Love Sex and Lasting Relationships - Wake Up World! There's a Better Way to Do Relationships, Part 1

Do you long for a deep, rich, I mean, intimate relationship with a person of the opposite sex that would actually last a lifetime? I mean, that's God's plan. That's God's will. But talk about something hard to navigate in our day. Well, today I'm going to share with you how that can be your future. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Living on the Edge features the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram on this daily discipleship program. I'm Dave Drewey, and today Chip continues his series Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships with a very personal story that changed his approach to love and sex as a young single. Now, after the teaching time, Chip's always with us here in studio to bring some additional thoughts and application for the message, so don't miss out. Be sure to stay with us for that.

But let's join Chip now for his talk from Ephesians Chapter 5, Wake Up World, There's a Better Way to Do Relationships. I want to share a experience I had. I just call it a night that I'll never forget. And it was one of those that changed the course of my life in this whole area of love and sex and lasting relationships.

Let me try and picture it. You know, we all have a handful of memories where it's literally like etched in the back of your brain. And when you think of it, you don't even have to try and remember it. The images are so clear because it was profound. I was a sophomore in college. I'd been a Christian about two years. I'd begin to read the Bible in the mornings, and I got in the Bible study with some guys. I actually saw God radically change my life, and yet the biggest war raging in me was I knew God wanted me to be sexually pure.

And I certainly didn't grow up thinking pure thoughts or viewing the other sex in appropriate ways. So after two years of walking with God, I was just in the midst of this battle. And it was many of the kind of things I've heard from you.

I've had people all over after every service, an hour or more, and just tell me, you know, I really want to live that way. I really get it. I understand.

But you just don't understand. I'm trying as hard as I can. I fail. I fail. I fail.

I try not to log on, or I know I'm not supposed to, and I don't want to go to this, but I just do it. And that's where I was living. And this couple didn't know it, but it's a little small college I went to, and maybe three to five thousand students. Up in the mountains, you would drive about a half hour, and then you would come to a clearing, and you would see on this huge plateau this beautiful college, like out of a storybook. And a small little town, the college had one, when I say small, there was a little red church, a little white church, two bars, and one gas station.

And the gas station was only open for, you know, like a few hours a day. And so, I mean, you were kind of stuck up on this little place, and so getting a home-cooked meal was like awesome, and very rare. And there was this young couple, looking back, they were young, they were kind of old at the time, because I was like 19, maybe 20. And they said, at church, you know, I started where I started going to church, which was really new for me, and they said, would you like to come over for dinner? I mean, the answer is, of course.

And, I mean, cafeteria food or home-cooked meal. And so I got my little green Volkswagen, and I drove, it was about seven or eight miles, took about 20 minutes, because in West Virginia all the roads are like this. And then I came over a hill, and there was their little house, and literally, those of you that can remember or even know who Norman Rockwell is, it's just like a snapshot, a picture of a Norman Rockwell.

There's a little barn that needs some paint, a little white, you know, farmhouse, a little gravel driveway, you know, I pull up and I sit down. And then I walk into this couple that at the time I thought were kind of old, they were late 20s, early 30s. And, you know, I thought, what could they ever know? And so we come in, and I didn't think about it at the time, but they were probably pretty poor. They were actually a farmer and doing a couple little odd jobs, and there hadn't been a lot of rain. But everything we ate was cooked, you know, right out of their place. And so we came in, and as we came in, there was, I noticed there weren't doors, so I guess they didn't have a lot of money. And they had like a line and sheets that they made for curtains, and that's how they would sort of open and close for a little bit of privacy. It was a very small little farmhouse. You go into the kitchen, and some of you can remember, remember the aluminum-type legs and sort of the tables with the plastic tops with the floral patterns? I mean, that was it. I mean, it was just like retro, retro.

If you could get it now, it would be super cool and probably worth a lot of money on eBay. And so I sat down, you know, my elbows got kind of sticky, and I took them off. And so Dave and Lanny, and they had a four-year-old and a two-year-old. And they were just a little bit ahead of me. They'd been a Christian about three and a half years, me for about two, and they were just beginning this journey.

