Collateral Damage: Consequences of Bad Decisions

Hey, this is Mike Zwick from If Not For God Podcast. Our show, Stories of Hopelessness, Turned into Hope. Your chosen Truth Network Podcast is starting in just seconds.

Enjoy it, share it. But most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing the Truth Podcast Network. This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Man Talk, brought to you by TAWCMN, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where they're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination, and challenging men to take their God-assigned role. Here's our hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., a black guy and a white guy.

Welcome to Man Talk Radio. We're so glad you joined us. Will, it's so good to see you, brother. And I'm Roy Jones.

And I'm Will Hardy. And I tell you, Roy, it's good to see you too. Anytime we're above ground, that's a good thing. Well, depends on how you look at that. It's a win-win, right?

You're above ground. Well, let me rephrase that. If you've got the destination plan post-mortem... There you go. There you go. It is a good thing. It is a win-win. Absolutely.

But you're right. It is good to be upright right now with the point we are in our lives and certainly continuing to work towards getting men off the sidelines, like we talked about. Yes, sir. And the midst that we're in right now, we know it's just guys like us got to be talking about the kingdom and talking about the plan of salvation and encouraging men to step up and also to become the men that God intended for them to be. Absolutely. And Jesus said, the kingdom of God is in you. So we have to present that kingdom to a lost and dying world. Amen. And that's a great point for folks to listen. Remember that you may be the only Jesus that someone sees. Absolutely.

How does that look? And that's kind of what we're going to talk about in today's show is collateral damage, the consequences of bad decisions, the consequences of bad decisions. And I know the wheels are turning and everybody's listening right now. And it's easy for all of us to immediately go to that really, really bad decision and we knew what the consequences are. And that's why they always say hindsight's 20-20 because you can see what the damage was. But we're here to talk to you about preventing some of that damage, right?

Absolutely. And you know, Roy, there are people who they may understand what the consequences are and still go ahead and do it because they don't care. Well, you know, it's like when we were kids, right? And your mom said, don't touch the hot oven or hot stove. You get burned.

Well, you had to touch it to get burned. To get burned. To understand, right, what that was about. But men typically don't learn lessons too quickly. And it comes to certain areas that we're going to talk about today.

Absolutely. Will, let's talk, what kind of kind of brought me on to this topic and you as well. Recently, I was talking with some friends that we had, we had a mutual friend who had been married 25 years. And they, the wife decided that she didn't want to be married anymore.

At least on the surface, there was no, no, no indication why what was causing it. But what was interesting to watch over a two year period was the collateral damage that occurred. And this was a, this was a Christ believing following couple. And which really was what threw everybody in the tailwind because the tailspin, because they didn't understand why. So in this conversation became the collateral damage. And, and that's why we want to talk tonight, folks about bad decisions. And you know, when you make these decisions, don't just think about yourself, because typically when we make these types of decisions, it's about me. It's never about typically, it's never about the other person.

Absolutely. You know, I don't feel good anymore. I don't, I'm not in love with my spouse anymore. I don't have that, that butterfly feeling. I want to be a new person.

I want to go out and do things differently. And as we'll hear in one of our radio clips, you know, one guy said he likes to enjoy the company of others, even though he was married, but certainly didn't want his wife doing the same thing he was doing. And so, and we'll talk about that here as well. Well, see, and you, and all of the times, I think when people understand that everything you do say every action you take, it is an effect.

Yes. You know, you're affecting or will affect someone else. And, and as such, now you may create a stumbling block for that person. And as the word of God tells us, if we do that, then we ourselves become a stumbling block. So not only are we, are we putting a stumbling block in front of someone else as a result of our actions, but we are also a stumbling block to ourselves. Right. And we'll be held accountable. That's right.

So, and that's, we've talked about that in the past, Will. I would not want to be the person responsible for causing a brother to lose his, or to never find salvation, right. Or a sister because of my own behavior. And that's why folks, when we talk about, are you the Jesus that people see? Or should you be a different Jesus that people see?

