Rumors, Gossip, Words Untrue

This is the Truth Network.

Welcome to Man Talk, brought to you by TAWCMN, talking and walking Christian men's ministry, where they're devoted to breaking down the walls of race and denomination, and challenging men to take their God-assigned role. Here's our hosts Will Hardy and Roy Jones Jr., a black guy and a white guy. This is Roy Jones Jr., and I am the white guy on the show. And I'm Will Hardy, and I'm the black guy on the show.

We're so glad you joined us. The topic we're going to hit today is one that every person has either experienced, been a part of, or been a victim of in their life at some point in time, whether growing up in their church body or in their workplace. And it's one of gossip. We're going to talk to you tonight about gossip and what the Bible has to say about gossip, and also slander, and also is it really gossip when you're talking sometimes. And sometimes it's okay to have a conversation about a subject that's not gossip.

What do you think, Will? Yeah, and you know, gossip is something it sort of sneaks up on you, you know, because it's a fine line between whether or not I'm gossiping or whether or not I'm passing along information. So it's like if I'm passing along information, then I have to make a determination whether or not it's gossip. But gossip has a definition.

It has a meaning. And so when we're one such meaning, or I guess within the framework of gossip, is slander. And so slander is basically when you're spreading rumors or you're spreading lies about a person to cause damage purposely to their character, you know, that I mean, and that could that could go into the area of being liable as well.

Exactly, Will. The action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation. So you did a good job summarizing that.

And that's I pulled it off of Google in preparation for our show. And then that was the definition of slander. Let's talk about what gossip, the definition of gossip is casual, or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. So the key word there is about other people. So if you catch yourself talking about other people, then you just need to stop. Because the person is not there to defend themselves. They're not there to give you the other side of the story.

And you what you may have heard, if especially come from the third party, most likely is not true. Because we know the old game back that everybody played in school and even do it sometimes in training classes, start the first person in the room, and then that person whispers a statement. And by the time it gets to the other end of the room, it's totally different, lost its meaning from what it originally started out. And that's what happens with gossip.

Yeah, exactly. Because, you know, gossip and spreading rumors, you know, when when you spread rumors, and you hear something, and whatever you hear, it's, it's not good. And you can't confirm whether or not it's true. But you tell it anyway. Especially in this age will have, if I read it on the internet, it must be true. If I heard it on the internet, it must be true.

Or if someone said it, it must be true. You know, folks, we forgot what the enemy's out there doing with all of our inside the church outside the church, it doesn't matter. If he gets on his shoulder and put something in your mind to be thinking about and you've heard something and you turn around repeat it, even though you may not think it's hurt for damaging. If you repeat it, then you're you're basically the tool that Satan can use. You've now become part of that mix to damage that person or to create havoc or chaos within your organization, at work, at home, even within your church.

That's right. Because, you know, when two individuals are talking, and of course, I think a lot of gossip happens actually before church starts. And after it's over. So, so here we are now, you know, we're, we're gathered around and we're supposed to be bringing our minds and hearts at a place of worship. And now all of a sudden we are taking something that someone else told to us that we really don't know if it's true or not.

And we're moving that thing forward to try and get information because, you know, once you once you get something, quote unquote, juicy, you know, you want to pass it along. Well, I think, and sometimes I think that comes from insecurity within the person that now has the quote unquote knowledge, or at least what they heard. Hey, I will feel important or someone to think I'm in the know or I'm important if I come and say this to them. And plus, if I don't like the person I'm saying it about, how much more powerful is it? Now I've got something I can go say about a person that I don't really care for or have a conflict with. So then if I go repeat it, then it just adds fuel to other people's perception of that individual. When it may indeed and most likely is false. So then the accountability falls on the person repeating it as well as person initiated.

Exactly. So and I think another thing we like we talked about, you and I were talking before we got started, is the point that it's okay to talk about a subject. Folks, we're not talking about something that's on your heart or something that's not right or something doesn't feel right. If it doesn't feel right and you are concerned about, those things are okay to talk to your friends about, okay to talk to your community about, your work colleagues, if it's a subject. But if it involves the person, that's when you've got to just back away from it.

But a subject that's related to something that's on your mind or that you're struggling with, that's perfectly okay to talk to your brothers and sisters about. Exactly, because see when you break this down and you're talking about a subject in relation to the community or you're talking about something personal, it's the content too. Right. So it's the content of what you are spreading or what you're slandering. And see Proverbs 20 and verse 19 tells it best when it says that a gossip betrays a confidence. So avoid a man who talks too much.

