Relational Intelligence - It's Just Physical, Part 1

Do you understand the amazing, beautiful, and powerful relationship between sexuality and spirituality? I mean, do you get it's not just physical? That's today.

I don't think you'll want to miss it. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Living on the Edge is an international discipleship ministry featuring the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. I'm Dave Druey, and in this program, we continue our series called Relational Intelligence. Have you noticed that we're very good at compartmentalizing our lives?

I mean, even though it's completely contradictory, we can hold one set of values in one area and entirely ignore those same values in another. Well, in this message, we're going to begin to sort out a little of the confusion. Now, Chip's teaming up on this series with his son, Ryan Ingram, who's a pastor of a vibrant young church in California. So today we're going to hear from Ryan as he brings us part one of his message from First Corinthians chapter six, It's Just Physical. We started off saying in week one, talking about Relational Intelligence, that is the skill of navigating relationships well. It's the wisdom of God who created and designed us of how to navigate and go about relationships well. And we said this, that is both counterintuitive and counterculture. Oftentimes, relational wisdom, Relational Intelligence is counterintuitive and countercultural. We're wading into perhaps the most countercultural, counterintuitive subject relationally for us today. I think unfortunately, the church hasn't always done a good job in communicating God's wisdom when it comes to our sexuality and our design. And I recognize also that for many as we talk about this, that this is a deeply personal, incredibly for some painful, difficult, emotional wounds and even confusion as we talk about this. As I've been thinking about this and wrestling with, okay, how do we begin this conversations?

I want to begin here. It's not the place I want to start actually, but I think it's the place culturally where I have to start because I want us to just talk as a collective, as just people learning how to follow and walk in the ways of Jesus. But I believe the church, the Capital C Church, the bride of Christ, unfortunately in our day has all too often become known for what we're against and what we're for. And when it's come to marriage and sexuality, the church has lost its influence. And part of the reason why is the Capital C Church in America has tried to hold the world to conformity while not holding itself accountable. Now here's what's amazing.

Now think about this. This is so incredible. In John's gospel, when he's trying to unpack for us who Jesus is, he's trying to help us understand who is this Messiah. He says this, he says, the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. And we have seen his glory. Like we held the glory of the one and only, and then it says this line, who came from the Father full of grace and truth. Jesus is the fullness of both. He is not all grace, and he is not all truth, but embodied in the Son of God is the fullness of grace and truth. See, grace is just, you know, you come as you are, you stay where you are.

I have news for you. Jesus says come as you are, but I want to change you. I want to transform you.

I want to see a metamorphosis in you. And he's not all truth either. It's not, you just have to fix up your life and do better. He was grace embodied. And so he hung out with all, quote, all the wrong people. He died on the cross for, quote, all the wrong people. He had a reputation for hanging out with tax collectors and sinners and prostitutes and the like.

And here's what's so amazing about Jesus. People who were nothing like Jesus, really liked Jesus, really enjoyed hanging out with Jesus. They were drawn to him. All the, quote, wrong people were drawn to him.

What's fascinating is all the religious people were repelled by him. He was the fullness of grace and truth. And if you read the Gospels carefully, what you'll find is when he came to someone who was far from God, he always led with grace and then followed with truth. He always led with compassion and then he followed with clarity. And then if you read it carefully, all the religious people, all the Pharisees, he reversed it.

He led with truth. And as they responded to the truth, he followed with grace. Unfortunately for us as the church, when it comes to this area, the church is really led with truth for those who are far away from God and never gotten around to grace. And so the capital C church has unfortunately said to a people that Jesus died for, came for, that they're not welcomed or loved. And so if you're in the LGBT community here, I want to say that you're welcomed and loved in the name of Jesus. I believe the church should be the safest place to wrestle with questions that we the church need to be known for how we love. I believe loving the way Jesus loves incredibly messy. It's not clear.

It's not so, you know, boxed in the way we like it. And I believe when someone experiences the love of Jesus, they are changed by him. And so my prayer for us as a church is that we will be a church full of grace and truth. And yes, we at Awakening hold to an historic Orthodox Christian view of marriage and sexuality. As expressed in the New Testament, that marriage is a covenant commitment between one man and one woman for life. And our sexuality is designed to be expressed only within that covenant commitment.

