Known for his unique ability to simplify profound truth so that it can be applied to everyday life, Adrian Rogers was one of the most effective preachers, respected Bible teachers, and Christian leaders of our time. Thanks for joining us for this message. Here's Adrian Rogers. Open, please, to Ephesians chapter 5. The moment we're going to begin reading.
Some very familiar passages. We cannot preach on the home or the music of marriage and ignore them. And so if they're not new to you, I certainly pray that they will be fresh. to you. because we're talking today about tuning up tired marriages.
Now sometimes marriage that starts out as an ideal then becomes an ordeal. and then we're looking for a new deal. And what we need to do is not to look for something new, but to take something old and keep it fresh. and wonderful. Peter Marshall.
A great preacher of yesteryear said, Dearly beloved, The marriage relation, when rightly understood and properly appreciated. is the most delightful. as well as the most sacred And Solomon of all human relations. It is the clasping of hands. It is the blending of lives.
It is the union of hearts. That too. may walk together up the hill of life to meet the dawn. Together. bearing life's burdens.
discharging its duties. Sharing its joys and sorrows. And then the great Dr. Marshall went on to say, marriage is more than moonlight and roses. Much more than the singing of love songs.
and the whispering of vows of undying affection. In our day, It is by many lightly regarded. and by many as lightly discarded. But marriage will ever remain in the sight of God. An eternal union.
made possible By the gift of love, which God alone can bestow. I think that's so wonderful. I think that's beautiful and I think it is well Put. But many do not have. The music of marriage.
Many do not have a Magnificent marriage. Many do not even have a mediocre marriage. Many have a miserable Marriage.
Now, I want us to do something about that because the devil knows. that if he can hurt us at home, he can hurt us all over. He can hurt us everywhere. He can hurt us in the church, in the school, in society, in the nation, if he has hurt us at home. And so, Satan, and you know it is true.
levels his biggest artillery at our homes. Isn't that right? Indeed, that is true.
Now that doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. It may mean that you're doing something right. and the devil is trying to stop it.
Now the Apostle Paul, who wrote the scripture that I'm about to read to you, he's a wonderful, wonderful teacher. Because He tells us not only what to do, But he explains where we're going to get the power to do what we need to do. And then he gives us an illustration that we cannot miss to show us exactly what it is that he wants us to do. And he's saying to be filled with the Spirit, and that's in verse 18. We're not going to read that, but that's the power to do what we ought to do.
And then he's going to tell us to love our wives and love our husbands, etc. And that's what we ought to do. And then he's going to give us an illustration of what it is like. and the perfect illustration so no one can miss it. is the illustration of the relationship of the Lord Jesus Christ and the church.
Now what Christ is to the church The husband is to be to his wife. And what the church is to Christ. Then the wife is to be. to her husband. With that in mind, Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 22.
Wives? Submit yourselves to your own husbands. as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even in the same way as Christ is the head of the church. And he is the savior of the body.
Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ.
So let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands. Love your wives even as Christ also loved the church. And gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle. Or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh. but he nourishes and cherishes it. even as the Lord the church.
for we are members of His body. of his flesh and of his bones. For this cause, Shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife? and they too shall be one. flesh.
This is a great mystery. That is, it's difficult to understand, but then, he says, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. I give you the illustration, he says. Nevertheless, Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself. And the wife see.
that she reverence her Husband. Gentlemen. Let's start with you first. I'll start with me. What am I to do if I would tune up my marriage?
Well, I am to be to Joyce. What Jesus is to the church. I am to give to Joyce. What Jesus gives to the church.
Now, that means three major things. First of all, it means leadership. Look, if you will, in verse 23. For the husband is the head of the wife. of the wife.
Do you see that lady? Do you see that, sir? The husband is the head of the wife. How is he the head of the wife? As Christ is the head of the church.
Now, how is Christ the head of the church?
Well, he is the Lord of the church. He is the master of the church. But he is not the dictator of the church. Did you know Jesus never makes me do anything? And, sir, you are going to be in severe difficulty if you think that when the Bible says you are the head.