Jesus is always the same, but if you're playing one side of it and doing things in another, like we talk about on Sunday, if you look one way on Sunday, and then you look totally different Monday through Saturday, you're causing brothers and sisters to stumble because they don't know which way is up. Exactly. And this is why James 4 17 tells us, he who know to do good and to do it not, to him it is sin. Amen. So if you, if you know you're going to cause collateral damage and yet you go ahead and do it anyway, and the individuals suffer the fallout, then what you're doing is you're causing that sin to be created in someone's life.

Right. Well, let's talk about the collateral damage, Will. I think let's talk about the first thing that comes to mind is abuse, you know, and then this could be with your spouse or to your children. And we know this happens regularly, right?

Because there are safe houses all over the country. And we know that there's physical abuse and there's mental abuse. What do you see as collateral damage in an abuse situation?

Let's talk from the mental abuse startup first. Well, when you, when you are mentally abusing someone, and I would say that's, that would be the same as verbally abusing them because you're, you're attacking, you know, their mental faculties. Right. So when you talk about that, I believe that the fallout there is a person could have low self-esteem as a result of being bombarded mentally and not being built up by their spouse.

Right. And another area too, is if that person's being, it's kind of the trash in trash out concept, right? You know, we talk about, you know, don't listen to stuff and don't look at stuff you shouldn't be listening to or watching.

In this case, if a person is being, you know, battered, if you will, mentally because of abuse or mental abuse or verbal abuse, then if they're, that continually is downloaded into their psyche and into their spirit, then that's going to also be the outcome of that person. So if you're doing it to your children, folks think about what the men, especially, uh, speak with, with a very gentle tongue and speak with gentle heart. So that if they see something different, that's going to become the norm. That's going to be hardwired into them to say, Hey, this is the way it should be. And this is the way it is. And this is the way I'm going to be when I grow up.

That's right. Because anytime in anything a man says to his children, he's sowing seed. So you're going to sow the seed of discord. You're going to sow the seed of a mental or verbal anguish. Yes. You're going to have all of these characteristics that are shaping these children instead of, you know, speaking positive things into their life. Right. And what is, what did Jesus say about the children and causing the children to stumble?

That's right. Well, in, in, uh, in Matthew 19, uh, toward around 17th, 18 verse, uh, the disciples brought children to Jesus and the disciples were going to rebuke them. And Jesus said, suffer the little children and forbid them not for such is the kingdom of heaven. So, so your children are the, the by-product of who you are. And so the question is, is what are you, what are you sowing into them?

You know, that's a great, great phrase. We on a great question. What men, what are you sowing into your children? Absolutely.

And this, this should be a pause moment right here. What are you sowing into your children? Absolutely. Are you sowing hatred? Are you showing racism? Are you sowing, um, um, infidelity?

Are you sowing abuse to your wife? Are they seeing these things? How are they seeing you as their father? Absolutely. And the husband of their mother, how are they seeing you?

And if they're seeing you anything other than who you supposed to be a representative of representative of the kingdom, if they're looking at you or you sowing any other thing into that child's life, then it is non-godly and it is eventually going to shape the character of that child. Right. And you're hard coding them. You're hard wiring what their future looks like.

That's exactly right. Yeah. Well, let's talk about, uh, speaking of infidelity, let's, uh, let's talk about that. What are the, and I want to talk about the collateral damage of infidelity and this goes, this could be an all, all show conversation by itself, right? So infidelity, you know, what typically drives that is, you know, things aren't good at home, aren't good in the relationship. And then somebody gets another person's attention, whether it's through a nice comment, a stimulating conversation, and all of a sudden this, this thing starts to build momentum. Now, if a person has infidelity in their marriage, what do you see as some of the consequential and some of the collateral damage to that?

Well, if a person is practicing infidelity, then there could be a myriad multitude of reasons behind why that happens. But using the example that you said, if they're off, you know, with a coworker, having lunch, you know, and it's, it's becomes a regular thing for them, or it's what I call the wandering eye. You know, you, you, you might be with your wife or children and you're walking through the mall and then all of a sudden, Hmm, you see a lady with a short skirt, tight pants on, short dress, and all of a sudden you look, but if you look a second time, that's when the enemy gets you. Right. Or you stay looking.