I mean that's putting the arrow right in the bull's eye. Because if a person is saying something to you in confidence and if you have a person, because back in the day we used to just call them motor mouths. Right. Someone who just can't stop talking because they have to know, like you were saying earlier, what's in the know.

Right. So they have to be the center of attention. It's like if I know something, now I can pass that thing along. Well you know one of the things we wanted to talk about on the show today, Will, was that very thing was the impact of gossip and how it impacts people around us. And one thing we didn't open up with was the number of times, just in Proverbs, I was just looking back at our notes and the scriptures we had printed off. It's one, two, three, four, five, there's six scripture references I've got just off the pool I got about gossip. That's just in Proverbs and I'm sure there's probably a few more within the book, but that's the six that I pulled off right off the top for us to talk about tonight. And you quoted, what was it, Proverbs 20-19?

20-19. Proverbs 11-13, the gossip betrays a confidence. Now listen to this folks, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. So when we talk about relationships in the body, oftentimes somebody needs to talk to you as a brother or sister in Christ. And it's important that what they share with you stays confident with them because it's okay that they've got a need or a concern.

And when you take it outside of that confidence, you broke that confidence, the trustworthiness is gone, but you're no longer a trustworthy person as the holder of that secret. Scripture says, hold that to the vest as we terminology we use today, hold it to the vest. Unless they give you a okay to pass this along to someone or that you can use it because see James 5 and 9 says, don't grumble against one another brothers or you will be judged.

The judge, Jesus Christ, is standing at the door. Amen. So I can have a desire to share something and that desire as overwhelming as it might be, if it's held in confidence by me, then again, I'm keeping the trustworthiness of the person who told me about it. Right.

And what are you also doing? You're also strengthening the kingdom because you're helping that individual that needs to share their heart. And so by holding that you're helping them stay strong in their walk and whatever else that's going on in their life that you're trying to help them work through. Right. But if you break the confidence, then you as a representative of the kingdom have done what? You broke the representation of the kingdom.

That's right. And see, uh, James chapter one in verse five says, if any of you lack wisdom, if you're lacking wisdom on the subject of gossip, let him ask of God. And God will show you what is and what you should be doing and what you shouldn't be doing. So it says, let him ask about that.

Give it to all men freely. So God gives to you freely the wisdom that you need in order to come to a realization of whether or not I should share a thing. Something just came to mind, Will, when you said that if in doubt, never shout. Praise God. If in doubt, never shout.

What we're telling you there is if there's a doubt that this may or may not be, you should never repeat it. Indeed. That's wonderful.

That is wonderful. And see, there's countless other verses, you know, that we went over when in reference to, uh, gossip. Uh, James chapter three in verse five says the tongue. Oh, Tame in the tongue.

The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great force is set on fire by a small spark. Folks, we're talking to ourselves. We're talking to you right now. Think about that. I want you just to reflect for a moment as you're listening to us. Is there someone in the last 24 hours, the last day, the last week, the last month, the last year that you had a negative thing to say about? We're going to challenge you to go make that right. First, make it right with God and go make it right with that person because that spark, you never know the Oswald chamber says the river knows not where its source touches. The same thing could be held true for this.

That's right. You say this, you don't know how far it goes out, especially in today's time of Facebook, Twitter, all these different vehicles that are out there. One thing gets planned or somebody makes one negative comment and then it just spreads like wildfire. It's like being in sales. A satisfied customer may tell seven people.

I think last statistics I heard were five to seven people, I think it was. And the dissatisfied customer is 20 to 25 people. So you equate that to a negative comment. Well, the negative comment is going to stream at the same level 20 to 25 people from you out as a positive comment might go to five to seven people.

So it's an easy equation to parallel with. And that's probably a conservative number on the dissatisfied customer. But you know, it depends on what it is. No, no, no. That's an excellent point. Yeah. The reason I say that it's an excellent point is because I'm dating myself just a tad here.

But don't do that. But that was prior to social media. So I bet that number is exponential.

I bet it is five to 10 times with Google reviews and all those sorts of things. So, you know, folks, we're having a good, good conversation here. Our whole goal here is to help us all step to the next level to in our walk to truly become disciples of Christ and following him. It's not to make anyone feel guilty other than if something's going on in this show speaks to your heart. Go make it right. First, make it right with God, then make it right with an individual if you need to do that. Because, see, you and I were not designed to hold on and carry all of these burdens on our shoulders.

