges chapter 14. Judges chapter 14. I meant to say that it's often said, you know, that marriage is like flies on a screen door.
Those who are in want out and those that are out want in. The 14th chapter of Judges. Five mistakes in his marriage.
Let's look at them very quickly. First of all, we read in 14 verse one, first five words, Samson went down to Timna. What a world of meaning in that phrase. Mistake number one, he went to the wrong place. He went to the wrong place. The Bible says that he went down to Timna. Why did he go down? He went down geographically because Timna was on the other side of the Sorek Valley. Back in 1968, some of us were in Israel and we went through the Sorek Valley by train and I have some idea in my mind and memory as to what that's like and he went down into the valley and then just up a little bit and there was Timna. But it's not just that he went down geographically.
He also went down spiritually. Timna, that was where the enemies were. That was where you have the Philistines. They were in Timna of all things and he was supposed to be confronting them. He was supposed to be fighting them but what does Samson do?
He is going to be in league with them. What's he doing in Timna? He's looking out and checking out all the hot spots.
He's looking at all the ladies. He's in Timna because he's full of curiosity and he really wonders what Timna is like and in those five words and Samson went down to Timna. In those words, you could almost say that he was going to trip a series of dominoes that were going to have consequences well beyond him and you can almost predict disaster would be equivalent to saying and he went down to Rush Street and you say oh my or he went down to where drugs were sold or he went down into the saloon, the beer parlor and you know all the implications from there on. So Samson went to the wrong place. Listen, there are some of you whose feet are taking you to the wrong place by the way.
Stay away from those places where you know you're going to be tempted to sin, where you know you're being led away and you're doing it simply because you want to be tempted and you're saying in your heart no I'm going to be able to say no but you don't know that you're going to be able to resist the temptation because you're putting yourself in a place that is the devil's playground. He went to the wrong place. Secondly, I want you to notice that he went there for the wrong reason. Let's pick up the text and read it and he saw a young Philistine woman. Now there is a verb to underline he saw a young Philistine woman. When he returned he said to his father and mother I have seen a Philistine woman in Timna now get her for me as my wife. Well how well did he know her? He goes back to his parents and he says I saw this woman now here's the problem he says if I stay in Israel the Israelite girls they're not as exciting because they're rather prudish they believe in the ten commandments and all that other stuff.
These Philistine gals they really have a different perspective they really know how to have a good time and furthermore they are so much more beautiful. So he tells his parents those days you had to tell your parents great idea we wish it were still true today. His father and his mother replied in verse three isn't there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all of our people must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?
And of course Samson said oh mom and dad I realize that you're so right. I hadn't thought of that as a matter of fact I was walking one day past a vineyard and I noticed that in Mr. Mishpat's vineyard there was a very beautiful young Jewish woman maybe I'll get her as wife it's a great idea mom and dad. Oh don't you wish it's a conversation that has happened I suppose in almost every Christian home. Why are you dating that guy can't you go to church and find a nice Christian boy to date? I mean all these nice Christian guys in Sunday school and in the youth group and you want to date this guy that you met in a bowling alley who's got a ring in his tongue. Why can't you find somebody who's decent and of course the kid says oh mom and dad I just want you to know I appreciate your wisdom on this point so much. Of course I'll go to church and find me a decent guy.
Oh yeah. Love does not follow logic. Hormones are not subject to rationality. Samson said the very first words out of his mouth when his parents made that suggestion he said to the father get her for me one translation says she looks good to me. Now at this point he didn't know her name he didn't know where her family he didn't know his her father her mother he didn't know her birth order he didn't know if he was marrying a firstborn or lastborn I suggest before you marry you figure that one out. He didn't know whether she could cook he didn't even know whether she knew how to pronounce the word kosher. You know he he didn't he just said she she looks good to me get her for me for wife.
Wow. Talk about a flimsy relationship underline that little word saw in the text he saw her that's all that mattered. So the second mistake was he went for the wrong reason the third mistake is he chose the wrong woman he married the wrong woman.
Now if this ever was a mismatch and a bad match you'll see that this is a real disaster. He took his parents along the way to see her god bless him and along the way the bible says that a lion came toward him. Now his parents must have been either behind him or ahead of him because they weren't together at the time and the bible says that Samson the spirit of the lord verse six came upon him with power and he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat but he didn't tell his father and his mother and he just left the carcass there and walked on.
