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November 17, 2020 1:00 am
The family unit is an endangered species. Fractured, stressed, broken, dysfunctional…all these words describe a crisis in society’s most basic unit. This crisis often begins when marriages fail. But what causes these failures?Click here to listen (Duration 25:02)
Marie Morris looking to Jesus phone number for the family and endangered species fractured stress is functional. All these words describe a crisis in society's most basic unit of crisis that begins when marriages fail. Today, a candid look what causes these failures from the Moody Church in Chicago this morning to win with Dr. Erwin Sir is changing helps us make it across the finish line. Estimates are when celebrities split up the tabloids say they had strange merit is that where you're heading in today's message on being miles apart in the same house I think so. That's exactly what I'm talking about their people who lived together, they are under the same roof at their hearts aren't together and as a result of that, there's a tremendous strain and by the way the children very quickly pick up on that are absolutely right Dave.
Our marriages are in trouble and in great need and if there's ever a time when we need these kinds of messages.
I think it is today. Well, Christmas is not that far away. I know that we've not yet celebrated Thanksgiving, but Christmas comes very quickly and if you're like me, and I suspect that you are you absolutely love Christmas music as a matter fact the same carols that bless you. Year after year are available to you in the CD entitled in all of his glory. It's a CD that was recorded here at the Moody church choir and symphony orchestra. It's the kind of CD that will bless you with songs such as sleigh ride Mary did you know in all of his glory all is well. All holy night and others for a gift of any amount. This can be yours.
Here's what you do go to RTW offer.com that's RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 and now let us go to the pulpit of Moody church when again we speak about the foundational unit of society.
Marriage and the family. So what do you think the American family is going to look like in the next century. According to Time magazine.
It will be interracial bisexual divided by divorce multiplied by remarriage. The concept of illegitimate children will vanish, because the nuclear family will have vanished. In fact, the nuclear family that was so popular during the 50s will be thought of as having been abnormal. There will probably be serial monogamy that is one partner at a time, but several partners during a lifetime. You may get married and right into the contract that you're marrying this person your college years and then you have a career and during that period of time you're married to someone else and then you decide to divorce that individual and retire with someone that is compatible.
Finally, and that children will have to divide their affection and their loyalty between stepmothers birth mother's biological father stepparents and neck stepparents. Schools will have to have 24 hour support structures for childcare sanctuary for abuse children may be in Huxley your member presented this in the brave new world, there will actually be baby hatcheries staffed by nurses who will do the rearing for people and then everybody will be free and everybody will be equal and live in on uninterrupted happiness and bliss and that that's exactly what's going to take place, and if Time magazine is anywhere near correct. I'm glad that I'm living in this century and not in the next one because the emotional distress that is going to take place is going to be absolutely devastating and unbelievable and the reason is because God put it in the heart of every little boy that is been born in every little girl is ever been born to have two parents who love the child but who also love each other to give it securities stability and a sense of identity.
Today I speak on the topic miles apart in the same house. Basically a message on communication or the lack of it in our homes and in our own lives.
Why is communication so important. Well there is several reasons.
First of all, because communication is necessary to solve problems. You see, communication can be defined is giving messages both verbally and nonverbally that are understood and received, and the communication solves problems because we need to communicate in this world.
Some people are better communicators than others. On the way down to church this morning. I was trying to think of that statement. I hope I have it correctly. I know that you think you understand what I said but what you heard is not what I meant well. Sometimes we do get into those problems of communication other with someone who is writing a biography on a very important person and this individual's grandfather died in the electric chair at the Sing Sing prison because of a crime that had been committed and the author wanted to put it in the biography but you don't want to just say the front room in the person's reputation so that story was included in the biography, but it was written like this. This person's grandfather occupied the chair of applied electricity in one of America's best known institutions. He was attached to his position and literally died in the harness.
Well, that's 1 Possible Way of saying it. Communication or did you hear about the child. Came home and said to her mother mommy. My teacher said that if I am ever absent again from Sunday school.
She's going to throw me into the furnace mother couldn't believe that the child actually heard correctly but the child insisted. That's what the teacher said so.
The teacher was asking what the teacher said was if your absent one more time I'm going to have to drop you from the register well. Communication communication is important, but there's a second reason why communication is important not only to solve problems, but that is because of the need for harmonious relationships, particularly within the family. We have to have the same kinds of goals. The same kind of vision that shared value is the. The similar beliefs and all of that becomes important to the communication process.
But there's 1/3 reason why I speak about communication today and it is the most important and that is that communication is absolutely necessary for love.
