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A Listener's Advice to His Son"”Be More Sociable

Our American Stories / Lee Habeeb
The Truth Network Radio
February 11, 2025 3:02 am

A Listener's Advice to His Son"”Be More Sociable

Our American Stories / Lee Habeeb

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February 11, 2025 3:02 am

A young man's journey of self-discovery and growth is sparked by a chance comment from a friend, teaching him the importance of empathy and human connection in overcoming the fear of judgment and finding one's true identity.

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Including your stories. Send them to our American stories dot com. That's our American stories dot com. And our next story comes from our regular contributor Kent Nurburn. Kent is the author of letters to my son of father's wisdom on manhood life and love. Which is a compilation of letters written to his own son should Kent not live to see him into manhood. Today Kent shares with us another one of his lessons.

It's called Craig's lesson. Most young people I know and many who are older live in a quiet crisis of identity about their place in the world. Some especially young women spend their lives submerging their interests into the interests of others until they are not sure whether they have any identity at all. Others very often young men try desperately to impress others by parading their accomplishments and sense of self-importance in an attempt to make themselves seem somehow whole and finished. Still others of both sexes spend their time passing a brittle judgment on others they perceive as different or lesser than they are in an attempt to establish their own identity at the expense of others. At the heart of each is the fear that someone else might pass judgment on who they are and that they will be unmasked or found out for the uncertainty that is at their core.

When I was younger I was as plagued with this fear as anyone else. Often I would dare not to act for fear of someone judging me. Other times I forced myself into the center of discussions in a pitiful attempt to make sure I was recognized for everything I thought or did.

I excluded others. I demeaned others. I pointed out their weaknesses and inconsistencies as a way of raising myself by lowering those around me. Sometimes I was aware of it, other times I was not.

It took a chance comment by a friend of mine long after I had reached adulthood before I could begin to lift myself out of the uncertainty that surrounded my sense of self. Craig was a close friend of mine. He was one of those people who brought energy and life into any room he entered. He had an uncanny ability to focus his entire attention on you while you were talking so you suddenly felt more important and more responsible than you had before he started listening. He made you better by being around him.

People loved him. He and I went to graduate school together. We had a lot in common. We both were having women troubles. We both were seekers. We both were perhaps too aware of our own foibles for our own good. But he lived in the sunlight of the spirit while I lived under a full moon. We were like mirrors to each other revealing dimensions of our being that otherwise we never would have seen. One sunny autumn day we were sitting in our study areas half talking and half working on some now forgotten projects for our graduate degrees.

I was staring out the window when I noticed one of my professors walking across the parking lot. He had been away all summer and we had not part of that summer and we had not parted on good terms. I had taken great offense at some suggestion he had made and had in turn given great offense in my answer. We had not seen each other since that day. Damn it I said to Craig I don't want to see him. Why not Craig asked.

I explained what had happened the previous spring. We left on bad terms I said. Besides the guy just doesn't like me.

Craig walked over and looked down at the passing figure. I think you got it wrong he said. You're the one who's turning away and you're just doing that because you're afraid. He probably thinks you don't like him so he's not acting warm toward you. People are like that.

They like people who like them. If you show him you're interested in him he'll be interested in you. Go down and talk to him. Craig's words smarted. I walked tentatively down the stairs into the parking lot. I mustered my best smile and warmest feelings and greeted my professor and asked how his summer had been. He looked at me genuinely surprised at my warmth and put his arm over my shoulder. We walked off talking.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Craig at the window smiling broadly. It was so simple yet I had never seen it. I was coming to all my encounters with a fear that others were judging me when in fact they were afraid I was judging them. We were all living in a fear of being judged by the other while the empty space between us was waiting to be filled by a simple gesture of honest caring.

People like people who like them. Those words allowed me to see the world through new eyes. Instead of seeing judgment in the eyes of others I saw need.

Not deep yawning need but the simple human need to be noticed and cared about. I began to realize that most people were not waiting to judge the adequacy of my actions. They were waiting for the time for the chance to share something about themselves.

Craig knew this. He basked in people as if basking in sunlight. Their lives warmed him and they loved sharing themselves with him.

That was what made him so special. From that day forward I turned my life around. It was not easy. I still spent too much time fearing the judgment of others and I still got hurt when arrogant people took advantage of my openness and used it either to laugh at me or to demean me. But I found that by taking the chance and liking other people the world opened up before me. I discovered a world of people I would never have known had I kept only to my own interests. Car mechanics, cashiers, crazy people, thieves all had their stories to tell. The wealthy, the poor, the powerful, and the lonely all were as full of dreams and doubts as I was. Farmers talked to me about tractors.

Scientists spoke to me about atoms. I learned what it is like to grow up on the Australian coast and I learned how it feels to pack boxes all day long. If you are the one who reaches out, if you are the one who dares to like people, the walls around you will fall away. And great job on that Monty. A special thanks to Kent Nurburn. He's the author of Letters to My Son, a father's wisdom on manhood, life, and love. People are like that.

They like people who like them. It was so simple, he said, I just never seen it. Kent Nurburn's story, Craig's lesson here on Our American Story. This is Lee Habib, host of Our American Stories, the show where America is the star in the American people. But we truly can't do this show without you. Our shows will always be free to listen to, but they're not free to make. If you love what you hear, consider making a tax deductible donation to Our American Stories. Go to OurAmericanStories.com. Give a little, give a lot. That's OurAmericanStories.com. Hello, iHeart listener.

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