And you know, we sat down, and we had, she cooked a great meal, and you know, they don't know I've got this battle inside. And I feel like, you know, everything fun God says no to. And Jesus loves me, and he changed my life. But, you know, if we could just renegotiate the Bible to like, how about seven commands?

Or even eight? But there were like two that were like, are you kidding me, God? You gave me hormones.

Certainly don't expect me to. And he said, certainly I do. And so I always felt like God was on this side, and I was on this side, and there was this big barrier, and there were these things I was supposed to do.

And no matter how hard I tried, I always failed. And in the midst of that, I'm sitting at this table with this older couple, who I think probably don't know much about relationships by now. And I notice how she looks at him.

And I notice how he kind of helps out and picks up the dishes. And as we're talking, and we talked about everything. And I noticed that they kind of reached over and sort of held hands, and you could see this energy between them.

And I thought like, wow, like maybe married people still, you know, really like each other. And there was a, all I can tell you, there was sort of like a beauty in this little home, and these two little kids. And then they said, excuse me, dinner was done, and we picked up the plates, and we're learning something, and we're trying this out with our kids.

And so, would you mind just waiting here, we'll be back, and you know, be back. They went like 10 feet, and then they opened the little, you know, sheet. And there was one twin bed that both kids slept in, little kids. And Dave got down, and then Lenny got down, and then a four-year-old, and a two-year-old.

I mean, it's like Norman Rockwell again. And they all folded their hands, and Dave just told a very brief kind of story about Jesus. And then the mom folded each of the little kids' hands, and then Dave prayed, and then the mom prayed.

And then I don't know if you've ever, I mean, if you've not, I didn't grow up as a Christian, I never even opened the Bible. But when you hear like a four-year-old, dear Jesus, thank you for my mommy and my daddy, and thank you for this man who came to our house, and thank you for loving us. And then the two-year-old was like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, amen.

And, you know, it's not like I'm trying to eavesdrop, but I mean, there's only a sheet between us, right? And then they came in, and here's what I'm going to tell you, something happened. I just, it was like, you know, you grow up with dreams, and I was a young man with dreams, and I thought someday, someway, I'd like to get married, and someday, someway, I'd like to find someone that, I mean, was kind of like the way this couple got along, and then someday, someway, I mean, I'd like to have some kids. And it was just like God gave me a snapshot, but there was like a short little movie. And then after I saw that, something inside was like, I couldn't even verbalize it at first, God, that's what I want someday. And then they came back in, and of course, she made homemade apple pie a la mode, and we drank coffee, and, you know, we talked. And all I could think of was, these people don't have anything, and they've got everything.

They don't have anything, they got everything that I really want. And I'm going up on that campus, and, you know, with the basketball team, evaluating girls, and feeling guilty, and when I even get my behavior right, then my thought life is in the trash can, and I remember I got in my little Volkswagen, and I'm driving, and I thought, you know, I'm just going to have a talk with God. I was learning, I learned you could pray with your eyes open, I didn't know that.

I learned you could talk into Him anywhere, I didn't know that either. So I'm trying out all kind of new stuff, so I'm in my little Volkswagen, God, that's what I want. Okay? I just want you to know, what I just saw, that's what I really want. And I didn't know anything about the Holy Spirit, I didn't know how He works, and I didn't know how He brings thoughts to your mind, that is not an audible voice, but as clear as I could ever hear anything from God, I heard in the most gentle voice, Chip, that's what I want to give you. That's what I want to give you. That's a picture of love, and sex, and lasting relationships. And Chip, you think all these barriers about no sex before marriage, and barriers about not living together, and barriers about, you know, what you watch, and what kind of movies, and what you read, and you know, how you look at a woman, or do you really think like all those are like prohibitions to keep you from something good? Chip, what I want you to know is those are the boundaries that all the exploiting, and hurting, and negative, and pain, and disappointment, and feeling used, and shame, I don't want you to have any of that, I want you to get what you saw. And do you think it's an accident?