Here's what we believe. Followers of Jesus, we are to bring our lives into obedience with that truth. And so the question before us is how are followers of Jesus to go about relationships in a sexually confusing world? This isn't how everybody else is.

And for many you're going like, if that's what it means to follow Jesus, I might not follow Jesus after this, okay? How are followers of Jesus to go about relationships in a sexually complex, confusing world? The mantra when it comes to our sexuality today is it's just physical.

Listen, you have to test drive the car before you buy. I gotta find someone who's sexually compatible, Ryan. 52% of singles have had a one night stand, 41% of singles according to, yes, this is singlesinamerica.com and it is a legitimate research that they've done, by the way. 41% of singles have had an FWB, which I found out was friends with benefits. However, 32% of singles agree you have to be in love to have great sex.

And 84% say sex is better when you are in love. How are followers of Jesus to go about relationships in these sexually confusing times? Well, the America's sexual ethic is saying this, it's simple, but it is profound and it's adopted not just by the culture, but it's adopted by followers of Jesus. My body, my rules.

It's my body. I have the right to do with my body, whatever I want, I make the rules. It's my body and so they, it is then my rules and the underlying belief under this says you are a sexual being with cravings, appetites and desires. You have the right to fulfilled that appetite with whomever you wish, however you wish and whenever you wish, as long as it is consensual. America's sexual ethic, my body, my rules, you are this sexual being that has these cravings and appetites and desires just like any other appetite or craving. And so you have the rights. No, in fact, it would go one step further than that. It would say to restrict one's appetite is both close minded and ignorance. You have the rights with whomever you wish, however you wish.

Now, C.S. Lewis actually wrote and spoke into this so poignantly over 50 years ago, 70 years ago now, actually, almost he says this, like all powerful lies is based on a truth. Sex in itself is normal and healthy. The lie consists in the suggestion that any sexual act to which you're tempted at the moment is also healthy and normal. Now what if we just simply applied our sexual ethic and presupposition and beliefs about them being cravings connected to our other cravings and appetites and desires? Plus, you know, one sex is not a base or core need. Let's just get that straight. I know some of you don't think that's true, but if you don't have water or food, you'll die.

If you don't have sex, you will not die. Now, let's just apply this to our other appetite. Food, for example. With food, I have the right to fulfill that appetite whenever, however I wish. As long as it's consensual, that doesn't really make sense with the food. And to restrict that appetite is closed minded and oppressive. Here's what's funny about our food, isn't it?

Too many of you are gluten free to adopt that or, right? Hey, no, I'm restricting carbs, clean eating, organic, naturally sourced. When it comes to our food, we are intentionally focused, restricting, knowing that yeah, I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. However, it has a drastic impact on my health and we apply that same principle to our sexuality. Let me dive a little bit deeper because it's just physical is the mantra of our world. If it's just physical, why is there so much shame for those who've been sexually abused?

If it's just physical. Did you know 30% of all women report their first sexual experience was not voluntary? 40% of girls under the age of 15 first sexual experience was not voluntary and unwanted. 20% of college women report to being forced to have sex against their will.

And if it's just physical, why is it that a woman is way more likely to report being mugged than being raped or molested? If it's just physical, why is it that sexually active teens are three times more likely to be depressed than those who abstain? You see, our sexual ethic of the day is undermining the desires and the core of who we're made to be. See, sex and sexuality has shifted from a physical expression of love and intimacy to that of experiencing personal fulfillment. The result is we live in a society that is saturated with sex, yet starving for intimacy. The old adage is more true today than it's ever been. It's easier to find a lover than a friend. And the root issue is we have compartmentalized our sexuality and our spirituality.

You, just take this in. You are sexual and spiritual at the same time. The gospel says that your sexuality and gender is important, but it's not the most important thing about you. In fact, in an identity dysphoric culture, as we attach ultimate value, meaning personhood to our sexuality, the gospel speaks loudly into this and says, no, no, no, your identity in Jesus Christ is the most important thing about you. And so we have to once again marry sexuality and spirituality.

