Why Do Men Not Want To Go To Church Pt 1

Welcome to ManTalk, brought to you by TAMN. Welcome once again to ManTalk Radio. I'm Will Hardy.

Hi, and I'm Roy Jones. Roy, you know, tonight's subject, it's a problem with every church that's out there. And our question, I guess, is why men just don't want to go to church.

Well, that's a great, great question, Will. We've talked about that many times when it comes to getting men engaged. And the first thing that comes to mind is they just don't feel like going. You know, I can think back to my own life when my wife used to encourage me, you need to be coming to church with me and the children, and I could come up with any number of reasons. And the first reason seemed to be I would always, for some mysterious reason, would start saying, well, I just don't feel like going today. And, you know, I've heard excuses that men would give on why they don't want to go. I don't have a suit.

I mean, come on, man. I don't have a suit. Now, we could understand, you know, from the standpoint of the women, you know, I don't have a dress, but I don't have a suit because Jesus said, come as you are. That's right. Come as you are. And these days, we're just happy if you've got pants on and a shirt, or even shorts, you're fine if you want to show up in shorts and flip-flops.

That's right. Most churches welcome you as you are. So that excuse is off the table.

What's next? Well, some men, they like to say that my purpose or when I come to church, the service is like really, really, really long, 45 minutes, an hour. I don't want to sit here for 45 minutes or an hour.

So what do you say about that? Well, you know, that 45 minutes may sit probably because you're not chasing after God. You're there looking at what's next other than focusing on what God's got intended for in that moment. But I can assure you if somebody offered to go grab the fishing boat or go play 18 holes, or go to a ball game or tickets to the Panthers or whatever team you follow, I don't believe there would be any excuses for not making that appointment. Well, you know, because everywhere Jesus went, absolutely everywhere he went, he had an impact on people.

He touched lives. And if you're not there, how can you build a family structure? How can you bring yourself to be held accountable for things in the kingdom if you don't know what those things you need to hold true that Jesus said in reference to the kingdom? Well, you're going to be held accountable whether you know you're supposed to be held accountable or not. You know, when God created Adam, we were given dominion and responsibility over everything.

And that doesn't mean as we've talked time and time again about being a dictator, that means you're responsible to be the leader by being the right servant. So if you say, well, I didn't know what I was supposed to do, well, that's on you to learn what you're supposed to do. God's given us the instruction book in the Bible.

And part of the fellowship is that you learn how to do it by watching others and modeling it for others to see how it's supposed to be done. You know, and that's so true because if a man truly wants to grow in spiritual knowledge and in the grace of our Lord and Jesus Christ as Jesus has said, then their heart would be a heart for learning and not finding excuses. Because, I mean, as a pastor, I've heard things like, well, your message is not relevant.

What does that mean? A relevant message. Well, that's a great question, Will. I think the relevancy is all about the timing, right, as to when you're sitting there. Today's message may not be relevant for me, but somewhere along the line it's going to be relevant, provided the pastor is preaching from the Word and teaching the Word and you've given us a true definition and clarity on what God was trying to speak through the writers of the Bible. And, you know, that's so true because what happens is you have certain pastors today, they sort of like preach the hype. It's like they're expecting the pastor to get them pumped up in the Word. And you should already be pumped up when you come to service. When you prepare yourself mentally and you walk in the door, give yourself over to the Lord and say, Lord, whatever it is you want to work through me now, work through me now and not let me depend on worship music or the pastor saying, all right, let's get up and praise and shout and give God the glory. Well, that's very good, Will. I would even go one step further. I would say it needs to start when you hit the floor on Sunday morning because we all know that Satan's coming after you to steal, kill, and destroy, and that starts in this array of the family.

Kids are fighting, trying to get ready. You and your wife get at odds to start the day, and then guess what? Your spirit's not prepared for what God's prepared for you when you walk through the doors of the church. So my recommendation is that you start the morning on your death prayer with your wife before you even get started so that you're preparing your heart and your mind and getting ready for what God has to offer through the Word in that day. And the thing about music, we see all throughout the Bible about music, that all that played in the worship and in honoring God. And I think as long as it's just that, preparing our hearts for God's message and not the only reason we're going to church or, like you said, getting pumped up and all that sort of thing, I think it's great that people get excited about being in front of the Spirit, in front of God in church, and celebrating that. But we've got to remember we're there to get closer to Him and to draw on that knowledge of our pastor and people around us to get closer to Him.

