Harmony in the Home

Adrienne Rogers said God made men and women equal, but He certainly did not make us alike. Why did God make us so different? That He might make us one, not just to sing in unity, but to sing in harmony. That's the music of marriage.

God made them in the beginning, male and female. A home is not really a duet, it's a trio. A man, a woman, and Jesus Christ. Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring the insightful lessons of pastor, teacher, and author Adrienne Rogers. As we just heard, in the music of marriage, husbands and wives sing different parts of the same song. Just as harmony can turn a monotonous piece into a symphony, it can also bring fresh life and excitement to the home. Scripture shows us how to use our differences to glorify God in our marriages.

If you have your Bible, turn now to Genesis chapter 1, we'll begin in verse 27, as Adrienne Rogers shares how to have harmony in the home. In order to prepare these messages, I've been thinking a lot about music. I just decided it was time for me to sing a solo in church. And so I went to brother Jim Whitmire and I said, brother Jim Whitmire, may I sing in church? He said, yes you may pastor, you're the pastor, so if you say so, you may. And I said, well brother Jim, what would you like for me to sing?

He said, why don't you sing on a hill far away? Well, in all seriousness, I don't know a whole lot about music. I know something about music. And I know that music is made up of three parts. There is melody, there is harmony, and there is rhythm. Now, melody, you sing the same song. And husband and wife need to do that. But harmony, you sing different parts.

And that's what we're going to be talking about today. The husband and wife may sing the same song, but they don't sing the same parts. But in rhythm, they sing it together.

So it's so important that we sing the same song, we sing it in harmony, and we sing it together. Now look, if you will, here in Genesis chapter 1 and verse 27. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them. Male and female. God thought up the idea of boys and girls.

We didn't think it up. The unisex idea was not created by God, it was born in hell. God made man and women, male and female.

God did that by divine design as we're going to see in a moment. And you're going to see in this verse that both the man and the woman are in the image of God. A woman is absolutely as valuable and as important, as gifted, and all of the other things as any man could possibly be. The Bible teaches that God does not value one sex above another. Galatians chapter 3 verse 38 makes that plain. There's neither Jew nor Greek, bond nor free, neither is there male nor female, for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

Now he's not talking about in society. He's not saying that there's to be a blurring of the distinction between the sexes, but he's saying in Christ, male and female, bond and free, we're all one. Now, but in spite of that, God has made us different. God made us different that He might make us one. And I thank God for the difference. I want us to celebrate the difference today because it's our differences, not our likenesses that bring us together as husband and wife. And how important it is that we be brought together as husband and wife, for the Bible says in Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verse 9, two are better than one.

And that is so true. So, I want you to think about what I'm going to call the divine design. The divine design. Now God made by design the difference in the sexes.

And He did this for a purpose. And He tells us what the purpose is. Now go on over to Genesis chapter 2 and look if you will at verse 18. Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18. And the Lord God said it is not good that the man should be alone. Now He had created all of these things and He says it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good. Everything God created He would say that's good, that's good, that's good. And then God made man and He said that's not good. He said it is not good that man should be alone. God will make him and help meet for him. And right there my dear friend in that verse you have the divine design. You have why God created male and female. And let me give you the three reasons very quickly.

First of all for companionship. It is not good that man should be alone. None of the animals could satisfy the hunger in Adam's heart. And not even God Himself.

Adam, think about it, it's incredible. Adam had a face-to-face relationship with Almighty God in the Garden of Eden and yet that could not satisfy the deepest need that Adam had. And so God created woman first of all for his companionship.

And I thank God for the precious companion that He's given me. But not only for companionship but also for cooperation. Notice what it says, I will make an helper for him. A help meet or fitting for him. Now the word helper there is a noun, it is not a verb. He's not just saying I'm going to give him some help. God could have given Adam a friend to help him pick fruit, a buddy or somebody.

No, that's not the idea. The idea is someone who is going to cooperate with him. Someone who will become a part of a team with him. Someone that will make him more than he could have been without that particular person. Someone to help Adam to reach his full potential. Adam could not have been what he ought to have been in my estimation at all without Eve any more than I could be what I ought to be without Joyce that God has given to me. And Joyce has been this helper to me throughout my life, our married life and our ministry. When we were dating in high school I was playing football and she was a cheerleader.