Why? God invented it. Some of you are like, God's a prude. No, he's the one that invented it. It was his idea.

So guess what? He has the best thoughts and wisdom in how we are to express our sexuality. And so how do we reintegrate our sexuality and our spirituality?

How do we marry these once more as a people to become whole, to experience life in this area? What's amazing is the apostle Paul spoke to this issue almost 2000 years ago. In fact, as we read it today, you would think he's writing to us and he's writing to this church in Corinth and it's actually they're dealing and wrestling with the same things we are today.

It's funny in our modern arrogance, we think we are so progressive and advanced and yet the mantra is just physical has been around for thousands of years. If you've got your Bible, would you open up to first Corinthians chapter six, first Corinthians chapter six, verse 12. And here's what the apostle Paul is going to do. He's going to start with the philosophical assumptions of the day of the city. Then he's going to move and he's just going to apply logic. It's not even something really deep and profound, logical.

You look at that and go, yeah, that's true. Then he's going to move to theologically why we have to once again marry spirituality and our sexuality together and then he's going to bring it home real practically for us. So let's start philosophically or logically, if you will, marrying sexuality and spirituality. Here's what he says and he's going to give us, he's going to say, the right to do whatever you want doesn't make whatever you want right. The right to do whatever you want doesn't make whatever you want. Right?

Notice what he says. I have the right to do anything. You say it was a philosophy of the day is the philosophy of corn. I have the right to do anything. Then that sound American to you. I have the right to do anything. I can sleep with whoever I want, whenever I want, however I want. Don't you dare tell me I have the right to do anything I want. You say, now notice this, but not everything is, and would you say this with me, beneficial. Yeah, I can eat whatever I want, but not all that I eat is beneficial.

We get that. The right to do whatever I want does not make whatever I want right or good or beneficial. And here's what we've done. We think the question is, do I have the right to? The apostle Paul says, no, no, no.

The question is, is it beneficial? Some of you are going, well, I want to demand my rights. Fantastic. You have the right to do it.

We live in America. You're free. The question isn't, do you have the right? The question, is it good? Is it beneficial?

Is it helpful? Did you know the research says, you can argue with research, abstaining from sex before marriage yields to the highest rates of fidelity in marriage, as well as the highest overall sexual satisfaction. Did you know that those married on average have more sex than those who are single as well as more adventurous sex with their partners. You know, there's this lie that married sex is boring newsflash. I just, well, I'm just talking about mine. It's not.

You're like, please don't, please don't. Did you know living together or cohabitating leads to 50% more likelihood of divorce than not. You have the right to do whatever you want, but it doesn't make whatever you want right or good or beneficial. The question isn't, do I have the right?

The question, is it beneficial? Would you begin to ask a better question for your life, a better question for your sexuality? Then he goes on and he's going to move from our rights then to an idea about freedom. Now here's what he's going to say. He's going to say, self control, not self indulgence is a mark of freedom. Self control, not self indulgence is a mark of freedom. Notice what he says. I have the right to do anything.

He goes back to their mantra. It's just physical. I can do whatever I want. Now notice this, but I will not be mastered by anything. You say food for the stomach and stomach for the food and God will destroy them both. You notice they're making the same argument of cravings and appetite saying it's just an appetite to be fulfilled. In our culture, we have redefined freedom as the ability to say yes to whatever we want, whenever we want, what we desire in the moment and however, self control, not self indulgence is a mark of freedom.

See, when I have the ability to say no, I am not mastered by any thing. Let's stick with the food illustration. We'll take sugar for example. If I cannot say no to sugar, then I'm not free from sugar.

I am mastered by sugar. I can spin it to say I'm free to eat all the sugar I want. But the truth is I'm not free at all because I cannot say no. That is what we've done with sexuality.

That is what we've done in our culture today. I'm free to look at all the pornography that I want. No, you're not. You're not free to do otherwise. I'm free to sleep with whoever I want whenever I want.

