Today, I'm Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. There is something that we all do. And we do it so often and so unconsciously that we think is normal. and yet it, by definition, will destroy our relationships. You do not want to miss what I'm going to share today.
Stay with me. I'm Dave Druy, and today on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram continues our series, Caring Enough to Connect, Building Bridges to Those We Love.
So far in our study, Chip has shown us that knowing God as He truly is changes how we love the people around us. And today He tackles a dangerous habit so common we barely notice we're doing it. but it's one that quietly poisons almost every relationship we have.
Now, if you need to catch up on any of these messages at another time, just go to livingontheedge.org.
Now let's join Chip in 2 Corinthians 10 for today's message titled, Comparison Always Leads to Carnality.
Someone asked me recently if I would um Just kind of step back and say, you've been a Christian a little over three decades now. Just in terms of simplified principles, if you were just going to sit down with someone over a cup of coffee and say, what are the biggest life lessons you've learned about doing relationships God's way? Doing relationships in a way so that how you relate to one another around the Word of God and the Spirit of God would actually allow both of you to become more like Christ. And so I sat down and put my feet up and got a cup of coffee and prayed and said, Lord, you know what? What is it?
And so, you know, a number of different ones. Like I started with it all begins with God. That was my first principle. I realize is that everyone in the world wants to tell you how to do relationships. And I realize God has laid out in His Word.
This is how you do relationships. And then I began to think of other things. You know, you can't impart what you don't possess. You know, I can't give to another person in a relationship what I'm not getting from God. I've learned over the years that everyone behaves in a way that makes sense to them.
That has transformed my life. It helps you step back.
So you don't get engaged in something where you respond emotionally. And then another principle for me is everyone is desperately insecure. You know, once you realize everyone's desperately insecure, we just show it in different ways.
Well, principle number six for me. is that comparison always leads to carnality. Comparison always leads to carnality. And what I've tried to do with these little principles, I just thought, God, help me be real simple. A principle.
a passage, and then some practice. What's the principle? Comparison always leads to carnality. Who's the fastest? Who's the smartest?
Who's the prettiest? Who's the sexiest? Who's the best looking? Whose kids are the brightest? Did you go to this school or that school?
Who has the nicest clothes? What kind of car do you drive? Where do you live? What is your zip code? And you unconsciously begin to.
Ask where do I fit? And you gravitate like I gravitate in your humans to either feel superior. Or inferior, or judging, you know what? I'll tell you what, look at all those rich people, and what a waste of money to have that much jewelry, and the poor could have been fed. And you know what?
You know what? I think an Audi would be okay, but a BMW, that's totally out. Or, you know what? Why didn't that guy get a bath? That's his whole problem.
You know something? That hair stinks and there's lice in it. And you know, that's the problem of this world. The 60s is over. Why didn't that guy get a life?
And what I can tell you is, You don't know anything about either of them. You don't know anything about either of them. And neither do I. But it's habitual. And all I want to tell you is Every time you compare yourself with other people, Whether it's your insides or your outsides or your possessions or your position, it always leads to carnality.
And by carnality I mean sin. The passage I'd like to give you is 2 Corinthians 10, verse 12, and I'd like you to go ahead and open your Bible and look at that. And the Apostle Paul is in a situation where he's being compared. He's being compared with these so-called super apostles. And the Corinthian church is saying, you know, something, you know, we.
You act like a real big shot when we get these letters, but you know, we are not really that impressed with you. And Paul really hates to do it, but defends his apostleship and talks about some amazing experiences and different things he's had. But in verse 12, he gets to the core of the issue about relationships. It says, For we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves. But when they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.
And is that graphic? We are not bold to compare ourselves with some of those. Paul says, I'm not comparing myself with other people. Why? When they measure themselves And compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.
In your notes, if you want to, you might jot down 1 Corinthians 15.10, where the Apostle Paul does just the opposite. And I remember the first time I read this, and I mean, I never opened the Bible until I was 18, so I'm like probably 18 and a half now. I'm a Christian about six months. I'm reading through the New Testament for the first time. And when I first read this verse, I thought, this guy's like really arrogant.
I can't believe he said this. I am what I am by the grace of God. And his grace did not prove vain toward me, but I labored more than all of them. Speaking of the other apostles, yet not I. but the grace of God in me.
And you know, when you really study that, he's not arrogant at all. He has an accurate assessment of himself. I am what I am by the grace of God. The brains I have, grace of God. The looks I have, the grace of God.
