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June 10, 2022 6:00 am
Few things are as hard today is raising a family, raising healthy family feels almost impossible to me like it takes a miracle if you want some straightforward practical answers of how to raise a healthy driving family stay with us today. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge chip chip survival to church with his daily discipleship program motivating Christians to live like Christians join us as we continue our short series raise a healthy family that your chunks of salt packs and practices to better guide, deeper insight to this important topic listing after this message here some practical advice from chip and ornaments. What he has to share all that. Let's get to today's program as chip begins by posing a very important question.
The question I've been given is what counsel would you and Teresa pass on to parents and grandparents and you know we don't have like 50 years together. But what I can tell you is this, is that if there was one passage I would go to an end. This is the passage like Deuteronomy 6 about what and how to do it and it's not even in Ephesians 6 about specific action items. But I think there's something about how we think about being parents and I put on the front of your notes. Psalm 127, of all the things in Scripture that have framed my thinking increases thinking because are some values here want you to follow along as I read it says unless the Lord builds the house, the work of the builders is wasted unless the Lord protects a city guarding it was centuries will do no good. It is useless to work so hard from early morning and late at night anxiously working for food to eat for God gives rest to his loved ones so much of this first three verses, you can't get this idea that your activity your activity to build something your activity to protect protect your children your activity to work in all your energy and make something happen.
The first three verses are unless God is in it. It's to no avail. Of all the things I didn't grow up as a believer. Teresa can grow up as a believer Wheatley came from parents who really did love us, but pretty dysfunctional in terms of the alcohol in the background and what we knew, and I think was a blessing. We knew that we didn't know how to be the kind of parents that God wanted us to. We knew we didn't know what we didn't know it. And here tendency just realizing, no matter what you learn. How many books how many videos you know what schools your kids go to the end of the day. The most important principle in all parenting is unique.
God your kids need the hand of God in the favor of God, and I watched I've watched my wife for now 40 years on her knees before God and us together before we go to bed at night asking God thanking God and by the way, I will tell you that all for my grandchildren, walk with God. All have married well all raising their kids in a way that is far better than we did increase and I can't take credit. I want you to hear. This is not from a couple of experts that have it all together. This is from a couple people that didn't know what they were doing the bank God for help.
I will tell you this though we believe God's word.
This is how you become a mom or dad or a grandparent and when we got around people that would help us but what we understood was God builds the family. God protects the family the second three verses, or maybe the biggest value point children are a gift from the Lord. They are a reward from him. Children born to young men are like arrows in the warriors hands held joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them. You will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers in the city gates you know in our day.
Children are not seen as a gift sometime this seen as a liability or a nuisance or week, we we don't want to interfere with our life. For we want someone to babysit them or take care of them and this is the other big value first is only God can work in their heart and is a mom or dad is a grandparent raising kids. All that we can do is create the kind in the environment that the Holy Spirit through the word of God through great relationships and other people to help our kids become what we long for them to become effective better what God longs for them to become the second, though, is that there's a sense of stewardship kids gift their precious this is the most precious gift God will ever give you any says that there's this process that they're not just a gift for your enjoyment. But it's like a young warrior. Notice that it's a picture of these errors. In other words these children. Our goal is to launch them into the world are our goal is to help them discover why did God make them and what did he make in the do and how we help them discover their gifts and given the passion for the things of God in the world and all the problems that our children will go out and our children would make a difference and then I love this at the end it says so when he's old, he will be put to shame at a special little thing here at the church and bumped into one of my sons and I got to talk with him about his family and couple his little ones were around and you know I just I was asking him a few questions about this message.
I just was listening to him and he was telling me that I think it's harder now to raise kids than any other time and he said you know I don't think parents.
