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Overcoming Emotions that Destroy - Turning Anger from a Foe to a Friend, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram
The Truth Network Radio
February 2, 2022 5:00 am

Overcoming Emotions that Destroy - Turning Anger from a Foe to a Friend, Part 2

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram

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February 2, 2022 5:00 am

Are you tired of the bursts of anger that leave loved ones hurting and friendships reeling? Would you like to quit losing your temper? Chip encourages you that it’s not only possible to control your temper, but you can actually turn your anger from a foe to a friend.

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Did you know it's possible to use your anger. For good hell that might sound kind of backwards, but there's actually a way to use the wall power that a motion to bring about good in your life and to those around you today.

I'll share some very specific ways in turn from photo to a friend go away.

Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with shipping chips or Bible for this international discipleship ministry focused on helping Christians live like Christian for the middle chip series overcoming emotions that destroy as he wraps up his message turning anger from a phone to a friend before we get started if you're new to living any part of the series we sketch up the other chip and remap.

If you have a Bible open about James chapter 1 continues walking through the process of dealing with our anger, we need to figure out who, what, how, and then finally the wind. When should I deal with the situation. Should I do it now. Right now, let's get this taken care of right now should I do it later or, like in the case of that letter should I do it never at the bottom. We have a continuum of ways to express anger and you can just see I just I just wanted to give you this get you unhealthy way. Get it all out healthy express healthy way you redirect or release unhealthy grin and bear it. Basically stuff unhealthy weight you explode versus healthy you communicate at discharge. That's you sometimes are just little hurts. I mean it's not worth having some big thing over someone who said something that you know they didn't really mean anything by it. And there's three or four of those things and you don't want to make a big deal and you realize God doesn't want you to confront people over every little thing that you got for five of them. You know what I do I get on the elliptical for 45 minutes and you just you just you just blow it out. Thank God. And you know they're fallen and I'm fallen is not that big a deal on I know their heart. Another character every time something happens you don't have to get all you know we would have anything else to do before us today would wake so there's times where if it bugs you, it sticks with you. It's not resolved you prayed about it, you realize God says look confront this, either in person, when to do it how to do it and there's just a lot of stuff that love covers a multitude of K and so you just love them, you forgive them but your emotions are all jazzed up so take a walk, listen to some music. Do something positive. Get a workout you know to come back and bite it and I've seen them do the stuff on TV. I don't know if it works, but some different activities as you think about turning anger from that wild stallion out-of-control to that horse that will do what you say I've given you methodical process and I'm gonna say that most all of you what I've placed here in front of you now is a summary of how you can discover your tendencies and walked to the process of the who, what, the how and the wind and the questions are for you to discover.

Do you tend to gravitate towards confrontation or not confronting when you're angry you tend to run from confrontation when you shouldn't.

Or do you tend to confront when you shouldn't question have you ever written anger letter did you send it.

Why or why not.

Are you glad you did or didn't. And then there's a list of questions here there very diagnostic. These are just kind of for you personally were you answer the following questions account about the wind and you can go through those and you can just see no yes no sometimes so I tend to run from conflict. I tend to do this to attend to do that and what you get. There is a process were all I'm wanting to do is help you get a little picture of this is how I tend to deal with this issue because most of us have never thought about.

And by the way, it is not, please. Some of you especially little obsessive-compulsive down on you live with a lot of condemnation, stuffers, don't go through the good terrible yes I do that there's not a right or wrong is like. Do you have blue eyes or brown like oh I got blue, I love sorry but you know it's okay this is how you are. And this is where you're at today in the God who loves you died for you raised from the dead place to spirit in you and has a home waiting for you brought you to a place to say hey guess what, I love you and I would like you to turn this nemesis called anger into a friend and so the only way you can move forward, you get a site where am I now this is how I tend to respond. Good, bad, ugly, different, your person. Now I know how to respond in the futures that make sense now. It's one thing for us to come together and say okay anger is a neutral motion. It's given by God as a gift for self protection produces many positive things but is very dangerous.

It's a wild stallion.

It can be a great servant to us or I mean total destruction in our lives and relationships. But what's the Scripture have to say about what's God coming. God help us, give us clear instruction from your word about how to like manage my anger. I would say even how I tame my temper because it is a big issue.

A little research before you jump in the average man loses his temper approximate six times a week. The average woman loses her temper about three times a week. Men tend to get angry at things not working, circumstances, women tend to get angry more about relationships.

Single people tend to get angry almost twice as often as those that are married men are more likely to be physical in their anger and all of us listen to this are twice as likely to express our anger at home more than it work or school that is a wild stallion that needs to be dealt with Lord help us and so speaking to a group of people under very intense pressure. Many of them have lost their homes. Many have been disowned many married someone and now there make doesn't believe in the Messiah.

