Love One Another - How to Connect Deeply with Others, Part 1

Do you long to be loved?

Do you wish there was a group of people that when you weren't there, the conversation would be, where's, and then they would fill in your name? Do you have that? Do you want it?

Do you know that God wants it for you? Today, we'll learn how to get it. Stay with me. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

We're a discipleship ministry devoted to helping Christians worldwide live out their faith for the glory of God and the benefit of all people. Well, in just a minute, Chip will continue our series, Love One Another. Last time we learned how to identify and nurture strong, dependable relationships.

Today, Chip will build off that idea by teaching us how to take those friendships to the next level. So grab your Bible and go to Romans chapter 12, beginning in verse 10, as we join Chip for his message, How to Connect Deeply with Others. What did Jesus say? He said a lot of things, but in John 1334, he said, there's a new commandment and the new commandment is this, love one another.

How? In the same way that he loved his early disciples, he told them, and now tells us, love each other. And we're going to learn that we're a family as well as a body. And so go ahead, if you will, pull out a little teaching handout. You can go ahead and pull that out.

I'm going to be following that in a minute. The quote on the very front of that handout is from a very, very famous author. I had the chance to meet him a couple of times. I don't say I know him well at all, but I've heard a lot of his teaching. I've read several of his books.

Dr. Larry Crabbe. 25 years of counseling, multiple books, well-trained, PhD, counseling practice, training students, on and on and on and on. He sees more and more and more and more breakdown in relationships. And he began to see that what the church originally was meant to do is happening more and more and more, that people sharing deeply, people working through deep issues, they were almost always doing it in therapy instead of in churches. And although he feels there's a clear role for quality Christian counseling, obviously, he's a Christian counselor, what he began to see was, we're missing it. We're missing it somewhere. People aren't recovering.

People aren't growing into wholeness. He tells a story of meeting with a fellow, and he said, there's times where, without false humility, he's really good at what he does. He has great insight.

He's well-trained. And he said there was a particular problem, a very, very deep psychological problem in this fellow's life. He said, we met a couple, three times, I mean for like two, three years. And he said he remembers the great breakthrough day, and he felt like God just gave him insight like never before to really help this person see what was going on in his life. And in his mind, the whole healing process really began there. Later on during that time, however, he was just driving around, and they happened to live in the same town, and he noticed this friend with another friend eating a brown bag lunch at a park. And so he thought, this isn't very professional, but he just had a prompting of God, and he went over and just sat down on the grass, informally, took off his counselor hat, and just said, how you doing? And the guy started to give the psychological things he's working on. He said, oh, no, no.

I mean like regular, you know, like regular people. How you doing? And you say, fine. He said, oh, fine. He said, can I join for lunch? He said, well, sure. And they said, we sat down. We just had lunch.

We didn't talk about his deep issues. We were just friends for 45 minutes. He said, I didn't think anything of it. I got in my car, went back.

He moved out of the area. He met him, I forget how much longer, but a significant period of time longer. And he thought to himself, how are you doing? And the guy, glorious story. I mean, glorious story.

I mean, real change, inner transformation, rightly connected with God, restored relationships, making great progress. And he said, I just couldn't resist. He said, well, tell me, what was the turning point? And he said, in my mind, I'm thinking, I can tell you the session. I know the session he's going to say and what I said and the great insight I brought. And, you know, go ahead, tell me. And he said, you know, there was a day.

There's a day when I think it all began to turn around. And, you know, his chest is swelling, you know. And he said, that day that you ate lunch with me in the park. He said, what? He said, yeah, just the day you ate lunch with me.

He said, I don't know. We were just friends and we weren't working on my problem and somehow we connected and I felt affirmed and loved just as a regular person. And he said, I think that was the turning point. Notice on the front of your handout, I've pulled out a couple of quotes from the foreword of Crabb's book, Connecting. He writes, imagine what could happen if God were to place within his people intangible nutrients that had the power to both prevent and reverse soul disease. And then he told us how to share those nutrients with each other in a special kind of intimate relating called connecting. Imagine what could happen if it were true, if we believed it, and if we devoted ourselves to understanding what those nutrients were and how we could give them away. I envision a community, listen to that word carefully, of people who intentionally mingle in settings where these nutrients are passed back and forth, where I pour into you the healing resources within me and you pour into me what God has put into you.

