S04 Ep 36 Godly Men, Woman, and Sex Revist

Welcome to Man Talk, a ministry sponsored by TAWCMM, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where we're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination and to point men to their God-assigned roles. Now here's your hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr. We have a very interesting subject on today. I'm Will Hardy.

And I'm Roy Jones. And we're here to talk about today, the men, sex, and living together. This, the single man. What is it that the single man is looking for out there in society?

What type of challenges the single man is facing? Good point, Will. And I think that list goes on and on and on, does it not?

It does. You know, I think most of us have come through that generation where we felt like the number of conquests that were achieved was a mark of manhood. But once you start walking with the Lord, you see what real manhood is about.

It's actually exactly the opposite of the number of conquests, but it's trying to hold yourself for that number one conquest once you're married. You know, and that's a good point too, Roy, because see, what men I think forget about, especially the man who was born again. And that's who we're talking to today, that man who was born again.

If you're born again and you are single or you are married, because we're focusing on the single man today, you want to ensure that your life is being represented the best possible way for the kingdom of God. And so that's why we're here talking about this subject. Yeah, that's a good point. And the piece about being married, if you think about our role as a husband and a father, you can start instilling these principles much, much younger these days.

Because the kids are learning and the children are learning about things way before we ever did. You know, they have all these games, video games, they have internet, and all of those things have a tendency to pull that young man or that young woman away from sound biblical doctrine. Yes.

And we've talked many times in our breakfast meetings and also in our events that, you know, the greatest tool that's out there right now in Satan's tool belt is the smartphone, because it's typically unmonitored and it's content worldwide that is very unhealthy and unspiritual content. And it certainly lends itself to taking the young man astray and giving them a very unhealthy sense of what God intended to be a very healthy relationship component sex. That's right. Right. God is the one who instituted sex.

He's the one who said, you are man, you're going to leave your father, you're going to leave your mother, and you're going to be united in one flesh with your wife. And see, when men have sex before they're married, what they're doing is they're missing out on that legitimate process that God has established in order for them to have the best possible sex possible. That's right, man.

You can have the best possible sex that you ever had when it's done legitimately and when it's done the right way. Yeah. In a holy sense, right, Will? And that's interesting enough. We probably had several men just drop their tea glasses, especially with it being a Sunday afternoon, and if they're on the way home, they're looking at their wives thinking, can we really get any better than it is?

But of course you can. And for those single men, it is something to look forward to. And I think a large component of this, especially for any man, is the need for immediate satisfaction, right? So there's an urge there, so there's a need for immediate satisfaction. So rather than wait for that long-term vision of what God intended for it to be, the Satan sitting there tapping on the shoulder saying, hey, it really doesn't matter.

You know, it's okay, go ahead and do it. That's the way God created you. But really, He did indeed create us that way, but it was for the sake of marriage, for the unionization of two people, right, to bring two into one and create that anointed soul tie, as we've talked about before. Yeah, legitimate. You know, I think that's the key word, legitimate. God does everything in His time, but He does it legitimately.

Yes. And what we've done, we've taken that legitimate pleasure, and we've turned it basically into a institution against God. And now people are profiting off of the very same thing that God Himself instituted. And created to be the holy. Holy. Holy. Very holy.

Holy and just. So we'll, you know, we've got, I'm sure a lot of young men out there that are either going to hear the podcast or be listening to this program. What advice for you as a pastor and also a father and a grandfather, would you impart upon our young men that are currently listening on how they can work through this trial and temptation and keep themselves holy for their marriage? First, Roy, I think that these young men, they need role models. And we lack role models and we lack accountability partners. So if a young man don't have a role model, and he don't have accountability partner, then what he's going to look for, he's going to look for information from the street. And that's the worst place to get information. Right.

