What can turn a normal, rational, ordinarily nice person into an out-of-control monster destroying relationships, screaming at children, spewing threats, and alienating lifelong friends. Today, we'll discover the source of that devastating power and how to control it. Stay with me. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission of this daily program is to intentionally disciple Christians through the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.
Thanks for joining us as we begin our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. In the coming programs, Chib will explore the powerful emotion of anger, identifying the factors that trigger it, and how we should respond when those feelings bubble to the surface.
So if you're ready, grab your Bible and go to James chapter 1 as Chip kicks off this series with his message, RAGE, Understanding the Monster Within. What has the power to transform The tender heart of a loving mother. Into a beast of fury as I watched her sling her 18-month-old baby into the front of a dryer and slam. the little one down in a chair. What has the power to turn loving parents into neck-bulging?
vein popping, screaming adults. Who say the same thing over and over into the blank stares of their elementary and teenage kids? What has the power to turn good friends and passionate lovers into cold, calculated, critical marriage coexistors? who only do what's absolutely necessary. to live under the same roof.
What has the power to turn a festive holiday family gathering into a gut twisting, name-calling, take-sides, no-holes-barred family feud that never gets resolved? And finally, what has the power to take a cool, calm, collected, long time, conscientious worker into a gun carrying floor by floor by floor bullet spraying murderer That no one ever dreamed was even upset. as he expressed the bottled up anger of losing his job. What has that kind of power? that turn normal human beings who on most days Her good people to be around.
into people that shut down. into people that leak anger. into people that explode it. And I would suggest that the first word you want to write down in your notes, the answer is our. Emotions.
Our emotions. Designed as a gift from God, there are times, places, and circumstances that bring out emotions that destroy. In fact, it was during a very difficult time, first book of the New Testament. Jesus' half-brother would address people who were going through tremendous pressure. difficulty.
They were spurs abroad. They believed in the Messiah. As a result, many of them lost their homes. They were cut out of the family business. They were persecuted.
And so James would say, after considering it all joy, in chapter 1, verse 19, my dear brothers, Take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen. slow to speak. And slow to become angry. And then he gives us the purpose clause.
Why? For the anger of man does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. That single verse launched a series in my life called Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. The anger of man when I'm frustrated, when I'm wounded, when there's an unmet need, when someone ticks me off, when someone cuts in front of me in traffic, when I don't have enough money, when God doesn't come through, when my expectations aren't fulfilled, emotions begin to bottle up and we get angry. And we express it in very, very different ways that we'll look at.
And the great majority of people don't even know they're angry. And we're going to talk about anger. And how to deal with it. We're going to talk about the shame and the guilt and the other emotions that those angry feelings that every human being has that are normal. But they ruin relationships if you don't identify what they are.
How to deal with them. And then how to turn that in a way where God can work in your heart. Instead of us spewing or stuffing or leaking out our anger in ways that destroy our relationship with God and others.
Okay. Under pressure, we are all prone to blow a fuse or burn the house down. This this was written to people under pressure.
Some people are prone under pressure, financial pressure, relational pressure, screaming kids. You know, you've just done the floor, and now the dog goes over the floor. You just did the laundry, and now there's seven more piles. You just gave your best shot at work, and you get laid off when someone who hasn't been there very long gets to stay. You just give a big gift by faith.
And then you find out that 40% of your net income goes down the drain in about three or four months. And you get angry. And some people blow up. And some people, it's just like have a short in the wiring. And you know what?
When there's a short in the wiring, you can't even tell anything's wrong. It's just, you know, you go out to dinner one night and you come back and your house. He's in ashes. And that's what anger does. Have you ever been angry when you were unfairly treated, or someone blamed you, or you were ignored, or misunderstood, or felt insignificant, or someone made fun of you, or you were given advice?
Have you ever done something, someone walks up and just tells you, this is how you ought to do that? And you have this emotion inside going, You know? You didn't feel safe? You were given ultimatums. I love the little list because um When we put this together, there's a lady who's a psychologist that wrote a couple books for inner varsity.
And she listed common reasons why all of us feel angry. Let me just zoom through them. And just laugh with me in your mind. Because we we don't think we have Anger as an issue. These are normal things I thought were pretty good.
She writes, Someone cuts you off online.
Someone misunderstood what you said.
Someone ignored your feelings. You have a breakup in a relationship. You feel trapped, smothered, and controlled. You feel like a failure.
Someone broke your trust. You were abused by someone.
Someone lied to you. You had to wait in a very long checkout line at the store. Your kids are not obeying you. The waitress is very slow and brought the wrong food. You stubbed your toe.
You find it's too late that you're out of toilet paper. That could be bad. The line to the public restroom is very, very long. Your spouse forgot to call and they were very late. The clothes you wanted to wear are still at the laundry and the hamper and it's not washed yet.