That's right. Because, because because you look the first, you know, what's there, but if you turn again and you look, now you're going to start entertaining these thoughts. Well, let's talk about infidelity for a moment here. Obviously it ruins marriages. It does collateral damage. It impacts the children that this is so important. Folks, listen to this. This is so important is a few minutes of satisfaction or a few minutes of, of the, the excitement of breaking the rules, if you will, in God's rules worth the damage that it causes to your children or the damage or hurt it causes to your spouse.

And obviously the answer is no. And you'll say, and I know people will say, well, you don't know what I'm going through. You don't know what's going on. You don't know how long this has been going on. You don't know how difficult it's been to be in this marriage.

Well, that's the whole point. You know, as most people say through their vows for better or for worse and folks, there's no reason for it to be on the worst side. The majority of the time, there are counselors out there that can help you through those journeys and help you talk through the issues and get to know each other at a different level and a deeper level and where there's no threats or no kind of recourse. It's basically, it's a safe place for you to go talk.

And that's what I would encourage you to do. Let's talk a little bit more about this. It also destroys your witness. It destroys your friendships.

It does. And Satan wins the battle. Satan wins the battle. And when we we're getting ready to take a break here in just a few, few seconds, but we'll continue down here just a moment. We'll, when we come back, we're going to play you a clip about that guy who was justifying why it was okay to have an infidelity, have infidelity in his life with his wife. Yeah.

And, and when you listen to this, it's, it's a little bit hilarious if you know the word of God, but it's also sad that he's attempting to bring his wife to divorce her because he, she isn't intimately satisfying him enough. And we'll leave it at that because we won't. Absolutely.

So don't go anywhere. Yeah. Intimacy. Folks, think about that. Intimacy.

Are you intimate in your life and with Christ? That's the first question. That'll lead to the rest. We'll be right back. Thank you so much for joining us. time visitors eat for free.

Join your host, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr. A black guy and a white guy. Affordable chiropractic in High Point. As you might tell from their name, affordable chiropractic, even for the cash patient. Dr. Jeff Fricke has been caring for patients in High Point for 34 years. Physical therapy such as ultrasound and spinal decompression for disc conditions such as herniation, comprehensive care for auto accident injury patients with no out of pocket expense. Remember affordable chiropractic on West Lexington Avenue in High Point.

Call 336-885-1987. Welcome back. Welcome back to Man Talk Radio.

We are so glad you're with us today. As we, right before break, Will is kind of setting up this clip for you folks. And we'll just let you listen to the clip and then we'll come back and talk about it. But the whole, the whole crust is this man's justifying his behavior. And then we'll come back and talk a little bit more detail about what it is.

So as we're queuing this up. Mr. Anderson, you deny each specific incidence of cheating. Yes, ma'am. But you tell me in general, you feel you have the right to have sex with whomever, because she's not giving you enough. Why deny the individual incidences when you tell me you have the right and do do so?

Well, she haven't saw it. I know I have the right because I am a person that I like to get out and enjoy myself. That don't mean I'm gonna sleep with every woman I meet. I like to conversate. I like to talk. I like to make women feel good about themselves.

If I do it, he got a problem. Now I was born in this world and God put that in man. God put it in woman too. But I don't know about this woman. I don't feel like I have to do it. You know, you call up God and the devil like you know what I mean? I love him.

I love him. Keep my Bible in my pocket 365. And see, this is the problem.

This is the problem. Here you have this man taking his wife to divorce court so that he can justify having intimate relationships with women that are not his wife. Well, and it's funny. And he was talking about, I love him. I love God.

But I carried the Bible 365 days. But to your comment before the show started when we were listening to the clip, he's obviously not reading the Bible. He doesn't know God intimately. No, he does not. I mean, anybody can read the word of God, but you have to have spiritual discernment in order to understand what that word is. Which means you have to have Jesus in your heart. You do.