Like spiritual gifts, these nutrients only nourish our own souls as we give them away for the blessing of others. Last paragraph, critical. Ready? In recent days, this is after 25 years as a professional counselor. I have made a shift. I am now working toward the day when communities of God's people, ordinary Christians whose lives regularly intersect will accomplish most of the good that we now depend on mental health professionals to provide. Do you hear what he's saying?

Paradigm shift. What he's saying is I realize he's done the research and after two years of psychotherapy, the research tells us that people get about just as well with it or without it. There's special cases. I'm not saying Christian counseling isn't needed.

It is. But for the mass, mass, mass, mass majority of the real soul issues, notice what he goes on to say, and they will do it by connecting with each other in ways that only the Gospel makes possible. Dr. Larry Crabbe. What he's actually saying is, here's a renowned psychotherapist who concludes there must be a better way.

I mean, he's full fledged into counseling. He says there must be a better way. And here's the question.

What is this better way and how does it work? And I like to suggest that since most of you have already turned the page, I will too. And that the better way is God's answer in Romans 12 10. It's one thing to say, what did Jesus say? Love one another. How do we do it?

But now the question is, how does it work? How do we love one another? It begins by understanding we are members of one another. It moves on by understanding be devoted to one another. It's a command. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.

That's how it works. Now he's, you know, he's a real smart guy and he's a psychologist, so he doesn't use those Bible words. He calls it connecting. But that's what this, I'm going to give you a little Bible study and I'm going to give you the context and the meaning of the words. God wants you to get it. And so he says, you're not only a body theologically, but you're a family. And what makes for great families is deep emotional, psychological connecting where we heal one another's wounds as we love one another. And if we're going to do what Jesus said, if we're going to love each other, it starts obviously by understanding who we are in his community, our membership and our function. But the very first thing, then we have to be devoted to one another. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love in very specific, tangible, concrete ways. Now you might ask, what does it mean? I mean, specifically, what's it mean to be devoted to one another?

Let me tell you. Context here, you might open your Bibles to Romans chapter 12, and I'll just highlight as I go. The first couple verses talk about our relationship with God.

Verses six through eight glance through there talks about your giftedness. The only point I want to make is the context is, is we are in community. We are interdependent in community. And in that context, in verse 10, we're told, love one another in brotherly love. Be devoted to one another. The context of verse 10 is this little phrase here. It's not just be devoted to one another, but how?

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. You all already know Greek word and you don't know it. Some of you have visited there. The Liberty Bell is there. Philo, love, Delphi, brothers, right? Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. That's this word. Be devoted to one another in Philo, Delphi.

The word Adelphos, brothers, is used 250 times in the New Testament. What's the point? We're a family. We're brothers.

We're sisters. It's more than just a theological reality. We're to care for one another. We're to be touching one another. We're to be from the heart connected to each other. In fact, the meaning of the word devotion is really pretty interesting. Webster says the word devotion means to give up oneself, one's time, one's energy, to some purpose, activity, or person. It's to pursue with loyalty and deep affection.

I like that. Devotion means to pursue one another with loyalty and deep affection. In fact, the meaning of this word here, it's a different. The word devotion is Philo, same word love, storge. That means the mutual love. It's used in classical Greek. It's only found here I believe in the New Testament.

Philo, storge. It's translated devotion, but the idea King James tries to get his arm around it by talking about a warm, tender affection. The idea it's the kind of love that parents have for children and children have for parents. It's the kind of love that brothers and sisters have. In fact, in summary, if you want to know what it means to be devoted to one another, here's it in a nutshell. Tender family connection one to another from the heart. Get that, okay? Tender.

You see what I'm trying to get at? Tender family connection from the heart authentic to one another. Real, live, authentic, warm, caring, you matter relationships with one another.

That's what it means to be devoted to one another. This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and Chip will be back to finish today's message in just a minute. But quickly, did you know you've been uniquely gifted by Heavenly Father who loves you? Stick around after the teaching to discover a valuable tool we've developed to help you identify and embrace the divine gifts you possess.

But for now, here's Chip to continue our series Love One Another. Now let me ask you before I go on. How many of you have that?

