Tender Warrior Series- Part 4: Being a Faithful Friend

Welcome to Man Talk, a ministry sponsored by TAWCMM, talking and walking Christian men's ministry where we're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination and to point men to their God assigned roles. Now here's your host, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr. Good evening. This is Will Hardy, your host with Man Talk.

Hi, this is Roy Jones, your co-host with Man Talk Radio Podcast. And we are thankful, Roy, to be back here again continuing our conversation with the Tender Warrior. It's been an excellent series so far, and I'm just thankful to God that we were able to, you know, go into the book and look at some points that we need to talk about in reference to Tender Warrior because this is a book that men should read.

And I think it gives a lot of insight and it definitely would point you in the right direction if you have no direction. We're suspect on how to understand your role as a man. Yep. And being the next topic for us is being a faithful friend, right? So when you think about faithful friends, those characteristics and qualities that come to mind are someone who's there through thick and thin, through the good and the bad. Absolutely. You know, and faithfulness and then friendship.

So you could have friendship without faithfulness. Oh, boy. Can you? But I think we've seen that in abundance.

Yes. But to be a faithful friend, I think is it calls for you to take one step further and whatever, you know, the individual might be requesting. And there's times you can do that and there's times you can't do it.

But the times you can do it. I think, you know, God looks at what you're doing from the heart rather than from the head. And so when we as God's people lend ourselves as friends to others, then, of course, we always want to ensure that they see Christ within us.

Amen. So they're doing it because Christ is leading them. And they're the beneficiary as a result of how God is leading you.

And, of course, that's the most important thing. That reminds me of the Helene, you know, that devastated western North Carolina. And I've seen story after story after story after story.

I've read so many heartfelt stories of individuals who God have placed on their heart to just go and help. And I saw one just last night. And this lady who was from Kentucky heard about what happened, and she put together hundreds of meals that she cooked up herself. And, of course, she didn't cook them, you know, and then she she cooked them close to where so she had all the cooking materials, everything she needed to do.

And like this huge trailer. Oh, wow. And so it was her and three other women. And one of the women which which I found just absolutely wonderful. One of the women was a former truck driver.

So she she was able, you know, to just take that big rig and just wheel it around. And, of course, they showed him taking off and the lady driving. Now, I just thought that was so wonderful that they were going out.

Three individuals, women coming together being that dynamic piece. And see, and I think that's godly friendship. That's loyalty.

That's showing love to individuals who don't even know you. Right. Well, that's one of the qualities that kind of comes to mind with the faithful friendship is loyalty. Trust and support. Absolutely.

So think about those three qualities. What's what comes to mind in an example where you saw that shine through either when you had to help somebody in those three three components or you someone was behind you in those three components? Well, you know, I get calls out of the in the middle of night, regularly, some days, some days more than others, you know, because of the position of God have placed me in. So I think when an individual calls, regardless of when it happens, you have to be there for them, you know, and that's just what how God had placed it on my heart. So there's been calls where I've gotten, you know, three, four in the morning individual ring the phone and said, I'm having issues here.

I need to talk to somebody because, you know, the man is not doing right or the woman is not doing right. And so I think that shows loyalty in the fact that they know that even though they might be far apart, you know, in distance and not necessarily here in the area where I could just jump in my car and go. But they know that there's a voice on the other end of the line who is willing and able to supply what we need because we're going through right now. And we need someone to come through for us, even if it's just someone who's willing and able to help. They're just having a word of prayer, which we've had on occasion. So I think that loyalty piece, you know, it sends resonance through the individuals when they see that an individual is willing to say, hey, I know, you know, Pastor, he is, you know, up there in age and we don't need to be messing up his sleep. But, you know, and some of them tell me that. Bless you to just bring words of wisdom to us how much that submits us in our relationship, because we know that these things that you have given us in the past will also carry us through in the future.

Darrell Bock That's good. The other component with the trust and support, you just covered all that as well. Trust requires confidentiality. And I'm sure you've heard a lot of things that were never repeated and you held it. And yet you can't.