Your spouse has been unfaithful. You ran out of time and weren't able to get things done you needed to. You drove all the way across town to find the store. But it was closed. The kids continually and relentlessly demand your time.
You forgot to do something you were supposed to do. You don't have time for yourself.
Someone said something harsh or insensitive. A stock clerk was rude. You were in a hurry and you hit all the red lights. Your boss doesn't appreciate you.
Someone track dirt into a freshly cleaned house. The driver in front of you is going very... Very. very slow.
Someone close to you. Died. Does not all those things happen to every single person in this room? My point is Anger. Is not a good emotion or a bad emotion.
Let's get God's perspective. What exactly is anger? Define it. Anger is neither good nor bad. It is a charged morally neutral emotional response of protective preservation.
When you're angry, It's a not good or bad. It is a God-given, emotionally charged response designed. to protect someone or something. Let me give you a couple examples of how anger can be very, very positive. It can be a healthy emotional response that motivates us to correct attitudes, behaviors, or injustices that we perceive to be wrong.
Listen to the Apostle Paul. He says, In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold. It's a good translation. If you look at that in the original text, It's very interesting.
First of all, it's an imperative. It's a command. And the word order goes something like this: be angry. Command. In other words, you get angry.
Don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Many of us have been taught that anytime you're angry, you've done something wrong. The Bible commands you to be angry. I'll make the case that many of us are not nearly angry enough.
At all. at the things that we ought to be angry about. When we get angry, amazing positive things happen. Many, many years ago, Therese and I were starting out. We had small kids.
We had laundry, but we couldn't afford a washer and a dryer. And so I was at the laundromat. You know, you shove quarters in those things. It never gets dry. I think it's a satanic cult that makes these dryers someplace.
And so, you know, I'm sitting there and I said, you honey, you go home, I'll do it. And so I'm sitting, you know, and you know how laundromats are sometimes. Like very unattractive, dirty. Linoleum floor. And so I'm there trying to get these things dried, and a lady comes in, and she's got about an 18-month-old, and she looks pretty unkept, a little bit rough, and like in a bad mood.
A series of events occurred, and a little kid just went around to look at something, and she went ballistic, went over, grabbed that kid's hand, and literally slammed it into the dryer. And then took him and then started screaming. And I got up. I was a pastor of this small church in Texas at the time, and I came this close. to hitting a lady in the mouth.
and not feeling guilty at all. I mean, I got up, I got in her face, I said, ma'am, let me tell you something. You touched that child again, so help me, God. And I'm a pastor. I will knock your lights out.
And I'm not sure that was the right thing to do, but it seemed like the right thing at the time. And you know, and then you know, what are you gonna do? And you know, sometimes things happen and they bother you. I couldn't get over this one. Couldn't sleep that night.
Next day, I just couldn't get over it. I thought, and then it was, well, I need to do something. Where's that kid and what's going on? And then I just realized and did some research. And so I went down to the, you know, I go to a government building.
They send me here, to send me here, to send me here, to send me here.
So I end up in the child welfare department. And I find out in our town, it's a really big problem. and they don't have enough foster parents. And we got all kind of kids that just because of sort of where we were and how it was, really bad situation. And I said, well, what's anybody doing about it?
Well, we have a committee. I mean, this is a town of 4,000. Things are not running real well. Can you just kind of picture what the committees are like? All right, Bob, let's bring this meeting to order.
Okay, Ethel, you know, and you know, a lot of kids, you know, I mean, it was unbelievable.
So I go to a meeting, and you know, this is so classic.
So I went to my first child welfare board meeting thinking, one, what's going on here? I find out the extent of the problem, and I left the chairman. That was weird. It was kind of like, well, what about this? What about this?
What about this? Well, you don't know. Are you interested? Yeah.
So, literally, one by one, I. I purposefully found some committed Christians and we filled that board. Because I got mad. I couldn't sleep at night with the images of that little kid, and I wondered how many little kids are like that. And I got so angry, I couldn't sleep, and the stomach acid in my gut.
I thought, I gotta do something, I gotta do something, I don't know what. And what I can tell you is, because I got angry. We ended up partnering with all the churches in that little community, and we took turns every Sunday talking about what size clothes we need, what families, how many kids, and each church took a turn. And then we began to take care of these kids. And then we raised some money, put some things together, and we built a home.
From the Child Welfare Board. and we put it right next to that government building. And we created a safe place for those kids, because one guy saw a little kid slammed into a dryer and got mad. Anger is not a bad thing. You're listening to Living on the Edge, and Chip will be back in just a minute to finish today's talk.
But quickly, I want to remind you that this program is only possible because of the generosity of listeners like you.