Don't raise your hand. How many of you are experiencing that at some significant level? Not perfectly, but I mean significantly. There are other believers, not just immediate family. There's other believers where you feel a tenderness and a warmth, and you are connected with them from the heart. That you can sit down over a cup of coffee, that when things are really weighing you down, you can pick up the phone, and you can talk to someone, and you're greeted with concern and affirmation and love and follow through and maybe a note in the mail later or an invitation to get some help.

How many of you have that? That's God's dream for you. It's His will for you. It's His will for every person. That's what it means.

If we're going to obey the command, if we're really going to take seriously, love one another, God wants that for you. And for those of you that have it, it's precious, isn't it? It's awesome. Now, no matter how much you have, you want a little more, don't you? I do. That's okay. But that's what it means. Let me show you what it looks like, real specifically.

I'm just going to take some quick pictures. The first one is just from the Old Testament. If you want to get a feel for it, you know, if you're sort of a word picture person, read the book of Ruth and look at the relationship between Ruth and Naomi. It's family love. It's a daughter in law who's lost her husband.

It's a mom who's lost her boys, her husband. And there's family love. And notice that as you read that story out of the book of Ruth, their family love transcends race. She's a Moabite. Ruth is. Naomi's a Jew. Transcends culture and even geography.

They're willing to relocate if necessary. Or another good Old Testament example is Jonathan and David, 1 Samuel 20. Awesome. Awesome passage of connection, love, family, brotherhood. I mean, these are two men that love each other at a level and it is wonderful.

And notice the things it transcends. Power. Jonathan is the king's son. He should be threatened, but he's not. Privilege. He's got all the money. He's got the family.

He's got the name. But he lays all that aside. In fact, there's a very special moment in their life where he gives away his sword, his robe, and very specific things that communicate we're on level ground, David. And then finally, the last one, family relationship.

This love is so deep when Jonathan has to choose between his father's wrath for David and his own love and brotherhood for David, he chooses God's way over his own family. See, that's the kind of love we're talking about. I'm not talking about some warm, ooey-gooey, fuzzy little trite superficial. We've got enough of that junk. That's TV stuff. That's Hollywood stuff. That's what people act about. We're talking about the real thing. In fact, third example is just read through the book of Acts, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 6, chapter 13.

Just read through the book of Acts. Brothers and sisters loving each other. I mean, it transcends money. They just pool their money.

It's such a crisis early on. They just pool their money and just meet each other's needs. It transcends socioeconomic barriers.

You read carefully. You've got people in the household of Herod and you've got slaves. You've got Jews and you've got Gentiles.

You've got people who hated each other's guts that wouldn't go in the same roof, that wouldn't eat a meal together, all this stuff. And then when there's this family love, it transcends all that. What did Jesus say? He said, love one another.

How? As I've loved you, sacrificially, from the heart, tenderly, as a family. That can't happen if we don't know each other. The clarity is we are members of one another and now the first command, be devoted to one another. So let me ask you that second question. The first one was, remember, do you feel connected like that? Do you have a sense, that sense of moral responsibility, that sense of from the heart, are you devoted to other believers in brotherly love?

I mean, does it matter how they're doing? Did you feel the moral weight toward other believers like you would someone who's a physical brother or sister relationally or to a mom or to a dad or to a niece or to a nephew? See, what I want you to understand that the Bible talks about this supernatural community. He's saying that we each move toward one another in connection and I need to own the moral weight of saying if you're not loved, I may not be able to supply it, but I need to be a part of the process of you getting connected and loved. And so then the question is, what is it that keeps you? What is it that keeps me from experiencing this authentic devotion, this supernatural community? And so with that, follow along, get your pin out if you will.

I'm going to make you work a little bit because what I want to do is just do some things that are very, very simple, but let you know. First, what keeps us from experiencing this authentic devotion to one another? One, it doesn't happen automatically.

It's not magic. God didn't design the body where you just come to church a couple times and all of a sudden something happens inside. I'm just devoted to everyone in brotherly love.

It doesn't happen that way. In fact, it's so non-automatic that multiple times in the scripture we're commanded, we're reminded to make this the focal point. Lest we end up with just some sort of intellectual relationship with God and with others. Notice what it says in 1 Thessalonians 4, 9 and 10. Now about brotherly love, we have no need to write to you, Paul says, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia, yet we urge you brothers to do so more and more.

See, it's not automatic. We all need urging. Second passage, 1 Peter 1, 22 and 23. Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable through the living and enduring word of God.

