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member FDIC. Copyright 2024. It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku Channel, your home for free and premium TV, is giving you access to holiday music and genre bass stations from iHeart all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeart Christmas and North Pole Radio. The Roku Channel is available on all Roku devices, Web, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices. So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iHeart Radio on the Roku Channel. Happy streaming. This is Lee Habib and this is Our American Stories, the show where America is the star and the American people. To search for the Our American Stories podcast, go to the iHeart Radio app to Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Our next story comes to us from a veteran of the U.S. Army. He served with the 82nd Airborne Division in both Iraq and Afghanistan.
Here's Fernando Arroyo. I remember it was 1991 and I was five or six years old. I was sitting in my kindergarten class when the school principal walked in and Miss Ponce, my Bandini Elementary School kindergarten teacher, she said, OK, kids, stop playing, sit in front of the class. And then the principal stood up in front of us and he said, you know, you can be whatever you want when you grow up. And all the kids are like, wow, that's cool. And I've always been quiet. I kind of just looked at the kids like, why are you so amazed at this?
But whatever. And then the class got quiet and I look up and everyone's looking at me and the school principal is looking at me and I thought I was in trouble. And then he looks at me and he kind of he put his hands on his lap and he bent down and he says, what's your name? I said, my name's Fernando. He said, what do you want to be when you grow up? I said, I want to be a police officer, a soldier and a pastor.
And he's like, he made a face like, well, that's weird. And he said, why do you want to be a soldier and a police officer? I said, because I want to shoot guns and fight bad guys. He's like, okay, why do you want to be a pastor?
I said, because I believe in Jesus Christ. So at a young age of about five years old, I remember watching Desert Storm on TV and the coolest thing for me wasn't the stealth bombers or all the cool missiles and all the images of explosions. It was the guys on the ground. Those were the real heroes. Those were the guys that I thought, man, like I'm watching G.I. Joe cartoons and stuff, but like, they're the real deal. They're charging towards the gunfire.
They're putting their life on the line. Well, as time went on, 10 years later, I'm a senior at Bell Gardens High School. It's September 11, 2001. I was late for class. And I remember walking into my first period Spanish class, which, you know, Spanish was my first language. I just wanted an easy. I didn't even get an A. I got like a B.
That was terrible. But then when that class was over, the bell rang and now I had to go to my government class, second period government. And when I walked in, all the students, you know, the bell had rang. They should have been, the class should have been empty for the next class.
They were all still there. And the teacher had his TV out and everyone's glued to the television. I looked at the screen and I could see smoke coming out of one of the towers. And then I saw another airplane hit the second tower and this big ball of fire. And one girl shouted, who would do this? And some kids were crying. And then I heard on the news, America is under attack.
Then I watched live on TV as people were jumping out of windows to their death because they would rather commit suicide than burn alive. And I felt this deep pain inside me where something has to be done and it's going to be me. So on September 29, 2001, I was enlisted in the army. I remember going to the recruiter and he said, what do you want to do in my army? And I said, I want to be a paratrooper. He said, do you know what that is? I'm like, yeah, you know, you jump out of planes and shoot guns.
And he says, dude, it's not nice. You're going to be jumping at night in full combat gear. You're going to be the first ones in combat. You're going to get shot at. You're going to be out in the rain and the snow and the mud.
It's going to be dirty. Like you don't want to do that. I said, no, that's what I want to do. He said, look, we have this contract right now because the army needs cooks. So we can pay you $20,000 to be a cook in the army.
Sign up bonus of 20,000. I said, no, I don't want to be a cook. I want to be an airborne paratrooper. And he's like, all right, but don't come back to me later and say that I didn't try to warn you or talk you out of it or that I lied to you. And then at one point he says, look, have you ever been on an airplane?
And I grew up poor. I never traveled. I said, no, I've never been on an airplane. He's like, and you're going to volunteer to parachute out of a perfectly good aircraft into battle. I'm like, yeah, that sounds cool.
All right. He pulled out the piece of paper. He says, this is the contract airborne infantry, Fort Bragg, North Carolina. I graduated in June of 2002. And then in August 21st, 2002, I was on an airplane for the first time in my life on an airplane on my way to Fort Benning, Georgia. And I remember when that airplane took off, man, like I had never experienced that before first time flying. I'm 18 years old and there's, you know, the plane's shaking and I'm like, whoa, whoa, what's going on, man?