And one of the pictures that hangs on the wall of our home is a picture of her in her cheerleading outfit with these words inscribed on it, to Adrian, I will always cheer you on. So God made woman for companionship. God made woman for cooperation. And God made woman for completion.

You see the Bible says in verse 18, I will make a help meet for him. That means a fitting helper, someone to make up that part which is lacking. And it is not just mere folklore that God took Eve from Adam's side. It is that there is something missing until she is returned. And it is not by mere happenstance that we speak of our husbands or our wives as the other half.

And they are. We are half a person without our mates. And that's the way God designed it. Now if we're thinking about the music of marriage, you think of Adam as a violin. You think of Eve as the bow.

And it is together that they make the music that they are supposed to be. She is to complete Adam. Now lady, you're to be his completer, not his competitor. You are to complete him but not to finish him off.

Now you are husband and wife together. Now this is God's divine design. I'm going to move from there to talk about not only a divine design but a definite difference. It is because of that design that God made a difference in the sexes. Genesis 1 verse 27, God made them male and female. Men and women are different.

We don't need the Bible to tell us that. My dear friend, the difference is more than the physiological differences. There are deep emotional and spiritual and psychological differences.

And the psychologists tell us that. For a long time the radical feminists have been trying to tell us that all of the differences, the emotional differences and the psychological differences are only cultural. They are not only cultural.

They are creational. And there's a difference, for example, in the way that the brains of men and women are wired. Little boys have a predominant proclivity in the right side of their brain and girls in the left side. And that's the reason that boys tend to be a little more manually dexterous and women tend to be more verbal. Have you noticed that?

Well, they are. Little girls will begin to talk quicker than little boys. James Dobson and other psychologists have taught us it's the way their brains are wired. You send a little boy off to a birthday party and what will he do? He'll rip and tear and pull a girl's hair and smear the cake and so forth. Little girls want to play the games like they're supposed to be played. That's because the boys by nature are more aggressive. You give the little girls a jigsaw puzzle and they try and put it together, give it to a boy, he'll sling it across the room. A little boy, I'm talking about. Maybe a big boy, I don't know. But anyway, you give a little girl a doll. She wants to caress that doll. She wants to cuddle that doll.

You give a little boy a doll, he'll make a hammer out of it. And that's just the way he is. I mean he thinks in those realms. And there's nothing really wrong with that. Sometimes feminists of today have tried to change those natural proclivities. But I'm going to show you that they are built in of God.

They are part of the way that God made us. Go to the high school and watch the way boys carry books and girls carry books. Next time you're around a high school, watch. The boys will put their books under their arm, they'll carry the books like this. You know how the girls will carry the books? Like this, like he's a baby.

The girls will actually cradle their books in their arms. That's just the way that they're built. Nothing wrong with it, either way. But my dear friend, there is a divine design and a definite difference.

Why? Because of what God made the man to do and what God made the woman to do. For example, God made the man to be the provider and God made the woman to be the helper, a helpmeet for him. Now, I'm certain today that we have some members of this congregation where the wife is the provider, the husband because of physical illness or because of the mere fact of the matter, he does not have a job and she provides.

And that's God's provision and we're grateful for that. But whenever possible, the husband should be the breadwinner, the provider, and if it is a two-income family and the woman perhaps works out of the home or has a side job and she can still take care of her babies, the husband's income should be used for the food, the shelter, the clothing, the transportation. And the woman's income, if possible now, should be that supplementary income but not the main support. If not, there can be bitterness and division and she herself can become tough-minded in a way that God did not intend for her to become. The man, secondly, is to be the protector.

The woman is to be the nurturer. Now, God made the man to protect the woman. You know, when Eve sinned, God blamed Adam.

Did you know that? When Eve sinned, God blamed Adam. In Genesis chapter 3 verse 17, and unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and eaten of the tree of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it, cursed is the ground for thy sake. Not for her sake, for your sake, Adam. You're to blame, Adam.

