Love One Another - How to Love Those Who are "Different", Part 2

Do you find yourself looking at people and making a judgment about what they think, what they're like? Do you know down deep in your heart that God doesn't look on the outside, but you just find you can't get past it sometimes?

I know I do. We can learn to look at people the way God does, and that's what we'll learn today. Thank you for being with us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip Ingram serves as our Bible teacher for this global teaching and discipleship ministry, helping Christians develop an authentic faith. And you know, followers of Jesus aren't known for being genuine or caring nowadays. We're often labeled as judgmental critics. We tend to make unfair assumptions about a person that damages their character, and yet we know how hurtful it is when someone does it to us. Well, today Chip will motivate us to break out of that attitude as he continues his series Love One Another. He has a lot of wisdom to share, so let's join Chip now for part two of his talk, How to Love Those Who Are Different. Let me give you four reasons from Scripture why it's so hard to accept one another.

I'm just going to highlight them. Four roadblocks, four enemies to genuine, authentic, biblical acceptance that leads to life in relationships. The first one is judging others' faith by extra biblical standards.

The technical term for it is legalism. Legalism is judging others by extra biblical standards. And what I mean by extra biblical is that we evaluate things not based on what the Bible actually says, but by other stuff. Let me read Romans 14 and one to five, and then verses 10 and 13.

Just follow along and see if you don't pick up the drift. Accept him whose faith is weak without passing judgment on disputable matters. With them it was whether you should eat meat or just vegetables, whether you should worship on this day or that day. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man whose faith is weak eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has, here's our word, accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls, and he will stand for the Lord is able to make him stand. One man considers one day more sacred than another. Another man considers every day alike. It's true in our day, isn't it?

Some people worship on Saturday, some on Sunday. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. Skipping down to verse 10, you then, why do you judge your brother or why do you look down on your brother for we will all stand before God's judgment seat. Therefore, stop passing judgment on one another.

Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. The context, these are those gray areas. Let me play it out for today. Some people would say, I've been in parts of Texas, coached a little basketball team part time, and we played against a team that their extra biblical standard was you were accepted or not accepted based on the length of your hair. Now this happened in Texas. So there's some little corners where people think like this. And they literally wouldn't have association with anyone whose hair touched the top of their ears or whose hair went beyond their collar. Now these were good people, these were Christians, these people loved God. And somehow, over the years, they got the idea that the length of your hair made you holy or unholy. I mean, Jesus couldn't get in their church.

Unless he got a haircut. For other people, it's the use or non-use of alcohol. For other people, it's a spiritual experience. If you have this spiritual experience, you're on the in. If you haven't had this spiritual experience, you're on the out.

For others, it's hobby horses. And we're really big into prophecy or we're really big into this or really big into that. And we're on the in and you're on the out. Extra biblical standards. Stop it, stop it, stop it. That's what the scripture says.

If you want to have those, if you want to have your personal views about length of hair, about the use of alcohol, if you want to decide about areas that the Bible clearly doesn't teach about and good Christians from a variety of backgrounds have honest differences, great. But don't look down your nose at them. Don't feel superior. Don't think that you have the higher calling, the higher truth, that you're the in and they're the out.

You know what that produces? Disunity. Not authentic community.

Sad. See, the first thing that kills acceptance is when we think our extra biblical standards with regarding to another's life or faith is the measure by which we judge and we don't. Second thing, Bible calls favoritism. Judging others by external appearance or possessions.

That's favoritism or discrimination, partiality, whatever you want to call it. Second Corinthians 5 16 says, So from now on, we regard no one from a worldly point of view, though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Another translation says, Paul's talking about his commitment to the new covenant and his ministry and he says, I'm compelled by the love of Christ. And as he goes out to minister and to love people, he realizes he has internal prejudice. He's a born Jew. That means he doesn't like Gentiles. And God's called him to love Gentiles.

He's got a problem. I love New American Standard translates this. Therefore, from now on, the Apostle Paul writes, I'll regard or judge no man according to the flesh. He says, I will no longer look at a person's outward appearance or their background or what they have or what they don't have or what they wear or their racial background or where they've come from.

None of that. Even though I've known Christ according to the flesh, I'm not even going to evaluate that that way any longer. James chapter two verses one to five puts it very clearly. He says, my brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. Suppose a man comes in your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes and a poor man with shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, here's a good seed for you. Hear the favoritism?

