Caring Enough to Confront - A Biblical Perspective of Sex and Sexuality, Part 2

As a pastor for decades, I've counseled hundreds of couples.

You might be shocked or you might feel better to know that in almost every case somewhere along the line, they've had issues in their sex life. I've been amazed at how intelligent, wise people really don't understand what God says about it and how He wants us to flourish in that area. So fasten your seatbelt and let's learn what the Bible says about sex. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip's our Bible teacher for this international teaching and discipleship ministry focused on helping Christians live like Christians. Well, in just a minute, we'll dive back into our series, Caring Enough to Confront, Bringing Light, Not Heat, to the Most Critical Issues of Our Day.

And we're excited to invite back our newest guest teacher, Tim Lundy. He's the lead pastor at Venture Christian Church in Los Gatos, California. Last time he talked about the biblical design for sex and relationships. And today he'll begin by highlighting how human sexuality was distorted by sin, but how God's redemptive and good purposes for sex are still active today. So if you have your Bible and notes ready, here's Tim with the remainder of his message, A Biblical Perspective of Sex and Sexuality. Here's one of the things I love about the Bible. The Bible's not shy about talking about sex and sexual sin. I mean, if you start just in Genesis, start at the beginning of Genesis from this point forward, and look how many times sexual sin shows up even in the first 25 chapters of Genesis. When you go to Genesis 6, you know why it describes why the world was flooded?

The way people treated each other and there was just this rampant sexual immorality. Right after the flood, one of Noah's sons sees him naked and there's some sexual shame or sin that he committed. You go a little bit later, there's Abraham, Father Abraham having sex with his slave Hagar, because he's trying to figure out a way to fulfill God's promises his own way.

Go a little bit later, you see Lot. There's Lot in Sodom and Gomorrah and angels come to see him and a group in the city that come for a gang rape. And Lot offers his daughters.

And then Lot gets out of the city and a little bit later, Lot and his daughters, they're there, they get their dad drunk so they can sleep with them so they can have babies. Now, even as I'm walking through that, some of you are like, ugh. And this is the Bible. And by the way, it's only focused on the people of God.

I say this because the Bible's not shy about representing this distortion that's come because of sin. And yet, go back to the first story. What is God doing in that story? He's looking for them.

He goes and finds them. Even in their shame, even in their nakedness, even in their rebellion, even in their sin, God is a God who looks for us. And even in the middle of that, he makes a promise to them that through your seed, through sex, through a baby that will come, will be a savior.

And there's a hope. And there's redemption. I love that because redemption in Christ brings forgiveness and healing to every area of our lives, including our sexuality. There's nothing beyond the pale of Christ's redemption.

There's no sin, there's nothing you've done, there's nothing beyond what Christ has accomplished for us. I love how Paul puts it in 1 Corinthians. And just to give you a little context, 1 Corinthians talks a lot about sex. Because Corinth was a very sexual city. There was sex everywhere, and the church was struggling with it, by the way, in different ways. And so Paul, when he writes them, look how he puts it. He says, Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? People who are not right with God are not part of his kingdom. Do not be deceived, neither the sexually immoral, married or not, nor idolaters, people that have made an idol of something in your life, nor adulterers, now it's talking about married people, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will not inherit the kingdom of God. Something on this list got you.

Anybody here struggle with greed? Isn't it funny though, that's not the sin we go to. We're like, oh yeah, those bad sexual sins. Paul goes, hey, greed's just as bad.

Any of these sins will keep you out of the kingdom of God. But then look what he says, and such were some of you. That's not you anymore. Why can he say that about them? Because they so got their life cleaned up and they're such perfect people.

No, he wrote a whole letter dealing with their issues. But here's what's true about a believer in Christ. You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God. This is why he can say that about them. That's not you because of what Christ did for you.

This is what it means to be justified. I've been washed by Christ. I've been declared righteous.

And if God says it about me, it has to be true because God can't lie. But I know some of you are going, yeah, but Tim, I still struggle with it. That's where that sanctification, that's where that journey in Christ comes. How do I walk in my struggles living in my identity in Christ?