I don't think they're aware of the exposure of what's happening to some of the kids in the level of intensity in the level of energy it takes in our day to really be a great parent and what I realizes is that I'm now I'm now learning from my kids about how to parent and better how to be a grandparent was you turn the page. If we only had say 20 or 25 minutes to have coffee and you said you know there's lot of books is lot of techniques. There's a lot of great things I can learn about parenting, but if you had to kinda boil it down, something very easy to remember ship. What would you and Teresa say to us about being an effective about being a godly parent or grandparent 60. My goal, I want my kids to be positive and I want" to be successful and in a certain sense, but I titled this message how to raise godly kids in an ungodly world and so here's the three questions that have shaped our parenting. These the ones that now with my grandkids on asking the same questions. The question number one is this what is my number one goal is apparent. Ask yourself, what's your number one goal. What you want to see happen more than anything else. What really matters.
You only get one goal.
What does success look like if you're a parent you're asking yourself what's my number one goal. What explores it depends on the one am I asking the God of the universe, the God of the Bible to do in my child's heart and life. What's my goal and the answer is in Ephesians chapter 6 verse four. I put it in your notes Phillips translation says fathers do not overcorrect your children or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment.
Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline.
What you put a line under don't overcorrect them put a line under bring them up minimum should put a box around the word teaching in a box around the word discipline and let me just say this is an accident. Notice it says fathers fathers you have an instrumental role. You are the point person in your family you the person that is morally responsible for the outcomes and you do it together with your wife and those of you that are single parents you need us as the church fathers. Here's a temptation. Don't exasperate or don't overcorrect don't be a picky dad. Believe me, my kids understand what that looks like, but the second is the positive, but bring them up to very interesting Greek word means to rear to nurture in the ancient Greek language.
It meant physical development later came to be known the full development emotionally and spiritually of a child. So in other words, my number one goal is not to overcorrect but I want to bring them up so that they spiritually, emotionally and physically become all that God designed them to and first and foremost. What that means is you don't parent fear. Parent focus.
You say you know something, what's my number one goal. I put it this way. My number one goal is for my kids and my grandkids to be holy to be Christlike. In other words it's character I want I want my kids my grandkids regardless of what school they go to regardless how much money they make or don't make a regardless of anything else.
What I know is they will be happy they will be successful if there godly as they walk with God and that takes incredible intentionality and incredible hard work. I called the principle of focus and here's the question.
All of us have to ask and no one is immune in this room do you want God's dream for your child or do you want the American dream. What matters most. When you begin to think about what school they go to what college they attend what sports they play what opportunities they have, who are their friends is the filter in all those decisions. What will help them spiritually and morally develop and become a man or woman of God or is it about prestige. I mean, you know what it's it's fine if your kid makes a traveling team and lusty environment on the traveling team is moving the whole family and your child away from God. It's going to be a great musician. It's fine to get into a great school. But if the focus of the child is I'm only accepted I'm only valued, and where your real goal is that they be successful, that they be happy is I can't tell you the number of parents, grandparents, single mom, single dads that I have wept with and talk with who their kids are successful and they went to great schools and their very musically talented and often very athletic and they are far from God and therefore from there folks, so let me ask you, what's your goal and what what is your goal and then if that's really the goal. If your goal is to help your child at whatever age you know whether there to whether there 12 if there 22 if there 41 there still your child.
What's your goal you still have a relationship. My goal with each of my grandkids.
My goal with all of my adult children is how can I help them really walk with God and in notice given to things Christian teaching Christian discipline. Basically, there's two things we have to offer our words teaching and discipline our actions, and it looks different but when there two years old are certain things you say under certain actions when their little you know 89. There's certain words and certain actions when their teenagers. When the young adults when they get married. But God wants us to know that he's given us instruction as parents as grandparents and so you start off is telling them what to do and you're the teacher, and pretty soon you realize if they can get their own values you start asking more questions and pretty soon you transfer more and more responsibility as their teenagers and their young adults in their making their own decisions and you can't go from the teacher to the coach to the counselor and then you get to where I am and I'm just a consultant certain seriously I don't I don't give advice.
Most the time, unless a mask, and I pray for this opportunity and build a relationship and you stay connected. Because this is the number one goal. The second is not just what's my goal. But what's my number one role of all the things you can do for your kids. Of all the things I can do for my children and my grandchildren.