We are to cast them on the Lord. And if you have an issue, then this is what you should be doing. Exactly. But you have to first recognize you have one.

That's right. Recognition. That's the key to all of it.

And, folks, we all have a problem with this and don't think we're without it. So we're getting ready to take a quick break. We'll be right back with you in just a few moments.

But, hey, we just want to say thank you for listening to the show. And we are coming back in a minute. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. Welcome back to our show, folks. We're having a great conversation. For those of you who just joined us, we're talking about gossip, slander, and subject matter when it's okay to talk. And, Will, as we were closing out the show, we were talking about how it's important to identify these things and to recognize that we are a part of the problem sometimes, right?

Absolutely. Because, you know, we said earlier that gossip is like a snail sometimes. It just creeps in, you know. And, wait a minute, Roy, I think right now I see the lights flashing and we might have a caller on the line right now. Wait a minute, Will, are we prepared to take a call? I don't think we've ever taken a caller before. Hey, well, we can try.

Yeah, because, you know, we never did this before. But I think I see the light flashing, so there must be somebody on the line. Let's see who's joining us. It could be our producer sitting back there. It might even be our producer. Let's see. We'll tell when he gets on here with his voice.

Let's see. Hi, welcome to Man Talk. Hello there. It's Albert Anakin. I'm calling from south of London in Great Britain. I hope you know where that's at.

I'm sure you don't because I don't either. Well, what can we help you with, Albert Anakin? Well, first I want to tell you I'd prefer you call me Sir Albert Anakin because I just found out recently that I've got royal blood in me.

So that'd be lovely. Okay, Sir Albert. Okay, Sir Albert. What question have you got or comment? Obviously, you've been listening, and I believe this is our producer. He's messing with us, I believe.

Let's see. Is that you back there, Danny? It is me back here. Danny, you've been listening to us for the first part of the show. Welcome to the show, folks. Welcome, Danny. He's our producer tonight and today and helping us with this program. So welcome, Danny. Thank you, Roy.

What spoke to your heart so far? Well, just the man's role, I think, is we have to be on guard at all times for gossip coming out of our own mouths and coming out of mouths of folks around us and not be afraid to take a stand and point it out. Hey, I think we've kind of wandered off and maybe we're gossiping here. I think most people would respond positively to a comment like that, especially if it's brought forward in a kind and loving way.

Right, right. And that's a good point, Danny, because I think oftentimes as men, we don't stand up for the things that we know are right or wrong. And I think the clear discernment there should be if God's speaking on our hearts about it. And this goes back to definition of gossip.

So we'll reread this for those who just joined us. But casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. So what's important about that, Danny, what we were just speaking about earlier, and of course you heard us, was that conversation about a subject that's unsettling to you or to a group of people or to even your spouse or whatever is OK to talk about. It's when you get into talking about the person that it becomes a person that becomes problematic. So talking about social issues in today's society, we've all been told you don't need to talk about that. That's not politically correct.

And we know what that means. But it's OK, folks, to have a conversation. I think if more people would sit down and talk at times with a loving heart and out of care with an open mind, a whole lot of the issues that we deal with today as a result of spontaneous reactions would not be there. The only watch out that I would say about that is we have to be alert as to when the conversation regarding the subject matter starts entering into that realm of gossip or slander.

You know, another one, Roy, is backbiting, and backbiting has to do with speaking spiteful words about another person who isn't present to defend themselves. Now, how many times have we done that? You know, so when we look and we start looking at ourselves and we say, hey, you know, so and so is not here, so let's just beat on him for a while, you know, or but we don't know, again, if the things that we are saying is even true about the individual who we're talking about. And you know what, as men who are in touch with God, I think that we will feel an uncomfortable feeling when it does slip like you were talking about from just conversation and observations into gossip. You know, we'll have that feeling like, okay, this is uncomfortable in a way, and if we're in tune, we can pick up on it and then address it right then. Exactly.

You can't let it fester because it'll become a root of bitterness, and it'll just trend throughout the church and throughout a family, and it'll start dividing members. And throughout an office environment. Yeah, you know, it just brings people to this point of just simply saying, I'm just going to keep all of my thoughts and all of my ideals in reference to this to myself. You know how you can tell when I know how I take care of myself is I know that I have been participating in gossip when somebody else feels comfortable enough to come up to me and start gossiping. Because they see me as somebody who will receive that gossip, and so that's how I know that I've been participating in gossip because other people are coming up to me sharing gossip with me.