And here's the core thing I want you to take away on this, especially on this point. Our culture is trying to tell you today that your identity is your struggles. That if you're struggling with it, that's who you are.

And that's not what Scripture says. If you are a Christian, your identity is Christ and all that he is and all that he's done and all that he accomplished and all of his righteousness, that's you. And you've got to embrace that and you go, yeah, but I struggle. He'll deal with the struggles, but you've been declared righteous in Christ. And if we don't start with that identity, and this is one of the reasons I think we've got to talk about this more because we're allowing the culture to convince the next generation they have a different identity based on real struggles.

And we've got to call them unashamedly, your identities in Christ. As we say that as well then, God's good purpose for sex are still fully in place today. And if I were to ask you, why did God design sex? What's the purpose of sex?

I don't know what your answer would be. Bruce Miller, who's a pastor in Dallas, he talks about the fourfold purpose of sex that you see in Scripture. Four reasons God gave us sex.

First of all, first one is sex is a celebration of the marriage covenant. And so, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast his wife. The two shall become one flesh. This is Jesus talking.

They're no longer two, but one. What God has joined together, let no one separate. And so Jesus is emphasizing that. When a couple comes together sexually in that, it is an ultimate celebration. And I would just say this as a married couple. Every time you have sex, you're renewing your vows. You're renewing your commitment to each other. It's one of the reasons Scripture commands us sex is so important in a marriage relationship. It's that renewal of commitment. It's that vulnerability together.

It's that openness together in that. What it's teaching here is sex is not just sex. You can't just go, well, it's just sex. I'm not really making that kind of commitment to him when I have sex. Maybe you're single, don't you go, you know, it's just sex.

It was just a hookup. It's not that big a deal. I'll go back to Corinth, because Corinth was struggling with this. They struggled with, even in the church, people going to see prostitutes.

And we may look at it and go, oh, it wasn't this taboo in that culture. In fact, if you go to Corinth, you can go today, I've been to Corinth. There was this thing called the Acre Corinth, this big temple on the top of a mountain filled with temple prostitutes for Aphrodite. Thousands of men and women, young people.

And they roamed the city. And it wasn't even considered, you know, really sex if you had prostitution sex. Because it's just transactional. There's no relationship there. You didn't mean anything. It was just sex.

It didn't matter. Look how Paul describes it, though. He says, or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? In other words, don't you know you're making that same commitment that God designed sex for as a marriage commitment? For it is written, the two shall become one flesh.

See, he says, you don't get to rewrite the design. And as much as you tell yourself it's just sex, it's never just sex. You're writing a check with your body that you may not intend on fulfilling.

That's why it's so powerful. Second reason for sex, sex is for pleasure between a husband and wife. It's for pleasure. I mean, the Bible explicitly teaches that. If you read through the book of Song of Solomon, Song of Solomon is one of the most erotic, explicit books that you will read about this couple who can't wait to get married. They get married and once they get married, they get busy. And they enjoy it and they describe it.

And I remember especially after studying Hebrew and then you learn some of the innuendos there, the more you read it, you're like, whoa. And it's explicit enough that a lot of the early church fathers were like, this is really an allegory. It's not really about sex. No, it's about sex.

Because it is supposed to be a celebration. Look how Proverbs puts it. He says, let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. And then he's describing this wife, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. We don't use that language today. Back in that culture, that was like you're saying she's really sexy.

Let her breast fill you at all times with delight. And look at that word, be intoxicated always in her love. He's talking about celebration.

Now, notice how he puts it though. He says, rejoice in the wife of your youth. He doesn't say rejoice in your young wife. Nor is he saying only rejoice in your youth. What he's describing here, and here's the picture in Scripture, is supposed to be a lifetime celebration, a lifetime enjoyment. And I just tell you as young people, you think that the church and God's trying to rob you of all these sexual experiences when you're young, what God's trying to protect is to give you the best opportunity to have a lifetime of enjoyment of sex.

And so that's one of the reasons we protect it. Does it mean it's without struggles? You may go through illness, you may go through struggles in relationship. There's struggles in everything.