It is impossible to love deeply. Unless you communicate deeply unless there is a sharing of who you are with someone real communication has not occurred, and real love is impossible because it is impossible to love a stranger real genuine love knows the good the bad and the ugly about the other person but still loves them unconditionally, just as they are with the recognition that improvements may have to be made. Of course, not necessarily loving everything they do. But there is a sense in which that person is received and accepted bid and allow no matter what lies beneath the surface that is genuine, true, lasting, unconditional love.
But the problem is that there is very little true communication in our homes and it's not possible to have a happy marriage certainly without communication, and if you were brought up with in a home where there was very poor and bad communication.
You have felt the effects there are some people who say I'm not going to communicate. Except of course on the superficial level, and so the talk becomes very very mundane because there is no real sharing of who that person is. And so what people do is they build structures they put down the foundation they build walls they close up ceiling of their lives and then they put do not disturb sign on the door of their heart like one woman says I'm married to the great stone face all that he does is sit there and read the newspaper and he simply will not communicate.
The problem is you cannot love under those conditions and that's why there are so many frustrated women because women desire communication oftentimes much more than men do, and they desire to communicate and it can work the other way around as well, but unless there is a breaking of those wall that had been so carefully done. There can be no real genuine fulfillment and love. Well, where did all these problems get started. Anyway, why can't we communicate well let's take your Bibles and find out where the whole mess began. Genesis chapter 3 Genesis chapter 3, I am always amazed at how many things all began in Genesis chapter 3 well, you know that Adam and Eve were in the garden and they decided that they would disobey God and we will be commenting on that again next time.
In the message but the eyes of them. Verse seven it says they were opened. This is after. Now they chose to eat of the fruit of the tree that God said they should not eat from.
So sin entered into, and that sin that entered into the world has come, no upon all individuals. The Bible says every single person has been tainted by sin. But notice it says that the eyes of them were opened and they knew that they were naked and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves alloying covering and they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day and the man and his wife themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. What is the first barrier we notice that sin brings to the human family that is not a block communication first barrier is shame. It was not just merely their physical nakedness, but they suddenly became so aware. But along with that.
There was also any emotional and spiritual nakedness, because now they were beginning to feel the guilt of all there's sin.
And so they sewed fig leaves together, and they began to hide from each other and then of course they wanted to hide from God. They had been talking to God in the cool of the day and now God comes along and wants to communicate and Adam and Eve are nowhere to be found. They are hiding behind fig leaves behind some trees in the garden doing all that they possibly can to stay out of sight. The awesome unbelievable power of shame. Nowhere does this shame come from in people's lives today. Some of it comes from their families. If you were brought up in a family where you are slapped and hit beaten or where any expression of sexuality was immediately frowned upon and you were made to feel guilty and shameful. You will grow up with shame and those of you to whom I am speaking and you know exactly what it is that I'm saying if it applies to you. You went to school and you went to college and you felt as if everyone who saw you could see the shame within you wanted to run and hide because to you. It seemed as if everyone was peering beneath the glass surface and they could see it all. Parenthetically, I am just amazed at the foolishness of some parents at how all expressions of sexuality and all normal sexual development among children is not simply accepted with joy and with the recognition that that's the way God created us, rather than with a sense of shame and a sense of guilt and a sense of hiding, but many of you were reared that way. Probably shame that your parents inherited from their parents and it can be debilitating and incredibly destructive. But there's another kind of shame. And that is a shame that people feel is not imposed upon them, but it is derived from their own experiences because they have done this shameful thing. In other many people who have a very very sordid past. They want to keep that past hidden.
That's understandable, and there may be some people who may be doing some very shameful things in the present. They may be committing adultery. They may be secretly addicted to pornography. They may be involved in some kind of bizarre activities, possibly financial improprieties. All kinds of things and and as a result, you see one of the thing is that shame does is it absolutely the year the years exposure.
There are some people whose lives are like that proverbial iceberg. You see only a little bit of it and if you saw what was beneath the surface.
Use some not believe it.
Just think of the disclosures we find in our newspapers sometimes of prominent people and discover what they've been up to and and were shocked, shocked now how do people respond to shame. Well, they become very defensive. Any attempt to pry beneath the surface of their lives.
Any attempt is immediately cut off and that lid is slammed down and now instead of simply being buttoned down. It is nailed down, and if it is a metal lid. It is well down is nobody nobody is gonna find out who they really are and if they are not defenses.
They will also resort to manipulation like the person who whines you don't really trust me, asking me those questions.
