When the String Snaps

Pastor, teacher, and author Adrian Rogers has introduced people all over the world to the love of Jesus Christ and has impacted untold numbers of lives by presenting profound truth simply stated. Thanks for joining us for this message. Here's Adrian Rogers. Husbands and wives are to sing the same song, but they sing different parts. That's what makes it hard.

harmonious. Not mere melody, but wonderful harmony when we play the part that God has equipped us to play. And so, husbands and wives are singing the same song, different parts. Hopefully, they're singing the right rhythm so they sing it together. But now, today, I want to talk to you on this subject.

When the string Smaps. I'm really talking about tension. in the home.

Now look, if you will, beginning in verse 13. A merry heart, make of a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken. The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge. But the mouth of fools Feedeth. on foolishness.

All the days of the afflicted are evil. But he that is of a merry heart, hath a continual feast. Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure. and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is.

than a stalled ox that is filet mignon and hatred therewith. A wrathful man stirreth up strife, But he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. The way of the slothful man is as an hedge of thorns. But the way of the righteous is made plain. A wise son maketh a glad father but a foolish man despiseth his mother.

Folly is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom. But a man of understanding walketh uprightly. Without counsel, purposes are disappointed. But in the multitude of counselors they are. established.

I'm going to stop reading there, but I want you to notice some words. Just if you don't mind marking your Bible, verse 13.

Sorrow. Verse 15, afflicted. Verse 16, trouble. Verse seventeen, hatred. Verse 18, strife.

Verse 22. disappointed.

Now all of these are almost synonyms for strife. Just strife. Our tension R stress, I suppose. All of these are times when the fiddle string gets too tight. I'd become quite a musician preparing these messages.

And I found out, and what I already knew really, that when the violin string is not tight enough, then the music is flat and dull. But if the string is too tight, Then the music is shrill and high-pitched. But if the string is even yet more tight, The string will Snap.

Now, I think one of the major obstacles to the music of marriage is tension in the home. It is stress and strife. Stress is related to Raising your voice. It is related to raising your pulse and raising your children. I mean, if you've got children, dear friend, you have stress just built in.

And look at these words again: sorrow, affliction, trouble, hatred, strife. All of these are stress words. And being in today's home, dear friend, I want to tell you the string can get mighty tight. And sometimes it can snap. Did you know that domestic violence is a major problem in America?

An act of domestic violence, I'm talking about horrible violence in the home, happens every 15 seconds in America. 15 seconds. About half of all married couples have times where they have Absolutely. violence in the home. And in one-fourth of all marriages, violence is a common occurrence.

And 20% of all murders in America are inside the family. 20%. 13% of those are committed by spouses. We used to say when we come home, it's a jungle out there. Friend, it may be a jungle in here.

But not only is it a damage, this stress to our homes, but also to our health. You know, stress is a terrible thing. Stress will do the same thing to you that sand will do to machinery. I read something interesting the other day. These boys who land these fighter jets on the decks of aircraft carriers.

Would you think that's stressful?

Well, friend, I'll guarantee you that's stressful. It would be to me to land one of these jets on the deck of an aircraft carrier. The pilots who land those aircraft. on the decks of that ship have a much higher cholesterol level. Isn't that something?

You see, that's stress.

Now, not all stress is bad. I mean, it takes certain tension to make the violin play at all. You've got to have some stress. But I'm telling you that too much stress. Is dangerous to the home, it's dangerous to the health, and obviously, then it's dangerous to our happiness.

So, I want to give you four things. Four things now. just to relieve stress in your home. Just to put the music of marriage back there when the string gets so tight, when the upright gets so uptight. that the string snaps.

Now, if you're so stressed up. That you don't know what to do, that is, you're all stressed up and nowhere to go. I want you to pay attention because we're going to go to the Word of God. And this passage that I just read to you from the book of Proverbs that deals with stress. has four very wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Admonitions for your home.

My home, your heart, and my heart. Number one, you'll be surprised at this. Learn to laugh. Just learn to laugh. Look if you will in verse 13, a merry heart.

maketh a cheerful countenance. You ever seen people, they claim to be saved, but they look like they have a gallbladder attack? I mean, if they have a merry heart, The Bible says it's going to show up on the face. A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken.