But there's great joy out of it. The third reason sex is for the procreation of children is to make babies. And sometimes as the evangelical church, we pull back from this, I don't believe the Catholic church teaching that birth control is wrong. But again, I wonder if we've pulled back so much into controlling that we forget the miracle of birth. I love in Genesis 4 when Eve has a baby for the first time.

She's amazed by it. Genesis 4, 1, it says, now the man was intimate with his wife and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. And then she said, I've created a man just as the Lord did.

Or the Hebrew also says, with the help of the Lord. She literally can't believe in the same way I was taken out of Adam, a baby is taken out of me. I get to do this.

I get to be a part of this. This is unbelievable. What a gift. That's why Psalm 127 says children are a gift from the Lord.

They're a reward from Him. Do we recognize that the key part of sex is to be able to have kids? There's a lot of young couples today, and I know it's hard out there, but there's almost this emphasis so much of we make sure we have our education, we make sure we're financially, we make sure all these things are in place, and we keep pushing all the markers back. And one of the things that keeps getting pushed back is kids as well. And I just encourage you, Scripture talks about the delight of having kids.

I have seven kids. And they're really expensive. They just are. And messy and hard and taxing. But the joy they bring. I mean, if you were to ask me of all the joy that sex brings, which it does, I just told you, it's so pleasurable, I would say this far surpasses it. I just encourage you, sometimes we so control and want to be on top of everything so much that we lose out this gift that God's given and should be celebrated.

You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll get back to our series, Caring Enough to Confront, in just a minute. But first, if this teaching has ministered to you, consider becoming a monthly partner. Your regular financial support goes a long way to help us encourage pastors, create resources, and share Jesus with today's youth.

Visit LivingOnTheEdge.org to learn how to support us. Well, with that, here again is our guest teacher, Pastor Tim Lundy. The fourth reason is sex is a celebration of God's loyal love to us. Do you realize that when a couple is committed in a sexual relationship for a lifetime and they protect that, you get the privilege of modeling how God treats us. That's why in the Old Testament, over and over again, when the children of Israel would chase after other gods or other religions or put anything else that was an idol in their life, how does God describe it?

He calls it adultery, because that's what it feels like to him, that I love you and I sacrifice for you and I'm committed to you, and you just go chasing after others. In the New Testament, it describes it the same way. That's how Christ loved his church. Therefore, Paul says it in Ephesians 5. Again, he's quoting Genesis again. You see the same quotation. A man leaves his father and mother, whole, fast, and wife, the two become one flesh. He's talking about they come together sexually.

This is a mystery. It's profound that two could become one. I'm saying this because it refers to Christ and the church. So one of the reasons that we get this privilege of not only experiencing a sexual relationship, but protecting a sexual relationship, is we get to model to the world how much God loves us and how faithful he is to us in that.

Let me give you a few more. One, as Christians, our bodies are not our own to do with as we please. If you are a Christian, you hear the phrase, my body, my choice? That's not true as a Christian. It's not true. It's not your body. If you've said before, well, it's my body as long as I don't hurt anyone else. As a Christian, that's not true.

Why do I say that? Go back to Corinth again. Remember Paul had to write a lot to this church about it. He says, flee from sexual immorality, any form of it. Every other sin a person commits outside the body, but the sexually immoral person commits sin against their own body. Sex, when you commit sin in it, it actually hurts your own body.

Then look what he says. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you? If you're a Christian, this is true of you, whom you have from God. You got your body from God.

And then he says it explicitly here. You are not your own, for you are bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

It's not your body. Jesus paid for your body. And so everything you do with your body, everything you experience, it's under his authority because he's the one that paid the price for you.

And I think for all of us, if we just embrace that, the health that brings, but it also may change our thinking in some fundamental ways. A couple of other things, as husband and wife, we have sexual responsibilities to each other in marriage. So if you are married, look at this. When Paul says the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband, for the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. So if you're a Christian who's married, you doubly don't own your body. It's God's first and it's your spouse's next.

You realize that? And Paul goes on in the past, he says, do not deprive, don't rob one another, except perhaps for agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come back together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Paul says you may go through a period where you're not having sex as a couple.