And then how it applies to your life. Exactly. Did you notice how many times he said I? Absolutely. I in that clip. You know, what I thought was really hilarious was that he just adds my needs.

I've got to have it. You know, and I like to talk with folks and go visit with them. You know, it's just rationalizing his behavior. That's the thing. He wants to rationalize his behavior because he believes that his behavior is justified. And see, we can justify anything. Oh, of course, the mind, the human mind. And that's Satan's biggest playground. Justify anything.

Anything we can justify. The question is, is when he said God put these things in me, he put God put the feeling of intimacy. But this intimacy is between husband and wife, husband and wife.

Exactly. Not not the illegitimate feelings that you have, but you're using God as a reason to go out and have these illegitimate feelings. Well, how many times have we heard people say that, you know, God wants me to be happy?

Of course he wants you to be happy, but not at the expense of leaving your spouse or your family. Or violating his word. Or violating his word. Exactly. And that's where men and women, they're listening. We just want to encourage you and challenge you here that if you know or are in the middle of a situation, seek guidance and counseling and turn from this. Because the collateral damage, as we've started to show out, is immeasurable. You know, there's a, Oswald Chambers has a verse like you and I were talking about, Four Wheel, that a river knows not where its source touches.

Right? So that can be a very positive thing and a very long reaching and a very poetic life of a believer that has passed their existence, like you were talking about when we're not standing upright anymore and we've headed home. What a great blessing that would be. Now the flip of that is and the opposite is that if your river is one of evil or one of sin and you're constantly running down that channel and you're sending stuff out and you're doing things, you know, the collateral damage will be generations to come. Generations to come. That your children, your children's children, your grandchildren, obviously, all down the line, great grandchildren, this could set up an effect that you would never ever know in your lifetime what you've done. Absolutely.

So I think with one thing, go back to the clip, the guy was always talking about I and multiple times he said I or me or whatever it was. So men, we have got to be focused that it's about the first God then the others other than self. Absolutely. And if obviously he hadn't read Hebrews 13 four, which says marriage is honorable in all. Amen. And the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge.

So how can you justify just because you're using the fact that he's not getting enough at home to justify sinning against the holy and just God. We know Dr. Chapman has a book out the five love languages. And that's if you're listening to this program today, we would encourage you to get hold of that book. If you're struggling in your marriage and struggling in your relationship, and he's not at call and ask us to make a plug on this, but we've been through the book so we can tell you about this. You need to be speaking your spouse's love language.

And I'll leave it at that. So go get the book, figure out what each other's love language is so you can start talking to each other in a way that you never thought possible. And from that love language will come all the other, the blessings and the fulfillment and the things that God intended for your marriage to be. You know, when you talk about, you use the word fulfillment, you have to be motivated to do things for God, you know? And, but if you're motivated by God, then he's going to bless your work. If you are motivated by the world, then you are putting yourself in a rut or in a situation to where you may not be able to get out of. So when I look at motivation, I look at four things. I look at desire. I look at determination. I look at fulfillment and I look at satisfaction.

See, when you're satisfied that you know that God had worked in you because you have been obedient to him, there is no substituting that. And I think another word in there will should be content. Content in your circumstances, right? And happy where you're at. Because that's the other thing too, society, especially the US and American economy, have you believe that if you're not making millions of dollars a year, that you can't be happy? That you don't measure up because you're not in that top 1%. And that's sad. It is.

Really sad because I think the folks that are at poverty level in this country are considered rich in most areas of the world, right? But that's because we've built this mechanism here that is just commercialized, I guess, and we've moved so far away from understanding what God intended for all this to be. And, and, and you know, and, and in the beginning, like when we, when we get down to divorce, when, when God, I mean, the Pharisees came to Jesus again in Matthew chapter 19, three through 12, immediately, they, they came to him and they said, you know, is it okay for me to put away my wife or just anything, any calls at all? And then Jesus said, well, don't you know what the word says? You know, he laid them out that a man leave father, mother cleaving to his wife, they shall be one flesh.