But you say to the poor man, you stand over there or a second thought, sit on the floor next to my feet. Have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my dear brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? You know why we're not accepting of one another? Because we judge people by their outward appearance and we judge people by their possessions. When someone pulls in next to you at the grocery store or the church parking lot, you have an opinion if it is a beat up VW van in the late 60s model with peace signs on it.

You have a different opinion if it's a beamer on the other side. And what I want you to know is you have no idea what's going on in either of those people's heart and neither do I. You form opinions and I form opinions as we walk by people, as they walk into the marketplace based on their hair, their dress, their lack of tattoos or thereof, where they shop, where they've been and where they've come from and we unconsciously start making evaluation and judgments about them and then we unconsciously compare or consciously compare and we put them either above us or below us and then we respond in that way. You know what?

You can't accept them if you do that. It's sin. Comparison is at the heart of all carnality.

What did we just learn? That person will stand or fall before God. God can take care of that stuff. We'll learn there's areas where to judge. This isn't one of them.

Appearance isn't one of them. Third reason, according to the scripture, is pre-judging. This is judging others based on preconceived notions about them. Luke 6 37 says, Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned.

Forgive and you'll be forgiven. This is sort of the generic kind of judgment where I'm not to judge another person based on preconceived notions or ideas. In other words, I'm not to evaluate a person based on they come from a different culture. We are to accept one another despite differences in our race, our culture, our physical appearance, our economic status, our theological and religious background, our personalities and our philosophical differences.

We're to accept one another and we're to transcend all that. Does it mean you necessarily agree with them? No. Does it mean you approve of their lifestyle, of their views? Not necessarily. Does it mean you accept them and grant them admission into your heart?

Yes, it does. That's what Jesus did and we're to accept one another how? The way he accepted us.

I've got to be careful right now because this is a button of mine. I've been around Christians and it doesn't matter which side. They can be either on the Republican side or the Democratic side and especially with all the stuff that's going on now. And it blows my mind. It blows my mind that your allegiance to a political party can take precedence over your allegiance to another Christian. And I hear people talk about, well, this is what I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm a Republican. Well, this is what I think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm a Democrat. I'll tell you something. Our allegiance to Christ is above all that. You can disagree on political issues and love one another and accept one another.

But I'll tell you what, it doesn't happen in a lot of churches. Our commitment to accept one another, it's got to transcend race. The leading cutting edge of reconciliation of people who treat one another with dignity regardless of their race ought to be born again Christians.

And if it's not, shame on us. And philosophy and culture. We don't have to agree with people that look differently. We don't have to agree with people that have kind of bizarre looking behavior in our minds. But we need to love them.

And we need to accept them. What did Jesus do? What did Jesus do? Jesus, the word, it's our word, welcomed sinners. Welcomed differences. I learned this one the hard way because even inside Christianity this happens. If you've been around for a while, you sort of get to know the spectrum. There's evangelicals and inside that there's a lot of spectrums. And then you have conservatives that are more conservative than you and so they're kind of radical weirdos. Of course, have you ever noticed that wherever you describe yourself it's the middle? There's the ultra-conservatives no matter where you're at and the liberals.

And you're balanced, like me. And so you've got the liberals way over here don't believe the Bible and all this kind of stuff. And then inside evangelicalism you've got sort of those denominational types.

You know, they're a little out of touch. Organs, stained glass music. Or if you happen to be in one of those churches, oh, you've got those new kind of non-denominational type groups. Guitars, horns, electric, man, it's loud, it makes me nuts, it's dark in the place, they use those screens, no hymnals. They're ungodly. Well, Pentecostals, you know what they do? Baptists, oh man, you know what those Baptists do? Lutherans out here, they can drink.

But they can't, you know, and it goes on and on and on. No preconceived notions. Do not judge. And then I've had to, I have the utmost respect for people that I had preconceived notions about. How about you?

How about you? Fourth reason is I call it mind reading. Judging others in areas that it's impossible for us to assess accurately. First Corinthians four, one through five develops it, but let me read just verse five by way of summary. Therefore the apostle Paul writes, judge nothing before the appointed time and wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts.

At that time each will receive his praise from God. We cannot judge other people's motives. And yet we do it all the time. She said she was sorry but I know she didn't mean it. Oh really? He said he came here for help and he really wanted to have a fresh start. But he's a loser.

He's just playing the system again. She said she wants to reconcile but I know she just didn't get enough support. I know she doesn't mean it. My son and daughter said he really wants a fresh start but they pulled our chains so many different times.