And today the street could be defined as literally in the street, hanging out with his friends or people in school, or the street could be the phone, the smartphone, which we know is unfiltered and can certainly be the rawest of raw as it relates to that kind of exposure. Right? Exactly. And when you make a commitment, and I think that's where men fall short, is that they don't want to be a relationship. They don't want to commit to a relationship. So it comes down to the fact that they want to simply go out and be and have intercourse with as many women as possible, as quickly as possible. Because when they don't do that, they feel like, well, I'm really not a man and I haven't had a certain amount of women. And this, again, is worldly thinking, and it's thinking that has been instituted literally from our adversary himself.

Good point. So I'm sitting here thinking about growing up, you know, we talked to last week's show or two weeks ago show about pornography and the whole impact that has. So growing up, if you don't see or see it as a healthy relationship with your mother and your father, to your point, so you've got to seek out a mentor. You've got to seek out someone that can talk candidly about your natural desires that God has given you as part of his creation and how to deal with that. And certainly getting in the word with that mentor so that we can look at biblical teachings related to that, and why it's a sin to do this ahead of marriage, and why it's so blessed when you wait till marriage.

Exactly, because everyone, everyone fails when it's not done the right way in God's eyes. And so I guess that would lead to a question is, and this is a question me and you could be thinking about, why could engaging in sex before marriage be potentially harmful to a long-term relationship? So men, think about that while that question is directed to my co-hosts. Because if something that you're engaging in now is pleasurable, you must be prepared to face all of the necessary consequences that follow the decisions that you make. Well, Will, that's profound because I think oftentimes we make decisions without thinking what the consequences or collateral damage are going to be, right? Exactly.

So that's an excellent question. So what I would first say is that since God created sex for the man and the woman in marriage, that anything outside of that is detrimental in some fashion or form. What comes to mind is what I call, and was taught early on, and I noticed there's some controversy about that, but it's soul tie. You've made a union with someone outside of marriage, in what was intended to be the holiest of holy interaction between a husband and wife, so that, and you've done it outside of marriage, so that can become a crutch and basically a bad stronghold throughout your marriage. Because if things aren't quite the same with your spouse, that God has blessed you with, then you might be going back to what I shared with you before, memory recall.

And that's another tool of Satan. Well, you know, and the same holds true for the ladies, right? You know, if you compare your husband to a previous spouse, or you compare your wife to a previous girlfriend, or if you've been married before, or not married before, right? So this whole memory recall and clearing the deck, as we were talking about before, is so important for a healthy relationship. It's not to say that if you've fallen short, that God can't restore that, and I think that's what's going to be key about this conversation, is that God is capable of restoring anything.

Exactly. So if you've had many conquests in your life, and you're now married, and you need to get that restored, God can restore that. Because that, and to your point earlier, it could be an amazing, amazing experience once you've cleared your memory, cleared the sinful behavior out of your past, I think God can restore that.

No, God can restore that. But you know, Roy, anytime a relationship is built off of just the physical, it's doomed and bound to fail. And so when physicalness is just one aspect of the relationship, but if a man is not sound spiritually, and if he's not sound mentally, then what begins to happen is he begins to see things through the rose-colored glasses, instead of looking at things the way God would have him to look at them. So are you implying that the rose-colored glasses might be Satan's eyewear and not our Heavenly Father's eyewear? You know, when we're talking about Satan, you know, it's not only rose-colored glasses, it's bloody glasses. Yes, yes, yes.

So yeah, he has a lot of tools in his toolbox, and you know, he's already a defeated foe. Yeah, great point, Will, great point. Well, men, I hope that you're enjoying the topic. Our intent here is to share things that are real-world issues for you and I as men, and to talk about how we need to handle it, and to let you know that your Heavenly Father has got you covered through all this, and it doesn't matter where you've been or where you're going, He can change that and fix all that. And so as we move into the second half of our show here in a few moments, we just ask that you be contemplating Will's question, and talk it over with whoever you're riding with this afternoon.

So we'll be back in just a few moments. Talking and walking Christian men's ministry would like to invite you to our monthly men's breakfast, held every first, third, and fifth Friday of each month. You enjoy fun fellowship in the Word of God as we break bread together. The meetings are held at First Christian Church, 1130 North Main Street, Kernersville, North Carolina.