Now, when it says the spirit is broken, What he means is the string snaps. The Spirit. That's the wellspring of life. That is the true inner man. And when that spirit is broken, the zest.

The enthusiasm, the spark, the thrill, the fight is gone out of life.

Now you'd better learn that having a merry heart is wonderful medicine. A merry heart is the sign of happiness.

Now happiness and joy are not the same thing, but they are related. They're first cousins. Joy is that constant presence of God no matter what happens. But a merry heart is the ability to capture and enjoy those wonderful times of life and let it turn to laughter. Wyndham said that laughter is the mind sneezing.

I like that. Did you know that there are three things that animals don't do that human beings do? Animals don't blush. Second thing animals don't do, they don't cry. Animals don't weep.

No animal weeps. You might think your dog is weeping. That's just matter in his eyes. That's all that is. Dogs.

Don't cry. Third thing animals don't do is they don't laugh. They don't laugh. They don't blush. They don't weep.

And they don't laugh. That tells me that man, made in the image of God, reflects. The character of God, and God is a God of joy, and laughter is a gift from God.

Now, there's nothing wrong with laughter. As a matter of fact, laughter comes innately. You don't have to teach children to laugh. You have to teach children when not. to laugh.

And if you really have the joy of the Lord in... Your heart is going to show up on your face. Look at it again. A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance. What's another word for a cheerful countenance?

So smile. Let me read something about a smile. This was written by an anonymous author, but I think it is incredible. It costs nothing. but creates much good.

It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who give it away. It happens in a flash, but the memory of it can last forever. No one is so rich that he can get along without it. No one is too poor to feel rich when receiving it. It creates happiness in the home.

fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friends. It is rest to the weary. Daylight to the discouraged. Sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote for trouble. yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something of no earthly good to anyone until it is given away.

Willingly. I love that. Hey, listen, folks. When you dress up in the morning, don't forget to put on a smile and don't Be ashamed of your sense of humor. Listen, your sense of humor is a gift from God.

And it has been documented, I mean psychologically documented, that laughter. Along with a well-rounded sense of humor, it is one of the sure signs of intelligence.

So now everybody's going to go around smiling. Listen, I'm not talking about unwholesome laughter. I'm not talking about cheap, coarse, degrading humor. The Bible warns against that. The Bible says in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 4, that we are warned against filthiness and foolish talking and jesting.

which is not convenient. Crude jokes. Sexual innuendos and all of these things, they have no place. But good wholesome laughter. Is a gift from God.

And Abraham Lincoln said one time that God must have meant for us to laugh, or else He would not have made so many mules and parrots and monkeys. and human beings. God wants us to laugh. God gave Sarah a little child, and God taught Sarah to name that child. laughter.

We call his name Isaac. But the name Isaac means laughter. Genesis 21, verse 6, and Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh.

So that all that will hear will laugh with Me. Laughing at what God did when He gave that home a little boy that brought such joy that they called his name laughter. Here's a verse on laughter I want you to put down: Luke chapter 6 and verse 21. Jesus is looking at people who are downtrodden and sorrowful, and he says, Blessed are ye that hunger now. For ye shall be filled.

Blessed are ye that weep now. For ye shall laugh. That's what Jesus said. Ye shall laugh. Yes, there's a time to weep.

We don't have to go around like sanctified buffoons and morons. with no serious thoughts. There's a time to weep. But, my dear friend, you had better put some laughter in your home. And especially When times get tough.

Laughter is God's way just to break the tension when the string gets too tight. God here speaks of a merry heart. Again, he says, a merry heart does good like a medicine. I thought to myself, well, I'll illustrate this about some laughter in our home. And I said, where would I start?

And nowhere to start. I mean, it's everywhere, all of the time. And I thank God for that. I was thinking of the kind of a home I was raised in. When I was a kid, I was raised in a home where constantly We were laughing.

And home was the most fun place to be. that I knew of. I remember down there in Florida one time we had one of those great hurricanes that came through West Palm Beach, Florida. I mean, it was a time when my dad was out with the rest of the men. They were nailing up shutters and boarding up the houses and trying to keep everything we had from blowing away.

