Raising Kids That Count | Part 2

Have you taught your children the basic distinction between the Bible and the Bible?

The Prime Educational Institution is the home. If you have your Bible, turn to Proverbs chapter 1 as Adrian Rogers gives more instruction on raising kids that count. Give to them an example. Notice in Proverbs chapter 1 verses 7 through 9, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Now, if they don't learn to respect God, they're not going to have a modicum of genuine knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of thy father and forsake not the law of thy mother, for they shall be an ornament of grace under thy head and chains about thy neck. Now, kids, he's not talking about an iron chain to drag you around with. He's talking about a gold chain.

That would be something beautiful. And then Proverbs chapter 20 and verse 7, the just man walks in his integrity, his children are blessed after him. Now, I'm going to tell you something, folks. Your kids are going to learn more from your lifestyle than they're going to learn from your words. You need to give to them a godly example. Now, if that makes you nervous, let me tell you something. You don't have to pretend perfection.

You know you're not perfect, and I've got news for you, they already know you're not perfect. Did you know there are a lot of things that they can't learn any other way? They can't really learn in Sunday school. They can't learn in public school.

They've got to be demonstrated. Now, what are we interested in with our kids? Well, sports, grades, physical health, popularity, ability. But who is teaching them? Character.

Let me read some character traits to you. Contentment. Now, they're not going to go to school and learn contentment 101. I mean, they don't give that in college.

Courage, courtesy, discernment, fairness, friendliness, generosity, gentleness, helpfulness, honesty, humility, kindness, obedience, orderliness, patience, persistence, self-control, tact, thankfulness, tidiness, wisdom. Where are they going to learn these things? These things are not so much taught as they are caught. We owe to our kids an example. Now, number two, not only give to them a godly example, but give to them unconditional love. Now, write these things down. I'm going to give you seven of them. You want to have a gifted child?

Give him unconditional love. Look in Proverbs chapter four, verses one through four. Hear ye, children, the instruction of a father, and attend to no understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsaking not my law. Yes, that's fine, good doctrine, teaching, law, yes.

But notice this. For I was my father's son, tender, and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words, keep my commandments, and live. Do you know, we need to give to our kids love that is absolutely, totally unconditional. I've noticed that men who had fathers who did not love them do not really know how to give love to the kids. They have to be taught, and we have to have a generation of men now who are going to mentor some other men who never had a father to actually give them love and to show them unconditional love.

We have to break that cycle. Now, unconditional love doesn't mean that you give to a child everything he wants. That's not really love at all. True love is not giving to someone what they wanted. It's giving to someone what they need, but there must be unconditional acceptance regardless of the child's misbehavior.

I may not accept what you do, but I accept you. They need to know that enough so that when they are in trouble, when they do misbehave, they'll still come to you. They won't be afraid to come to you. Now, if they don't have a sense that my dad loves me no matter what I do, my mom loves me no matter what I do, they're not going to share their mess-ups with you. There needs to be that unconditional love, and you know that love needs not to be merely in words, but it has to have some physical attachments to it.

Show it by touching. Show it by sympathy when they have their problems, and, friend, they have their problems. Now, you may think that the problems that kids have are not big problems compared to your problems.

They're big to the kid, and that's what matters. Cry with them when they hurt, when their little grade school romances break up. Be concerned about them with all of these things.

When a pet dies, do you ever attend a funeral for a turtle or a dog? We've had some of those at our homes, and I know what it is to hold a grown daughter in my arms and literally cry with her as she cries. Show them sympathy. And the point I'm trying to make is this, that not only do you need to give them an example, you need to give to them unconditional love, okay? Now, number three, you need to give to them constant encouragement. You bless your children with encouragement.

When you regularly encourage a child, what you're doing is giving to that child confidence, and confidence is so needed. What you're really doing is blessing the child. Over and over again, we ask our Heavenly Father what? What is the one thing we probably say more than anything else when we pray to our Heavenly Father? Oh, God bless me.