Do you think that people just walk up to a random college student and ask them over for dinner? Don't you understand? I orchestrated this.

This was my gift to you. I know you're trying hard and failing. Will power doesn't bring about sexual purity. Where there is no vision, the people perish, but happy or blessed are those who keep the law. Where there is no revelation, the actual Hebrew word, it's translated vision, but it's where there isn't a revelation, a truth, or a word from God, the people go unrestrained. If we don't have a clear, vivid picture of God's way, and the beauty of it, and what He wants for us, then what we do is we try our own way to get those needs met. We all have a need for love, we all have a need for sex, we all have a need to be connected. And if there is no revelation, if there's not truth from God, and we don't see the beauty of it, we try and do it our own way. And the writer of Proverbs would say there's a way that seems right to a man, but it ends in death.

And that's how most people do love, that's how most people do sex, and that's how most people's relationships don't last. What I want to tell you is when there is revelation, when there is a picture, the reason this changed my life is something that happened after I had this talk with God. I still remember coming onto the campus, and I lived in this dorm way down this hill, and it was a super steep hill, because I always remember you had to downshift to my little, you know, Volkswagen. And I got right in the middle, and I could tell you to this day, this is where I stopped and I heard God's voice. Now, I just started memorizing Scripture, so I didn't know the Holy Spirit did this at all. I didn't know that when you memorize Scripture, He can bring answers to your prayer anytime because it's in your heart. And so as I'm coming down and I'm wrestling with, I don't know if I can buy all that, and God, I really want it, but Romans 8 32 came to my mind vividly, powerfully. He that spared not His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not freely give us all things? And it was one of those, I'm a pretty logical guy, so it's like, Chip, I took you there, there's the picture, that's what you can have. All the barriers are to protect you so you get that, not to keep you from something good.

And if I gave my Son for you to demonstrate how much I love you, why would I withhold any good thing? And here's what I want to tell you. All my self-effort in my thought life, all my self-effort on dates, all my self-effort to be sexually pure failed. When I saw that picture and it was God wants to give me that, I began to read the Bible with new eyes. I began to look girls in the eyes instead of other places. I began to make pre-decisions about dates. I decided the kind of girl I would date and who I wouldn't date. It was a revolution happened in my heart and it didn't happen because I was trying really hard to be sexually pure. It happened because I got a picture from God about the beauty and the goodness and the plan that He has for every one of you and me.

Because if you take that verse and flip it around, where there is revelation, where there is a word from God, where there is a clear picture of His goodness and His love and His beauty and what He wants for you, guess what? You'll be restrained because all of us are willing to have some delayed gratification for something great. If I told you all, you know, everybody here, if I told you, okay, today if you really, I mean you need a thousand dollars, I will give you a thousand dollars when you walk out the door. If you will wait one year, I'll give you a hundred thousand. Who's signing up for the thousand?

Oh, no takers. And the motivation wouldn't be, oh, I have to wait for a year, I have to wait for a year, I have to wait for a year. The motivation would be a thousand versus a hundred thousand. This is like easy math, right?

You would be highly motivated and arrange your life and you would probably be on time and get here next year exactly at this time. As I'm passing out a hundred thousand dollars to everybody, right? That's what God's saying except He says it's way more than a hundred thousand. He's saying I got something precious for you, but here's the deal, my way.

That's what wisdom is, my way. With that, open your notes if you will and I want to dig in a little bit because I want you to see why sex is such serious business. It's so serious because actually the issue with sex and spirituality, the issue is worship. So who are you going to worship? When you do it God's way, you're saying, God, I trust you. I want to worship you. Sex is a sacred gift. When I do it my way, I say sex is really about me and what I want and I worship me. And so we've learned if you have your Bible, open to Ephesians 5, will you?

Or your phone, whatever you use. And I just want to give you sort of a runway especially for those that may be just joining us. Ephesians 5 is talking about relationships and verses 1 and 2 says, be imitators of God, remember that command, and walk in love. And then verses 3 through 6 say, well, how do you walk in love?