That's right. And what we're saying is we're not saying that the Spirit of God can't move on an individual, raise their hands, and they just get over with joy and things like that because certain men feel uncomfortable when things are over and emotional. And you get so emotional and you're looking around going, okay, what's happening here? And the Spirit indeed may move upon somebody, just raise their hands, or they may come out in the aisle and the Holy Spirit may have them dancing or something like that. And to some, that might be viewed as what is happening here, or they may not have an understanding about where that person is spiritually. So they get lost. Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. Another excuse for not going to church.

Why would they not be going to church? Again, we can come up with every excuse possible, Will, as we've talked about. And I guess in those situations, most people need to just remember that that relationship is an individual relationship. That is your relationship with Christ and with God through Christ.

And how He talks to you and speaks to you and moves on you, that needs to be for you. And the people around you need to recognize that. And in the same token, we need to be very sensitive and cautious that it's not about us, and we become systematic and doing those kind of things and outward behavior and emotions that maybe God's not moving us to do those kind of things. Exactly, because we start out, and men in particular, they start out, and if there's this overarching burden that they may be burdened down with, and it's time for them to go to fellowship, and then all of a sudden, they say, Well, you know, we can't give any tithes and offerings this week because we have to pay such and such a bill. And see, there's a lot of listeners out there who have experienced that. I can't go because I don't have anything to put into the plate.

Well, what do you say about that, Roy? Well, I think Scripture tells us to give with a happy heart, right? It's all about your attitude of giving. Ten percent is what God has directed us to do, the first offerings.

Start somewhere. If you don't have a whole lot to give, give what you can afford to give, and just give with a happy heart, and God will take you through that journey. And that's the only place in the Bible God commands us to test Him, right, or directs us to test Him, is to tithe and let Him return it back to us.

You don't give to receive, but He's telling you, You do your part in the natural, and I'm going to do a whole, whole, whole lot more in the supernatural. Unfortunately, in today's time, people have made it about prosperity gospel. We've talked about that, Will.

It's a one-on-one, and I've talked about that. That seems to be a lot of people's direction and motives for getting closer to God. But that should be the last thing on everyone's mind.

Exactly, because prosperity gospel, I think it's attractive to people, because this is what they want to hear. Now, again, we're not saying that God don't want to bless you. We're not. We're not saying that.

Not at all. What we're saying is that if we get into this mode to where every Sunday, we're constantly, and note the word, constantly talking about money and prosperity, then what about all of the other subject matters that Jesus addressed? Well, exactly, like serving, and He modeled being a servant, right? Looking after the widows and the orphans. I think there's no greater blessing than to do that, take care of the widows and the orphans. And of course, the needy, when He talks about separating the sheep from the goats, it's going to be due to the things we didn't do that He asked us to do, right?

Exactly. And that's because we didn't know Him, because if you know Him, then you're going to be doing the things that He's asked us to do. So, Will, let's talk about this thing. White men hate going to church, but let's talk a little bit about what's going on with men.

I was reading through the book Pastoring Men by Patrick Morley. There's some statistics I wanted to share with the audience. Eighty percent of men are emotionally impaired, that not only are they unable to express their feelings, but they are even unable to identify their feelings. Sixty percent of men are in financial trouble, paying only the monthly minimums on their credit card balances. Fifty percent of men who attend church, now listen to this, Will, fifty percent of men who attend church actively seek out pornography. Now, that's scary.

It is. And you know, some of those statistics, you quote it, it is some of the reasons why we have not understood what God said in His Word in reference to finance. So we get ourselves in financial strains, and once we get ourselves in it, because it's our own knowledge of not knowing what the Word of God says in reference to that, we fall into the pit, and we say, God, help me, throw me a lifeline and get me out of this, instead of understanding how to manage your money.

Right, and how you got there to begin with. Exactly. Exactly.

Because these things just don't happen. You know, you have to sit down as a family and let the Word of God minister to your heart, mind, and soul in reference to what you do with those resources that God blessed you to have. Yeah, excellent, excellent, Will. That's good advice for every man listening here today.

One other thing real quick, Will, before we go to break here just a moment. Forty percent of men get divorced affecting one million children each year. One million children each year.

When we come back, we'll talk about what that impact does on those one million children and how it's affecting the future. TAWCMM would love to have you join their community of men for breakfast. Every first and third Friday of every month. They have Bible discussions and fellowship after the best breakfast in town. The meeting location is at their gracious Host Church, First Christian Church in Kernersville, 1130 North Main Street in Kernersville. They have a hard start at 7 o'clock and a hard stop at 8 o'clock. First time visitors eat for free.

Join your hosts, Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., a black guy and a white guy. Sometimes auto accidents aren't really accidents at all. They are staged, deliberate crashes designed to make it look like it's your fault when in fact you're the innocent victim. The criminals that are behind them are interested in one thing, money from an insurance claim.