And, and he goes on to discuss that. And then they come back and they say, well, why did Moses authorize the writing of a divorcement to put her away? And this is what Jesus said in the beginning.

It was not so he said, Moses authorized this because of, of the hardness of your heart. So our heart is hard. So therefore we're, we're using this divorce mechanism, if you will, as an escape and say, we have another clip that we're going to talk about later.

We do. And this divorce word has become the secondary to marriage. It's like, you know, well, if it doesn't work out or if I decided I don't want to be married, I'll just get a divorce, just bail.

Yeah. And folks, it's a lifetime commitment that we need to reinsteal into our children and to our grandchildren and to our, our friends that are contemplating marriage. Is this a lifetime commitment? You know, and it's not, it's never going to be perfect.

We know it's never going to be a hundred percent perfect. There will be opportunities and there will be challenges and there'll be hurdles that you'll have to work through. And the key there is work through, but it's like anything.

It's like with metal, when you're tempering steel, you know, it goes through the heat and it gets stronger and it gets moldable and shapeable. And then it's, when it comes out, it is a finely tuned piece of weaponry and it's, or strengthened in bridges or whatever it happens to be. But it's an amazing strength. Same thing happens with relationships. That's right. You know, if it's, if you have to work for it and once you get on the other side, then you're going to appreciate it that much better.

If you don't have to put any work into it, any work, then you're not going to appreciate it. And it's that way with anything in life, right? Goes back to that satisfaction.

Yes. Satisfaction and fulfillment. You know, when you know you're obedient and you know that God has blessed you because you've been obedient, then lo and behold, there's no substitute for it. There's not. Well, let's mirror back, Will, let's talk, we talked about abuse, collateral damage of that is we've talked about infidelity, you know, and in both of those cases, if you stay on course, then Satan wins the battle.

Mm hmm. He doesn't win the war. Cause we know how, how it, how it finishes, but he does win the battle.

Yes, he does. And that battleground is your family folks. You should not allow him to win at no cost.

You should not allow him to win. You take radical steps, take radical steps. Just like Jesus said, if your, if your eye offends, you pluck it out. You know, if your hand offends, chop it off. Now he didn't mean pull your eye out, but what he meant by that is to take radical steps. Don't try to do things always in the box, right? Come out the box and take radical steps, whatever it is you need to do within the guidelines of what God's word says.

And of course you don't want to do anything illegitimate or illegal. Stay within the guidelines and God will bless. You know, Will, as, as, as I'm listening to what you're saying there and just wondering about what people are thinking and we're talking about collateral damage, cause there's probably many things that we won't be able to talk about tonight that cause collateral damage.

It could go on and on just, uh, uh, drinking and driving. It turned out bad. Death occurred any number of things, but folks, first we're here to build the kingdom. Second, we're here to share with you what God's put on our hearts about things that need to be talked about.

We don't take anything lightly, but every week God puts something on our heart that needs to come out and chat with you about. So if you're listening to this program and you haven't made a decision to follow Jesus, we just want to encourage you to get on your knees and talk to the father and say, I am a sinner. Know that you died for me, Jesus.

I want you to come in my heart, turn away from your sin and start to follow Christ and get in with the body of believers. And trust me, folks, your life will be so much more fulfilled, satisfied. You'll be content. You won't be perfect and you won't have struggles, but it will be a life.

It will be a life that you'll be glad you worked and lived for. Absolutely. Cause there's only one who was perfect and that's Jesus Christ.

But he does. When you receive him into your heart, you have a perfect person in there. Amen. As we wrap up today's show, be assured that TAWCMM talking and walking Christian men's ministry is building a community of men that are Christ followers with a desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches, and work environments. Check out our website for upcoming events and regularly scheduled meetings. Drop us a note for topics that you would like to have us visit in the future. Thank you for joining us on Man Talk today. Visit us at www.tawcmm.com. Men walking the talk. This is the truth network.