No, you're not. Because I listen as a pastor and I'm going on almost two decades of pastoring. I've had so many heartfelt painful conversations with people who are hooked and stuck in slavery to their sexuality to pornography that long for that freedom and they're not able to say no.

And Paul says self control, the ability to say no, not self indulgence is a mark of freedom. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and Ryan Ingram's teaching from his series Relational Intelligence. Chip's here with us and he's got some thoughts about the message you just heard. But before he gets to that, I hope you'll take a second to go online or tap share and encourage others to join us for this series too. Navigating relationships has never been easy, which is why Chip asked Ryan to come and share these messages that bring such practical applications to the daily challenges.

Culture has a powerful voice that influences our attitudes and our thinking. So Ryan's fresh perspective on relationship building from a biblical point of view provides the tools you may need to make a few course corrections. For a limited time, resources for Relational Intelligence are discounted and the MP3s are always free. To order your copy or to send it to a friend, visit us online at livingontheedge.org.

For additional information, just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. Well Chip, I know you want to talk about Ryan's message, but before you do that, would you take a minute and kind of give us a quick update on what you're hearing from listeners these days? You know, I get letters, emails and Facebook messages from people every day who tell me how Living on the Edge has impacted their life.

People of all ages from, I mean, every walk of life. Many of those letters also share painful events, deep wounds or hard times that people are wrestling with. Like many of us, they're pressing in, they're seeking God and I'm deeply moved when they've taken the time to write and say thank you. Thanks for a message they've heard or a resource they've been using or, you know, seeing God work through his word and they understand him and the Holy Spirit is beginning to work in their life like never before. They aren't only thanking me or Living on the Edge, they're thanking you. All of you that invest in this ministry and walk alongside us by praying for us daily, giving every month to keep the doors open or giving to our matches once or twice a year to develop new resources and reach more people, these folks, they're thanking you too. And so I just want to pause and thank you for your financial investment in all that we do right here at Living on the Edge. And if you're listening and you've never given or didn't realize that we rely on contributions until just now, would you prayerfully consider giving financially to the ministry that we could keep creating new resources, keep helping people to be the kind of Christians that live like Christians? And let me say just thank you in advance for whatever God leads you to do.

You don't need to do more or less. We're just asking everyone, do your part and we'll see God work. As you prayerfully consider your role in giving to this ministry, I just want to remind you that when you partner with Living on the Edge, you become part of a much bigger team. So a gift of any amount is significant. And monthly giving helps us plan for new resources and other projects with greater certainty.

To send a gift, just call us at 1-888-333-6003, tap the donate button on the app, or go online to livingontheedge.org. And thanks in advance for your support of this ministry. As we wrap up today's program, let me give two very strong admonitions to two very different groups. If you are a younger person, college, you know, young professional, I would really encourage you to listen to this again and ask yourself, what do you believe and why?

And are you really free? And let me give a word of both encouragement and maybe some mentorship for some of you that have grown children. You know, they're late teenagers, they're away at college, they're young professionals and you interact with one another. And what you strongly suspect is that their beliefs and behaviors, though they're Christians, grew up in a Christian home, are probably pretty different. And it's hard to have this conversation and you know that they don't see sexual purity the way you do and your best understanding of the Bible. But for the life of you, you're not really sure how to have that conversation.

You don't want to be pushy. On the other hand, you know the concerns and what the Bible teaches and the consequences. Could I encourage you just to say, you know, I heard a message that really impacted me about a sensitive subject, sexuality and spirituality. I would love to know what you think. And I'm sending it to you and then I'd love to grab coffee. And let's talk about this.

It was really a different take than I've ever heard. Something like that, to get the ball rolling, to have this conversation, I think it's a tool that will resonate deeply with those that are younger and are asking different questions than some of us who are older have ever asked. I hope it'll be a help. You know, a great way to stay engaged and connected to CHIP and Living on the Edge is with the CHIP Engram app. You'll get free access to all of CHIP's recent messages, his message notes and much more. And not only that, but it couldn't be easier to call or email directly from the app. Well, I hope you'll be with us again next time. And until then, this is Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.