Cursed is the ground for your sake. In sorrow shalt thou eat it of all the days of thy life. And Romans chapter 5 verse 12, when the Bible says that sin came in the world, it doesn't blame Eve, it blames Adam.

Romans 5, 12, Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin, so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned. The husband is meant to protect his wife, and a wife needs a husband who will protect her, and children need husbands who are protectors. We need husbands who will set limits for children, not drop out dads, but dads who will say to boys and to daughters, that is a no. You may not do that. I don't mean a Tarzan no, but just a no.

You can't do that. God made the man to be the leader, and God made the woman to be the enhancer. For example, in Genesis 3 verse 16, God said to the wife, Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. The husband is the leader, but the woman is the enhancer.

She is to be the nurturer. Now, I'm going to talk to you about some things that are tendencies. I'm not talking about hard and fast rules. What I'm going to give you now are tendencies between the male and the female. For example, as a tendency, the man is stronger than the woman. Isn't that right? That's just one of the tendencies.

The man is physically strong. Now, not always. I mean, there's some women in here who can beat up some men in here. I mean, don't mess with them.

I'm telling you, there are some who can do that. I'm just talking now about tendencies. I'm saying as a tendency, if we put all the men in one side of the room and all the women on the other side and had a fight. Well, I'm getting in too deep here. But anyway, the Bible says in 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7 that the woman is the weaker vessel.

Why? Because of what God made man to do, which was what? Tin the garden. Man has to be able to dig and to chop and to carry and to protect and to provide. What did God make the woman to do? She's the mother of all living. She's to be gentle. She's to be tender.

She is to nurture and to take care of. Now, the men tend to approach problems head first. Women approach problems heart first. That's just the way they are.

A woman, her emotions come more to the surface. When you get into the male and female battle, the battle of the sexes, it's generally not always but logic versus emotion. And when I say this, some women get angry and they think, well, he doesn't think I know what's going on.

Well, you do. But the thing that always astounds me is that women know what's going on without knowing what's going on. I mean, that's a woman's intuition. I mean, very frankly, my wife's a scholar. She made top grades in school. I would hate for you to see her report card and my report card. She's a better scholar than I was and a very intelligent person. But I'm telling you something, my dear friend, I'm not talking about her intelligence. I'm just talking about the way she comes to problem. I come to problem head first.

She comes to problem heart first. She just thinks emotionally. You see, men are goal oriented. They say, I'm going to do this. And they don't think about who may get hurt.

But the women say, now wait a minute, before you do that, have you ever thought about so and so? Who's right? Who's wrong? Neither is right or wrong. It's just simply the way that people come at the deal. I mean, they think about emotional problems and those are good. We need that. Men tend to be more success oriented.

Women tend to be more security oriented. For example, a man, he'll think of something, he'll say, man, I'm going to go for it. I'm just going to try it. I'm going to take our nest egg. I'm going to invest in something, in a project. But she wants to get everything right. She wants everything in its place. She wants the furniture just right. She wants the accoutrements on the wall of the home just right because God gave her a nurturing instinct. She wants to create beauty. She wants to create a home, a nest. You see, a man sees his work as an extension of himself. And if a man's work is not going right, he's not happy. But a woman sees her home as an extension of herself.

These are generalizations now, generalizations. But a woman sees the home as the extension of herself. And therefore, if her home is cluttered, her life is cluttered.

She is interested not primarily in success, but in security. Men tend to look at the big picture. Women, on the other hand, look at details. Being goal-oriented, a man will say, well, four or five years, I'm going to do so and so. And the woman will think, but what's going to happen in between?

And many men announce the big plans to the woman without letting her know that he has thought about what's going to happen in between. As a matter of fact, I don't even think about what's going to happen in between. If I see a goal, I just say somehow I can do that. By God's grace, I can and I will. And I'll meet the problems when I get to them.

But I'm going to reach that goal. The woman sees it one step at a time. The fellow comes home, and he says, guess what? She says, what? He said, I found a product we can make for $1 and sell for $2.

I've sold everything. We're moving to Cincinnati. Next month, she begins to cry. He said, what's the matter?