Do you you don't trust me. I just think that through with that person is saying is you want to feel guilty for even asking these questions. See, it's your fault it's not mine to protective device and then of course the dishonesty flows very naturally because if you've been living a lie to tell one is no big deal. And so what people do is they maintain that secrecy because if there is anything about shame and it's in credible power is it absolutely low. This law does exposure and so Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden were going along in life. Finding places to hide and that's a barrier to communication.
Second, not just merely shame, but instead says in verses nine and 10 now then the Lord God called to the man and said to him, the where are you, by the way, that's not because God was a little puzzled and said you know Adam and Eve are playing hide and seek, and I I just can't seem to find him known known that God was saying.
I want you to tell me where you are now.
Don't ever think that you can run from God. God can even find you in Chicago. I'm in God. God's just got a network like you wouldn't believe.
Just give it up, give it in the Lord God called to him and said where are you and he said I heard the sound of the in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked so I sell if the first emotion is shame.
The second is fear. What is he fearing is he fearing God, I mean he and God were talking together, they were taking walks in the cool of the day. What's the fear in does he fear his wife.
What is the problem Adam tell us what is Adam fearing is fearing rejection see now that he feels guilty and those that he has violated the laws and the commands of a very holy God.
He is thinking that God is gonna look them in the eye and say Adam, you are going to be banished from my presence forever.
Get out a hair that's what he feared and the other many people who don't communicate because of fear of rejection like a man who told me if my wife really knew I was. She could never love me and so there's a part of him that remains hidden and his wife will never really love him because it's hard to love a stranger and then there are couples who make it difficult for themselves. Like the man who called me from Canada several years ago told me said you know I committed adultery last week. He said I'm simply awash with shame and regret and guilt but he said my wife always told me if you ever committed adultery I want you to know that I will never never forgive you, and you might just as well recognize the fact that if you do that our marriage is over. How does that man try to go to his wife's and be reconciled after such devastation. You see, she probably said it because she thought that this would keep him from adultery. She may be said it because that's the way she felt judgmental, perfectionistic, and I'm not in any way trying to minimize the awful effect of adultery.
Don't misunderstand, but I'm simply saying that how do you take two people and try to get them to communicate when certain rules of been set up by which they say unless you meet my expectations.
There will be no communicate. How do you bring a couple like that together you know if you feel rejected all that you can do is to retreat into the silence of your shame and your grief and your anger and you can live in that terrible terrible private world. It's all you can do or if you really feel rejected. What you can do is what many people do and that is make it impossible for other people to accept them. You've met rejected people and so have I and what they have done to us is they have made demands of us that nobody could ever possibly keep because what they are trying to do is to prove that nobody will love them that everybody will reject them and the minute somebody shows them love they will begin to make demand that will inevitably lead to failure. This is absolutely necessary in the mind of a rejected person and that's why rejected. People sometimes in marriages are so incredibly hard to live with because because they are making demands of their partner that no partner could possibly meet. They are out to prove that nobody really loves them and they will make it is hard on you as they possibly can to prove their point, my friend, this is Pastor Luther. But the good news is eternity is coming. So if you're in a difficult marriage.
I urge you to continue to be faithful in God will bless you and who knows, your partner may actually change what we haven't celebrated Thanksgiving yet but Christmas will be soon after that and you'd like to be able to once again enjoy Christmas music I have in my hands a CD entitled in all of his glory. It was recorded here at the Moody church with the choir and the orchestra a great opportunity to remind us of what Christmas is all about. And if you're like me, you know that, year after year. You want some good Christmas music for gift of any amount. This CD can be yours.
Now I need to say that it has various songs.
Of course that are familiar to you. Songs such as glorious in excelsis deo.
Of course the song also in all of his glory.
These are the kinds of songs that will bless you and I need to say that there's a lot of Christmas music out there, but in my humble opinion, there is nothing like the Christmas music that comes from the Moody church choir and orchestra for gift of any amount. It can be yours. Here is what you do you go to RTW offer.com that's RTW offer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337 make sure that you get this CD well before Christmas so that you can enjoy the music and share with your friends. 1-888-218-9337 you can write to us running to win 1635 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL 60614 running to win is all about helping you understand God's roadmap for your race of life. Adam and Eve tossed Paradise aside when they disobeyed God like them. We manipulate each other to meet our own needs, not realizing that meeting our mates needs is the real key to marital happiness. Next time I'm running to win Erwin looser concludes this series on till death do us part keys to success in marriage will learn that dealing with rejection is a major component in rescuing a failing marriage. This is Dave McAllister running to win is sponsored by the Moody church