Wow. Later on he comes back and there's honey in the carcass because some bees have gotten into it and he takes the honey for himself he gives it to his parents but he doesn't tell them where he got the honey from why because of humility. I don't think that Samson would have passed the grade on humility unless he was the author of the book that you've heard about humility and how I attained it. It's often said you know this 16 page booklet comes complete with 12 full-size color photos of the author.
Other books by the same title and the same author include 10 famous men who meant me and three US presidents I counseled. That I think would be the kind of humility that Samson would have. I think he didn't tell his parents because he wasn't supposed to touch a dead body and in getting that honey he was touching the carcass and he didn't want them to know because he had a Nazarite vow and he was skirting very close to the edge and was beginning to break the rules.
So what happens is he takes his parents and his parents meet the young lady and for the first time he met her and it says in verse 7 he went down and talked with a woman and he liked her. There was that chemistry and apparently she liked him and so they decide to have a huge wedding feast that lasts seven days. I have to pause here for a moment and I have to tell you that a most magnificent wedding, most beautiful wedding in the world will never possibly make up for a miserable marriage. I remember knowing about and knowing the parties who participated in a wedding that cost $50,000.
Now that might not seem like a lot of money to some of you but I think that's big bucks, huge bucks. And the marriage only lasted about six months. There is a pastor who evidently got a letter from a bridegroom after the high and moon he wrote thank you so much for having a such a beautiful ceremony that forever ended my happiness. So all that to say that seven days of revelry and rejoicing could not make up for the fact that this was a disastrous wedding. Now what should he have been doing? Well he should have been getting to know his wife. He should have been talking to her and and trying to establish a home. He should have been relating to her. They were thrown together obviously.
They didn't know each other. He should have been asking questions about her God versus his God and how they were going to work out the religion thing but he's not doing that. He chose the wrong woman.
Let's hurry on. He also focused on the wrong things. He focused on the wrong things. Now the story is here in Judges 14 and I'm not going to read it all to you but I'm just going to tell you about it. Samson loved riddles and you'll notice in verse 14 he said let's make an agreement. That's the context in which he said if you guess this riddle I will give each of you. He had 30 attendants. 30 young men were given to him among the Philistines as his attendants and he said I will give each of you a linen undergarment to wear and a set of outer garments to each of you 30 if you guess this riddle. If you don't guess it you have to give me 30 changes of raiment. I don't know what Samson was going to do with all that. I guess he was going to talk his mom and dad into making a walk-in closet so that he could hang all of them there and say these are all of my clothes.
So that's the agreement. Now the riddle is this verse 14 out of the eater something to eat out of the strong something sweet. Well these guys of course they couldn't guess that. If you didn't know what happened previously there'd be no way that you could really figure out what that is all about and then suddenly they turn nasty. Have you ever had really nice people become really really belligerent and begin to play hardball? They go to the bride and they say to her on the fourth day verse 15 they said to Samson's wife coax your husband into explaining the riddle to us or we will burn you and your father's household to death. Did you invite us here to rob us?
How? We don't see a whole lot of happiness right here at this point. So they go to her and they tell her you'd better find out the secret of the riddle and so in verse 16 and this is so true to human nature isn't it? The wife has the ability to be able to manipulate and to get from the husband all that she wants. Here it is verse 16 Samson's wife threw herself on him sobbing. You hate me. You don't really love me. You've given me my people a riddle but you haven't told me the answer.
Oh that's a bad way to start a marriage. So Samson tells her and she tells the guys and so Samson loses the battle and what does he have to do? He loses the riddle game and so now he has to find 30 garments to keep his promise and it says in verse 19 then the spirit of the lord came upon him in power and he went down to Ashkelon and struck down 30 of their men stripped them of their belongings and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle.
I suppose if they were thinking they were going to get new clothes they were mighty surprised. These were in the used department and so Samson gives them to them. Did he touch dead bodies to get these clothes off the Philistines? Very probably again violating the Nazarite vow but by now Samson was living according to different rules. He thought that he'd be able to get by. He focused on the wrong things. He was focusing on riddles instead of his relationship. He was thinking about a good time instead of godliness.
I mean this man was no more prepared for marriage than some people are today who walk down to the altar. Notice he went to the wrong place. He went for the wrong reason. He married the wrong woman.
He focused on the wrong things and he has a wrong response when his marriage did not work out and it didn't work out. It says that he went home burning with anger. This is verse 19 and he went up to his father's house verse 20 and Samson's wife was given to the friend who had attended him at his wedding.