They've just come to Christ. And so their mate has abandoned them or divorce them, and their life is falling apart and James would say, consider it all joy when you converse trial and then later he would say to them. If you lack wisdom asked God he'll show you what to do in a toxin that early chapter about how to get perspective on difficult circumstances and a promising blessedness if they can endure through very very difficult times, but he knows there's a temptation when under pressure to take a shortcut to get really angry at yourself at other people at circumstances, and it God and so we pick up the story in James chapter 1 in James chapter 1 verse 19, the half-brother of our Lord says my dear brothers noticed the kindness and the warmth take note of this.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry now knows the purpose clause or the why for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires what what estate my anger at my mate, my manipulation out of my anger, my blowing up my stuffing my expressing my wild stallion out-of-control does not produce the righteous life that God requires. It doesn't fulfill the rights as it doesn't make relationships right things don't get better when I use anger out-of-control choices guys one to three. There is a three-step process given by God to begin to tame the wild stallion of your anger in mind. Step one is be quick to hear the word quick to hear, literally, is the word here means an eagerness to listen doesn't mean just you hear a word, it means openness, readiness, availability, and desire to learn and to hear God's truth. God's word and this word to hear a T Robertson in his grammar says this word to listen or to here is not simply attentive, assertive, clear, listening, but it's listening for truth from God in the situation in order to apply it. So, since we all want to be quick to hear our immediate response. The first thing and that God's anger management plan to God. Others are circumstances in our anger is to be receptive listeners not reactionary responders. Most of us are anger damages.

It just comes out. He says none and and and under step one develop an attitude of reception instead of reaction. This is really important for fellow's viewers so easy to be blunt, critical, by the way, I think there are Christian and non-Christian's viewers non-Christians viewers vomit their anger.

Christian's viewers because that's not very socially acceptable. We just say blunt, harsh, uncaring, negative, critical words to dismiss people's feelings or dismiss their value and often quoted verse afterwards to justify how we just not treated them well.

So don't always think of spewing as gosh, I don't scream and yell at people. I mean when I was walking out of my house. I don't scream my kids. If someone said you yelled at you can is this yelling.

Annie make your bed right now but listen to the tone of voice was 100% spew Ryan.

It ensures what it was, it was anger. I need to learn to be receptive instead of react as you feel the anger gauge going up stop and listen. And here's the key question to ask what is this anger telling me why am I angry what's going on inside. If you don't get anything out of this entire time together.

If you could remember that anger is a secondary emotion and it's not the problem. It'll change your life if you can just keep the image every time I start to get angry. And by the way, I've learned to use the other words that helps me is you say some are you anger on I'm irritated I'm frustrated can call it whatever you want your angry okay when I feel that coming on when I when I feel short when I want to correct something one can't get it now I can just feel this coming on what went second. When I that's not the problem. The red light on the dashboard of my car.

They tell me something wrong on the hood. The red light of anger is just God's gift to me to say chip or something going on about why sometimes it's a good thing. It's injustice. It's wrong. You ought to be angry. Gotta do something about it. So the red light doesn't mean something is always bad, but it tells you there's something beneath the issue so the key question is what is under the hood. Step two would be quick to hear we need to be slow to speak, slow to speak, literally. It's slow to begin speaking it's not speaking slowly. It's a warning against rash hasty unrestrained words that wound others lives. This is our interim response. Our initial responses. Just don't react. Listen what's going on.

Our interim response to God, other circumstances and are anger is think before we speak. And this takes practice and discipline. But listen to why it's so important from the wisest man who is ever lived who ever live. He says when words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

You can check if you can just keep your mouth shut.

Sometimes someone said when we use sharp words.

We usually cut our own throat, and I think the right Proverbs 13 three goes on to say he who guards his lips guards his life but he speaks rashly will come to ruin, and you know what people will forgive you, but they don't always forget right. Some of you if we passed a microphone might second grade teacher told me I was dumb. I had a coach that told me, you'll never make my my dad always said to me your lazy your lazy your lazy yet.

Have you forgiven them of some of those people who said things you absolutely have not forgotten and it marked you to be very very careful about what comes out of our mouth.

Proverbs 2920 do you see a man who speaks in haste quickly reactionary. There is more hope for a fool than him. Restrain your tongue by some time.