No way. That person said they want to be involved in our ministry. I know really she's just interested in that guy or he's interested in her. It's amazing this ability we have to read people's minds, isn't it?

To know exactly what they're thinking, why they're thinking it. Never forget a fella a few years ago and he's still, he's been around the country and back down but I affectionately ended up calling him Dan Dan the Hippie Man. Dan Dan the Hippie Man looks very unusual.

I mean that kindly. He wears these really funny kind of hats. He's got really, really long hair. He wears stuff that I don't, I just don't know quite where it came from. I mean really bizarre. Sort of like tunics and he kind of walks like this. Like this. And I'm thinking he looks like an ex-drug addict or he's a guy that, you know, he's an obvious street person.

I mean, you know, dressed the part and everything. He's really worshipping. He's having a really, really good time. In fact, he's having a little bit too good a time for me.

It's part of my prejudice. I get some preconceived notions about worship and wherever my limits are, he's kind of going over them and I'm here and he's over there having just a little bit too much fun with God, you know. And I'm thinking this guy's coming to church because he needs a handout and he'll, you know, say something to me afterwards and we'll try and, you know, help him out and, you know, street people, you know, Lord bless him, you know.

So I get done and I'm thinking, you know, I don't even know if he's listening. And I can't get down the stairs and he stops, grabs me by the shoulders and says, thank you so much. God spoke to my heart and then he began to talk about it and then he hugged me. I mean, not like a little hug, I mean like a hug-hug.

Hug. And it was so sincere and I was so uncomfortable. And then he told me, and see, all my preconceived ideas, we talked and you know what I learned? He doesn't have to be on the streets. That's his ministry.

He willfully lives on the streets to share Christ. He wanted fed. He came back every week and then later he traveled. He said, God wants me to go to another city.

You know what? John the Baptist, God bless you. I don't know how it works, but man, he was sincere and he was real. And then I got a letter from him. A cult was starting to pull him in and he was starting to go for it and he said, I'm struggling and I don't know what's true. And he wrote me a long letter and I wrote him a letter back and I gave him material and I got it and then I got a letter back. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, I was missing it and you're right. And he got out of that cult and he came back around and we met and gave him some counsel about where to go to school so he could be involved in ministry and all my preconceived notions about his motives were wrong. Now if you're a leader, a parent, or a marriage partner or have an analytical mind, you really struggle with this one. Because what makes you good at these things, what makes you good at these things, see, you read people's motives or their thoughts just often enough where you're right, where you think you're right all the time. Right? I know what you're thinking. No, you don't.

I've had great struggles here and God and Teresa have really helped me. That's where I got the title. I've had cars pull up and I'll look at the sticker and this and this and that and this and I'll think, you know, I'm telling her their life story. And she'll turn to me and say, you know what, you don't read anybody's mind.

You don't know what God's doing. That's right. Now, we know the meaning of the word accept. We know it means to grant admission into your heart, to welcome and to receive. We know that you desperately need it.

I desperately need it. We're commanded to do it. If you're a Christian, you already got it. So we ought to just make this happen.

But because of legalism, favoritism, because of this judging, this preconceived prejudice that we have, and because of the fact that we think we're mind readers, we don't accept one another. This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip will be back to finish today's message in just a minute. But quickly, did you know you've been uniquely gifted by a heavenly Father who loves you? Stick around after the teaching to discover a valuable tool we've developed to help you identify and embrace the divine gifts you possess.

But for now, here's Chip to continue our series Love One Another. Does this mean that we should never judge? I mean, isn't that what our world's saying? You know, if someone is in sin and you say, hey, you know what, I think that behavior is wrong, who are you to judge me? Or if someone's doing some things that you know are really wrong and are really going to hurt them, and you step and say, hey, I really want to talk to you about, oh, who are you to judge me? Does the Bible actually teach that we should never judge?

I want to tell you, absolutely not. We are to not be judgmental. But there are certain areas, and I'm not going to go through them, but I'm going to give you a Bible study. There are certain areas you're commanded to judge.

Look at them. We are commanded to judge when there's interpersonal conflict in the church, 1 Corinthians 6. Two other believers have a problem. It was lawsuits in this case. We're commanded to step in and judge so they don't embarrass the church by taking it to court.

Secondly, if there's immoral behavior in the church, 1 Timothy 5, 20, 1 Corinthians 5, immoral behavior, we're to confront them and say, hey, this is wrong. Does that sound like judging? Yes. You know why?