God bless me. You want your Heavenly Father to bless you. I'm telling you, your child needs a blessing from his earthly father, and that blessing is encouragement. Learn to encourage these kids. Encouragement says, I love you. I'm grateful for you.

Not necessarily because you achieved, but because of who you are. Friend, give them an example. Give them unconditional love. Give them encouragement. Now it's time to give them wise instruction. Look in Proverbs 2, verses 1 through 7.

Here's the instruction. Listen to it. My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee, so that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding, yea, if thou Christ after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding, if thou seekest her, that is knowledge, as silver, and searchest for her, as for his treasures, then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord giveth wisdom, and out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.

He layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous, and he is a buckler to them that walk uprightly. And then the corresponding passage, Proverbs 22, verse 6. Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he'll not depart from it.

Now, we give them wise instruction, but wise instruction is always joined to training. By the way, when your children are little, it's always good to have family worship, to start the day with the Word of God. Now, my wife and I have tried all kinds of things with our kids for family worship. I want to give you one of the simplest, easiest forms of family worship. I don't know why I didn't discover it a long time ago.

It is such a blessing. We just let somebody choose a proverb. One of the little children old enough to read, or a grown child, choose a proverb. And they take the Bible and choose a proverb. They can do it at random, or like sometimes they do, a book of Proverbs is basically the same as the number of days in the month. Choose a proverb from that particular day. If it's the seventh, choose from the seventh chapter of Proverbs. And read a proverb, just one, and let that child explain what he thinks that proverb means.

Then everybody else, just talk about it for a few moments. It is so simple. But what you're doing when those children are learning those proverbs and having to think about what it means, that is distilled wisdom. That is something that's just a nugget of truth that they can carry with them to school and to work. But what I'm trying to say is give them wise instruction, but let that instruction be joined with training. Train up a child. Now, I used to play football.

I'll guarantee you one thing, friend. Nobody ever learned how to play football by merely reading a book about it, right? You have to train to play football. You have to train to learn particular things. You ever watch a man train a dog, a hunting dog?

That is an amazing thing. You have to train a dog. I saw a man the other day downtown. He had a dog on a leash, a little stick.

He had a bird on a thing. I thought, my goodness, I wonder if he has any kids. I wonder what he does with his kids. If a man would spend that much time with his kid as he does with his dog, I don't know.

But probably that man ties his dog up at night and lets his kids run wild. Train. Train. Give instruction. Line upon line, precept upon precept.

The prime educational institution is the home. Did you know, sadly, we have a generation of kids today who don't even know right from wrong? They really don't. Josh McDowell said this, and he's talking about church kids.

Listen to this. According to his research, 57% of our young people cannot even say that an objective standard of truth exists. That's church kids. More than half of them don't even believe that there's a fixed standard of right and wrong. And 85% of our kids are liable to reason like this. Just because it's wrong for you doesn't mean that it is wrong for me. Over half, 55%, agree with this statement.

Everything in life is negotiable. There's in their mind no distinction between a fixed standard of right and wrong as given in the Ten Commandments. Let me ask you a question. How many of you think it's a disgrace that the Ten Commandments have been taken from the walls of America's schools and some are trying to remove them from public places?

Most of us would agree with that. Second question. How many of you have the Ten Commandments posted in your home? Don't answer that. It'd be too embarrassing. Third question. How many of you parents who grouse about your kids not being able to read the Ten Commandments in school know the Ten Commandments? There are some of you, if I were to pull you out and bring you up here, you couldn't name the Ten Commandments in order if I gave you a Ferrari. That's right.

You couldn't do it. Oh, our kids need to know. Our kids don't know the difference between right and wrong. How are they going to learn it if we do not give them wise instruction and that instruction is joined with training? Number five. Give them reasonable restrictions.

Now, underscore the word reasonable. Proverbs 6, beginning in verse 20. My son, keep thy father's commandment and forsake not the law of thy mother. Bind them continually upon thine heart and tie them around about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee. When thou sleepest, it shall keep thee.