So if you'd like to support us, go to livingontheedge.org. That's livingontheedge.org. Thanks for doing whatever God leads you to do.
Well, let's rejoin Chip now for the remainder of his message. Jesus got angry at the money changers and he did something. Moses got angry when he saw the people sin and he did something. David got angry and he said, What in the world's going on? Who is that big, uncircumcised giant talking about my God that way?
And he got angry and he did something. I want to suggest to you. Anger can be a very positive emotion. What makes you angry? When's the last time you got so ticked off about injustice or something wrong?
That you said, you know what, I'm going to do something about it. See, but if you unconsciously believe that when you're angry, Um oh, that must be like sin. You will undermine the very emotion God gave you For him to move you to do something significant. We were in Chicago at a pastor's conference, and we were talking about overcoming emotions that destroy and talking about the book. And a guy called in, he goes, Well, you know, I don't know what to do with my emotions.
And basically, he tells the story, and he says, Well, you know, my wife's having an affair, and I found out about it, and I'm angry. And his assumption was That's a bad thing. And he said, I confronted her and And she won't break off the relationship. And I just don't know what to do. What do I do with these emotions?
I'm really upset, and I know that can't be pleasing God. I said, dude, you ought to be really angry. I mean, really mad. And you ought to set some clear boundaries. And you ought to confront the situation.
And since you both go to church and you both claim to be Christians, you need to get your church involved. And your anger ought to have these kind of set of principles and rules to help her learn to repent. Doesn't mean you don't love her. But he was playing a game where she kept doing whatever. And you know, I guess I'm the bad guy because I'm angry because my wife is unfaithful to me.
Give me a break. That's not only bad theology, that's not helping her.
However, uh Anger is not only a positive emotion, but it can be. If unchecked. It can have amazing negative consequences and pitfalls. It can be an unhealthy and destructive emotional response to protect us from real or perceived hurt. frustration, or personal attack.
You go through and you listen to the smartest man who's ever lived, the wisest man who's ever lived, and he talks about the issue of anger. Proverbs 19:19. A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty. If you rescue him, you will have to do it again. When people learn to deal with their anger in unhealthy ways, it becomes a pattern.
It becomes ingrained. Notice what he says in Proverbs 22:24. Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered. Not only does it become a pattern in their life, but you catch it, it's contagious.
My dad had a very big anger problem. I will tell you what, kids learn. How to deal with their anger by watching their moms, their dads, their coaches, and significant others. Third, notice Proverbs 29, 22. An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.
Anger splits apart great relationships, great marriages, great friendships, great churches, great ministries, and great workplaces. Angry people stir up dissension. And then notice the last line. A hot-tempered one commits many sins. When I'm angry, Out of control, when you're angry, out of control.
And when I say out of control, I don't mean you're necessarily spewing it out, you may be pushing it all down.
Some of the angriest people in the world, you can't see. It's like an iceberg, 90% of it is under the water. It's during those times we do some of the most foolish Foolish things. They call some of the Direst consequences in our entire life. I put a list of questions to consider.
Okay, just kind of lean back and listen on this one. Have you ever done something you wished you hadn't when you're angry? Anybody? Yeah.
Have you ever said something you wish you could take back when you were angry? Have you ever made a bad decision when you were angry? A decision that you look back and you say, Potentially. I mean, just potentially, that is the dumbest thing I've ever, ever done. But in anger, you know, it's like, hey, you can take this job and shove it.
I don't care. Yeah.
Yeah.
Then you go home, tell your wife or your husband, what happened? And I quit my job today. I'm not getting treated like that anymore. Great.
So how are we going to pay the bills? I don't know.
So you got another job? No, I don't have no job. What were you thinking?
Well, I just got tired of the way he's treating me.
Okay. See, we do really silly, really unwise, say painful, hurtful things. Have you ever ruined a friendship, a marriage, a family relationship, or a ministry relationship? Because of anger. Have you ever seen a person hurt because of someone's anger, physically, emotionally, or psychologically?
My point I'm trying to make is without exception, we all struggle with angry feelings at times, and those angry feelings have done more than their share of damage in our relationships with other people. And if you're like me, You nodded that you have done some really stupid, foolish, painful things when you're angry. Here's what I want to tell you. Tonight we just want to get on the same page and there is hope. Let me give you a little overview of where we're gonna go and what we're gonna do.
And there is hope to deal. We're gonna help you understand your anger from God's perspective. We're gonna help you discover. How you tend to express your anger. We're going to help you know when it's healthy.