She was married to his best man. Well folks what do you think of that? What does Samson say in this context? Does he say you know it is time for me to thoroughly deal with some issues in my life?
I've got some issues that I need to work through here because I was disobedient to god and this whole thing has just been an unmitigated disaster. Now that's not what he says. Chapter 15 he wants to get even with the Philistines because he goes back and discovers that the father the bride had given his daughter to somebody else namely his best man and so he becomes angry and the Bible says he catches 300 foxes and he ties their tails together and then he lights them and he sends them through the barley fields of the Philistines.
What kind of a game is that that he's playing? But this is Samson you say well could that really be true? Yeah he might have caught them over a period of time and you have to remember that Samson was superhuman in his strength. He was indeed. He was not the guy who took the Charles Atlas course and got double his money back like somebody I know.
I mean this was the real deal. What I'd like us to do now is to bring this down to where we live and to help us to understand what's going on in the text and what's going on in our own lives. I'd like to give you three lessons. First of all keep in mind this it is possible to be used of the spirit follow this carefully it's possible to be used to the spirit and still not be controlled by the spirit. Let me ask you something given the vanity and the sinfulness of Samson's life are you surprised that it says in verse 6 the spirit of the Lord came upon him in power so that he tore the lion and then it says again in verse 19 then the spirit of the Lord came upon him in power and he went down to Ashkelon and struck down 30 men. Are you surprised at the fact that Samson has the mighty power of God upon his life and yet he acts in such an immature disobedient way. Let's keep something in mind you know there's a verse of scripture I deliberately omitted a moment ago and some of you probably thought you know what Pastor Luther does when he gets to a difficult verse he skips it. Well I'm sure that I've done that on occasion when you get to a really difficult verse you just pause and make a few comments and then go on on the other side and that's verse 4. You'll notice it says but Samson said to his father the last part of verse 3 get her for me for she is the right one for me she looks good to me parenthesis his parents did not know that this was from the Lord who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines for at that time they were ruling over Israel.
What is going on there in the text? Does that mean that God was approving of Samson's marriage? God was saying yes that's okay Samson go ahead be disobedient go to the Philistines when clearly in the book of Deuteronomy God says thou shall not marry the Philistines thou shall not intermarry with the heathen nations around you Israelites are supposed to marry Israelites and now God is approving the breaking of his own word?
I don't think so. What the parents didn't know is that God was going to override this foolish decision that was being made to use Samson to punish the Philistines who were having a great impact in Israel but it does not approve or condone Samson's disobedience and that's so good to know and I'm sure that there were times when the Holy Spirit of God came upon Samson in fact we're going to find that especially in his relationship to Delilah where the Spirit of God comes upon him and he becomes the mighty man and he picks up the posts of the city and he carries them away and and he can do whatever he like and it seems as if God is always on his side God is always working for him despite his silliness. There's a lesson to be learned here when I speak about this distinction between having the Holy Spirit of God give you ability and being controlled by the Spirit. There's something that we must keep in mind that the the blessing of God should not be confused with the approval of God.
Think that through. There are times when God may bless someone even though God does not approve of their actions. You would be surprised at some of the people whom God sometimes uses. By the way have you ever noticed that God sometimes uses some people that we wouldn't use if we were God? Have you ever been surprised at whom God uses?
Big shock of course is that he uses any one of us. Well you know isn't that true God only has imperfect people to use but thank God for any opportunity we have to serve in his vineyard. Whether it's a large opportunity whether it's small whether or not it's noticed or not together we are working in the kingdom. Well today is Thursday and at the end of this month it's the end of our fiscal year and we are making once again this opportunity available to you. We realize that not all of you may be able to contribute but for those of you who can if you are to pray about this ministry God may show you that you are able to help us. Here's what you can do go to rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337.
Did I mention that any gift that is sent in between now and the end of this month will be doubled? So here's what you do go to rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. Thanks to you the gospel is going forth in 50 different countries seven different languages including Arabic all the way through the Middle East. Once again go to rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337.
You can write to us at Running to Win 1635 North LaSalle Boulevard Chicago Illinois 60614. Pastor Erwin Lutzer has brought part one of Samson a marriage doomed to fail. The 10th of 12 messages taken from the book of Judges all on the topic we've been down this road before. Next time why choosing the wrong partner in marriage can lead to many other bad choices. Thanks for listening for Pastor Erwin Lutzer this is Dave McAllister. Running to Win is sponsored by the Moody Church.