Like, is this normal? And then once we were in the sky, I looked out the window. I thought, oh, I'm an idiot. The recruiter was right. I should have never volunteered for this.
This is dumb. He tried, he was being honest. He actually tried to save me. And I remember on that airplane next to me, this guy could tell that I was nervous. And he says, what's wrong? I said, I've never been on an airplane before.
And I'm on my way to train a parachute out of airplanes in the army. And he asked me, are you a Christian? I said, yeah, I'm a Christian. He says, did you pray about this? I said, yeah. Do you believe that this is God's calling for you? I said, yes.
He's like, then you're going to be fine. And I felt peace. But all that peace ended when, you know, after checking in and getting my uniforms and equipment, it was time to meet the drill sergeants. And these three drill sergeants, they, their mission was to train me to shoot, move, communicate and kill. We trained as a team. It was brutal physical training.
I remember being a skinny kid, you know, never having left the state of California. And now I'm surrounded by people from every state, from all walks of life. And we're in this together. And that created a brotherhood. It created a bond. We had to rely on each other to watch each other's backs. We went through the suffering together and suffering builds brotherhood. It builds a team.
You have to suffer together. And that's exactly what an infantry school does. You suffer together, train together, and then you're taught.
You're only as strong as your weakest link. So all those things were instilled in me. And you've been listening to Fernando Arroyo's story. He discovers 9-11 in his government class.
He's a high school senior and immediately knows what he wants to do. Jump out of airplanes. When we come back, more of Fernando Arroyo's story here on Our American Stories. Here at Our American Stories, we bring you inspiring stories of history, sports, business, faith, and love. Stories from a great and beautiful country that need to be told.
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That's OurAmericanStories.com. You wake up, put on your Ray-Ban Metta glasses, classic style, innovative tech. You're living all in. You realize you need coffee, desperately. So you say, Hey Metta, how do I make a latte?
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Copyright 2024. J.P. Morgan Chase. From the Delta Sky Club to the jet bridge, Delta Airlines relies on 5G solutions from T-Mobile for business to power operations and serve customers faster. Together, we're putting 5G into the hands of ground staff so they can better assist on-the-go travelers with real-time information throughout the airport. This is elevating customer experience. This is Delta Airlines with T-Mobile for business.
Take your business further at T-Mobile.com slash now. It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku Channel, your home for free and premium TV, is giving you access to holiday music and genre bass stations from iHeart all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeart Christmas and North Pole Radio. The Roku Channel is available on all Roku devices, web, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs, and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices. So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iHeart Radio on the Roku Channel.
Happy streaming. And we continue with our American stories. And Fernando Arroyo's story, his book, The Shadow of Death, From My Battles in Fallujah to The Battle for My Soul, is available wherever you get your books.
Let's pick up where we last left off. I graduated from infantry. I graduated from military. I graduated from military. I graduated from military. I graduated from military. I graduated from infantry school and then it was time for me to go to airborne school and it's just down the road. Somehow we made it to the the hangar on the airstrip and the airplanes are waiting for us and we put on our gear we get inspected and once everyone's inspected all right stand up and we load it up on this uh C-130 aircraft and we're packed in there like sardines and then when the doors closed the thought came I am not going to be in this airplane when it lands and then the command 10 minutes and then command by command to stand up hook up check equipment sound off for equipment check the doors open the side doors on both sides of the C-130 the air just hits us the plane is shaky I look out the door I can see tiny little houses and trees I'm like oh no this is oh this is gonna be terrible then I hear stand by like oh no okay the first jumper's ready I'm like jumper number 10 and I'm just I don't even want to look at this guy that's about to jump I'm looking at the boots of the guy in front of me as the wind is making his pants move side to side you know violently and then I hear green light go and then one by one everyone's jumping out of the airplane and I'm walking forward with my static line just following the boots of the guy in front of me and then I watch him just disappear into this door like out into the sky get sucked out of this airplane and I'm next I just hand off my static line I make a right face turn and I just run out this door just thrust myself out of this plane I feel the 130 knot winds just smack me and I'm flying and I could see the airplane passing me as I'm jumping out and I count 1,000 2,000 3,000 4,000 and then I feel a tug and it's my parachute opening oh thank god man it was I felt a sense of relief you know like that was the the the fear of wondering whether my parachute was going to open or not that was the the scary part but I did that five times and that included nighttime jumps and I made it into the airborne then after a short ceremony of getting