We start promptly at 6.30 a.m. and have a hard stop at 8 o'clock a.m. Come join your hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones, Jr. Will, why don't let's start back up on this second portion of our show today with the question you posed just before break. You know, we talked about living together, and we talked about the man, and we talked about how the men are not fulfilling their God-given roles. And you know, Roy, before we get to that question, I know there's somebody out there who's saying, Pastor, give me some scriptures. So you want some scriptures? I got some scriptures for you. Okay, and we don't have time to look at all these in detail, but 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse number 2, Acts 15, verse number 20, 1 Corinthians chapter 5 and verse 1, 1 Corinthians 6 and 13, 1 Corinthians 6 and 18, 2 Corinthians 12 and 21. So feast on those scriptures.

But I want to come back to 1 Corinthians chapter 2, chapter 7, verse 2. And God clearly defines in this particular book, chapter, and verse that marriage is in the definition of what God said it is, and that sexual immorality is wrong, wrong, wrong. And so let us look at those biblical verses and talk about you are condemned by God, but God still want to bless you, even in your sin.

And see, there's somebody out there, Roy, right now. They're living in sin, and they're wondering, how do I get out of this when God has said that sexual immorality is wrong? Well, that's a great question, Will, and the first thing that comes to mind is I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, scripturally speaking, right? So if I can do all things, it doesn't say, well, you can only do this part, but as it relates to your sexual desires, you can't do it because it's impossible.

No, it says I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. So I think oftentimes we as men just need that little reminder, and if it means taping that scripture up in your mirror before you go to bed, if you're living that lifestyle, that you say, hey, we're drawing a line saying we're done with this. We're going to live a holy life, and we're going to do it the way it was intended to be. And I think oftentimes we lose sight of the long-term goal and what the long-term vision should be. We're all guilty of that.

We want to immediately want, as we mentioned earlier, we want it now. And I think if we could impart on anyone that we have an opportunity to influence, that if we'll just allow God time to work and give Him the space to work and truly trust Him with everything that we're doing, including these things, that the blessings that will flow through from Him are just absolutely amazing. You know, when God says, God says, do you not know that your bodies are the members of Christ? And shall I then make the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot?

So as you were talking about earlier, Roy, that's soul tie. When we have sex illegitimately, this is exactly what we're doing. And see, someone out there may think, you know, these guys are a bit old-fashioned, and these, what you're talking about is outdated.

What do you say to somebody who's thinking that? Well, my first question is, is the Bible outdated? Is the Word of God outdated? Hallelujah. I think we've all seen everyone that's tried to prove that to be outdated or not true in the fall, and we know that the Bible is relative, it's current. And if we're following Christ, then it's pretty simple.

It's not outdated. Amen. Amen. And God, He wants the best for us.

Amen. So man, if you're listening, God wants the best for you. It is His desire that no man should perish, but all should come into the knowledge of the truth. And see, when you are representing God, and when you are living for Him, there is no other thing outside of living for God that can build you up in a way to where you become that powerful man that that woman wants to see. She wants to see you taking the lead in that home. She wants to see you doing what God had called you to be. But if you're out here having sex before marriage, and you are married, or if you're a single man, and you're out here fornicating before you're married, then you're in that same category.

Yeah, that's excellent, Will. I think there's probably several wives that are listening to several wives that are listening to this today and saying, I hope my husband will embrace this concept. Because we all know men are visually stimulated, women are emotionally stimulated. It makes for a much healthier relationship when we recognize as the servant of our wives, that we love our wives unconditionally as Christ loved the church, which means it needs to be about her and her needs, and how we satisfy that.

And I'm not talking just in a sexual sense, I mean, her overall needs, emotional support, the physical support of being there and present, and being mentally connected to them as well. So, you know, I've been married quite a few years, and Will, you celebrate a lot of years before God called your wife home. So we understand that. And if we can impart a little bit of this to these young men and the older men to get them to kind of change their ways, I think it'll be a successful day, at least a successful half hour with them. But it's one of those things that if we don't practice it, it'll never get any better. If we accept that low performance is okay in terms of not trying to make a difference, then it's never going to get any better. And you cannot receive the full blessing that God intended for it to be with you and your spouse if you don't change behavior.