Position I have, the grace of God. The money I have, the grace of God. The talent I have, the grace of God. The parent I have, the grace of God. I am what I am.
God made me. And God placed me in this family at this time with these gifts, with these strengths, with these liabilities, with these experiences, both wonderful and difficult. By his grace. And then it's interesting once you do. And his grace didn't prove vain toward me.
I didn't compare myself with other people. I saw who God made me and where I am and what I've been through, and then I labored. I labored, I worked, I took what God gave me and who He made me. And this is a time where he does have a little comparison. He goes, more than all of them, yet not I.
Even my labor, even my energy, even my passions, even my desires. Not I, but the grace of God. And so, all I'm saying is, in relationships, and this is a habit that is so hard to break. is if you can begin to say to yourself, I'm going to break the habit of comparing myself with other people. I am telling you, it'll liberate you.
The principle, comparison always leads to carnality. The passage, 2 Corinthians 10:12, the practice. Let me give you. Three things that I think will really help you break the habit. Number one, habitually choose to view others the way God does.
And jot down 1 Samuel 16, 7. Habitually choose It's a choice. You won't naturally do this. Habitually choose to view others the way God does. 1 Samuel 16, 7.
God's looking for a king. He says to the prophet, Go over to Jesse's house. He's got a lot of boys. One of those boys is a king, and I'll show you. All the boys line up.
The prophet looks at them all and he goes, You know, hey, you know, we've got a problem here. And, you know, one of them especially is strong and mature and good-looking and big. And, you know, the father's kind of going, it's him, right? Prophet says, No, I mean, do you have any other sons? And basically, all we, you know, there's, there's, there's, you know.
The little guy, you know, I mean, he's he's young and and so David comes. And do you remember what the prophet says? For God sees not as man sees, for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord weighs the heart. And I don't know about you, but God has been so gracious to reprove you. me so painfully that I am habitually in the practice.
of choosing to look at people the way God does. I'll never forget my uh my greatest reproof I was preaching in California and there was a guy who came, sat on the front row, had long Rossifarian locks, had what appeared to be a dress on or a robe with a multicolored coat and a funky little hat, and he sat, you know, I always sat kind of on the front row and I was like six or eight rows away and the aroma of his life on the streets was reaching me six or eight rows away. And I later learned his name was Dan, and he became affectionately called Dan Dan the hippie man. And so I get done preaching, and I notice he's really paying attention. I think that's good.
You know, he's probably coming off drugs, and the meth or the heroin or the cocaine has got him wired up or something. And I get done, and when I get done, we had these steps, and I would go down these little steps, and he just came up to me like this. He goes, Pastor, it's so good to be here. I could just feel the presence of Jesus. And then he goes like this: and I mean, this guy gave me a bear hug.
And you're not one of those polite Christian little hugs where, you know, we all know it's got to be quick and man to man. And I mean, he's hugging me like I just gave out silver dollars and he got nine of them, you know? And he gets that, and then he looks at me like this. He goes, I'm so glad God brought me here. And I'm thinking And then I talked to him.
Man, this guy's in the Bible every day. He had a radical conversion. I later learned that, you know, that. He came for a few weeks and he said, well, I'm back onto God's calling. And he went on the road and he was purposefully a homeless person sharing Christ.
And then he actually made his way about halfway across the United States and got involved in a cult. And I got this long letter about all these weird people. And, you know, I don't know much about the Bible. He's only a Christian about six months.
So I write him a letter. And he said, this is where you can contact me. And I gave him information about the cult. And I said, I love your heart. You need to get some training.
He came back, walked all the way back and hitchhiked back to California, went to Bible school, later married another girl, and their ministry, boy, their wedding was wild. And I mean, he ended up, he was quite a flute player, ended up on our worship team. And I'm telling you if I have ever met someone who was Jesus. To people that other people won't give the time of day. It was Dan Dan the hippie man.
We even were a part of getting him in Bible school. And he got training. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Just a quick reminder before we get back to today's message. Did you know you can take Chip's teaching with you everywhere you go?
The Chip Ingram app puts hundreds of messages, reading plans, and daily encouragement right in your pocket anytime you need it. It's free to download wherever you get your apps. And for even more resources, visit us online at livingonthege.org.
Now back to today's lesson. And you know something, isn't it easy to look on the outside? Oh, look at that hairdo. Look at her nails. You know, those nails, they'd be $65.