my airborne wings pinned on my chest I loaded on a bus with my gear and I went to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. At Fort Bragg, North Carolina is the home of the Airborne and Special Operations Forces you have the 82nd Airborne you have the Army Green Berets and you have the Army's Special Missions Unit a counter-terrorism unit they're very elite the most elite unit in the world I was with the 82nd Airborne and I remember arriving at my battalion and I'm the new guy I had to prove myself I just had to be on on my best and weird enough I actually I was offered a position for a very privileged position for a platoon to be in a reconnaissance team that night the scout platoon it's the battalion reconnaissance platoon and all these guys go to ranger school they're snipers they they have the best training and you know they're the strongest and fastest that's the you know they're the best we were trained to be ghost we wore ghillie suits we dressed like trees we were invisible that was our job to go ahead of the 1200 man battalion in teams as small as two two to six man teams and be unseen undetected and gather intelligence about the enemy to give to the battalion commander so that he could plan his attacks that's what that's what I was trained to do a few months later it was time for my first combat deployment and my first deployment was to Fallujah Iraq after the invasion of Iraq in it was august of 2003 and we landed in the Baghdad international airport we did some missions in the Baghdad international airport hunting some of Saddam Hussein's captains and bath party Saddam loyalists but then we were giving orders that we were going to go into the city that would later become known as the most dangerous city in the world Fallujah I remember my first combat mission it was in Fallujah it was at night time and our mission was called a movement to contact mission which basically means search and destroy and I'm sitting in back of a cargo Humvee and I'm looking towards the city at night time with night vision and I could see these glowing green and red trace arounds coming up from the city the insurgents were in the city shooting their ak-47s and machine guns in the air and they were challenging us to a fight we had a military intelligence team intercepting their radios and cell phones and they were saying that when the americans come in the city tonight we're gonna kill them and you know bring it on they're cowards and all this stuff and I remember captain Kirkpatrick he said tell them hold on we're gonna be right there and the chaplain said a prayer chaplain knight he said all right men gather around now chaplain knight former army delta the special missions unit that I said you know the most elite unit in the world and he felt the calling to be a chaplain so he he left the unit to be a chaplain and he was our chaplain a texas guy big bald white guy just muscular he was just a man who was muscular he was just everybody feared him and uh he says let's pray man and he says lord protect us against these savages as we go into combat and guide our bullets that they may hit them and take them to the depths of hell in your name amen like okay so then we we get on this dirt road all of a sudden all the bullets stopped flying we knew okay we're being watched they know we're coming so we go into the city and we're driving up and down the streets looking for a fight and there's no one it's like these guys like cockroaches when the lights turn on they just disappeared and we're driving up and down the city I have my night vision on I could see every you know my my infrared laser and everybody's infrared lasers were aiming at windows and watching rooftops and like where are these guys and then I caught a glimpse of a guy in an alley with a cell phone hiding behind behind a dumpster in the alley and he's on his cell phone and then that's when I heard over the radio we're being watched it's coming and then I heard two explosions boom boom and I felt the blast wave in my chest and I saw two RPGs glowing red they flew over my head like five feet over my head these rockets were meant for me and my friends and then it was just an eruption of gunfire and now you see these green and red trace around these bullets whizzing past me and I could hear the sonic boom of the explosions as the bullets are flying by me and it was like an out-of-body experience I just did what I was trained to do the training kicked in I'm shooting at at mozo flash from AKs I'm shooting at windows we're taking fire from a two-story house I mean there's machine guns going off and we're driving out of there trying to get out of what's called the kill zone and then I hear Maguire yell and he says there's a guy running as he's reloading his grenade launcher he says there's a guy running and I see this guy running and I aimed right for his chest I put my infrared laser on his chest tracking him and I must have shot him five times and I watched my bullets enter and exit his body and he fell into the swamp and disappeared and then I heard click I'm changing mags I reload I come back up to shoot ceasefire ceasefire it was over this was so fast there was something bothering me and I was thinking like what bothered me and I remembered shooting that guy and I thought well you know I mean if he hadn't shot at me I wouldn't have shot him so it wasn't bothering me that you know I killed a guy I killed a human being what scared me rather I think it was it scared me was how easy it was for me to do it it kind of made me wonder who I am you know just kind of like the thoughts of of of who I am what kind of person am I you know I'm 19 years old fresh out of this small city grew up in bell gardens sleeping on the living room floor this is my first time leaving the country I'm