It is. Because we're supposed to. We're commanded to. Third, when someone sins against you, Matthew 18, 15 to 17, when someone gossips about you, sins against you, does something wrong against you, you should go to them first in private and say, hey, I think we have a problem.

Who are you to judge? Well, God told me to. Matthew 18, 15 to 17. Well, I won't listen to you. Great. Verse 16, I'll bring back a friend. Well, I'm not going to listen to either of you.

Great. Verse 17, we'll tell it to the church. Does that sound like judgment? You better believe. Fourth is when God places you in a position of spiritual responsibility.

2 Timothy chapters 3 and 4 are just filled with spiritual leaders. You better judge and assess the conduct, the purity of what's going on in the body. You better judge it rightly according to your whims.

No, according to scripture. Fifth reason, to maintain doctor purity. Clear passages. When people are going in heresy, judge it. Confront them. How? Lovingly.

Too much soft, middly-piddly, well, who am I to say anything? You're to say something if you're in the body of Christ and if wrong doctrine is being floated around. Next, then, when church unity is threatened. 1 Timothy 5, 20 says, if you have a divisive person, warn them once, warn them twice. After that, don't associate with them. Get rid of them. Does that sound judgmental?

Yep, it is. God's unity and purity are more important. So don't be judgmental. Accept one another. Speak the truth in love, but in certain areas, you must judge.

Don't buy the culture saying, who are you to judge? I'm a believer. I'm commanded to do this. And I'm not doing it because I'm down on you.

I'm doing it because I'm commanded and I love you. Well, how do we grow, then, in accepting one another? First of all, just to remember what's at stake.

If you want to love people, if you want to be connected to people, the testimony of Christ, the impact in the world, your needs, their needs, this is not optional. We have to accept one another. Second, refuse to compare. That's a good place to start. Just in summarizing all that you've heard, where do I begin? I'm not going to compare myself with others.

I'm not going to compare. That's a great place to start. Third, renew your view of others. Renew your view of others.

You've got to look at people differently. I have such struggles with this that I have a little card. I call them desire cards. They're desires I have that God will do in my life.

And it's not happening. And so I feel like if I get it in my mind, I pray about it, and I read it over, then little by little God will do it. And I put my desire card in this area. I'm a very judgmental person. I'm a very analytical person. I assess things quickly. I make snap judgments. I think I can read your mind.

I know what's best to do. Just ask me. It's ugly. It's ugly.

I've had private conversations with myself evaluating other people that I know nothing about that are so ugly I can't stand to be in my own mind with me. I'm serious. So here's my desire card. I read this over.

Try and do it several times a week. I read this. I'd like to view others in light of their eternity and need instead of by their outward appearance, possessions, status or abilities. I desire to view others through their eternity. You know, when you start looking at people in the first label you put, are they lost or are they found? Are they loved and secure, a part of God's family, or are they in need? Change is how you think.

I want to view people through their need and their eternity. What I found is that the people that disturb me, that really make me crazy, they've usually been through some really hard times. Instead of judging their behavior, their actions, their morality, how they're dressed, what they drive and all that stuff, I start thinking about, I wonder what their need is. I wonder why they have to act that way. I wonder why they have to be so exhibitionist in that fashion.

Why are they trying to gain so much attention? And you know what happens? Compassion starts to come up. See, when you view people in light of their need and you view them in light of eternity, then you can look past appearance, possessions, abilities and status. The real key to accepting others is understanding how deeply accepted you are by Jesus.

Do you got that? Do you feel accepted? Do you feel loved unconditionally and indiscriminately? It would be a shame to talk about us accepting other people if there's people that hadn't received the acceptance of God. I'm going to come back right afterwards and if you've never received Christ, if you don't know what it is to be forgiven and cleansed and be totally accepted right where you are, unconditionally, indiscriminately, today, you need to bow your head and say, God, help me understand what it is. And if you understand enough, today's the day. Receive the acceptance, the forgiveness of Christ.

Invite Him into your life to save you, forgive you, cleanse you. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And the message you just heard, How to Love Those Who Are Different, is from our series Love One Another. Chip will join us in studio to share some insights from today's talk in just a minute. Jesus said that the greatest commandments are to love God and love your neighbor as yourself. So in this teaching, Chip explores the heart of the Christian faith expressed in how we love one another.