Listen, this is the best deal we've ever had. He tells her again, and she tells him off. She's no longer crying. He says, I just don't understand you. Well, when he talks about what he's going to do, you know what she thinks? Do you realize the kids are in braces, and our doctor is right here?

And do you realize it's four weeks to graduation? Or do you realize this, or do you realize that? She thinks about these things. He doesn't even think about those things.

He just says, hey, we're going to do it. Now, as she becomes an adversary, rather than a companion, rather than a completer, she becomes a competitor because he has not taken time to recognize her instincts of security. If he were to say to her, now, honey, I realize this and this and this and this, and therefore let's talk about it and see if we can do this and at the same time meet your needs for security.

And first thing you know, he has her now as a helper and as a companion. But men just tend to be that way. Men tend to be insensitive, and women tend to be sensitive.

Well, why is that? Men are not really insensitive. They're just thick skinned. They have to be. I mean, they're out there in that workaday world where God put them.

God put Adam out there to earn the bread. And it's a world of competition and a world of danger and a world of unpleasantry and a world of decisions. And he is the provider and he is the protector and he is the leader. She's the nurturer. She's sensitive.

And, sir, she'd be a great help to you if you'll allow her to be sensitive for you. Men, and I'm almost finished now, and I'll finish this message tonight, but men tend to be more suspicious. Women tend to be more trusting. The reason that men are more suspicious is they're the protector. They don't know whether that person may be there to do damage. So they'll say, now, woman, lock the doors, don't do this, don't do that.

I find myself just protecting my wife and my daughters and my grandchildren and just having a protective nature. But sometimes women are more trusting. They trust their children. They believe the little things are telling the truth always. They trust their husband when nobody else believes in him.

They'll believe in him. They just are that way. This, my dear friend, is the difference that God brought into us.

Why did God make us so different? That he might make us one, not just to sing in unity, but to sing in harmony. And I want to tell you something. The girl named Joyce needs me, and I sure need her. And that's the music of marriage.

God made them in the beginning, male and female. But may I say this, dear friend, that a home, a home is not really a duet. It's a trio, a man, a woman, and Jesus Christ. Let's bow our heads in prayer.

Heads are bowed, eyes are closed. Father God, I pray in the name of Jesus that you would give us godly Christian homes. Thank you, Lord, that you made us different, that you might make us one. In Jesus' name, amen.

What a wonderful truth to dwell on today, that God made us different so that he could make us one. You know, at Love Worth Finding, we love hearing how the ministry and the messages of Pastor Rogers have inspired you in your faith journey. If you can, go online to lwf.org slash mylwfstory. There you can submit your testimony, read others who've shared their stories. We often select these stories to be shared throughout our Love Worth Finding community, and we always will protect your privacy if that's what you desire. Let us hear from you today.

Go to lwf.org slash mylwfstory. Now, if you'd like to order a copy of today's message, call 1-877-LOVEGOD and mention the title Harmony in the Home. This message is also part of the insightful series The Music of Marriage. For that complete collection, all six powerful messages, call 1-877-LOVEGOD or order online at lwf.org slash radio. Or write us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38600, Memphis, Tennessee 38183. You can also purchase our new Bible studies much like this message in our online store, to find that go to lwf.org slash radio. Do you have harmony in the home and share a loving duet with your spouse?

Consider God's divine design and the definite differences between you and your partner and see how you can use your marriage to glorify God. We hope you'll join us again next time for more timeless truth from Adrian Rogers right here on Love Worth Finding. I love this note we received recently from a long time listener.

I grew up listening to Adrian in the car. I'm grateful his messages live on and I love how they are still relevant to today, truly timeless. We love to hear that these messages have taken root and helped you grow in your faith from an early age. It's our goal to equip believers with tools to cultivate faith for the whole family. And when you donate your faith, we want to thank you with a copy of our new book, The Music of Marriage. In this profound new book from Love Worth Finding, Adrian Rogers analyzes the melody, harmony, and rhythm that make up the symphony of our homes. Request a copy when you call with a gift at 1-877-LOVEGOD, 1-877-568-3463, or give online at 1-877-LOVEGOD. Or give online at lwf.org slash radio. And thank you for your generous support of Love Worth Finding.