Love One Another - How to Connect Deeply with Others, Part 2

Do you long to be connected to other people? Do you feel like there's an invisible wall between you and getting deeply, intimately connected with other believers, but you just don't know why? Well, that's what we're going to talk about today. Stay with me. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We are an international teaching and discipleship ministry that motivates Christians to live like Christians. And is that invisible wall Chip just described feel all too real to you right now?

Are past relational hurts or disappointments keeping you from forming wholesome, meaningful friendships today? Well, stay with us as Chip shares some practical help as he picks up where he left off in our series, Love One Another. But before he gets going, if this is your first time listening to Living on the Edge or you want to learn more about what we do, go to livingontheedge.org.

You'll find resources there on tons of topics and countless programs to enjoy. Or if you prefer, the Chip Ingram app is also a great way to get plugged in with our ministry. Well, if you have a Bible, go down to Romans chapter 12 for the second half of Chip's message, How to Connect Deeply with Others. What did Jesus say? He said, Love one another. As I've loved you, sacrificially, from the heart, tenderly, as a family.

That can't happen if we don't know each other. The clarity is we are members of one another and now the first command, be devoted to one another. So let me ask you that second question. The first one was, remember, do you feel connected like that? Do you have a sense, that sense of moral responsibility, that sense of from the heart, are you devoted to other believers in brotherly love?

I mean, does it matter how they're doing? Did you feel the moral weight toward other believers like you would someone who's a physical brother or sister relationally or to a mom or to a dad or to a niece or to a nephew? See, what I want you to understand that the Bible talks about this, the supernatural community.

He's saying that we each move toward one another in connection and I need to own the moral weight of saying, if you're not loved, I may not be able to supply it, but I need to be a part of the process of you getting connected and loved. And so then the question is, what is it that keeps you? What is it that keeps me from experiencing this authentic devotion, this supernatural community? And so with that, follow along, get your pin out if you will.

I'm going to make you work a little bit because what I want to do is just do some things that are very, very simple, but let you know. First, what keeps us from experiencing this authentic devotion to one another? One, it doesn't happen automatically.

It's not magic. God didn't design the body where you just come to church a couple times and all of a sudden something happens inside. I'm just devoted to everyone in brotherly love.

It doesn't happen that way. In fact, it's so is non-automatic that multiple times in the scripture we're commanded, we're reminded to make this the focal point. Lest we end up with just some sort of intellectual relationship with God and with others. Notice what it says in 1 Thessalonians 4, 9 and 10. Now about brotherly love, we have no need to write to you, Paul says, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia, yet we urge you brothers to do so more and more.

See, it's not automatic. We all need urging. Second passage, 1 Peter 1, 22 and 23. Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable through the living and enduring word of God.

Do you get the idea? You have the ability. I have the ability because I have a new birth to love people.

But there's a command. Therefore, love one another. How? Superficially? When it's convenient?

No. Authentically from the heart. Final passage, 2 Peter 1, verses 5 through 7. For this very reason, talks about what we already have in Christ, make every effort to add to your faith goodness and to your goodness knowledge and to your knowledge self-control and to your self-control perseverance and to your perseverance godliness and to your godliness brotherly love and to brotherly kindness love.

Notice the little word add to, add to, add to. There's certain things God has already done for us, but we cooperate. You see, it's not automatic. Learning to love one another takes real effort, takes real focus. It takes a plan. In fact, number two, what keeps us from experience authentic devotion to one another? Number two, it takes time, effort and intentionality. I mean, I want to let you know, up front, it takes time.

The payoff is awesome. It takes effort, and it takes real intentionality. I mean, someone's not just going to necessarily, I hope it works this way, and I've heard some good stories like this, but as you walk out of the church, I don't know what the probabilities of someone just stopping you saying, hi, my name's Bob. I'd like to have a deep authentic relationship.

How about you? You might be a little concerned if someone did it like that. The fact of the matter is it's probably not going to happen quite like that.

It's going to require some intentionality on your part. Well, third reason that we don't experience this kind of authentic devotion to one another is that it is especially difficult for some of us to share at the feeling level. I think there's three reasons.