Get your mind in gear before your tongue gets engaged how you know part of it is remember the consequences and the other is just get practical you know you and so sometimes when you feel anger just walk away just walk away. I don't mean walk away and you know what we excuse me right now I need to I need to do a little thinking or take a walk at Thomas Jefferson. I mean literally, he would count to 10. He could feel the anger boiling up he knows is not ready say something one, three, four, just to stop himself to think long enough there's life and death and the power of the tongue is life about to come out for his death. About to come out and it's it's we are people of habit you have learned some of you to just blurt out things you know if you if it's if it's in your mind you think it ought to come out your mouth and God would say that's probably not a really good equation and you look at a person who has had to work very very very hard on that because I am a verbal processor will that's kind when I think out loud, but if I think something I just had come out of my mouth and you say will Heidi ever. How do you ever break that part of my journey has been. I made a commitment that when I said something to someone or about someone that I knew wasn't the right thing no matter how small. I made a commitment before God that I would go to them and apologize and make it right. They were in the room are not and I'm in a lot of meetings and with different people and sometimes leaders and sometimes look you know you to be really high. Do you get a cut to the chase. What's the bottom line you know we got this person in this situation is a great guy doesn't have the capacity, the organizations grown here when you get to hear instead get to their you know great guy would, you know, loving, kind, you know he's got a guy you want to marry her sister, but he can't handle this job, we find someone else and can start sounding very much like the mission is all the Council people to and the people make a few little comments and you move on and then not God just don't ever treat people at which it had to go to people and say excuse me, you know, brother. You you been here for a while in Yunnan, the new guy in things going on downhill for a while we been reevaluating.

I was in a meeting and these words came out of my mouth in reference to you as though all your contribution wasn't valued and so tight I blew it I send. I asked God to forgive me. We forget today what you only do 1/2 a dozen of those and so I would encourage you whatever mechanism you need.

The key question you asked.

That is what must I do to prevent a verbal reflex response and I don't know what it is. You count to 10.

Practice whatever you need to do a simple way you might put a little star or circle in your notes. James 119 and 20 and memorize. I cannot tell you of all the things of this is a small rabbit trail atomic really small in terms of transformation in my life.

I don't know if there's anything that is help me more than memorizing Scripture when I was a young Christian I was around a group. It was really the Scripture memory. I probably did it for the first three years, with terrible motives of trying to memorize more verses than anybody else.

You just can't get the athlete out to know and and it was wrong motives, but I would find myself praying to God would bring a verse that was the answer.

Someone asked me a question God bring a verse I found myself ready to say something in God's universe and I watched Jesus under spiritual attack and it is excuse me, Satan think I need to get back to synagogue and look at some the scrolls okay Deuteronomy. Here's a good one, thou shall not tempt the Lord. Can you hang on just one second by God. The average Jewish boy had the entire first five books of the Old Testament, the Torah memorize most of us watch seven hours of television a day in our homes is 49 hours a week. The average college graduate average college graduate. We read one book a year. The average high school graduate after he graduates doesn't read another two or three books. The rest of their life.

We have become a soaking in passive and all the research on Alzheimer's for some that are concerned is when you use your brain and exercise your brain and learn new things, is the greatest prevention against you know what it's true everything you either use it you lose it, and I would just encourage you. The other is is I think there's a bill of really false view of how life change happens, we think, trying hard, and spiritual activities bring change. The Bible says be transformed by the renewing of your mind it's thinking if you think the same way you think right now 365 days from now you can try hard. Give it your best effort and you be basically the same person.

You have to think differently about God think differently about you think differently about sin think differently about the future. Think differently about the past, how the word and you renew your mind in the word, and so all I want to say is I think part of this, you can feel like oh you know I can't do this is a pattern and just blurt on my that I missed fewer and yes you can but I'm just saying it's hard work. It'll take time. You can write some things on 3 x 5 cards. Dear God, I desire to learn to get control of my tongue and speak only as your Holy Spirit prompts me write that down.

James 119 on the back of the card you write out James 119 and just stick that in your pocket and read in the morning and read it before you go to bed and you do that for a month and I'll tell you what your mouthful change because you're reprogramming your mind. According to the truth and the spirit of God takes the truth of God's word and help bring about life change so number three quick to hear and slow to speak. Third, slow to anger a couple different words in the New Testament for anger. One is you know you can almost hear it's through most means an explosion and the other is for gay and that's this word here. It's not so much about outbursts but it's harboring anger, resentful feelings. This anger that rolls around in your soul and your mind and your emotions and over time built. He says be slow to anger.

Be slow. Don't allow that to happen.

Ecclesiastes says do not be quickly provoked in your spirit for anger resides in the lap of fools.

We had an immediate response to anger be a quick listener and interim response is getting slow to speak, get a hold your tongue. The life-changing response to anger begins when we replace reaction with reflection reflection you think it through and guess where we are were right back to what we talking about you say about this anger reflection what's underneath the hood and then as you can see, we ask the basic questions we been talking about what root issue injustice, hurt, frustration or insecurity is behind this anger towards what's going on inside we get back down to what we talked about earlier and so you can save yourself okay look right here it is right here it is in my hurt matures and I feel message.