When thou wakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp and the law is light and the reproofs, notice this, the reproofs of instruction are the way of life. Now, we set goals for our kids, or at least encourage them to set goals for themselves, but we also need to give them limitations. There are some things that need to be denied. There are restrictions. Now, we have a society today that believes that's wrong, but I want to say that God had some children and put them in the Garden of Eden and God gave them some limitations. God gave some restrictions to his original pair, Adam and Eve. Limitations don't bind the child.

Really, they set them free. When you give a child limitations, restrictions, he will push against them. If they give, that child will have no confidence whatsoever. He will feel unloved if those restrictions move, and if you don't put limitations on him, he will allow somebody else to do the same thing.

It is an amazing thing. No limitation on a child implies that you have rejected that child, and that's the reason so many children are conquered by somebody else. Now, limitations today looked on as something bad, but they're not, and sometimes we as parents need to stop trying to win popularity contests and just simply say there are some restrictions. Now, don't make a lot of little rules.

Make a few big ones and keep them. As a matter of fact, when I was preparing this message, I tried to think about what the big rules were in our home, and basically only two, but they were ironclad. Number one, no dishonesty. Don't you ever lie to me.

That's wrong. No dishonesty. Number two, no disrespect.

No disrespect. And especially, you better not disrespect your mama while I'm around. Now, there's some things I'll look the other way. There's some things I'll wink at. But don't tell me a lie. No dishonesty and no disrespect. Now, there's some subsets of those things, but have some limitations.

Have them real. All right, now, you owe to them restrictions and find out what they are. Now, next, give to them a listening ear. Proverbs 18, verses 13 and following. He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is a folly and shame to him. The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity, that is, his weakness, but a wounded spirit, who can bear? I mean, if a child's spirit is broken, it's terrible.

The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge. You have to be willing to listen when they want to talk. Now, many times they won't talk. Our oldest son, he's a dear kid. I love him. But there are times when he's like the sphinx, and he just wouldn't talk. And then suddenly, and it'll always be after midnight, he'd open up and talk and talk and talk and talk, and George said, I'd say, this is a golden moment.

And we'd sit there and listen. You have to be ready when they're ready, and you have to make time. Take that daughter or that granddaughter on a date. Go out, take them out to a meal. One of the best things to do if you have a kid that just won't open up to begin with, take them on a drive. Drive 150 miles.

Neither one of you have to say anything. Then suddenly, it will begin to happen where you can talk and listen to these kids and make it happen. Be ready.

Don't be in a rush. Listen to them. Never be too busy to listen to your child, especially a teenager.

Give them a happy environment. Listen to Proverbs 15, verse 13. A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge, but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness. All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs, that's a vegetable plate where love is, than a stalled ox, that's filet mignon, and hatred therewith.

That's what he's talking about. A vegetable plate is better than a steak dinner if you have love, if you have joy, if you have happiness. Let your home be filled with laughter and fun. Let me tell you how to raise kids.

Be firm, be fair, and be fun. And don't be ashamed if you have a sense of humor. Psychologists tell us that a good sense of humor is one of the highest signs of intelligence, and laughter lubricates the home, and let your home ring with laughter. This verse talks about those that have a broken spirit.

Now, when the string is snapped, the spark, the zest, the enthusiasm, the fight is gone. Now, I'm not talking about coarse, unclean laughter. The Bible warns in Ephesians 5, verse 4, neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient, but rather giving thanks. You say, does God believe in laughter?

Let me give you a verse. Genesis 21, verse 6, and Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh so that all that hear will laugh with me. God gave her a son. Do you know what she called her son Isaac?

Do you know what Isaac means? Laughter. By the way, learn to laugh at yourself. Learn to laugh at your problems.