You've chosen to do that because it's a time of prayer. He says don't let it be too long because Satan's going to tempt you. You see how he's emphasizing how important sex is in marriage with that? We have to be careful in this passage, and let me just say this. This passage has been used over the years to the detriment of women because a lot of times it was taught, and men in particular go, hey, your body's mine, you've got to do what I want, I'm in control. Not realizing how radical this passage actually is for women. Because when Paul taught this back in that culture in that day, men owned everything. They owned everything in the house, and they owned their wife. And when Paul suddenly goes, yeah, but in the same way that you have authority over her body, she has authority over yours.

Remember, your joint heirs. It was a core command to both of you. And in that moment, it's this radical thing that empowers women and protects them. Because you can't bring power or abuse in if the other person has authority over you. So there's actually protection that's there, that she matters just as much as you do, especially sexually.

A couple more things. A committed relationship and or cohabitation is not the same of marriage in God's design. And I just say this because if you read the numbers, even in evangelical Bible churches, of people under the age of 40 or so, it's spiking 60 to 70% somewhere in there, and some would say as long as a couple's in a committed relationship, as long as they love each other, as long as they're committed to each other, as long as they're maybe living together in that, then it's okay to have sex. And again, that's not what Scripture says.

Look what Paul says. He says concerning matters, which he wrote, it's good for a man not to have sexual relationships with a woman, but because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own, what does he say there, committed relationship. No, he says wife. If you want to stay away from sexual immorality, you have your own wife, or she has her own husband.

Look a little later. He addresses it explicitly. If anyone thinks he's not behaving appropriately toward his betrothed, so he's talking to a guy, you're engaged, you're in this relationship, and you keep crossing the line. If his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes, let them marry. It's no sin.

You hear his prescription? Get married. And even as I say that, some of you may be here today, you're living together, or you're in a sexual relationship as a couple, and as I say that, you just feel the weight of that.

Or a lot of times you feel stuck. You're just like, okay, we want to, but we can't. Here's my commitment to you. I've got to speak to you the truth of what the Bible says so that you know what that truth is. And then here's our commitment as a church. Let us walk with you.

Talk to someone. I promise you, we only teach this because there's freedom. But if your temptation is to hide or to ignore it, you're not going to experience the freedom that Christ offers. Give you my last point here, and then we're going to close out. According to God's good design, sex will be surpassed in the new creation.

You say, what do you mean by surpassed? No sex in heaven? I don't think so.

From what I can tell. Look how Jesus puts it. Jesus said to them, you're wrong because you neither know the scripture or the power of God.

They're trying to trap him with the question. He says, for in the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels in heaven. So that marriage oneness, that bonding that comes out of that, it's not in heaven. Now, we'll still have relationships in heaven.

I have full expectations to see my wife and family and all that. But from what I can read out of it, sex is not a part of that. Now, as I say that, some of you are like, I don't know if I want to go to heaven without sex.

I remember hearing this as a teenager. My first thought was, oh, crud. I got to get married and have sex before Jesus comes back. Maybe you feel that right now. The reason you feel that, it's those desires God's given you.

They're good desires. Remember, sex is a good thing. But just for a moment, if we can't conceive of a place that is good without sex, what does that say about the position we're giving sex? If Jesus says in Revelation that he can make all things new, and the reason I use the word surpass, God's got something better than sex for you. Now, my mind can't conceive it in some ways. More joyous, more pleasurable, even greater, and no one's limited from it.

Whether you're married or single, whoever you are, we enjoy that together. See, it takes faith to actually believe that, doesn't it? But that's what Christ offers. If you're here today, and in my blitz, I hit something that you're struggling with, right now, the emotion Satan wants you to feel the most is hide.

Don't tell anybody. Because he likes you trapped, and he likes you where you are. And so I say that no matter what issue I talked about of people who are struggling, struggling with adultery and struggling with sexual immorality, people in this church struggling with pornography, struggling with same-sex attraction, struggling with sexual identity, the church has all that. And by the way, this is the place to be to struggle with all that, because we serve a God of grace and truth that can lead us into freedom. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Tim Lundy has been our guest teacher for this program, A Biblical Perspective of Sex and Sexuality, which is part of our series, Caring Enough to Confront. Chip will join us in just a minute to share his application for this message.