What's my number one role. Paul writes in first Corinthians chapter 4 verses 14 to 16 I'm writing this not to shame you, but to warn you as my dear children, even if you have 10,000 guardians in Christ you do not have many fathers were in Christ Jesus, I became your father to the gospel. You notice this command. Therefore, I urge you to imitate me. I call this the principal of modeling.
My number one goal is to be the kind of example that my kids would say I want to live the kind of life that I see my dad living that I see my mom living, but I don't know your perfection but I want I want to model what it means to be dependent. I want to model what it looks like to drive your car.
But the Holy Spirit living inside me.
I want to model what I do when I blow up in anger.
I want to model.
What's it look like to to care for the poor.
I want to model. What's it look like to honor God with my money to become a generous person want to model what will I do under pressure. Want to model. What's it look like when the future is uncertain. I want to model. What's it look like to trust God when your mate gets cancer. I want to model what a step of faith look like when God whispers in your ear, and he calls you to move across country or change locations or change jobs. I want to model what it looks like when there's a relational problem in the family and you don't want to have one of those hard hard conversations. I want to model the sense of God.
We you give me the grace and then calmly and lovingly say some very hard things. In fact, I want to model what it looks like to have someone say some very hard things to me that I don't want to hear all my defensive flare up, and then just by God's grace put them down and look into the eyes of one of my kids or my wife and receive the reproof that I need imitate me see all the research is telling this you know you read the reports like I do 68% of children from Bible believing evangelical homes five years after they leave your house high school almost 70% of them to walk with God to give you three reasons why people lose their kids.
Number one, the most fundamental one is this their kids don't see the reality of Christ being the center and the passion in the core of their family life.
They can bring the church they consented to Christian school. They could even write a check, but what they don't see is a mom and dad whose life is centered around the word of God. They don't see people but sit around the table and talk and share hearts. They don't see people are saying. I don't know what to do. This is a big problem. Let's all get together and sit on the living room floor.
Let's pray about this. Together they don't hear their mom and their dad talking about you know what there was someone at work and they're going through a difficult time and I think we need to take some of our money and we need to help them. Faith is more caught than taught the ticket up, but it's not just your positives. They also need to see model what you do when you mess up. It was a very foreign concept to me as I read a lot of books and I wrote my thesis actually Dallas theological seminary on the role and responsibility of the father and transmitting values and family. But what I what I knew as if I didn't know how to be a dad and I thought to have to write this big long paper I should tackle the most important thing is it and what I learned in that is some the role of the man in the role of the parent and what were called to do when we mess up.
We need to and it was a foreign I mean a foreign idea that let's let's just say, just hypothetically, of course, that when my kids were smaller when they were so small and did something that really bothered me and I told them don't do that actually is kind of crazy but they did it again and did it again it did it again and then and in my effort to really help them understand I don't like you to do that right you know and then their little eyes get this big and they're scared to death and and then I had this overwhelming guilt. I'm sure none of you ever struggled with that whatever lies with what they did was wrong, but how I discipline them was just as wrong or more wrong. What you do with that what we what you do when you blow it is apparent what you do when you blow it as a grandparent.
Here's what I can tell you I had to learn over the years to when they were small to get down on one knee and look in there.
I really get their attention sometimes rather had you know, and I would say their name and I would say when you did this. I want you know you disobeyed me and made me very upset. Troy chose to respond that way and what you did was wrong and I forgive you but I want you to know that the way I talk to you. In fact, the way I yelled at you. God spoke to my heart and he told me that was very wrong and so will you forgive me and we started that very very early and you know it's amazing thing to see a four-year-old, look at you. I forgive you settle thinking in the normally I would, I would sit down when they were small like this cannot happen climb in my lap put my arm around him and we would pray together and actually some of the times were I discipline my children or I confessed my sin to my children were some of the precious times what they learned that inland their dad or mom was perfect. What was my hearts desire. I want to be holy and loving before my God, I want the life of Christ lived out his, so that's my number one goal for me. My number one goal for them is always godly and ungodly] this application for the stitching from a series how to raise a healthy family. The modern world. As many of us know raising a family these days comes with lots of challenges in raising a healthy Christian family is becoming increasingly more difficult to do so. What hope to moms and dads have through this short series chip on Paxil parents can create a home that's built on love, respect, and most importantly the Bible.