You read that to say, I am debauxed. I am the dictator. No, no, no, no. Jesus is not the dictator of the church, he's the head of the church. And if the wife refuses to follow, Then we're going to see that she's going to reap repercussions, but he never forces me.
To do anything. And any husband who takes that attitude of the dictator is going to see that his home is in severe trouble. He goes around using the Bible as a club rather than a sword, saying, I am the head, submit. Marriage rights are a lot like traffic rights. I mean, yes, there are certain traffic rights, and if you obey them, you get along fine, but suppose you come to an intersection.
and you have the right of way and another car is coming this way. Don't you think you ought to stop anyway? Here lies the body of Benjamin May. who died defending the right of way. He was right.
dead right as he sped along. but just as dead as if he were wrong. And my dear friend, we can learn from that that the husband is to lead the wife. You owe to your wife leadership. We talk a lot about the chain of command in the home.
It's not so much the chain of command as it is the chain of responsibility. To be the head means that you accept the responsibility. Sir, on your desk as a husband is a sign which says the buck stops here. And I want to tell you, mister. If your home is wrong, it is probably because you are wrong.
The great problem in America is not. Rebellious women. It is slacker quitter sissy husbands. That's the problem in America. Too many husbands who are weaklings and slackers and quitters and shirkers.
Men who will not say, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. You owe to your wife leadership, but now wait a minute. What kind of leadership? It is loving leadership. That brings me to the second thing.
Look at it here, if you will, in verse 25. And not only does he tell the husbands to lead, but he tells the husbands to love. Husbands. Love. You're wise.
As Christ also loved the church.
Now what kind of love is this? Yeah. We think of romance, he's not talking about romance here at all. What kind of love is this? First of all, it is Passionate love.
Now romance may be included, but he's not talking about it here. The word for love here is not the word for erotic love. It is for sacrificial, self-giving love, passionate love. You see, Jesus loved the church enough to die for The church. You ought to love your wife enough to die for her.
Oh, you say I do.
Well, do you?
Well, I'll tell you one way I can find out: do you live for her? Don't come around here telling me you die for her if you don't live for. You see, a man willing to die for his wife shows it by the way that he lives for his wife, and you don't have to die physically to die to your pride, ambition, ego. And your own particular proclivities, and put your wife first. Do you know what most homes in Memphis, Tennessee need, and wherever you're living?
Do you know what they need? They need Two. funerals, and a wedding. The husband dies to himself. and the wife dies to herself.
And then they are wed one to another. Mister? When the Bible says that you are to love Your wife. As Christ loved the church, what it literally means is nothing. is too precious.
For you to give up for your wife. And your home. Nothing. Accept your relationship to God. I hope you agree to that.
Nothing. is too precious for you to give up. Except your relationship with God. And I'm going to tell you something else. Most women do not mind being in subjection to a husband.
Who loves her enough to die for her and shows it by the way he. Lives for her. Isn't that true? How are you to love her? Passionately.
But not only a passionate love, but a purifying love. Look in verse 26. He loves the church this way, that he might sanctify and cleanse it. With the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself. A glorious church.
Not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy. and without blemish. Did you know, dear sir, that God expects more holiness out of a man than he does a woman? Did you know that God expects the man to be more spiritual than He does the woman? He expects the man to be the leader.
His love for his wife is to be not only passionate, It is to be purifying. Do you know what my chief assignment from God is? It is to make my wife joyce. And even more radiantly, Beautiful. Christian.
You see, I am to love her as Christ loves the church. What is Jesus to the church? He is both prophet and priest. A man in his home is to be both prophet and priest to his wife. And as Jesus has forgiven the church, husbands should always forgive their wives and not be bitter against them.
And as the Lord Jesus sanctifies the church, the husband should ever, ever, ever see to it that his wife. Has every opportunity to live a pure life and should never, ever, ever encourage her in any impurity whatsoever. Third thing. I'm talking here about love. And I'm saying it is passionate love.
It is purifying love. It is protecting love. Look in verse 28.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. Now listen to me. A man is sick. Who doesn't take care of his own body?