You'll have plenty to laugh at. When I was a kid down in Florida, we had a terrible hurricane to come through, and my dad was out there with the other men nailing up plywood on the windows and doing all this stuff, and the wind was chill, and my dad came in, and he shivered, and all the electricity was off, and my dad came in the house and shut the door against the wind. I'm a little boy there, eyes wide, wondering, is our house going to blow away?

Is this it? My dad, so cold, he looked at my mother and said, I'd give $5 for a cup of coffee. My mother went to the tap, filled a pot with water, put it on the gas stove, made him a cup of coffee. He forgot we had a gas stove.

He looked at her, reached in his pocket, and gave her $5. And we just had a big laugh, just a big laugh, just a time of tension. Just learned how to laugh. Friend, listen, you can have a gifted child. If you'll give a child these seven gifts, and I promise you on the authority of the Word of God, it'll make a difference in your home. I thank God for a Christian home. I don't know of anything any better than a Christian home. Your home doesn't exist so you can do your business. Your business exists so you can have your home. And may I tell you this, that God ideally wants everybody to have three homes.

You know what they are? A family home, a church home, and a heavenly home. Jesus is the greatest home builder.

Satan is the greatest home wrecker. God wants you to have a family home. Now, maybe you're an orphan. Maybe you're divorced.

Maybe you're separated. But you need some kind of a family home. And then you need a church home. You need a place with your brothers and sisters in Christ.

And then you need to know that you know that you know. And when you die, you're going to heaven, to the Father's house. Now, Jesus is the key to all three. You have to know the Lord Jesus Christ. If you'd like to receive Jesus Christ, I invite you to pray this prayer after me.

Now, don't just repeat words. Make it your prayer. Dear God, thank you for loving me. I need to be saved. I'm a sinner.

My sin deserves judgment, but I need and I want mercy. Lord Jesus, thank you for paying for my sin with your blood on the cross. Thank you that you suffered, bled, and died for me that I might be saved.

Thank you, Jesus. Lord Jesus, I open my heart. I receive you now by faith as my Lord and my Savior.

Come into my life. Forgive my sin. Cleanse me. Forgive me.

Save me. I receive it by faith, and that settles it. In your name I pray.

Amen. And if you prayed to receive Jesus Christ just now, we want to celebrate with you and invite you to our Discover Jesus page on the website. You'll find answers there you may need about your newfound faith. We have a response section as well. You can share your testimony with us or let us know how this message has helped you in your spiritual walk.

Go to lwf.org slash radio and click the tab that says Discover Jesus. Welcome to God's forever family. We can't wait to hear from you today. Now, if you'd like to order a copy of today's message, call us at 1-877-LOVEGOD and mention the title Raising Kids That Count. This message is also part of the insightful Fortifying Your Family series. For the complete collection, all six powerful messages, call that number 1-877-LOVEGOD, or you can order online at lwf.org slash radio or write us at Love Worth Finding, Box 38600, Memphis, Tennessee 38183.

Adrian Rogers said a vegetable plate is better than a steak dinner if you have love, joy, and happiness. If you want to raise kids that count for the cause of Christ, remember to be firm, fair, and fun. As a reminder, you can receive daily devotions and links to our daily message programs when you sign up for our daily heartbeat emails at lwf.org slash radio. Join us next time for more timeless truth right here on Love Worth Finding. Here's an encouraging message we received from a listener in Colorado. Words cannot express how I feel about Adrian's ministry and your faithfulness to continue it. I believe no one else can explain God's word as Pastor Rogers did. Well, we're so grateful to hear how these messages have inspired you in your walk with Christ. No matter what season you're in, we believe these timeless truths from Adrian Rogers can speak conviction and encouragement into your life. That's why when you donate to the ministry right now, we want to send you our Struggles Booklet Collection. This bundle includes five insightful booklets such as Getting on Top of Your Finances, Dealing with Depression, and Freedom of Forgiveness. Request the Struggles Booklet Collection when you call with a gift right now at 1-877-LOVEGOD. Or you can give online at lwf.org slash radio.