learning who I am and I'm learning things about myself I didn't know and you're listening to Fernando Arroyo tell his story and what a story it is from high school watching 9 11 and the towers fall to joining well joining the 82nd airborne and within months finds himself in Fallujah indeed one of the most dangerous places in the world and in battle and he has his first kill and now he's got to live with himself and he's wondering what kind of a man he is and what kind of a man he'll become as more of this comes his way when we come back more of Fernando Arroyo's story here on Our American Stories you wake up put on your ray-ban meta glasses classic style innovative tech you're living all in you realize you need coffee desperately so you say hey meta how do I make a latte to make a latte brew two shots of espresso after meta ai gets you caffeinated you start walking to work and you need a soundtrack hey meta play hip-hop music with the built-in camera you snap a pic of a dope mural on the side of a building that you'd think is worth sharing hey meta text my last photo to Eva sending message after work you had to meet some friends hey nice glasses ray-ban meta glasses the next generation of ai glasses just say hey meta to harness the power of meta ai listen to music make hands-free calls with open-air audio and built-in microphones and so much more all while staying present to the world around you shop ray-ban meta glasses at meta.com slash smart glasses I have a way to make your morning more efficient you can get caught up on the news in about seven minutes that is my promise to you as the host of the seven podcast from the Washington Post and in that time I will run down seven stories everything from the most important headlines to fascinating new information you might miss otherwise my name is Hannah Jewell go follow the seven right now wherever you're listening and we will get you caught up small business owners this one's for you chase for business and I heart bring you a podcast series called the unshakable this one-of-a-kind series will shine the spotlight on small business owners like you who faced a do-or-die moment that ultimately made their business what it is today learn more at chase.com slash business slash podcast chase make more of what's yours chase mobile app is available for select mobile devices message and data rates may apply JP Morgan Chase Bank NA member FDIC copyright 2024 JP Morgan Chase from the Delta Sky Club to the jet bridge Delta Airlines relies on 5G solutions from T-Mobile for business to power operations and serve customers faster together we're putting 5G into the hands of ground staff so they can better assist on-the-go travelers with real-time information throughout the airport this is elevating customer experience this is Delta Airlines with T-Mobile for business take your business further at T-Mobile.com slash now it's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays the Roku channel your home for free and premium TV is giving you access to holiday music and genre bass stations from I heart all for free find the soundtrack of the season with channels like I heart Christmas and North Pole Radio the Roku channel is available on all Roku devices web Amazon Fire TV Google TV Samsung TVs and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices so stream what you love and turn up the cheer with I heart radio on the Roku channel happy streaming and we return to our American stories we last learned about US Army paratrooper Fernando Arroyo the 19 year old Bell Gardens California native having to shoot an Iraqi insurgent while out on his first mission let's return to Fernando that deployment I would get in several more gunfights and I would experience several IEDs and near-death encounters and see the horrors of war I made it through that deployment I came back from Fallujah and I got home for the two-week vacation and I'm sitting in my living room watching TV and it was garbage day and behind my house uh was an alley and there's a dumpster in the alley and I'm sitting with my mom and my brother I don't I don't think my dad was there and we're just enjoying family time together watching TV so the the garbage truck picks the dumpster up and then it shakes it once it gets up top right to get all the trash out but when it shook it was like an explosion right boom boom boom I yelled incoming get down and I dove to my living room floor and I said get down get down and my family's looking at me and I started laughing I said oh my bad yeah I'm back no no problems hahaha it's funny and I got up sat down and my mom's crying she's like Miho are you okay I said yeah mom I'm okay I'm okay two weeks pass I'm back in North Carolina and I'm doing training and it was between Iraq and Afghanistan for for me and during those uh army ranger school so first before you go to that hell you got to go to pre-hell which is pre-ranger out of the 50 guys that went 15 of us made it then I went to ranger school the big leagues and I made it past the first phase I passed the land navigation part uh I made it past the derby phase the first phase then I went to the mountain phase of ranger school in Delaunaga Georgia and I failed Delaunaga Georgia so I was a recycle so I had to wait a week for the next class and during that week we eat three meals a day but we're so hungry because we've been eating only one meal a day for so long that three meals a day is not enough so at night we would sneak out and go dumpster diving and we'd eat out of dumpsters and man like you you can find some good stuff in those dumpsters especially the one behind the chala hall it's like wow they're throwing out perfectly good cake so I finally I redid the mountain phase then I went to Florida for the jungle phase I passed and yeah all right I earned