Do you get the idea? You have the ability. I have the ability because I have a new birth to love people. But there's a command, therefore love one another how?

Superficially when it's convenient? No, authentically from the heart. This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've been listening to part one of Chip's message How to Connect Deeply with Others from our series Love One Another. Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about. Do you remember those iconic What Would Jesus Do?

bracelets? In this compelling series, Chip unveils Christ's simple, profound answer to that slogan, Love One Another. Through various New Testament passages, Chip will instruct us on how to build authentic friendships, resolve conflict, navigate challenging relationships, and more. Discover what it takes to genuinely love your fellow Christian brothers and sisters in the radical way Jesus modeled.

You're not going to want to miss a single program of this series. I'm joined in studio now by Chip, and Chip, you've talked a lot recently about the importance of discovering one's spiritual gifts. But you know, I think some people may confuse gifts with natural talents. So how could you help us understand the difference?

Dave, that is a great question, and it's really important to understand the difference. Natural talents are what God gives us when we're born physically. We have a personality type. Many of us have taken strength finders or different kind of tests, and we have ability to work with words, other people in mathematics. Other people are great in fixing things, and they're mechanical. Some people are athletic.

Some people are musical. All kind of different strengths that that comes when you're born physically. When you're born spiritually and come to know Jesus, one of the things that Jesus does is He gives us spiritual gifts. He gives us supernatural abilities that allow us to serve one another in ways where the outcomes are far more powerful than anything we could ever do. And then they help us also understand where we fit in the body of Christ. And so in this resource, Your Divine Design, we help people understand a definition of every spiritual gift in the New Testament, where they fit, how they fit, how to discover Yours, how to develop that gift, and then how to discern where and how to put it into practice in the body of Christ. So what I can tell you is that it makes a huge difference, not just to know your natural talents—they're wonderful—but your spiritual, supernatural gifts from God. That will ignite people's passion and their spiritual life like never before. Well, if what Chip just said resonated with you and you're ready to take that next step in your relationship with God, we want to help. When you make a thoughtful gift to Living on the Edge, we'll send you a copy of Your Divine Design as our way of saying thanks. We want to deepen your spiritual walk and take your faith to a whole new level. Learn more by going to LivingOnTheEdge.org or by calling 888-333-6003. That's 888-333-6003.

Or visit LivingOnTheEdge.org. Have listeners tap donate. Well, here again is Chip with a few final thoughts from today's program. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.

Sounds kind of nice, doesn't it? But what a calling! What strong words!

They are gentle, but they are powerful. I remember studying this word, be devoted, and it literally blew my mind when I saw the strength and the commitment and the level of intensity in relationships that this word from God demands. This isn't just how you feel about your wife or a very, very small group of very close friends. This be devoted to one another is how believers are to think about and to treat one another simply because we're in the body of Christ. This is the kind of devotion that flows out of relationships that are built not around blood relationship or common hobbies or personality chemistry. This is the kind of devotion that flows out of the common bond of knowing Christ and being committed to one another because we belong in His supernatural community, the Church. This is the kind of love that causes a person when they hear that a member of their small group has unexpectedly lost their wife, they stop their vacation, they pay that extra money to change their air flight, they fly all the way across the country, and they sit in silence in a living room, and they hear their brother cry, and they don't have words to say, and they just hug him, and they just hold him, and they walk through the next two weeks with him, and then when they're asked, because I asked them, why in the world did you do that?

And they looked at me with this quizzical look and said, it never occurred to us not to. That's what it means to be devoted to one another in brotherly love. And in this transient culture where families live farther and farther apart, if there's ever a day, brothers and sisters in the body of Christ, for us to be devoted to one another unconditionally, not based on who we really fit with, but based on the love and the bond of Christ, it's now. What would it look like today in your life, in your church, in your small group, for you to express being devoted to someone else out of the love of Christ? Can you picture it in your mind?

What would it look like? Now today, go do it. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Thanks, Chip. And as we close, I want you to know that as a staff, we ask the Lord to help you take whatever your next faith step is, and we'd love to hear how it's going. Would you take a minute and send us a note or give us a quick call?

Either one is easy. Just email chip at livingonttheedge.org or call 888-333-6003. Again, that's 888-333-6003 or email chip at livingonttheedge.org. Well, be sure to join us next time as Chip continues his series, Love One Another. Until then, I'm Dave Drouy saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.