And he will soon be. Sicker. You see, you are to love your own body. You protect your own body. You keep your own body out of danger and so it is that you are to love your wife as your own body because she is a part of you.
Who is closest? Mother and child. our mother and husband. One woman was asking And she said, if you had to choose between your husband and your son, which would you choose? She said I'd choose my son.
That husband is no relation of mine.
Well Oh, dear friend, the husband is not a relation of yours. He is a part of you. And you are a part of him. You are one flesh. And sir?
If you hurt your wife, you are hurting you. Be good to yourself and love your wife. Be good to yourself. and love your Why? You are to love her with a protecting love, and you need to protect her in many ways.
You need to protect her emotionally. You need to protect her physically. She is not physically as strong as you. That doesn't mean that she is not worth as much as you are because the Bible calls her the weaker vessel. Silk is worth more than denim.
But it's more fragile. But more beautiful. More delicate. But you see, dear friend, God has given the husband to protect. Many of you men.
or letting your wife work When you ought to come alongside and help her. I'm not talking about outside the home, I'm just talking about inside the home. When she's tired and you're sitting there reading, she's still in the kitchen, you need to go in and help her. Is Joyce here today? You need to do that.
A little boy was looking at some an old album. And he looked back at a family album that was taken many, many years ago. It was a wedding album. And he saw his mama when she was a bride. He said, Daddy, is that when mama came to work for us?
You owe her, my dear friend, protecting love. And listen, you owe her providing love. Look, if you will, in verse 29, because here's the way you protect. For no man ever hated his own flesh. He nourishes his flesh.
He cherishes his flesh, even as the Lord, the church.
Now, to cherish, I told you already in this series, means to warm with body heat. And to nourish means to nurture, it means to feed, to mature. You see, When you're cold, don't you want to be warmed? And when you're hungry, don't you want to be fed? What the Apostle Paul is saying by divine inspiration is...
See to it that her needs are met. Seek to satisfy her. As you would want yourself satisfied, and strangely, you will be satisfied. You see, A man, I tell you, is sick who does not want to care for his own body. And a man is committing suicide who does not care for his own body.
And a man is committing matrimonial suicide who does not care for the needs of his wife. The problem is That gentleman, we fail to think of our wives as a part of us. I mean, we think of them as apart from us.
So many a man thinks of his wife as a possession. Like his car. And when he gets a new car, he shows it off. Dear friend, your wife is a part of you, just like we're part of the Lord Jesus Christ. Look in verse 30, for we are members of his body.
of his flesh. And of his bones. Friend, I want to tell you when You hurt. Jesus hurts. He's touched with the feeling of your infirmity.
And so it is that husbands are to love their wives.
Now, here's the third thing, Mr. Yodiwai. Not only do you owe to her leadership, you're the head. Not only do you owe to her love, You owe to her Loyalty. Loyalty, look at it in verse 30.
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. And for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife. The word literally means welded. Confused. to his wife.
And they too shall be one. Flesh. The word leave speaks of the priority of marriage. The word be joined speaks of the permanence of marriage. One flesh speaks of the purpose of marriage.
It's all right there. That's God's plan. It is loyalty. Again, I want to say the highest of all human relationships. Contrary to popular opinion is not mother-child.
Nor is it child parent. It is husband. and wife. Hope you understand that. There is no other human relationship like this.
Never, ever is it said of anyone else that they are one thing. Flesh. And so that speaks of the priority of marriage, and to be joined speaks of the permanence of marriage. Divorce is Never. The plan of God.
Never. The plan of God. You show me a young married couple that get married with divorce as an option.
Now I'll show you a home that has a great, great potential for disintegration. You just take the word divorce and cut it out of your dictionary, just cut it out of your mind. You say, but if we have problems, Maybe we ought to get a divorce and start all over again. Listen to me. Couples that get divorced and couples that don't get divorced.
have basically the same kinds of problems. The difference is not in the problems that people have. The difference is in the word commitment. Commitment. It is not Your love that sustains your marriage.