Well, you walk in love first by being generous and kind and loving and other centered. But then the opposite is don't let any immorality or impurity or greed be even named among you or any coarse jesting or joking. And there's six different words that talk about sexual impurity in our thinking, our words and our behavior.

But rather the giving of thanks. And then it gives us the reason in verses 7 through 10 because there's consequences. God loves you and me so much that when we violate those boundaries like every good parent, he brings about the discipline and the consequences so that he says, I want you to get the best.

And if you keep making bad decisions, I'm going to bring some consequences to get your attention so you say, I really don't want to do that. Now we pick it up in the crescendo of this passage. There's a command in verse 11, do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead expose them. Circle the word participation and underline the word expose.

Participation is that same word that we saw. Don't associate with, don't be connected to, don't get near. I mean, it's like, I want you to be separate. I want you to be separate from those things, not necessarily those people. We're to love people, but there's certain things in certain places that the whole context is sexuality.

And then he says the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but even expose them. The word expose means to reveal, to make clear, to convince, literally to rebuke. Our abstinence isn't enough.

Simply refraining from sexual impurity is not enough. He's saying, I want you to model love and authentic relationships that are sexually pure in such a way that the world around you would be exposed. What Dave and Lanny did to me is they exposed me. They exposed me.

I was brainwashed to believe how many girls could I date and this is what you do and this is what I want and it was all about worshipping me. And then I got into a room and I saw what love looked like in little children and the best use of this, it was wholesome. It was holy. It was beautiful. It was rich. It was deep.

And when I was in the light of that relationship, what it exposed was me. And that's what God calls us to do. And then he gives us the reason, for it's disgraceful even to speak of these things which are done by them in secret. You know this is Ephesus.

I mean there's temples and you know male prostitutes and female prostitutes and I mean it's a wild crazy place. He says, you need to expose the darkness by living this new kind of life. And he says, here's the challenge. You're supposed to do it but don't even speak about these things.

Because sexual immorality violates God's holy character and his positive intent for his creatures. So he says, we're to expose them but I have a little problem. He says, if I'm not even to speak of these things, how do you expose things? Without words. Notice he's going to tell us the explanation. But all things become visible when they're exposed.

Underline that, it's the exact same word. All things become visible. The moment light enters, they become visible. And when it says visible, it means you see them for what they are.

By the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. I remember my dad was a science teacher and he would do these experiments and he would take these little petri dishes and put a few little things in it. And then they would put them in the dark for his students. And then you bring out the little petri dish when it's been in the dark and then what would happen?

Ahead of all these growths. And then what he would show them is, okay now here's what we're going to do. He'd take the lid off and he would expose the bacteria or the things that have grown in the petri dish to the light. Guess what happened? Bam! It's gone. Light exposes things. Certain things, the moment it's brought into the light, bam! It's gone.

It's exposed. And he says, that is our calling. In this passage he's talked about you and I living sexually pure lives. In our thinking, in our lips, in our behavior, in our practices, and in our relationships.

Now he's saying, I want you to go to the next level. I want you to live in such loving, authentic, sexually pure lives in every area that your life is illuminating people like Chip when he was in college. I want you to have the kind of relationships and love and beauty so that when people are around you and they hear you talk about relationships and they see what you do with your friends and what your marriage looks like, it would expose. Without even saying a word, it would expose. In fact, for this reason it says, and it's quoting a hymn that the early church used, Awake and sleep and rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you. This passage teaches on the bottom, I put a summary for you and me. Just as light silently reveals all things for what they really are, so it is when God's people, here's the key word, model purity and love in relationships, they expose sexual immorality for what it is. Lustful, destructive, self-worship. And I know there's needs and hurts and strengths and temptation, but here's what I want you to know.