And Roy, I know you played football, and I don't know a coach out there who would let you play if you hadn't practiced. Exactly. So practicing what we are saying, it's important because what it does is it shows that you have embraced the change that you want to get, that you want to come to and get out of the situation that you're currently in. So God wants to bring you men to that point to where you can be a strong, resourceful man for your mate.

And she in turn will come alongside and help you. I remember an old preacher in Mississippi used to say one time, he said, you know, if that man understands his role as a godly man and he is doing everything that he needs to do to fulfill God's plan, that woman will follow him to the ends of the earth. Do you believe that, Roy? Oh, I believe it with all my heart.

I believe it with all my heart. My wife and I have been married well, soon to be 34 years and just actually just in a few weeks, a week and a half. And I can tell you early on in the marriage, I didn't know what it meant to be a servant leader. And luckily she stood by me while I was trying to find my way. In that respect, I was a very immature husband.

And I think today that that conversation would be quite a bit different if you were to ask her what I was like today versus those years. But it's very true. And it's the old adage, well, if she'll do this, I'll do that problem. Most men have that concept in their mind.

Well, if she'll do this, then I'll be more than happy to do that. Well, did Christ ever say, well, if you as the sinners will go do this, then I'll heal you. No, he just walked up and says, turn from your ways. Amen. Amen.

And he performed the various miracles we read about in the Bible. He didn't make it conditional. So we as husbands need to be unconditional in our love and servant hood for our spouses. And young men should be practicing the discipline, getting ready for the game, as Will just put so nicely, with your dates. Exactly. And abstain from the obvious that we're talking about today.

But start practicing the servant leadership, opening doors, treating her like she's the most important thing to you, and letting her know that you're protecting her and that you will be that way the rest of your life. And men, don't say to her, if you love me, you'll have sex. Now, you heard that before. I know, Roy. Oh, yeah, yeah. If you love me, let's go and have sex.

No, you don't have to do that. And men, if you understand the way of truth, you wouldn't even address that question. You would never pose it. And I would say this to the young ladies. If a young man asks you that, just ask them to drop you off the next bus stop or the next place that you can catch a shuttle back to your home, if that's the kind of pressure they're putting you on. And then you also should say, and if you love me, you wouldn't ask me for that.

Let me throw another one in here, Roy. Pull up your pants, men. Pull up your pants, okay? No woman wants to be around a guy who's sagging, okay? So if you're sagging, pull up your pants and make yourself presentable because, see, God will clean all these things up in your life.

And you can't be running away anywhere with your pants around your ankle. So present yourself in such a way to the woman who you are with so that she can look and see that there is changes occurring in your life. Because if there is no changes, then you just got to leave that man. And Will, you make a good point.

The pants can be translated as anything. Clean up your language, clean up your behavior, clean up how you treat your future spouse, all those things. And that's a great example. We know Will's closing out this afternoon. I think it's important that we leave every man and woman out there with hope that our Heavenly Father sent His Son to die for us. And that if anyone's listening to this program, they've not accepted the Lord Jesus in their heart. We just invite you to do that while you're with us today.

All you got to do is admit, be in the center, recognize that Christ died for your sins and turn and to die to self and start following our Lord Jesus Christ. And there are so many churches out there. And there are so many opportunities that churches can present to you as men to come and fellowship with the men.

Yes. Fellowship and hit us up on the website, TAWCMM.com. And we will be there for you to address whatever needs you. As we conclude today's show, TAWCMM, Talking and Walking Christian Men's Ministry, are building a community of men to be servant leaders in their home, communities, churches, and work environment. Check us out on our website for upcoming events and regular scheduled meetings. Don't forget to send us an email for topics that you would like us to visit in the future. Thank you for joining us today on Man Talk. Visit us at TAWCMM.com.