Well, that's a good point, Danny. It brings to mind we were sharing with a brother the other night, we were doing a study together, and he commented on his work environment that there was this one individual who would always have a joke. And the jokes typically were of a sexual nature. And he had just kind of just let it go. It wasn't being a part of the joke, but rather than speak up, he just had to be a part of two or three people with the group. And so then finally decided this is not right, so the guy started just a one-on-one conversation. Hey, I got this funny joke I need to tell you. Well, he stopped and said, look, brother, I'm sure it's a funny one for you, but I'm okay.

He said, thank you, just patted him on the back and then walked away, which is what we should be doing the same here, right? But again, I go back to, and then the other thing, go back to confidence, Will, the piece that we read about the confidence, back in Proverbs 11, 13, if you've created a confidential environment that's there within your group, and you have a subject matter that needs to be talked about and you bring it up, then that should, even if it's in a Sunday School class or your work environment, whatever, if you've got a group of people that are your people that are your confidants that you've agreed to share with and they said, okay, we're okay to share, this is a safe place to share, then you should be able to do that, as long as it's about subjects, not about people. And then when they break the confidence, then all of a sudden, you lose that confidentiality, you lose that trust with the group. Like it says, a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.

So a trustworthy person could also be a trustworthy group. And seeing that individual who is viewed or who is taking the matters that are told to him in a confident way, then Psalms 1 starts out by saying, blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly or the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or seat in the seat of the scornful. So that man is exercising truth, and as a result, he's blessed, because he's following the standard in which we all should be following, the standard that Jesus Christ laid out for us, and then the apostles in the letters in the New Testament.

So all of us are charged. And so if you're listening right now, you're charged by the Word of God. If you're born again, and if you can't accept the Word, if you can't accept the Scripture, references that we're giving you, then you should take that, examine yourself and say, where am I falling? Where have I failed? Because see, you don't have to be a failure to just fail at something. So I can fail at something, but that doesn't make me a failure, because a failure says that everything that I do just simply don't come out right, and we know that that's not true. Well, who do you think about in the Bible?

You think about David, right? Falling short several times, right, in God's eyes. You know, Bathsheba, killing Bathsheba's husband, or sending him to the front lines, but yet he was still, he wasn't a failure, he just failed to your words, Will. And that means it is possible to fail and still not be a failure, but you've got to recover and move forward in your walk. Well, you know, and I'm looking at Danny now, you know, he used David's example, but I want to use Henry Ford as an example, because Henry Ford came up with the model A, B, C, D, E, F, G, and he went all the way until he got to model T, and model T was a success. Right.

And that's one of the reasons why we have the model T back then, is because A through S didn't work. There you go, worrying about secular success again, Will, I tell you. Here you are, here you are, the pastor, worrying about secular success. We've got to talk after the show, Will, we've got to get you straight back out.

I think your church is wearing you out. Well, that's a great example of never giving up, though, right? Absolutely. That's a great point.

Most people that are extremely successful in society would tell you that they failed a whole lot of times as they grew through their career and they kept coming back, and that builds resilience, that builds character. And that's the message. That's the message is that you don't have to continue to stay in this state once you hear the truth about how to get out of it. Right.

Because once you hear the truth to get how to get out of it, now you're charged with that truth. That's your responsibility. Hey, folks, we're about to wrap it up. We just want to say thank you so much for joining us again on ManTalk Radio. Danny, thanks for dialing in. Hey, thanks for letting me sit in, fellas. We appreciate you.

Sure enough. Remember, your Lord is calling you, and if you haven't accepted him into your heart, ask him into your heart, cleanse your sins, and start walking with Jesus. Amen? Amen. Because the Lord is ready and willing with arms stretched out, open wide, ready to receive you, but cast that gossip, cast that slander, cast that backbiting on him. Don't hold on to it and don't carry it because you're not meant to do it.

Jesus Christ can take it away. Amen. Have a great week. As we wrap up today's show, be assured that TAWCMM, Talking and Walking Christian Men's Ministry, is building a community of men that are Christ followers with the desire to be servant leaders in their homes, communities, churches, and work environments. Check out our website for upcoming events and regularly scheduled meetings. Drop us a note for topics that you would like to have us visit in the future. Thank you for joining us on Man Talk today. Visit us at www.tawcmm.com. Men walking the talk.