What am I frustrated.

Why need to shift from I demand to I desire for expectations. My feeling threatened.

Well who's firing the darts is or something I need to learn and you go right back to our last session. That's why wanted to do this will next, then you really write back to a B, C, D, quick to hear okay on a listen, respond, slow to speak.

I'm going to stop stuff coming out of my mouth and then to be slow to anger, unlocking it, I'm going to say okay anger is a symptom a I'm going to acknowledge that I'm angry be backtracked to the primary motion. See, I'm going to consider the cause of it and then D determine the right response to I speak or not speak do I do it in person do I do in letter. Is it something that needs to be addressed or something. I just need to let go of and release the God is amazing how Scripture does very clearly lines out. Here's how to address that wild stallion and really what that passages in James one 1920 written to a group of people you talk about an economic downtime pressure and basically said, look, here's the spiritual bid in the wild stallion of anger in your life to bring it under control so your anger serves you.

Instead of severance relationships is application this message during anger from a foe to a friend from a series overcoming emotions that destroy have you ever been told you have an anger problem. Has your temper damaged or ruined a meaningful relationship are the frustrations of daily life weighing you down will let me tell you, there's a better way to handle these emotions in this series strip reveals how we all struggle with anger and breaks down the most common ways we express it to learn practical biblical solutions to reign in anger before it destroys you read your most treasured relationships.

Don't miss how we can be, as Jesus said angry but without sin know if you miss any part of this series, overcoming emotions that destroy want to learn more about our helpful resources, but shipping remap is a great way to get plugged in.

Which of the series really speaks to all of us because you know no one is exempt from losing her temper or becoming angry was always handle it better than others. So what would you say that person is concerned about their anger, but hasn't had the courage to call it what it really is Dave of the problem with anger is that most of us try and hide it. I mean, we have been brainwashed into thinking that anger is bad.

Anger is a sin and we've experienced unrighteous anger toward us that is caused us to say I don't want to go there and I feel bad when I do go there so we mask it with things like one just really frustrated right now or we have some spiritual language. We blame other people. There's very few people that you here's that you know what I'm really angry right now and I wonder what that means and what is God saying to me and how do I deal with it. What I can tell you is that most people deal with it in one of three ways which will develop in the next few sessions together, but the power is in getting these things on the table in a safe environment. Anger destroys your relationship with God.

Anger cut you off from people anger causes you to stuff stuff and the high percentage of people that are depressed around unresolved anger issues, and so we put this in the format of the book, but the format that is been most powerful is in a small group. Dave, I actually lead the small group through the DVD. We have a study guide were people can follow along and then process and issues and then in a safe environment. We have just heard amazing feedback of people actually seeing that anger is something God uses to change them instead of something that cuts them off from God. Another so I really encourage people to get on the journey with us. If you happen to miss any one of these programs go online and listen to them on your own and let us help you overcome emotions or destroy bikes trip will help you get the most out of this series for limited time we've discounted all of the resources for overcoming emotions that destroy with you. Order chips book stream the video teaching download the MP3s or get the small group study guides, we've got you covered. Learn more about the discounts on all of the series resources by going to LivingontheEdge.org or by calling AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003 or go to LivingontheEdge.org app listeners to have special offers. As we close today's program. I wish we could sit down over a couple coffee and I can look in the eye and just okay. The last two broadcasts have been super practical and if there's any step you can take to get help. Go to the website LivingontheEdge.org and just download the notes I've gone through multiple questions that help you identify the window how the what to deal with anger.

Second, I outlined a very clear four step process called the ABCD's of anger that will give you a pattern something simple to begin to deal with the issues in your heart and your life a acknowledge your angry that's big for some of us be backtracked to the primary motion is it hurt, frustration or insecurity C consider the real cause and then D determine how to respond should I do it now should I do it later should I do in writing, should I do it over the phone. There's a lot of specifics here.

Go to the website LivingontheEdge.org download this look good over pray over it wants to help you. Okay this is the deal. He really wants to help you. He wants to help. This anger issue become your friend a tool.

A light on the dashboard that you can know something's not right. You can address it and you can grow a B, C, D of anger go get it and grow as we close, I want to thank each of you who's making this program possible through your generous giving 100% of your gifts are going directly to the ministry to help Christians really live like Christians a few friendships teaching helpful, but you're not yet on the team. Would you consider doing that today to donate. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org Donate on the app or give us a call at AAA 333-6003 and let me thank you in advance for whatever the Lord leads you to do well for everyone here. This is the saying thanks for listening. this Edition of Living on the Edge


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