my ranger tab I felt so good and then I got hit with a letter saying that I've been stop-loss the army said anyone getting out after June of 06 is not getting out of the army you are hereby stop-loss stop-loss the army cannot afford to lose you we need enough soldiers to be combat effective so you're going to Iraq for a year I told this to my my girlfriend who thought you know I was gonna get out and we were gonna be together and she was upset just as I was but then she said you know what I can't wait for you I can't do this and she broke my heart so by this point I started off my relation my army service praying to God going to church and I hadn't done that in a while like I just God wasn't on on the top of my list of things of people I wanted to talk to or have a relationship with and I remember I had no one else to be angry at but God I just blamed God like this is your fault if God is in control of all things and then you're the one that's keeping me in the army you're the reason my girlfriend just dumped me you know I was just mad and I remember going to war and thinking I'm gonna die so that one year deployment was to Beijing Iraq and it turned into a 15-month deployment and I lost a lot of friends I remember my buddies Miller and Girard one night they went out on a counter IED mission we were living at an oil refinery for days at a time and carrying out missions from the Beijing oil refinery missions to conduct counter IED missions kill or capture missions where we would go into people's houses at night you know these bad guys we use cell phones and other intelligence means of finding bad guys and snatching them out of their beds at night which was really fun and yeah going into a house at night and like there you are there's the guy we have a picture of him this is his name he's making bombs and there he is sound asleep and I just zip tie him slowly turn him around on his stomach zip tie his hands behind his back and then I would shake him wake up and they'd wake up and oh no America's here like hey we got you you know so that was fun war is fun until somebody gets hurt and that night Miller and Girard were blown up before we went out on missions we always said I love you stay safe because you just never knew and I had told them that that night before they went out I said I love you stay safe and now they were being loaded on a helicopter and I didn't know if they were going to live because they lost so much blood Miller did end up flatlining but the medics brought him back Girard he was fine so they both survived but I didn't know this right like I didn't know they got on the helicopter and left and that was it and I was filled with rage and anger and again I blamed God that deployment I lost several friends we even had a Chechen sniper hunting us and he was getting head shots we were hunting bad guys but they were hunting us 15 months in combat I come back about a month and a half later I'm a college student at Cerritos Community College my body was here my mind was in Iraq I couldn't go anywhere without a gun going shopping at the mall was hell I would plan my visits what do I need I need pants and shirts cool I'm gonna like I had a map of the mall this is where the store is I'm gonna come in this way park here I'm gonna go in this door make a right I'm gonna pick two pairs of pants two shorts and I gotta get out of there I remember being in like the dressing room you know trying on clothes and sweating because I'm just like I'm taking too long like if the enemy's gonna find me here and like you know I need to hurry up and get out of there that's like my I don't it was weird you know about three years after I got out it got at its all-time worst I finished my bachelor's degree at UC Irvine in criminology hoping that I would be in law enforcement no law enforcement agency hired me I applied for several government jobs all of them rejected me the only job I would get was working at a wholesale uh a warehouse I don't know if I should say their name but I'm a shopping cart collector that's what I was doing I had combat experience leadership skills army ranger school under my bell a bachelor's degree from one of the top universities in the country and I'm collecting shopping carts in the army I had a mission I had a brotherhood I lost that I was going to church but I was like sitting in the back of church with a hangover I had no purpose I felt like I failed at life I thought you know what I'm 26 years old at the time 26 27 I lived a good life 22 veterans commit suicide every day and that's the statistic I was about to become one of them and you're listening to Fernando Arroyo share his darkest days with you with all of us he comes back from Iraq he's in junior college and even a trip to a mall well he can't do it like the rest of us can he's left Iraq but Iraq it hasn't left him he finishes at Cal Irvine I can't get that job as a cop and ends up collecting shopping carts he's lost his mission he's a man without a purpose and 22 vets commit suicide every day and he's thinking well he just might be the next when we come back more of the story of Fernando Arroyo's service and his life after service here on Our American Stories you wake up put on your Ray-Ban meta glasses classic style innovative tech you're living all in you realize you need coffee desperately so you say hey meta how do I make a latte to make a latte brew two shots of espresso after meta ai gets you caffeinated you start walking to work and you need a soundtrack hey meta play hip-hop music with the built-in camera you snap a pic of a dope mural on the side of a building that you think is worth sharing hey meta text my last photo to Eva sending message after work you had to meet some friends hey nice glasses Ray-Ban meta glasses the next generation of AI