Now, if you don't hear anything else, you listen to me. It is not your love that sustains your marriage. It is your marriage that sustains your love. Love. Marriage is a commitment.
The Bible says you are to be Joined. You have the same kinds of problems. A no-fault divorce is an impossibility. And what happens so many times is that 10% of the marriage will be in trouble of a wonderful marriage and the 90% goes down the drain because of a lack of commitment.
Somebody says, well, I owe it to myself to be happy. There's a good Greek word for that. It's called bologna. I owe it to myself to be happy, therefore I'm. What do you mean you owe it to yourself to be happy?
When you were in the marriage altar, you made a vow. You owe it to God. to keep your vow. You ought to your wife. You owe it to your children.
Bible says what God hath therefore joined together. Let not man put asunder. You say, well, it's happened to me already. Take the broken pieces and give them to God. You can't unscramble eggs.
I'm not trying to make you feel that I'm. Heaping more sorrow and more pain upon your head. I'm not trying to do that. But I'm trying to tell you couples that are married right now that you need to find a way to work it out in the grace of God. Do all that you can do to work it out in the grace of God.
There's only one higher commitment. It's not business, it's not your position, it's not your service. There's some men more committed. to the family store or to the business than they are. To their wives.
My dear friend, one flesh speaks of the purpose of marriage. We come together. We're not just talking about Physically one flesh. If that's all one flesh means to you, just... A sexual union.
Oh, my friend. There's a little difference in that. animals cohabitating together. That's not love, that's lust. I don't care how much moonlight and roses.
There may be. What our Lord is saying here, one flesh, how? Spiritually. One flesh Psychologically. One flash.
Physically. And the marriage relationship of coming together where there is the blending of lives and the union of bodies. is going to be either the nicest or the nastiest. of all human relationships. Yeah, but That uh lawn in front of your house, that beautiful sod, that's so pretty there.
If somebody gets a shovel and takes part of it and throws it on the living room rug, it's just plain dirt. All depends on where it is and what it is. Marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled, but. Adulterers and whoremongers, God will judge. God is not trying to keep you from sex, God is trying to keep sex for you.
Every time God says thou shalt not, he's just saying don't hurt yourself. And every time God says thou shalt, he's saying help yourself to happiness. When the Bible says, flee fornication, thou shalt not commit adultery. God is not a prude. God loves you so much.
He wants you to have the best. You kids, listen to this old preacher now. Save yourself for the one you marry. You'll be so Glad you did.
So Glad you did. You eat your cake now, you'll have a crummy tomorrow. Brother Stay pure. The Bible teaches premarital Chastity. Postmarital fidelity And a man Woman.
relationship. Oh my That's God's plan. You're not going to improve on it. My dear friend, you're not going to change it. God's not going to bend His rules for you or anybody else.
One flesh. All the kids today talk about free love. Friend is not free. There's no such thing as free love. Jesus loves the church.
He wasn't free. He died for the church. That's what love is, is commitment. It is not free. And these kids talk about going all the way.
The sad thing is that's just what they don't do. They don't go all the way. All they do is to go a part of the way. and disgrace and debauch and besmirch something that is so wonderful and so beautiful. For this cause, shall a man leave his father and his mother?
That's the priority of marriage. and cleave unto his wife. That's the permanence of marriage, and they too shall be one flesh. That is the purpose of marriage. And therefore, A husband owes to his wife loyalty.
Loyalty. loyalty. Let's look and see what the relationship of a wife to her husband is. If you just tune up a tired marriage, first of all, Her relationship is to be, as the church is to Christ, a submissive relationship. Go back to Ephesians chapter 5 and look in verse 22, would you?
Wives? Submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord. How opposite this is to the ways of the world. Women say, You mean I'm going to submit to him, not me. Not me.
I'm not submitting to anybody. I know my rights. Dear friend, when you talk about your rights, number one, you're so foolish. Because You see As a Christian, you don't have any rights. What rights does a dead man have?
We're crucified with Christ. We belong to Him. We're not our own. We're bought with a price. But the second thing is that when you refuse God's plan, you don't help yourself, you hurt yourself.