All of the power lines had been blown down. There was no electricity. We were in the dark. My dad came in. His hair was blown.

He was soaked to the bone. He came into the kitchen. I was a little fellow, just watching my dad. Wondering really how serious the situation was. You know, kids key on their parents and My dad came in and his shoulders drooped a little, he was so tired.

He was a young man then, I was just a very little boy. He said to my mama, I'd give $5 for a cup of coffee.

Well, the electricity was off and everything, but Mama just opened the tap and. Put some water in and turned on the stove. The gas wasn't off. He'd forgotten that. I mean, she turned on the stove.

We had a gas stove. And she made him a cup of coffee. And I watched my dad reach in his pocket and pull out $5 and give it to my mama. Just as a kid, and they both just laughed. I mean, right in the middle of the storm, I just watched them sit down.

My dad gave Mama $5 and sat down and drank that cup of coffee. There was something about that. That just made a hurricane not seem important at all. Just that act of humor, just that goodwill. Here they are, just laughing in the face of the storm.

It wasn't to say that they didn't think the storm was important. It wasn't to say that there may be some danger, but it was just something to a little boy's heart to say, you know, God's in control and mom and dad can just laugh in the face of the storm. And if in your home you have tension, may God help you to learn what he says here. A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken.

You see, a good laugh is just sunshine in the home. Three things you ought to give to your children. Life. Love. and laughter.

And I can give you three simple rules for raising kids. Be fair. Be firm. And be fun. That's it.

That just about sums it up. Just be fair. Be firm. Be fun! That will take the tension.

out of this Awful, awful world that we live in today. Not only learn to laugh. But number two, cultivate contentment. Cultivate contentment. Look, if you will now, beginning in verse 16.

The Bible says, better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is. than a stalled ox. and hatred They're with. What is this talking about?

Well, our Lord is just telling us that so many of us are uptight. because our value system is wrong. We always think we have to have more and more and more. We think that the house. the gourmet food, the toys, the travel.

These things are going to bring happiness. But many times, the striving for these things is what brings tension into the home.

Now, let me give you two scenes here that's pictured in the Bible and see if I can update them a little bit. First of all, here's a small apartment. and the husband comes home from work. The mama has been fixing the meal. And so they sit down around the kitchen table.

Now there's no linen tablecloth on there. They're plastic placemats. And the dishes don't necessarily match. As a matter of fact, some of them are chipped. There's no silver, it's stainless steel.

and some of the forks are bent just a little bit. There are paper napkins there on the table. The furniture is chipped a little bit. And the children come and sit around. The table.

And mama has been cooking, and they're having what the Bible calls here a dinner burbs. And here's this little couple sitting there, and the dad reaches out and they take hands together, and he thanks God for their home, he thanks God for their love, and he blesses the Lord and says, Amen. And then he talks about Susie's grades at school and says, Susie, you did real good. And they talk about old Fido the dog a little bit and talk about what dad did. And somebody cracks a joke and they all laugh and they just all are having a wonderful, wonderful time.

Time praising the Lord and enjoying one another. Just a little part of it.

Now, here's another scene the Bible gives us. Here's a great big mansion, big, big columns out in front, expensive automobiles parked out in front. Inside is plush carpet. You almost turn your ankle walking on it, and you go in there, and those polished entryway and those hand-rubbed wooden walls, and great beautiful paintings there that are hanging up. And there's a big long table, and on the table, first of all, is you know the hors d'oeuvres, and then there's the appetizer, and there's all of the china and the crystal and the silverware all laid out there.

And over here is a woman with a face like a hatchet. cold and Over here is a man sitting over here, and he's haggard from his work. And here are surly children sitting around the table. They don't stop to ask the blessing, and in comes the smoking roast, and in comes the asparagus, and in comes the iced tea with the mint in it, and so forth, and all of these delicately prepared things. And after a while, the servant comes in and brings an exotic dessert and after-dinner coffee, but they're cutting remarks and sarcasm.

And maybe if they're guests, there's a politeness that's a measured politeness. Which home would you rather be in? Friend, I would Ten times times ten more. rather be in that little apartment. I mean that with all of my Hard.