I wonder if they're fake or not. Look at those shoes. You know, look at that bag. You know what? I wonder if that's one of those bags where the imprint really is, the Louis, whatever it is, or is it just the knockoff?
You know, look at that, look at that, look at that, look at that, look at that. People's luggage coming off of racks. We make observations. How they sit, how they talk, where their accent. He kind of talks like this.
He sort of has a slurry. He must be from this part of the country. He looks like that. He or she must not be very smart. Comparison always leads to carnality.
Habitually choose. to refuse to view others. in any other way than God does. and you will be pleasantly surprised. Second practice is habitually choose to evaluate yourself the way God does.
Or to look at yourself. If you'll open to Psalm 139, you know, some of us, as the Apostle Paul says, think too highly of ourselves. My experience is most of us. think too lowly of ourselves. You need to habitually go into practice, go into training, that when you look in the mirror, Rather than looking at yourself the way you do, begin to look at who you are the way God does.
Here's how God looks at you. Psalm 139, verse 13. David is sharing his heart, inspired by the Holy Spirit. He says, For you formed my inward parts, and you wove me together in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame, literally my skeleton, my structure, was not hidden from you when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance. Literally the idea, your eyes saw my embryo. And in your book, They were written, all the days ordained for me, when as yet there wasn't one of them.
Here's a God who knows you. You have DNA like no one else. He created you exactly the way he wanted to create you, with the color of eyes, with the personality, dropped you in the family that he would know. It doesn't matter whether you had a good dad, a bad mom. If an absent God loved you so much that he knew he needed your mom and your biological dad's DNA to make the unique you.
And when he looks at the unique you, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are valuable. You are unique. You are precious. You matter.
Not if you were taller, not if you were smarter, not if you were more outgoing, not if you were better in this or better in that. You I mean what he's describing you they hadn't learned to talk yet This is God's view of you before you did anything. goes on to say How precious also Are your thoughts, God, toward me? How vast is the sun of them? If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I'm still with you. God views you as something that matters, that is precious. He thinks of you all the time. He loves you and cares for you just the way he made you.
Now, do you have a stewardship with your body to make it the best that it can be and be healthy? Sure. Do you have a stewardship with your mind? Of course. Do you have a stewardship with your gifts and your talents?
Yeah. But I'll tell you what, most of us have bought into a culture where we find someone a little bit better than us and we envy them because we compare ourselves with them. And then we find someone a little bit lower than us and we compare, and we are either self-righteous, if we do it spiritually, or we feel superior or arrogant. Because what really happened is we don't view ourselves rightly. You gotta look yourself in the mirror and say, God, thank you.
You're all wise. You could have made me six too. You could have made me five seven. You know, you could have given me blue eyes or brown eyes. You could have, you could have.
And all the answers to God says, wait a second. I've not made any mistakes ever, ever. Not even a small one. Comparison always leads to carnality. To break it, habitually choose to view others the way God does.
Secondly, habitually choose to view yourself as God does. And third, habitually choose to measure your performance and success by answering the following questions. This is real quick, but I literally do this all the time. You know, I'm kind of nuts over this little 3x5 cards and all that stuff. I actually ask myself these questions about my performance, okay?
My performance as a father, my performance as a husband, my performance as a pastor, my performance as a friend. I mean, we all perform, we do things, right? And the question is, well, are you successful or not? And so how do you measure your success? Three questions.
Question number one I ask is did I give my very best effort? Did I give my very best effort? And I always have a verse with these, sorry. Colossians 3.23. Whatever you do, do heartily as unto the Lord and not unto men.
For it is God. who is going to reward you. Did I give my best effort? Is this my best shot in this difficult situation? Did I give my best effort?
Not how did I do compared to someone else who does the same thing? I mean, I don't want to compare myself to Chuck Swindall and Andy Stanley and all these other people. I'm not them. I don't want to compare myself to other people that are these amazing fathers from amazing. You know what?
I'm not them. The question I need to ask is: first, did I give my best effort? Second, Who am I seeking to impress? Who am I seeking to impress? Am I seeking to impress my wife, my kids, what people think of my kids?
Am I seeking to impress other people? It's an audience of one. The only way you break the grip of comparison is to know success is, I gave my best effort, number one. Number two, I did it unto you. I love the little song by Sarah Groves.
It's called This Journey is My Own. If you've never heard it, it's on her Conversation album. It's an awesome song. And she has this little song where she says, you know, this journey is my own. There's a day I'm going to stand before the Lord.