When it's unhealthy, we're gonna help you discover what is God's purpose for anger, the positive, and how to deal with the negative. We're gonna learn some very specific techniques to learn to share your anger in a healthy way that gets the issue on the table without attacking the person. For some of you, you're gonna realize you've been angry a long, long time and the depression that you've experienced for maybe months or years is really an anger issue. For some of you, like I just talked to a guy recently, he's exploded in remorse, exploded in remorse. He could never figure out what was going on and why.
And so what happened is he's got all these relationships where people keep their distance. Because what anger does, it works. When you explode and spew on people, you're not a safe person to be around. And you can come back in tears and tell them how sorry you are, and they keep giving you another chance and another chance. I've met elders in churches.
I've met people that everyone looks up to with such esteem. And they're godly here, godly here, godly here, godly here, godly here. And they've got this little window of unresolved anger. And it's a besetting sin. And they don't understand why and they don't understand how to change.
I will tell you. We're going to walk through a journey together. where the truth'll set you free. if you're willing to be really open. and really hear God's voice.
This is Living on the Edge Chip Ingramram. and you've been listening to part one of Chip's message, Rage, Understanding the Monster Within, from our series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about. Have you ever been told you have an anger problem? Has your temper damaged or ruined a meaningful relationship?
Are the frustrations of daily life weighing you down?
Well, let's be honest, everyone struggles to control this powerful emotion at times. In this series, Chip reveals the common ways anger manifests and shares practical, biblical solutions to rein it in before it destroys you and your most treasured relationships. Don't miss how to be, as Jesus said, angry without sinning. Chip's back in studio with me now, and Chip, you're just diving into this teaching focused on anger and how destructive it can be. Take a minute, if you would, and share why you think this is such an important topic and what our listeners can learn from this series.
Well, Dave, I actually taught this series a number of years ago, and later it became a book, and it's been greatly used with people that are going through very, very challenging times. And the reason I wanted to re-air this right now, Dave, is anger is at an all-time high. And whether that's that deep burning resentment, or whether it's what you see people posting, or the anger inside of families, or in churches, or at workplaces, I mean, we live in a world that is so polarized, and anger is one of the most destructive emotions. But it doesn't have to be that way. By the way, what people are going to learn in this series is that we all have anger issues.
Dave, we tend to think it's those people that blow up. They really have anger issues. People are gonna learn that some of us stuff our anger, others we leak our anger, and that we can actually learn that anger is like the sort of the light on the dashboard of your car. When you find yourself feeling and getting angry, God actually wants you to say, Oh, there's something underneath the hood that I need to address, and that I can tell you that anger can become your best friend. We're gonna learn how to resolve anger, we're gonna learn how to take some of those explosive times or those things that are happening inside that make people depressed and flip them around and learn to deal with anger God's way.
I don't know there's a time in my entire adult life where I see people need to learn to deal with these emotions that can destroy like right now.
So, I cannot wait to share this with our listeners. Thanks, Chip.
Well, I hope you'll join us for every part of this series. And to help you get the absolute most out of Chip's teaching, let me encourage you to get his message notes.
Now, they include his outline, the verses he references, and some key fill-ins to help you remember what you hear. Download them under the Broadcasts tab at livingonthege.org. App Listeners tap Fill-In Notes.
Well, with that, here's Chip to share a few final thoughts for us to think about. As we close today's program, I finished it asking a number of diagnostic questions pretty rapidly. And this whole series really unearthed some issues that a lot of us think, well, I don't have any anger issues. But let me review, okay? Just kind of lean back a little bit.
Have you ever done something when you were angry that you wished you hadn't done? I mean, that kind of gets most all of us, doesn't it? Or let me ask you this: Have you ever made a bad decision when you're angry? Or have you ever seen a friendship or a marriage? A family relationship, or maybe something in ministry literally fall apart because of anger.
And sometimes it doesn't mean you blew up.
Sometimes you got angry and you stuffed something inside, and you didn't call it anger, but you just knew I don't want to be around them anymore. And you pulled away, or they pulled away. Here's what I've got to tell you. If we're going to make some real progress here, go to livingonthetge.org and just go to where the message notes are. This is the first part of overcoming emotions that destroy.
Read those questions over and maybe with a friend or with a mate, just read them over out loud over a cup of coffee in the next couple of days and say, so what do you think? You think there's any anger issues in our lives? And I will tell you, I think God will begin to reveal some things that will really help you. As we close, I want to thank each of you who makes this program possible through your generous giving. 100% of your gifts go directly to the ministry to help Christians live like Christians.
Now, if you found this teaching helpful but aren't yet on the team, consider doing that today. Sending a gift is easy. Go to livingontheedge.org or call us at 888-333-6003. That's 888-333-6003 or visit livingonthege.org. App Listeners Tap Donate.
And let me thank you in advance for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do.
Well, join us next time as Chip continues his series, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy. Until then, I'm Dave Druy, thanking you for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.