There's just some of us, this whole emotional side of life, period, let alone Christianity, it just makes us nervous. The first reason is because we fear rejection. You know, if you've been in relationships somewhere, along the line somewhere, and you've been rejected, what do we all know? You're just like me. You don't have to reject me much, I'll avoid you.

Won't you? But to get loved, you have to take risk. If you never take risk of rejection, what happens? You can be safe and isolated. Second reason that we, some of us, it's hard to relate at the feeling level is we come from poor family backgrounds. You know, when I say the family of God, and for some people when I say God is your father, you think, yuck. If he's anything like my dad, and it's implanted in your mind and it's hard and there's emotional barriers and blocks and it's just hard for you to say, you know, it's hard. I understand that. Recognize that as the barrier though, rather than unconsciously not know why and pull back from people. Third reason it's hard to relate emotionally is we've had negative church experiences. You know, some of the things I'm talking about, if you've been in a church situation somewhere sometime in the past and they talked about loving each other and you got set up and you got burned, you got a little light that's going off, a little antenna that's up like this thinking, it's not going to happen to me here. Right? Summary, if you have a hard time at the feeling level, recognize these barriers, but don't let these barriers keep you from taking the risk to get loved.

Okay? Don't let them hold you back. Fourth reason we don't experience authentic devotion to one another is personal unresolved anger and bitterness. I don't know if you realize it, but people who have real anger and bitterness in their heart, they're not a lot of fun to be around. You see, if you have unresolved anger, whether it's toward an ex-mate, family member, a boss, a situation, and you have unresolved personal issues of anger and bitterness, you are not a fun person to be around and we will probably not get it. We will figure out ways. That's your defense mechanism to keep people away and we want you to know it works.

So maybe what you need to do is find out why you're angry, ask God to help you and get some help. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and before he continues our series Love One Another, have you ever questioned your life's purpose because your job, talents, and personality don't quite match up? Join us after the teaching as Chip introduces a resource that we have that will help you appreciate how God's designed you and show you how to harness the exceptional gifts He's blessed you with. Stick around to learn more. Well, with that, here's Chip to continue today's message.

The fifth reason that we don't experience authentic relationship, this devotion to one another is excessive preoccupation with ourselves. I remember a good friend, he said he spent a number of years here mad at everyone because they were all a bunch of cliques. And he said he tried to break into groups, break into groups and they're all in a bunch of cliques and he was really hacked off. So then he went on a trip with a team. He came back and he said, I was a clique too, I just didn't realize that I was a one person clique.

He said, my focus was always on me. Why don't they invite me? Why don't they do this?

Why don't they do this? He was just, what honesty, incredible honesty. And he said, on that trip I realized I'm not going to be a clique anymore, I'm going to ask what's going on in their lives. And he came back and he said, I experienced more love on that trip and it began with, I got my focus off me. Number six, failure to recognize our limitations and personal capacities in relationships.

This is the other side. Some people don't experience authentic family love because they're focused on themselves. Some people don't experience authentic family love in the body because they don't know they have limitations and they don't know their capacities.

And so anybody who asks them to do anything they always say, yes. And they've got 19,000 superficial relationships, they're tired, the church wears them out, they're doing this, they're doing this, they're doing this, they're doing this. They have no deep relationships and they don't feel connected. They look connected, they're not connected. Their hearts shriveled up inside. No one really knows what's going on.

You know why? They don't know their limitations and they don't know their capacities. Some of you can handle five deep relationships, some two. Some maybe one or two, some 15. We're all different.

Figure out yours. But I'll tell you what, it's better to have two or three great deep relationships than 20 or 30 acquaintances. When you're in a jam, when your heart hurts, 20 acquaintances don't do you any good.

Two friends do. Final reason why we don't experience this authentic love for one another in God's family is idealistic, unrealistic expectations. You know what that means? They're going to let you down. It means that in great relationships you do what?

Work through conflict. You have misunderstandings. People just flat drop the ball. They say they're going to call back. They don't. They promise you this.

They don't. Kind of like what I've done now and then. You know what happens? You take a risk.