glasses just say hey meta to harness the power of meta AI listen to music make hands-free calls with open-air audio and built-in microphones and so much more all while staying present to the world around you shop Ray-Ban meta glasses at meta.com slash smart glasses I don't know if you know this but when you don't have time to read the Washington Post you can listen to it almost every article has a listening option and right now you can become a Washington Post subscriber for just 50 cents a week it's an incredible deal stay on top of what's happening by signing up at washingtonpost.com slash pod that's washingtonpost.com slash p o d small business owners this one's for you chase for business and I heart bring you a podcast series called the unshakable this one of a kind series will shine the spotlight on small business owners like you who faced a do or die moment that ultimately made their business what it is today learn more at chase.com slash business slash podcast chase make more of what's yours chase mobile app is available for select mobile devices message and data rates may apply jp morgan chase bank na member fdic copyright 2024 jp morgan chase from the delta sky club welcome back to the jet bridge delta airlines relies on 5g solutions from t-mobile for business to power operations and serve customers faster together we're putting 5g into the hands of ground staff so they can better assist on the go travelers with real-time information throughout the airport this is elevating customer experience this is delta airlines with t-mobile for business take your business further at t-mobile.com slash now it's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays the roku channel your home for free and premium tv is giving you access to holiday music and genre bass stations from iheart all for free find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iheart christmas and north pole radio the roku channel is available on all roku devices web amazon fire tv google tv samsung tvs and the roku mobile app on ios and android devices so stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iheart radio on the roku channel happy streaming and we continue with our american stories and with fernando arroyo's story after years of combat experience in the us army graduating from both ranger school and the university of california irvine with a criminology degree fernando arroyo failed to get a job with a police agency or with the federal government instead he was collecting shopping carts at a local grocery store let's return to fernando's story one day i just had a miserable day you know i'm collecting shopping carts in the sun like what am i doing i remember going home and just going to my studio apartment and i was just drinking and drinking close the blinds i'm in the dark i passed out and i had another nightmare by this point i was so afraid i didn't want to sleep because the nightmares were so real i wake up and like just soaked in sweat with a gun in my hand i went to the fridge i grabbed the beer and then i closed my eyes as tears were rolling down my cheeks my hands are shaking and i hear the click i took the safety off and i remember my mind with a pistol in my my mouth i said god if you're there save me there was no response and when i put my thumb on the trigger and i slowly started to squeeze i heard a boom and i opened my eyes and i dropped the gun and i checked my head there's no hole there's no blood i looked around there's no blood in my studio i had a desk to the right of my couch and on that desk was my bible that bible just flew off and hit the floor and that's the explosion i heard the bang that i heard and i remember i just fell on my knees and i said i need help i need help i pray to god i said i need help i'm tired of living like this and then the next day my buddy louise i knew him from high school he also served in the army and now he's working for the va and his job was to get veterans connected to help and he kept calling me like months ago like every yeah he was just he was starting to piss me off he was bothering me like why are you keep calling me he's like dude you need to go to the va you need to talk to a psychologist i said no i don't no i don't he's like look man i know what you did you're not right like i know you're not oh i'm fine i'm fine you know i i didn't share this with anyone like i didn't tell anyone i was having nightmares i didn't you know not even at church i didn't tell anyone about this so finally he's like he calls me he says come on i want to i'll pick you up i'll buy you breakfast i said you know what you had me at breakfast so so next thing i know i'm at a mental health clinic in east la and they give me a packet to fill out i'm going to talk to a clinical social worker named bob so i felt you know this this sheet this questionnaire it's like have you been to combat have you shot anyone did any of your friends die you know all these questions and i lied no no no no no are you having nightmares nope do you drink alcohol yeah about how many drinks do you have just a couple on the weekend so i submit this packet and then out comes bob with the packet and he's like fernando hi i'm bob like come on let's go to my office like okay and he says well look according to your answers you don't need us you're good i said great can i leave he's like no no no this is the thing i don't understand fernando and he pulls out my military records and he says you went to iraq twice afghanistan once you were a paratrooper airborne infantry you graduated army army ranger school you earned the the combat infantryman's badge which means you are engaged in combat with the enemy your military history does not match your answers bottom line i think you're full of it he said fernando i'm here to help you i'm here