That big home Without love. Can be a curse. After that meal, they say, where's the Peptobismol? Wear the tums. I am not saying that you can't be rich and have love.

Some of the sweetest homes I know of have all of those things, and love included. And if you've got it, I'm so grateful for you, and it's a gift of God, and enjoy it. God gives us richly all things to enjoy. I'm not against you having nice things. But I'm just saying, dear friend, you better get your values straight.

You better find out what really matters. Listen, better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a vegetable plate where love is than filet mignon. That's what this verse is saying here in verse 17. Get your value system straightened out.

You beware of the tyranny of things. Listen to 1 Timothy 6, verse 6. But godliness. With contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain that we can carry nothing out.

And having food and clothes, Let us therewith Be content. but they that will be rich.

Now it doesn't say they that are rich. But those who have set their mind on being rich. Have you ever done that? Mr., you are in great danger. They whose determination is to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.

For the love of money is the root of all evil. He doesn't say money is the root of all evil, it is the love. Of money, which is the root of all evil. Every now and then, some graduation commencement speaker will tell boys and girls: now, just make all the money you can just so you make it honestly. Boy, that's the worst advice I've ever heard.

If you're trying to make all the money, you can. then you're going to be making money when you ought to be doing something else. You're going to be making money when you ought to be praying or going to church or be with the children or maybe in the park trying to teach your boy how to fly a kayak. Listen, nobody should have a goal to make all the money he can. Sure, he has to provide for his family, but when you determine that you're going to be rich, at that moment you put yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Listen. Cultivate contentment. Cultivate contentment. The love of money is the root of all evil. That literally means all kinds of evil.

Which, while some coveted after, they've erred from the faith and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. Oh, look back at chapter 15, if you will, Proverbs, and look in verse 6. In the house of the righteous, is much treasure. But in the revenues of the wicked is trouble. Look, if you will, in chapter 15, verse 27.

He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house. You girls who are not yet married, let your pastor give you some advice. It's far better to marry a man who's worth a million that doesn't have a cent. than to marry a man who has a million not worth a cent. You find out what the character of that man is.

See if he loves God. Listen. Godliness with contentment is great gaining. Having food. and clothing.

Be content. That doesn't mean that you can't try for more. It doesn't mean that God doesn't want you to prosper. The Bible says God takes pleasure in the prosperity of his servants, but you learn to be content with whatever you have and praise God. And if you don't, I can tell you before long, the string is going to snap.

And that big house won't mean anything to you. Not a thing. All right, number three. Number three, first of all, learn to laugh. Number two.

Cultivate contentment. Number three. Alleviate anger. Alleviate anger. Look, if you will, here in verse 18.

A wrathful man stirreth up strife. But he that is slow to anger, do you see that underscored? He that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. And another word for strife is stress. And learn, dear friend, just to alleviate anger.

Now all anger is not bad. Jesus was angry. But he was angry at the right things. The Bible says in Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 26: Be angry and sin not. But oh, my dear friend, the Bible says here to be slow to anger.

Proverbs 14, 17 says, He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly. Proverbs 18:13 says, He that answereth a matter before he hears it, it's a folly and a shame to him. Proverbs 29, verse 20 says, Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? There's more hope for a fool than of him. Be slow to anger.

And listen, the way to control your anger is to control your words. Look again, if you will, in chapter 15, verse 1: A soft answer turneth away wrath. Do you know the thing I have to watch? I have to watch what I say. Because what I say one word just builds the next word, and that builds the next word, and it gets worse and worse.

Learn to control your speech. The Bible says, be slow to anger. You say, well, I can't control it, Pastor. I just can't control it. You're a liar.

You can't control it. You know, you get in a home, and husbands and wives are just snarling and fighting and snapping and down one another's throat, and their voices are full of hostility. And then, right in the middle of that kind of an argument, the phone rings, and you go to the phone and say, Hello?

So sweet and nice. You can control it. And friend, you'd better learn to control it because if you don't control it, you're going to get out of control. I mean, just your very speech. Learn to alleviate anger and watch what you say.

I heard of a man pushing a baby carriage, and he said, easy. Harold? Easy, Harold. That's a boy, Harold. You're doing fine, Harold.