You combine a few of these. You have a little rejection over here, a negative family background here. You have enough fears over here and you step out over here. You have these idealistic expectations and you try it and then you'll see, see, it doesn't work.

It doesn't work. I knew it. I knew I shouldn't have done it. I knew I shouldn't have tried. No, no, no, no, no, no. You just need to get realistic. You need to move slowly. You need to trust God and you need to let Him work and you need to realize that as I learned even as a seven year old, my best friend growing up was my best friend after he put a worm in my brand new felt cowboy hat and we went to blows in the rain, rolling in the grass and I punched him in the face as hard as I could.

It did seem to have little impact. He sat on me and I could not get up and we were best friends ever since. Some of the greatest friendships you'll ever have is working through a disagreement, a conflict. It's part of the process. Now, let me give you another seven ways that you can develop deep, family, godly, devoted to one another relationships. I'm just going to run through them but this is where I want you to shift from I'm listening, I'm evaluating, I want you to shift gears and I want you to put your little hat on that says, you know God, if you would want me to get closer connected, I'm open to that. I'm a little fearful but I'm open to it. So as I walk through these seven things, specific ways to get involved, to get connected so that you can start to give love and receive it, just keep your heart open.

Ready? First, honestly evaluate your level of connectedness and just be honest. Mildly, moderately, deeply connected.

Choose one. Second, identify the top two factors that are keeping you from building warmer, deeper family relationships. Number three, prayerfully determine which subgroup you might feel most comfortable. See, the fact of the matter is, is there's a low probability that you're going to go from being in a worship service to best friends with someone.

You know what I mean? Fourth, prayerfully decide on a specific time, event or activity that would allow you to take the next step toward devotion and connection and if possible, ask someone you know to go with you, wherever it would be. Choose the time, the event, make a pre-decision and then go for it. Five, join a growth group or ministry team for a specified limited time. Notice how I'm going to get you out of that. Six weeks, eight weeks, for that time and at the end of that time, no one will say, oh, why are you quitting? You're not quitting. You've fulfilled your commitment. Way to go. No guilt. If you like it, we'll let you sign up again.

You're in. Six, be friendly even if it doesn't come naturally. What can I say? There's an amazing thing.

Try putting a smile on your face, reaching out to someone and saying hi. Amazing things have happened. Finally, seven, ask God to let you find someone who feels less connected than you this week and love them. And when you do, something magic happens. The Spirit of God shows up. What did Jesus say? Love one another.

How? Even as I have loved you. Question number one, do you want that kind of love? Join the family. If you're here tonight and you're not a believer in Jesus Christ, you can be loved. You can be a part of God's family. Secondly, do you want to experience more of God's love if you're already part of the family?

Then be devoted to one another in a specific, tangible way beginning this week, and God will show up. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and the message you just heard, How to Connect Deeply with Others, is from our series Love One Another. Chip will join us in studio to share some insights from today's talk in just a minute.

It's easy to hear the truth, feel inspired by it, and even believe it, but how often do we fail to act on it? Through these insightful messages, Chip challenges us to pause and choose to radically love others as Jesus did. Learn what it looks like to encourage, admonish, care for, and live in harmony with one another. Don't miss out on how to experience the joy and fulfillment of Godly community. To catch up on any part of this study, listen through the Chip Ingram app or at livingontheedge.org. Well Chip's back in studio with me now, and Chip, in this series we've been highlighting your book, Your Divine Design, and how it's helping Christians discover their spiritual gifts and put them into action. In fact, anyone who gives a gift to Living on the Edge this month, we're sending them this book absolutely free. I'll tell you more about that in a minute. But first, I thought it'd be good for our listeners to hear the real-life impact of this book. Can you share maybe a quick story of how this resource has changed someone's life?

Oh, I sure can, Dave. You know, early on when I was a young pastor, I didn't think much about spiritual gifts. I didn't teach much about it. And I thought, you know, they were kind of nice, but I really didn't have a conviction or understand how important they were. And then I assumed that people that are pretty mature, walking with God, they probably have all that down.