to help you he said i remember he said even if you've committed murder what you say stays between us i'm here to help you and he's looking at me and it's just this awkward silence he can tell that the hamster was running in my brain like what do i do do i leave or do i stay and i looked at him and i said what do you want to know and then he said how many times did you go to war i said three times did you ever shoot anyone yes were you ever shot at yes were any of your friends killed yes are you having nightmares yes about how many hours of sleep do you get each night two to three do you drink alcohol yes how many drinks did you have friday night about 36 who were you with alone how many drinks did you have saturday the same who were you with alone he said you need help and i broke down for the next year i met with bob every week and i would just share everything i was struggling with and he gave me perspective i was holding myself to the uh the american standard i call it where what i did in war what i did in war was horrible and what i saw was horrible but it was a necessary evil what i believe we did as american troops in iraq and afghanistan is keep terrorists out of our country we fought them out of here so that everyone here would be safe we kept america free of another 9 11 for over 20 some years that's what we've done but when i came here i was applying the moral standards of this country and living here to what i did in war and i thought that if i shared what i did in combat people would think that i am an animal people would reject me my church would reject me so i didn't share with anyone but it turned out that was a lie it was a lie and as i started to share with with bob then i started to share with others and i found how and i found how accepted i was and how i'm not the only one who's suffering so i thought okay this law enforcement thing didn't work god you know what i'm going through you know my what i'm how i'm suffering heal me lord help me to heal and he did he got me a you know into a nice church community and well at my church the pastor he kept getting sick and i had a cover for him it was a small church like 50 people and everyone just you know they looked at me to cover to start preaching i'm like i'm gonna preach like what so i would preach and uh i mean it was more complicated than that but i thought you know what maybe i should go to seminary the the the trauma i went through and the care that i received now i wanted to turn around and offer that care to others so i went to seminary at biola university for um to earn my master in divinity in pastoral care and counseling and i found a veteran community there and we would talk and and and you know just we bonded as vets and shared our struggles and i found myself with veterans helping veterans and i felt like that was my calling when i graduated from seminary my buddy was working at the orange county rescue mission and he said hey we need a veteran's case manager which is a pastoral counselor for veterans coming out of homelessness so i was doing that for a few years and then recently i started working at step forward academy where i work with veterans at the step forward academy and i say look you're a veteran you have a job but let's get you a career maybe the job you have you're working it and you're you know it's a nine to five it pays the bills but you could be doing something that pays you even more and is more in line with your skills and abilities and that's awesome to be able to help veterans better their lives to find their calling and their career and to provide for their families that's what i do now i'm also involved at mariner's church in the city of tustin and i've met veterans there and i lead two men's groups i'm really big on community i'm really big on mentorship and coaching and that's what i do now i got out of the army i kind of had an idea of what i wanted to do but of course god had a plan and his plan superseded mine and he brought me to my lowest point the lowest point in my life and he saved me so that now he can use me to save others and that's what i do and a great job on the storytelling and production by greg engler and a special thanks to fernando arroyo whose book the shadow of death from my battles in fallujah to the battle for my soul it's available wherever you get your books and what a scene he set in that room afraid to sleep and the nightmares were so real a large loud sound that he thought was the gun going off but it was a bible dropping on the floor in comes an angel and that's a buddy of his who kept telling him he needed help and then another angel that man in the intake center who told fernando he was full of it in the end this began a new life as fernando put it god saved me so i could save others the story of fernando arroyo here on our american stories from the delta sky club welcome back miss cline to the jet bridge delta airlines relies on 5g solutions from t-mobile for business to power operations and serve customers faster together we're putting 5g into the hands of ground staff so they can better assist on the go travelers with real-time information throughout the airport this is elevating customer experience this is delta airlines with t-mobile for business take your business further at t-mobile.com now i have a way to make your morning more efficient you can get caught up on the news in about seven minutes that is my promise to you as the host of the seven podcast from the washington post and in that time i will run down seven stories everything from the most important headlines to fascinating new information you might miss otherwise my name's hannah jewel go follow the seven right now wherever you're listening and we will get you caught up it's 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