Learn how to create deep, meaningful friendships where you can motivate, care for, encourage, and gently speak the truth to each other. Get ready to experience the ways godly love can transform your relationships, homes, and communities. If you've missed any part of this series, catch up through the Chip Ingram app or livingontheedge.org. Chip's back in studio now with an insightful word for all of you.

Chip? Thanks so much, Dave. You know, one of the things that I've experienced as a pastor as I meet and talk with lots of people is they kind of have this idea that God is way, way out there, and He sort of sees everyone alike. Maybe God's way too busy for them and their issues. But I want to tell you that God is into the details of life. The fact is this, that God has made you special and you're precious in His sight. He's put you together in a way with natural talents. And then as you were born and begin to grow, and at a certain point in time, you came to know Jesus, He deposited in you spiritual gifts, gifts that align with your natural talents in such a way that you can make a difference in a unique way like no one else. The tragedy, however, is the great majority of Christians do not know what their spiritual gift is, and they don't know how to get it operational.

I meet them all the time, and there's sort of this generalities, and they give me five or six or seven things that they kind of think, but it doesn't give them that ability to prioritize their life. If you do not know your spiritual gift, could I encourage you to get your divine design? It's a resource we're offering this month. It's a small little booklet that will allow you to clearly understand a definition of each spiritual gift in the Bible and how you can discover yours and put it into action.

Here's what I know. You discovering what that is could change the course of your life, bring you great joy, and make a huge difference in the lives of others. Your divine design is a resource we would like to put in the hands of everyone who listens to Living on the Edge. Dave, would you give them all the information so they can take the next step and get this resource?

Absolutely, Chip. This tool can deepen your spiritual walk and take your faith to a whole new level. So that's why all month long, when you give a gift to Living on the Edge, we'll send you a free copy of your divine design as our way of saying thank you. Learn more by going to livingontheedge.org or by calling 888-333-6003.

That's 888-333-6003 or visit livingontheedge.org. Have listeners tap donate, and please know how much we appreciate your support. Well, here again is Chip with some application to share from today's message. I don't know about you, but this is one of the most difficult areas in my life to not internally be critical and judge people. And I've asked God to change me, and I know I've got to pray, and I gave you that little desire card that I use. That has been very helpful to review over and over. And let me read it for you, if you missed it in the message. I have written this down, and I review this regularly. It says, I would like to view others in light of their eternity and need instead of by their outward appearance, possessions, status, or abilities.

Well, you know, that's a good thing to remember. Now, we do need to be very careful not to judge others. But as I close today's program, I want to highlight something especially, I think, that needs to be underscored in the body of Christ. We also taught today there are times that we are to judge. We are to accept one another, but inside the body of Christ, there are times we ought to judge.

And I want to review these. In fact, many of you ought to get this and listen to this, because what happens is we have all kind of ugly, difficult, sinful things happening in the body of Christ, and everyone pulls back and says, well, you know, who am I to judge? There are at least six key times that the Bible commands that you judge or evaluate to make a difference. Number one, when there's interpersonal conflict in the church. We're to judge and evaluate and address it. Two, in moral behavior in the church. You are to judge that. Three, those who sin against you, Matthew 18.

You need to evaluate, judge, and go to them in love. Four, when God places you in a position of spiritual responsibility. You know, there's times if you're an elder, a leader, a pastor, a small group leader, you need to judge, evaluate, and make sure things are run God's way.

Fifth, to maintain doctoral purity. When heresy is in the church, when people are teaching things that are wrong and damaging, you have to judge or discern that and address it lovingly and firmly often. And sixth, when the church unity is threatened. There's times when people are gossiping.

Don't say, well, who am I to judge? You need to lovingly get in people's face, kindly, and say, you know something? If you're not a part of the problem or a part of the solution, what is coming out of your mouth is destroying the church that Christ died for. So I want to really balance this out and remind fellow believers, let's accept one another. Let's especially accept those outside of Christ. But let's remember there's a time to lovingly judge based on God's word.

Let's not, in the name of not judging, be unwilling to step up to the plate and be God's people. Thanks, Chip. And if you want to go back and study those points Chip just reviewed, go to livingontheedge.org and download his message notes.

Now, this is a great tool available for every program. It has Chip's outline, all of the scripture he references, and a few key fill-ins to help you remember what you're learning. Find them by visiting livingontheedge.org under the broadcasts tab, app listeners tap fill-in notes. Well, from all of us here, I'm Dave Druey, thanking you for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge. And I hope you'll join us next time.