And I learned just the opposite. In fact, I remember a man who was a mentor to me. I mean, super successful businessman. I would meet with him like two, three times a month, learn about leadership. He helped me with the church. And, you know, we were talking one day, and I started talking about spiritual gifts. And because he was a business guy and because he was good with money, he always ended up in churches where they put him on some committee about, you know, a building fund or finances.

And it wasn't a spiritual gift. His spiritual gift was giving, and his spiritual gift was leadership. And he always felt like he was over in the corner doing something that people put him in a label, like this is what you do because that's what you do for a living. We worked on this together where he began to use his gift of leadership and his gift of giving, and he developed all of our new members. Then he developed a whole system for everyone in the church to discover their spiritual gift. And the joy that he had, and when he would share that in those groups he would just go, you have to get this.

This changed my life. And he told me he always felt like I really love Jesus, but all my service for him was ought-tos and got-tos. But there wasn't passion behind it, and I never understood it was because I wasn't functioning in my gift. I just cannot encourage people strongly enough to get Your Divine Design, this resource that will help them discover what the gifts are, what theirs is, how to develop them, and then how to put them into practice. It is well worth the time.

It absolutely is. Well, as you've listened to Chip talk about the impact of this resource, if God is prompting you to be generous and give a gift to Living on the Edge, we'd love to have you join us. And when you support this ministry, we'll send you a copy of Your Divine Design as our way of saying thanks. Learn more by going to LivingOnTheEdge.org or by calling 888-333-6003.

That's 888-333-6003 or visit LivingOnTheEdge.org. App listeners tap donate, and thanks in advance for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do. Well, Chip, as we wrap up, you had a few really helpful insights you wanted to leave our listeners with. Absolutely, Dave.

It's amazing, isn't it? God has made you and He's made me to be deeply connected with one another. You notice I gave some very practical, specific steps about how to do that. And so as I close, if you have a pen or a pencil, why don't you grab it if you can and let me walk through those steps again.

I know I went pretty quickly. As you listen, I want you to listen for what specific step could you take this week to make a real difference in your life. Number one, evaluate your present level of connectedness in God's family. Whether you're involved in a church or a parachurch or a small group, on a scale of one to ten, ask yourself, how connected am I? Second, identify the top factor in keeping you from warmer, deeper biblical relationships.

I went through them in the message. Now think back. Is it the fear of rejection? Is it the fear of taking risk? Is it a former bad church experience?

I don't know what it is, but identify it. You can't cope with it and move through it until you identify what keeps you from going deeper. Third, prayerfully determine what small group of believers you are going to get involved with. Where would you feel most comfortable? You've got to identify it this week and say to yourself, you know, I'm going to go to that midweek thing or I'm going to join one of those small groups at the church or one of the men's groups or women's groups or couples groups, but you have to identify what the next step is going to look like. Fourth, are you ready? This week, decide on a specific time or event or activity that will cause you to take the next step.

And you know what? If you need to, ask someone to go with you and then go and try it for six weeks. Don't try once and say, oh, that wasn't a good experience. For six weeks, go to that small group or that midweek or that activity and say, Lord, I'm going to be here for six weeks.

I want to get connected. Help me. Fifth, be friendly, even if it doesn't come naturally.

I mean, try it like smile, stretch out your hand. Even if you're an introvert, reach out, step out, be friendly to people. You'll be amazed at the response. And then finally, and this is the kicker, walk around this week and see if you can't find one person that looks more lonely, more lost, more disconnected than you, and see if you couldn't help them get connected. And what you'll find is an amazing thing happens to them and to you.

God bless you, and go for it. Challenging word, Chip, thanks. And in case you missed some of the points Chip just reviewed, they're pulled straight from his message notes, which is a tool available for every program. So let me encourage you to get this resource before you listen to us again. Chip's notes include his outline, the scripture he references, and fill-ins to help you remember what you're learning. They'll really help you get the most out of every program. Chip's message notes are a quick download at LivingOnTheEdge.org under the Broadcasts tab, App Listeners tab, fill-in notes. Well, until next time, this is Dave Drouy saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.