If you think that accident was not really an accident at all, protect yourself, call the police, take pictures of the damage, the people in the other vehicles, the license plates, licenses and registration. Whenever you suspect fraud, call us at 1-800-TELL-NICB. A public service message from the National Insurance Crime Bureau. Welcome back to Man Talk Radio. And right before the break, Roy, you were talking about how men divorce men and how that number, what was that percentage again? Forty percent of men get divorced, affecting one million children each year.

This book's a couple years old, so I would dare say that number's probably even higher, Will. And what's really sad about that is obviously there are things sometimes that happen that seem to be totally irreconcilable, whether it be abuse or those types of things. But as a whole, divorce has become a convenience at times.

I think people are just tired. They don't want to work at their marriage anymore. And they certainly a lot of times don't have God as the center of their marriage.

But even some marriages with God as the center, they're not totally trusting Him and turning it over to Him, so they end up breaking apart. But the impact is the collateral damage that we see down the road. You may not see it in today's moment or six months or a year from now, but it's ten years from now when those children are now adults and preparing for a relationship with someone or looking to get married.

And the only thing they're going to know is what's been modeled for them. So men, there's a big responsibility out here. It goes back to what we were talking about. It's not necessarily what you feel like doing, but it's what God needs you to do as a man and a kingdom man and fallen Christ. Yeah, Roy, because all of the men that are out there listening right now, whatever you say and whatever you do is going to affect someone in a positive way, we hope, or a negative way.

And if we don't understand what it is to live like men, then what does that say about the relationship that we have with the person who we're with? Because most more than likely, if I have never had a man to model for me what a kingdom man should be like, then I'm going to get that information from somewhere else, and then I'll end up doing just the opposite of what God said in reference to being unequally yoked. And then I'll begin to carry all of those problems and challenges along with that relationship because now I've made the wrong decision in going against what God said, and now here I am trying to battle and get myself out of somewhere to where I never should have been in the first place because Jesus said in Matthew to go out into all the world. Now how can I go out into all the world and preach the gospel if I don't even have a stable home and I have not modeled the way for my son to see me in the capacity of what a real man should be? Well, you could go out, Will, but the problem becomes the site of hypocrisy because people that know you're going to see what's going on at home as well as your son, and then they're going to be going out and say, Well, son, I'm going to go witness to the neighborhood about coming to church, following Christ, and leading your family properly, but yet at the same time you're the same man that's beating him or that's pushing his mom around or that's cussing or that's not living a holy life, that's got the pornography tucked away in the bathroom, and the son's getting confused, as you said, mixed signals.

So you really can't model it. But what happens to the man who's not had it modeled? And he says, Hey, I need somebody or someone to come alongside of me here so I can become that man that God intended me to be. So that's where you or I or other men within the church or the community that are followers of Christ needs to come alongside these men. And then this will answer our first question, is why men hate going to church. Well, now all of a sudden we're creating a fellowship that may be outside of the church to start, but that man may say, Hey, I like what I see in this relationship and this God thing, and I'm going to be a part of this community as I move forward. And see, and that leads into one of the questions that I had down here on one of the reasons why men hate going to church is that it's the lack of male bonding, fellowship, and men's discipleship.

Right. And most men, most men, I won't say all men, because there are some that don't like sports or have never been in service or don't have those kind of drives, but every man somewhere, whether it's the strong pillar or the weak pillar, has that warrior instinct. So that piece of fellowship, that piece of going to battle together, whether it's on a football field or a rugby field or in a foxhole, it's naturally bonding, and that's the way God created men. I mean, that's why he wants us as the protectors of our families and the warriors for his kingdom, and that's just the way it was designed. So I think, personally, in my own experience, there's an innate hunger deep down inside of us that God has sparked for us to fellowship with others. Look, Jesus modeled it with the 12, and I mean, for three years. I mean, you know, most of us can't hang out with each other for a day, much less a weekend. Think about three years. So here Christ has got 12 of those guys hanging out with him for three years.

Think about the fellowship and the bond, how special that was, not just with Christ but with those 12 men, of course, later to become 11 as Judas falls off the chart, but think about that. And, you know, that's powerful, too, because when you spoke about men and you spoke about warrior, I don't know a woman out there who don't want a warrior as a husband. You know, someone who's going to protect, defend, and supply those needs that need to be done in the family.

I don't know a woman out there. She don't want a wimp. You know, she want a warrior, and so having that warrior spirit can only come from the Word of God, and so we have to see what Jesus did and, as you stated earlier, how he modeled a lot of things for the disciples to follow, even though there were times that the disciples had doubt themselves. Then Jesus Christ dispelled that doubt, and see, men have doubt, but again, Jesus can dispel that doubt, but you have to be in the church so you can understand what the Word of God says and how that particular word is going to relate to your life.