Don't miss the ways you can establish a well-adjusted countercultural family that they look odd to some, but truly honors God know if you happen to miss any part of the series the trip and remap is a great way to catch up anytime woodchips join me in studio now and chip in the short series were focusing on the importance of creating a healthy family.
Would you take just a minute sure why this is such a crucial issue for you Living on the Edge is doing to practically support parents in the roles. Absolutely Dave is my mentor used to say family is the basic unit of society in God's eyes, and that is so true if the family gets divided. If the family gets fractured and it is today than everything else breaks down and and I know it's hard to be intentional is apparent. It's hard to keep you know you want to love them and you want to set boundaries and you want to affirm them and you want to be fair and so we produced a set of cards that all I can say is I wish I had them with my kids were young. It takes the five or six areas that is apparent you always want to be emphasizing and you take like five cards and just read them over his freedom over you. Don't even try and memorize them and what happens is you become aware and intentional about affirmation about being fair about the five or six basic things that as a parent you always want to keep in front of you and as you do that what we seen as God uses this to help parents. Be proactive and intentional instead of reactive.
And if there's ever an area where we need to build our relationships deep and strong. It's in our parenting. Dave maybe you could tell them how they can get these cards fixed up with your wanting to be more deliberate about your calling is apparent or grim. Let me encourage you to order a set of our intentional parroting cards to cover 10 specific ways to help you be the mom or dad your kids so desperately need to order your set of intentional parroting cards just go to LivingontheEdge.org or call AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003 or visit LivingontheEdge.org Listeners tub, special offers will ship at the very end of your teaching today repeated the phrase multiple times you said I want to model I want to model I want to model the why is modeling an important principle for parents to practice regularly will Dave, you hit it right on the head. I said that with great intentionality. You not only from Scripture, but my backgrounds in psychology and what we know is the number one way people learn how they learn to talk how they learn to handle their anger how they learned their etiquette or eat around the table. How people learn everything is first and foremost the most powerful way is modeling were imitators.
Our kids imitate how we talk at the imitate how we respond to something that's unfair.
They imitate our love for God and so here's what I want to say to people.
We must be what we want our children and our grandchildren to become okay I am in the question.
I really wanted to ask and answer is, how can I help my kids and grandkids really walk with God me to really know him. The first thing it sounds so elementary but it's really walk with God it back all the research that we did when we found those 70% of kids walk away from the faith, yet they may have gone to the youth group. They may have gone to church. They may have said a little prayer around the table.
What they didn't see in almost every case was a mom or dad who is passionate about Jesus that it was a 24 seven relationship that that the Bible wasn't some rulebook but it mattered. It was a love letter that they they saw their parents deeply engage now don't get me wrong, modeling is not the end-all there's a lot of parents that love God, that model that and their kids still make some very bad decisions, but we cannot impart what we do not possess. People say will how how do I really walk with God. I want to make sure they know it's about life.
It's not about religion. And so the little acronym that we've used here, Living on the Edge is bio BIO the B stands for income before God daily. You have to have a intimate personal relationship. Daily talking to God in the word and being a part of the great church the high end bio is for in community. None of us can live this life alone. I need close friends that I study with share with hold me accountable love me just for who I am and then the oh is on mission 24 seven. Not just like serving at the church but as a dad or a mom or a person every moment of every day with my antenna up saying God. How do you want to use me. Where are their needs. How do you want to love someone through me today and when bio becomes a part of your life. There is a joy and the love and attractiveness that causes your kids to want imitate you. That's a good reminder triplex will just before we close. I want to quickly remind you about our midyear match. If you're benefiting from the ministry of Living on the Edge, but aren't yet on the team.
There's never been a better time because between now and July 7. Every gift we receive will be matched dollar for dollar. If today's your day to partner with us, go to LivingontheEdge.org or give us a call at AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003 or go to LivingontheEdge.org listeners tub donate.
Thank you in advance for your generosity will join us next time. As Chip wraps up this series how to raise a healthy family and a modern Juventus is Dave Drewry say listen to this Edition of Living on the Edge