And somebody said, it's just so wonderful the way you're so patient. With little Harold. Oh, he said, No, no, he's Albert. I'm Harold. Easy, Harold.

Learn to control that speech.

Now If you would have a home full of music, learn to laugh. Cultivate contentment. Alleviate anger. And last of all, walk in wisdom. Look, if you will, in verses 21 and 22.

Folly is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom. But a man of understanding walketh uprightly. Without counsel, Purposes are disappointed. But in the multitude of counselors they are established.

Now, friend, if you bring the wisdom of God into your home. Stress in the home is just simply a sign that you have forsaken the wisdom of God. God is not the author of confusion. God gives wisdom.

Now, in order for the family to have wisdom, The family has to come together in a family council. Notice in verse 22, in the multitude of counselors this wisdom is established. You need as a family to come together. You know, I'm at the age now where I'm looking to see if I had it to do over again, what would I do? I can tell you one thing I definitely believe I would do.

Would have more family councils.

Now we had family worship. But I would bring the family together. I would bring my children together. And I would let them understand what is happening in our family to a greater degree, where we would sit down and I would hear them, and we would, as a family, Say that everything that we have belongs to us equally. We have the amenities and we have the responsibilities equally, and we would learn to make decisions together.

We would make a family budget, everyone would have an allowance, and we would stick to it. We would make decisions as a family about discipline. about all of these things. together.

Now, of course, dad has to be the leader of the band, but my dear friend, if you would take the strife out of your home, Learn as the father, or if yours is a single parent family. You are the head. Bring those children together. and sit down together. and talk it out.

You know, when we have strife, the reason we have strife so many times is not because we have problems. Everybody has problems, every family has problems. But you see, families that deal with problems the right way learn to attack the problem. and not one another. Sit down and walk in wisdom.

Try to understand the other person. Try to see it from their viewpoint, from your child's viewpoint. Try to sit where the child sits. See it through the child's eyes. Empathize, sympathize, understand.

Sometimes a little paper boy is a better psychologist than a husband.

Sometimes a husband will come home and his wife will snap at him and growl at him. Snarl at him and He just Picks up some verbal club and hits her back. A little paper boy gets a new House on his route, and a dog comes out and snapping and growling and snarling, that boy knows he has to deliver that paper there every morning. He doesn't want to make an enemy of that dog.

So, what he does, he doesn't pick up a stick and throw it at that dog. Not if he's a smart paper boy. He'd just kind of try to make a friend of that dog. and kind of just walk over and come here, boy. Get us.

Hand on his head just a little bit and rub him and scratch him behind the ear a little bit and just pat him a little bit and do that every day. And after a while, the dog will come out wagging his tail. That dog doesn't know the paper boy. He's threatened by the paper boy a little bit. And what the dog really wants is affection.

Mister, when you come home... And your wife is snapping and growling. What she's really saying is Show me some affection. Show me some love. See, maybe things have gone terrible for her.

Maybe she's threatened. Maybe she's fearful. Try to understand what is bothering her, like the paper boy tries to understand the dog. And try to understand yourself when you come home in a bad mood and rip off at the wife: is it really her that you're upset with? Or is it the boss or that guy that headed you off at the expressway?

Sit down at the family council and talk it out. Just talk it out. Attack the problem, not one another. And when you come to these places where there's a multitude of counselors and there's a difference of opinion, As much as possible, give everybody in the family a chance. to save face.

You can disagree. without being disagreeable. But do it all. in the spirit. of unconditional Togetherness.

I think I've told you before that I told Joyce. If you ever leave me... I'm going with you. I mean, together. We do it.

Friend. When all else fails, Just read the instructions. Learn to learn. To laugh. Cultivate Contentment.

Alleviate. Anger. Walk in wisdom. And if you don't, The string is going to snap. And the music's over.

Father, Thank you for your word that's so precious. Lord, I pray that you put the music back in our marriages. and the melody back in our homes. The rhythm back in our walk. In Jesus' name.

Amen. If you would like to learn more about how you can know Jesus or deepen your relationship with him, simply click the Discover Jesus link on our website, lwf.org. For a copy of this message or additional resources, visit our online store at lwf.org. or call 1-800-274-5683. Thank you.