Right. Well, look at Proverbs 3, 5, and 6, right? Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will guide and direct your paths. So when we're in that moment of doubt, or we're in that season that says, I just don't see it, God, you've just got to trust him. You know, you trust every day when you go out and turn your car on, it's going to start. You trust in the things you can't see that you know are going to happen every day. Here's the Creator of all that's got his arms wrapped around you, and he's going to take care of this problem.

He's going to bring you to the forefront. And let's be clear, being a warrior doesn't mean being abusive. It doesn't mean being a mean person. It just means standing on your standards, and it means guarding that family as the headship of that family and leading by serving your wife like she is the next best thing to God because she's supposed to be. Christ said love her, and we told him the word, love her like he loved the church, right?

And gave himself up conditionally and died for her. So that's essentially what we're saying, man, we want you to do. But let's get back to this thing about why they hate going to church, right? So, I mean, think about this, man. You think, well, church is for wimps, and church has got a feminine piece to it that this doesn't appeal to me anymore.

Well, the reason it may be geared more towards the ladies is because we've been absent from the church. Absolutely, absolutely. So, naturally, it needs to cater to the people that are a part of it.

So, men, if you want to see it changed and be a little bit different, then you need to be the one that helps make it be a little bit different. Absolutely. Don't sit on the sideline and complain. Yeah.

And we have a lot of complainers. We have just little groupies in the church who they sit over to the sideline, and they form the little sex and cliques, let's just call it what it is now, because these things only hinder the development of the church and the body as a whole. Right. And we are commanded, Hebrews 10 25, forsake not the assembling of yourselves together in the manner of some is, and so much the more as you see today approaching. Now, if I am going to understand God and build a foundation off of the word of God, and I'm absent from the church, then it's just like you said earlier, then the church is going to be built off of the ideals that the women bring to the church because they're the ones coming. Right. So, therefore, the men will feel even less connected as time goes on.

Exactly. And see, there's a gender gap in the church today, and we've talked about this in the past. There's a gender gap in the church. The church is made up roughly of 62 percent women and 38 percent men, and that's not just a U.S. standard. A few weeks ago I had studied, at least in North America that was what we heard, but in doing some more research, it's not just in North America. It's a global issue.

Some higher, some a little bit lower, but it's still a global issue. So, church, we've got a problem. Men, we've got a problem.

We've got to get you reengaged. We've got to get you participating. But this point about cliques is a great point, Will. I think oftentimes we don't recognize it. We say, well, hey, these are our friends. These are the people we hang out with. Well, that's the same people you go off with on weekends, whether it's to a ball game, camping, whatever you're doing, but then those that don't have the same interest are left out. And it's not intentional, but I think we've got to be sensitive if we're truly trying to be Christ-like, that we need to look around us and say, okay, who's not part of this? Or who do we never see at these kind of events or outings?

Or how can I get on this person's terms, meet them where they are? And men would just make an excuse sometime, and when they know that they're not a part of something, they'll just make an excuse and say, well, these guys are going to go hunting, or they're going to go fishing, and I don't hunt and fish. So, you know, I'm going to be with the granddaughter today, so I won't be able to make it. So I think this is part of that excuse of not wanting to come. Yeah, another reason, another excuse, why men hate going to church. Well, you know, we've got to figure out what the recipe is, and I think the recipe is, man, we've got to be part of the solution and not sitting on the outside looking and saying what's wrong with it. So it didn't happen overnight, didn't get to this point overnight, but we're going to be able to help make a change if you get engaged.

Because, man, let me be frank with you. There is a lot of imperfect people in the church, so if you become a part of that, then you're just part of that imperfection. An imperfect society. That's right. And so we're learning and building together off of what God stated.

That's right. So men seek a church that preaches the Word, teaches the Word, and holds you accountable and challenges you to be a better man of God. And we're excited about what this show has to bring to you as a man of God.

And even if you're not in church, we're trying to speak to you as well. And we may have to come back to this topic next week, Will, because it's not one that we easily covered in just 27 minutes. This is definitely a hot-button topic. And so, yeah, we want to come back to this one, Roy. And so once again, I'm Will Hardy, the black guy.

And I'm Roy Jones Jr., the white guy. And we'll see you next time on ManTalk Radio. Thank you for joining us. As we wrap up today's show, be assured that TAWCMM, Talking and Walking Christian Men's Ministry, is building a community of men that are Christ followers with a desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches, and work environments. Check out our website for upcoming events and regularly scheduled meetings. Drop us a note for topics that you would like to have us visit in the future. Thank you for joining us on ManTalk today. Visit us at www.tawcmm.com. Men walking the talk.