When ordinary people at your work and people where you hang out to do your hobbies or work out or when neighbors get together, here's what I want you to get. This is what this passage is teaching because God is calling us to a second sexual revolution. You've been listening to part one of Chip's message, Wake Up World, There's a Better Way to Do Relationships, from his series Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships. In these messages, Chip shares the candid truth about romance, sex, the way God designed it, and true love. Because we long to love and be loved, this series will help you discover God's way to make a good match, grow in intimacy, and build a love that lasts a lifetime. Now for a limited time, resources for love, sex, and lasting relationships are discounted, and the MP3s are always free. To order your copy or to send it to a friend, visit us online at livingontheedge.org or tap special offers on the app.

For additional information, just give us a call at 888-333-6003. Well Chip, we've only got one more program in this series. And before we finish, we're feeling pretty passionate about doing whatever we can to get the content of these messages into the lives of as many young people as possible. Now would you tell folks about the special offer we're making available today and tomorrow?

Absolutely, Dave. We're doing something a little bit crazy. If you're the leader of a high school group, a middle school group, a college small group, and you would say to us, I will take my group through this, we will give you up to 10 study guides absolutely free with the video that you can stream. My heart breaks when I see so many godly young people get involved in the kind of relationships that go south and destroy their relationship with Christ. We're going to do whatever we can to help you and those you love in your junior high, high school, or college ministry.

You contact us, you commit to do it on the honor system, and we will give you up to 10 study guides and the video absolutely free. Now what I want you to know is this offer is running out. It's only available today and tomorrow. So if you're getting a prompting from God to do this, let us know right away. Great reminder, Chip, thanks. So let me give you the details one more time. If you're a leader of middle school, high school, or college age youth, and you commit to taking your group through this series, Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships, we'll send you up to 10 free study guides with video streaming. But this offer is only good while supplies last over the next two days. So we hope you'll get in touch today and let us help you get this content into the hearts and minds of the kids you care about.

For all the details, visit us online at livingontheedge.org, tap special offers on the app, or give us a call at 888-333-6003. Chip, in the teaching today, you told a very personal story about what happened to get you on the path to sexual purity. Most of us wouldn't be that candid.

Why did you step out and share like that? Well, Dave, I shared that because I think my experience is pretty normal. And all the warnings about just wait, or you're going to get a sexually transmitted disease, or AIDS, or here's the psychological factors, and there's all these statistics about you're going to have an affair later in life, and your sexual satisfaction in marriage isn't going to be so good, on and on and on. Okay, all those things are true, but that isn't what turned my heart. And I know we need to hear the warnings, but what turned my heart was seeing a picture of what I could have. You know, I just saw this couple and I saw an intimacy and a love and a connection that what I knew from all the people having sex and my own struggles with lust, that it doesn't take you there. And when I got that positive picture, when I saw what God wanted, when I saw it in flesh, when I saw a couple that like, wow, they were crazy about each other and they loved each other, and these little kids, it's like the Holy Spirit was shouting to my heart, don't you realize that's what I want for you? And then I felt the Holy Spirit whisper, but there's a way to get there, Chip, and it's my way, not Hollywood's way.

It's my path, not the world's path. And that picture gave me the strength to do what we've talked about, to have a game plan, to have a personal conviction, to say no to sexuality, whether it was on the internet or with a girl. It was that I'm going to be sexually pure because it's worth it.

It pleases God, and what He has for me is so much better than all the second-rate sex that I see all around me. And so that's my heart. What we need is a generation of young people who don't tell everyone what's so wrong, but model their purity and their love in a way that others would say, you know something, that's what I want. Just before we wrap up, if you heard the offer earlier in the program, you know we're in the process of providing free study guides to every youth leader who agrees to take their group of middle, high school, or college students through the series Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships.

But those resources don't come at no cost. If you believe in the mission of Living on the Edge, helping Christians live like Christians, becoming a financial partner would be a great way to be on mission with us. You could be part of helping those leaders get the truth of God's design for relationships to as many young people as possible. We'd love to have you join us. Now to send a gift or become a monthly partner, just go to livingontheedge.org, tap donate on the app, or give us a call at 888-333-6003. Your support is greatly appreciated. Well until next time, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.