So I think that's a key component of a faithful friend is that you can hold a confidence in place when somebody is vulnerable enough to share with you and open enough to share with you where they're at or what they're struggling with. Aside from obviously a murder or something like that, then that's a whole different whole different conversation with that individual. And so I get subpoenaed by the court.

Which that has happened. And just to get some clarity around that is that when individuals have come to the point to where they can't reconcile, you know, that that I have been part of being a character witness. You know, I had to go to Illinois several times in the past, you know, as character witness for that purpose. So because they've subpoenaed me, you know, and say we want to hear basically what was said when you were counseling XYZ individuals. So yeah, it goes Oh, yeah, it goes much beyond, you know, just simple sharing words and sharing the gospel.

That's good, Will. So let's talk about vulnerability and friendships, Will. How does being an open person and being able to receive it and to speak it strengthen the bond of friendship?

Well, you got two components there. You got the speaker and then you got the receiver. And the one who's speaking has to be open to the needs of the hearer. But yet the hearer have to understand that if the speaker is speaking something that they may not understand or disagree with, they need to just be open enough to hear it. So if they hear it and they say, OK, I hear what you're saying, but I got further questions, then we can take it from there. But if an individual is stuck on something and they just can't get over the hump with respect to understanding exactly how to put certain things that might be said into action, then that's when, you know, you allow the Holy Spirit to take over and share with them, you know, maybe a process or procedure.

Based on the word of God, you know, because in Proverbs six and sixteen, it talks about that the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes, but God weighs the spirit. So a man, when he speaks, he's thinking that what I'm saying is OK, but what kind of damage spiritually or internally are you doing by saying what you're saying? So, again, you know, that component piece, when we talk about vulnerability and within that relationship, that an individual have to ensure that they understand what is being said and what the meaning of what is being said and not to misinterpret it or misread it towards something that they may have heard before. And now they're injected into this conversation.

It needs to be completely independent. Another component of vulnerability, and that's good discussion, Will. Another component of vulnerability is the willingness to be open and transparent, right? And by the speaker, especially if the speaker is reaching out for help, to be willing to say, hey, this is what's happened, this is my role in all of this, or this is my responsibility, or this is what's happened to me. And to be willing to share that goes back to the confidentiality piece, but also a person saying those things has got to become very trusting and vulnerable because they're putting it out there because it could be turned against people and people have done that, broke confidences. And we know across the church, the old adages, you know, they're the worst about killing their wounded, you know, rather than trying to restore or save.

I've seen that so many times, Roy. I mean, an individual who has spoken to someone in confidence about something, and then all of a sudden is brought through the pulpit in a message. And it's like, no, this was never intent to be openly discussed, regardless if you are not using my name.

I'm here sitting, listening to what I've said to you, and now you're bringing it out in a message. So yeah, that puts the individual who is sharing these things, putting them in a vulnerable state, and of course, depending on what was said, that pastor may not see them again. Yeah, and they may be out of church too, totally because of that. In fact, we've talked about that in the men's groups quite a bit.

You could lose somebody for a lifetime if you break that trust. Stumbling block. Yep, very much so.

That's what the Word calls it. So another component is about building community, Will, that Stu talks about. So let's discuss the role of friendships in building a strong community. You know, you think about the folks that, like, you're a great example, actually, because we think about your military friends that you're doing ministry work with, and they have been a part of your life since you were in the military, which is, as you said earlier, has been a long time ago.

And so let's talk about that. What would you say in terms of summary of those friendships? What are a couple things that jump out at you that's the reason you guys are still friends and the level you are and you're serving God together? And obviously, Holy Spirit's got you bonded at the first level. But, you know, from a worldly perspective, if somebody's listening, what is that friendship? What's the glue that kind of brought all that together beyond God? Well, you know, not going into a lot of detail, but the thing about it is, is we had a great company commander there at Fort Bragg, which is now called Fort Liberty.

I wish you could have seen his body language. Yeah, and that's another story altogether. That's another podcast. Absolutely. But we had a great commander, company commander, who went on to become the Battalion XO and then went on to become Lieutenant Colonel. But he hasn't always been a great friend. And of course, the military always have this thing, officers shouldn't fraternize with the enlisted men.