And she says, this journey is my own. It's not what anyone else thinks. And then she has this great line. Why should I waste my life or lose my life trying to please people, basically, that I'll never be able to please? Instead of God.
Third question is this. Am I fulfilling my God-ordained potential? And you can jot down Matthew chapter 25, 14 through about 30. Matthew 25. See, sometimes we get real excited and we think, wow, I did great.
Because you compare it to This person, or this person, or this person. And I will tell you what you'll do naturally because you want to be successful. We all find someone worse than us. If you're a 10-talent person, And you score a 7? You don't get an A.
But if you're you score a seven and most of the world is a four The whole world can think you're a winner. You are doing great. You are awesome. What a mother. What a father.
What a worker. What a friend. But if God, the issue is not how are you doing relative to any other person. The issue is how are you doing relative to who God made you? And are you extracting the potential?
Because when I get before God, he's not going to ask me, well, you know, these other speakers and other pastors, man, they were better than you. He's only got one question. I deposited a certain amount of gift and talent in you, Chip. How much of it did you extract? How much of it like the Apostle Paul, I am what I am by the grace of God, and you went for broke, and you disciplined yourself, and you were diligent, and you did it unto me, and I gave you this much, and you really used this much.
You didn't coast on gift. You didn't compare yourself with other people. You became all I designed you to be. Because at the end of the day, that will be the measuring stick. Comparison always leads to carnality.
The key verse, 2 Corinthians 10, 12. The habits are three and they're simple. Habitually choose to view others the way God does. Habitually choose to view yourself the way God does. and measure success Not by how you do with others.
But compared to who God made you to be and are you fulfilling your potential. That little principle. has been transformational in relating to people. and the kind of relationships that I think helps us be like Jesus. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and today's message is titled, Comparison Always Leads to Carnality.
Now, if you've missed any part of this program, you can find it anytime at livingonthege.org. Comparison doesn't just create carnality with the people around you. It can just as easily convince you that you're not equipped to talk about Jesus, especially next to someone who seems better at it.
Well, Aaron Pierce's book, Not Beyond Reach, shows you how to actually introduce Jesus to someone who doesn't yet believe, with practical strategies for the moment you've been putting off. Aaron reminds us that with intentionality and dependence on the Holy Spirit no one is outside of God's reach. Get your copy of the book Not Beyond Reach at a special price today at livingonthege.org slash offers. You know, it's easy to underestimate what a single gift can do, but every dollar that you give helps put teaching like this into the hands of someone who desperately needs it. Would you take a step of generosity today and help us reach one more person who feels stuck and doesn't know how to get free?
Whether it's $5 or $500, your gift multiplies further than you might imagine. Give online at livingonthege.org or call our team at 888-333-6003. You can also send your gift by mail to LivingOnthege, P.O. Box 3007, Swanee, Georgia, 30024. Want more of Chip's teaching throughout your week?
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Well now here's Chip. I am so excited about what we learned today. I mean, just pause with me, will you? Can you imagine what would happen? in the world, I mean in relationships everywhere, if all of us just would believe and receive these few lines of truth.
The issue is not how I'm doing relative to other people. The issue is how I'm doing relative to who God made me. Am I extracting the potential that He's put in me? Am I fulfilling the purpose and the plan for me? Because here's the deal: I'm not like anybody else.
You're not like anybody else. God has a special plan for you. When you compare, you either come away with thinking you're better or thinking you're worse, and both are wrong. The fact is, you're different, you're unique. Can you imagine what would happen if little by little you could say in your heart over and over, Lord, you love me, you made me, you gifted me, and you brought me to this place and this time for a very specific purpose.
I want to be who you made me to be, and I want to fulfill the plan that you have for me. God, would you help me see that? Would you give me the courage to step out and do it? I mean, can you imagine the impact that would have, not just in your life. But in the lives of believers, if we could just pause.
And you don't need to sing like that person. You don't need to preach like that person. You don't need to lead like that person. You don't need to have mercy and compassion and counsel like that person. You know what you need to do?
You just need to be you. And take the gifts that God's given you, and the passions, and even the hurts that you've experienced that make you you. And you need to not compare that person with anyone else, but just say, Lord, what's that look like to bring grace to my family? What's that look like to encourage my friends? How does me, just who you made me, what's that look like showing up at work?
Here's what I want you to know. Comparison always leads to carnality. Break the habit.
Well, that's all for today. Join us next time here on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge. Uh