In the past, ships relied on lighthouses to help them navigate dangerous conditions and avoid wrecking on rocky shorelines. In this timely series, we'll understand why God's Word remains the most relevant and accurate guide Christians have in this morally dark world. Hear how the Bible confronts the most controversial topics of our day and calls believers to engage society with grace and love while standing firm on the truth.

You're not going to want to miss a single program. Also throughout this series, Chip and our guest teachers mention many resources to educate you about what's happening in our world and prepare you to respond in a Christ-like manner. We've gathered all of these resources together for you, so check out the entire list right now at livingontheedge.org. Again, that's livingontheedge.org. Well, before we go any further, Chip's with me in studio to share a quick word.

Chip? Thanks so much, Dave. I'll be back with some application to today's teaching, but if you're listening to this program and you or someone you know is being blessed, I mean, God is using it in your life, I'd like to ask you to really pray about partnering with Living on the Edge. Your financial investment allows us to equip Christians here in the United States, all across the world, to really live like Christians. Because of your donations, we create materials, we get God's word to leaders, and we take the Bible to the people in ways that help them grow and transform their families and communities.

So here's my request. Would you help us reach the hurting people in the U.S. and around the world? Help us to be a catalyst for change so that Christians everywhere can live more like Christians. It makes a huge difference, and thanks in advance for whatever God leads you to do. Well, as you prayerfully consider your role with this ministry, I want to remind you that every gift is significant, no matter the amount. When you partner with Living on the Edge, you support and multiply the ministry work we're doing all over the globe. Set up your monthly gift today by going to livingontheedge.org or by calling 888-333-6003. That's 888-333-6003, or visit livingontheedge.org. App listeners, tap donate. Well, Chip, let's get your application for what Tim taught today. Thanks, Dave.

As we close today's program, I'm a little stumped with where should I begin to talk with you privately. He made so many important points and covered so much material. I'd like you to think about something. Do you ever wonder why the Bible talks so much about sex? I mean, you read 1 Corinthians, and what you realize if you do any background history at all, it makes Vegas look like Girl Scouts.

The immorality in the first century in many of the major cities of every kind was rampant. As one great secular historian said, one of the primary things that Christianity brought to the world was a sexual ethic of purity, an exaltation of marriage, the value of women, and a view that people really mattered and aren't to be used and exploited. We're all human, and there's so many New Testament passages and Old Testament prohibitions. But over the years, I think there's been a view, not as much today as in the past, that sex is dirty and we don't talk about it. And what I find, Christian couples and single people, they have a warped view of sex that comes from the culture or from the media or even from the church.

I've counseled so many couples that the wife or the husband, they feel guilty about either what they've done in the past or that even the sexual relationship is something that's uncomfortable and they can't talk about. Part of teaching here is to understand a metaphor that's been helpful to me. God created sex as a beautiful gift for multiple reasons, and we've covered them.

And yet with anything that's important and beautiful, it gets corrupted by the enemy and the world. And this is what's helped me the most to think about it. I think of sex as like fire. And you know, fire brings light. Fire brings warmth to a room. Fire can even, in a fireplace, you can cook marshmallows. I mean, you could cook a dinner. I mean, it brings so many good things.

But if you take the fire out of the fireplace and put it in the middle of the living room floor, it burns down the house. And what I want you to know is God's heart is that this passion, this erotic gift that He's given to His children inside the confines of marriage is beautiful. But when you take it out of the confines of marriage and out of a full commitment to one another, it can bring significant pain and destruction and shame and alienation and exploitation. Sex is beautiful. God wants you to learn how to take this fire and use it the right way at the right time with the right person to honor Him and for your enjoyment and fulfillment.

That's absolutely right, Chip. And as we wrap up, if you want to learn more about God's design for purity and sexuality, let me encourage you to check out the resources for our series Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships. Whether you're single, married, or dating, these tools will help you better understand relationships, intimacy, commitment, and even romance from a biblical perspective. Go to Special Offers on the Chip Ingram app or LivingOnTheEdge.org to learn more about the resources for love, sex, and lasting relationships. It'll change your life. For Chip, Tim, and the entire team, this is Dave Drouie thanking you for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge, and I hope you'll join us next time. .