Well, when you're on your own time afterwards, you know, you can do those things that are necessary. And of course, we talked, went to the same church, did ministry together. And so this is this just carried on.

Now, when we put on the OD Green uniform and we reported back in, we saluted and we just didn't say, hey, Colonel, how you doing, you know, and all casual. We respected him, you know, even though he was our brother in Christ. And, you know, he did likewise, but we understood that he had a job to do and we have a job to do. So that was number one, Roy, having that have to have that space between the two of us, but yet keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace. And that's exactly what we did. And so that carried over, you know, year after year.

Absolutely. Until where we are today, you know, and he was the one that was instrumental in introducing us to the pastor over in Thailand. And we're doing this work by the grace of God to this day. And we just we just love him, you know, and we love all the guys who were part of this. Of course, it was eight of us total. And now it's about six of us now because two have passed on and gone to be with the Lord. But we're so thankful of what contributions they made, you know, while they were in this natural body.

And now, you know, they're rooting us from heaven. Keep going, my brothers. Keep going.

You know, keep letting the spirit of God work in and through you. But I would like to flip the script on you, Roy, and say that you have been a great example to the men who are at the workplace environment and how God have used you to just bring that community of men together. So I would ask the same question to you in reference to building that community and how have God used you in that relationship to bring men from different departments and bring them together. Right.

And the group. Well, thank you, Will. What first comes to mind is just being open to the spirits movement like you were talking about and have talked about for quite some time in our relationship. It was one of those things that you and I knew that we needed to be closer. And you personally had kind of set the stage for that when I first came there because you were holding Bible study.

And what God has allowed me do is he moved me into a different role this last 18 months was. And when we got post pandemic, we were back in the office more. It just hearing guys starting to talk and we created this men's group of which you were a part of before you retired that you could tell there was a common theme.

Hearing people talk, seeing their body language, their hearts. And so it was like God said, you know, you need to pull your men together and start to meet once a month and talk. And, you know, we have the Christian Fellowship Group, which meets every two weeks.

But which is coed. But this was an opportunity to bring the men together to do just what we're talking about. To be vulnerable, to be transparent, to be real and be willing to share, hey, this is what's going on in my life. And it's funny, we're in like meeting number five this year. And and just basically just really got started in the spring, I guess it was. And maybe late spring and the vulnerability and the openness that starting to develop, you know, is really amazing. And when you see men, you know, tears in our eyes and sharing things that are that God's moved on their heart about something they need to be doing in their life or maybe taking a step of faith to do something that they didn't think they would be able to do.

And so it's been really special. And for those of you listening that have colleagues at work that are like minded and chasing God, you know, I would encourage you to take your lunch hour and go start a group and start talking to each other and praying for each other. And one of the things we talked about in the last meeting with our men was, which was today, ironically, was praying for our leaders within the company.

So, which is very, very important that you do that. And for all of us, no matter where you're at, and whether your leaders or followers or not, you should be praying for them so that God would give them wisdom and move things the way that he wants it moved through you maybe. And so that's kind of just a God thing, Will. And you know me being such an I personality, quote unquote, I'm the other end of the spectrum if you haven't figured that out, folks, but I'm okay to ask, hey, would you be interested in doing this?

That's how it all started. I just went around to about 12 or 14 guys and I said, hey, are you interested in doing a brother's luncheon or breakfast fellowship once a month to come together, pray, talk about what's going on, do a lesson of some sort. So we have different facilitators each time, which is really nice. That way they don't get tone deaf with one person. But it also gives guys who may not be speaking in their church an opportunity to just speak in front of men like mine.

Yes. So it's really, you know, you've been there and it's really kind of neat how God unfolds at each time, you know, and one of the guys was kidding me this morning. So, you know, he said, Roy told me I had the next meeting. So it's just today's meeting and he had to leave it. So then we got ready to close the meeting out.