I mean, for example, let's look at feminism, the feminist movement.
Now, they have many good arguments. I mean, much of feminism is a rebellion against men that have failed. And I admit that. But we need to correct the problem and not throw away the word of God. You see, listen.
God loves you, dear lady. God loves you. What has the wisdom of this world done for us? Are homes better today because of a feminist movement? I'm talking about the unwillingness to assume the God-given place in the home.
Are homes better? Of course not. Of course not. You see. When a woman fails, To submit according to God's plan.
First of all, she's going to have problems. with God. Hey, by the way, if you're a feminist here, I mean one of these radical feminists who don't accept what God has written here. Don't write me any letters. Just take the time when you write the letter.
And let's read Ephesians 5. And then write God a letter if you want to, okay? I am talking to you, dear friend, about the Word of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands. You'll have difficulty with God because you're in rebellion against God.
You're going to have difficulty with your husband. You will never be to your husband what God made you to be, and God made you to be a helpmeet for Him. You are to be His completer, not His competer. And you're going to have difficulty with your children. And I'll tell you why.
Because God only gives authority to those who are under authority. And if you never learn to be under, God will never make you over. You will never have authority in the home. You are building rebellion into the lives of your kids, and you will pay dearly. For failing to obey the word of God.
But I'll tell you what else: not only are you going to have difficulty with God, not only are you going to have difficulty with your husband, not only are you going to have difficulty with children. My dear friend. You're going to have Personal difficulty because you're never going to have your deepest needs truly met. Yours, number one, my friend, is a submissive relationship. That does not mean that you are inferior one whit.
Submission does not mean inferiority. Any more than I'm inferior to a policeman when I turn right and he tells me to turn right. He's just simply, in that case, the delegated appointed authority. Secondly, Not only do you owe to your husband a submissive relationship, but you owe to him a supporting relationship. Jesus has given his work To us.
To us. I mean. He has no hands but our hands. He has no feet but our feet. And I am here.
Because I love my Lord in submission to my Lord, but supporting my Lord. And I am a part of him. I want his name exalted. I want his cause to go up. Lady, that's your relationship to your husband, a submissive relationship, a supportive relationship.
But oh, listen, a sharing relationship. Look at it. Look at it here in the word of God, for we are members of his body, of his flesh, of his blood. Don't. What a wonderful, wonderful.
relationship Christ and the church share. the most intimate of all relationships. There's emotional sharing. There's financial sharing. He has committed his riches to me.
There is responsibility sharing. He has given the great commission to me. Hey, mister. Yeah. You've got rooms to rent upstairs unfurnished if you don't bring your wife in.
and share with your wife. There is nothing that Jesus doesn't share with the church. He said, I don't call you any more servants, but friends. The servant doesn't know what his master does. Our Lord manifests himself to us.
And therefore, husbands and wives are to share together. You say, well, Brother Rogers, I don't want that. I'll tell you what I want, Pastor. Aye. Want to be free.
You do? May I ask you a question? When is a train. More free. When it's on the tracks, Or when it's off the tracks trying to go through the meadow.
You see. God's plan. God's way. is not the way to stultify you, not the way to head you off. It is God's way to give you Glorious.
Glorious liberty. What does the husband owe to the wife? He owes her love. He owes to her, dear friend, leadership. He owes to her loyalty.
What does the wife owe to the husband? Yeah. A submissive relationship. A supporting relationship. a sharing relationship.
Try it. I promise you, on the authority of the word of God, it'll put music in your marriage. And it'll tune up a tired marriage. Let's pray. Father God, I pray, Lord, that you'd help us to learn.
Just to learn what your word says. Lord, I've not tried this morning to be cute or creative. But just, dear Lord, to take your word. and explain it. Lord, I pray that husbands and wives together.
today. We'll just come To make the commitment, Lord. that you want us to make. In Jesus' holy name. If you would like to learn more about how you can know Jesus or deepen your relationship with him, simply click the Discover Jesus link on our website, lwf.org.
For a copy of this message or additional resources, visit our online store at lwf.org. or call 1-800-274-5683. Thank you.