I said, would someone like to volunteer so they don't have to be told? Everybody started laughing. It really is special. And I think, you know, God's going to be up there smiling when, especially in today's time, right, with the way society has gotten and this woke culture that we're dealing with and so many things that are non-biblical that are against God's word that are being promoted and supported. And then to have a workplace that says, hey, we celebrate the fact that you guys want to do this. We celebrate the fact you got a Christian group that wants to meet regularly. And what a blessing that is from our top leaders down.

So just really amazing, Will. I know we're getting close on our time, folks. We didn't mean to get too far down one channel here, but a couple of areas you need to be thinking about as listeners are how do you navigate conflicts, you know, and that's a key part of friendship. You've got to be able to to walk through conflicts. And, you know, I think disagreements should be never come from never get to a point of anger. The anger gets up and you need to call time out. So, hey, let's come back to get later.

Let's just sit back down later and chat through whatever's bothering both of us. What does the word say? Be angry, but sin not.

Yes. So anger is an emotion God gave us. And there's a reason behind it. And then the other thing is encouraging others. I think that's a real key thing is you need to be an encourager. We know that some folks just doesn't come natural, but that's where the Holy Spirit can come in in the supernatural. If you have a heart to encourage, even though you're not doing it, God can give you the tools and give you the confidence and give you the opportunity to start encouraging others.

Absolutely, Roy. And, you know, go on that navigating conflicts like we were saying earlier in the earlier show is that, you know, you have individuals in small groups who may not be going to the same local church. So they're bringing in those things that they were taught from the church that they may be associated with. So you can you know, you could easily have differences of opinion. It could turn into conflict. Absolutely. And so you have individuals who say, no, you have to have this or you have to have that, you know, and so it can go back and forth easily. And there has been friendships that have been divided as a result of disagreement on interpretation of scripture.

Oh, yes. And, you know, and of course, the enemy, he loves that, you know, he loves, you know, let them fight amongst themselves, you know, and all this while he's standing back in the corner and laughs at us. But God will have the last laugh, you know. And so when we might not agree as individuals, we know that the spirit of God that dwells within you is the same spirit that dwells within me, even though at a moment in time, we may not be looking eye to eye on something. But it should never separate us. Of course, in Romans, what shall separate us from the love of God shall tribulation, distress, you know, all these things allow us to be separate. No, God forbid, let every let God be true and every man be a liar. So God is true when he said, don't let these things separate you, even though you may disagree. And we hear a lot of times, Roy, can we agree to disagree?

Well, there's a whole nother podcast on that, too. And folks, we'll come back to that one. Trust me. Will, let me close this out and thank you again. Will, it's great to see you.

Likewise. Folks, we just want to thank you for taking time with us. We hope that this has been some game to you about being a faithful friend. And Father, we come to you today and just give you thanks for all that you've done in our lives. Father, thank you for the show.

Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of this. And Lord, we just pray that all words are your words, Father. And if we've misspoke on something, Lord, we just pray that you write that and you help us to continue to be your servants, Father, at the level you want us to be. And we thank you for our listening audience.

And Lord, we just pray that you put a special blessing on their lives and in their hearts and minds about being a tender warrior, Father, on the different components we discussed. We thank you for the reason for the season. We're here in December, Father, and we just thank you for your son. We thank you for giving us an opportunity to have salvation and spend eternity with you, Father, rather than being the wicked people that we were without some sort of recourse, Father, to rejoin you. And we thank you for that, Lord. Thank you, Lord.

Yes. Father, thank you for Will and the long-term friendship. And just pray for a blessing over their projects. Safe travels, Father, just that you love on them and give them a great journey when that time comes here real soon, Father, for them to make out to another country and to Thailand, Father, and that work that you've got on their hearts for them to do. Father, we thank you for everything. It's in your son's precious name. Amen.

Amen. As we conclude today's show, TAWCMM, Talking and Walking Christian Men's Ministry, are building a community of men to be servant leaders in their home, communities, churches, and work environment. Check us out on our website for upcoming events and regular scheduled meetings. Don't forget to send us an email for topics that you would like us to visit in the future. Thank you for joining us today on Man Talk. Visit us at tawcmm.com.