This is Chip Ingram, and one of the questions I hear all the time in the midst of tragedies. And one of the things I struggle with myself is when there are devastating things that happen. whether it's fire that rips through an entire town or someone who goes through something that is unimaginably painful. And we say, God, where are you? That is a difficult question we all wrestle with, Chip.
Well, I'm Dave Druy, and coming up today on Living on the Edge, we'll share the second half of the incredible testimony from a fellow believer in the United Kingdom named Guy. And as we heard last time, Guy experienced one of the most dramatic, heartbreaking circumstances you'll ever hear. yet his faith in God helped him persevere against all odds. And Chip, I don't know about you, but I think Guy really epitomizes Proverbs 24, 16, for a righteous person falls seven times and rises again. Absolutely, Dave.
So if you weren't with us yesterday, we're going to back up just a few minutes to give you a bit of the background. and if you need hope in the midst of a challenging time, Today you'll hear A miraculous story. of God meeting us. in our deepest, deepest need. That's right, Chip.
And quickly, before we get started, like yesterday, Guy's story is intended for mature audiences.
So if you have younger kids listening in, parental discretion is strongly advised.
Well, let's not waste any more time. Here's the remainder of Guy's story from tragedy to victory. Let me tell you about Hazel, my wife, and our marriage. Hazel was just the kindest person that I think I'd ever met. People used to say that she would light up the room and that's what I used to love about her.
She had such a heart for people. She cared so, so deeply. She had this saying that she always wanted to leave people better off than she was. Than when she first met up with them. That was her thing.
She never liked to leave a conversation or an interaction in a bad place. And really that whole heart is, I guess, why I fell in love with her. She was really, really personable. We had so many years of blessing, a lot of fun, a lot of laughter, but as every family, you do have challenges. The challenges really started when our eldest was going through perhaps his mid-teenage years.
he started to withdraw a lot. He was struggling with identity in various different ways and. Chose to cope with that through self-medication of drugs and alcohol. And then a few years later, when the problems with substance abuse got worse. it became very clear that there were underlying mental health issues.
He was diagnosed with autism, in fact, two types of autism. Asperges and BPD. Which are really complex forms of autism. They fight against each other. and this really caused him a lot of distress.
He got to the point where he was very, very paranoid about all sorts of things. and this paranoid then started to lead to psychosis. He had five suicide attempts. multiple self harm A number of times he tripped into psychosis and became extremely threatening. It was at that point that he got sectioned.
and was put in a secure hospital. He was then released. We were really concerned about the nature of that release. We managed to find him a flat where at least he could be safe and have a space, that he could feel was secure for himself. It was three weeks later.
and our youngest son graduated from university. And we enjoyed, we celebrated that. And then, as we were coming home from the graduation, we got a phone call from our eldest son. saying that he really needed help cleaning the flat.
So, Hazel, being the person that she was. said that she would go and do that. I had some work to do for a big church meeting coming up. and I dropped her off at the flat. and went off to a cafe for a few hours.
At pickup time I came to find her to pick her up. and put in a phone call. But there was no answer. I tried ringing Hazel's phone. I tried ringing my eldest son's phone.
And there was nothing. I started to bang on the door. a lot louder shouting up to be let in. And then I got a text. from my eldest son saying, Dad, call the police.
So I did. And then whilst I was on the phone to the police, explaining the history. He sent me a text saying he'd killed her. At that point. I totally lost it.
I was kicking the door as hard as I could. screaming in the middle of the street to be let in. The police came. They took me in the police car to a police station and I was Video interviewed for an hour and a half. And then after that They told me that she was dead.
I think, as a father and as a husband, you have. such competing thoughts going on. I mean, none of this is normal. From a husband point of view, you've just got this huge hole just literally that's been ripped out of you. their sadness and pain, like I've never experienced.
In terms of Me being a father. How am I supposed to feel? That The person who was my soulmate has been killed by the person I promised to unconditionally love. It's an absolute mind-band. Absolute mind band.
The only way I could deal with this was just to remember the good times that we'd had. And that was the attitude that I chose to put on. one of thankfulness. for who Hazel was. and for the incredible times that we'd had with each other.
and just recognising that Jesus is there, he gets it, he gets the pain. And the best thing I could do was just literally lift that up to him every time. And this fits in really with some of the art of survival stuff. At times when I needed to press into it a little more than a few minutes, like for an hour or so, it became my boot camp. I would run through some of the drills that are in that book.
And I think when we get into aspects of that A being about attitude, that was huge for me because every day getting up was a battle, and I thought to myself, I have a choice here. I can't change what's happened. But what I can do is I can choose the attitude that I go into this day with and that I end this day with. and that was just incredibly helpful for me. We know from James that when you go through hardships, if you persevere, that endurance leads to maturity.
And it says in verse 12 that you get the crown of life.
So we're looking at the end goals. It seems like such a contradiction that you can see joy through such hardships. But as what I've learnt and from this teaching is The joy is the outcome, it's an outworking.
So my joy is in that crown of life that when I go to meet God in heaven, He can say, Well done, good and faithful servant. I have run that race, I have got through that, it was incredibly hard, but I did endure. My faith lasted out. Then here I am. I've had so many moments when I've been on my knees saying, Lord, how do I get through this situation?
How do I plan and do a funeral? How do I idea my wife's body in the mortuary? How do I go into a courtroom where my eldest son is going to get sentenced potentially off the back of my own testimony? How am I going to go into the flat where my wife was killed and gather up? all the possessions.
How am I going to deal with that? And so from the resource point of view, asking for wisdom. In those situations from the Lord is just so critical. And the thing about James chapter 1 is. asking, and then not doubting.
I either trust God Or I don't. I either trust that he loves me I either trust that he's got a future for me and a purpose for me, according to his purposes, because I love him. Or I don't. Mm. There's a really incredible sentence in one of the chapters in this book where Chip says, Is my hope?
determined by the size of my problems, or the certainty of God's promises. Wow. That's a real leveller in terms of helping you pray through these things and really helping to focus on God's goodness and God's kindness.
So having that theology, that real belief. in who God is. and how much he cares and loves for me, and for my sons. You know God loves my son. I love my son.
And if I can see that mercy. and grace and kindness. that God Overlays on me. How much more have I got to do so? for my son in this circumstance.
The build-up to the whole trial and sentencing of my eldest son was incredibly difficult. I mean just picture the scene. How are you supposed to testify in a court? and write a victim impact statement. knowing full well that this is going to be used in the sentencing of your dear son.
knowing that the press are going to get hold of that. and do whatever they want to do with that.
So the amount of preparation for that day was absolutely huge. But my prayer going in, I remember very distinctly waiting outside in the family room. ready to go in. And I just said Lord. Make me an instrument.
Help me to witness. in this courtroom. in some way, find some way for me to do this. I just want to lift your name up. And I went in.
The Prosecution gave their statements. The defence gave their statements, and then I was asked to stand in the witness box. I read out. My victim impact statement. And right at the end I knew the camera for the courtroom.
was behind my shoulder. because my eldest was on video link from a secure hospital. I put my notes down. I turned around. I looked at the camera.
And I said, I want the court to know. I forgive my eldest son. I love him so deeply. The barristers were in tears. Even the judge was in tears.
It had such a profound impact. When we left the courtroom, The judge asked to have a private viewing with me. This doesn't happen. I went back into the courtroom. He walked over to me.
He took his wig off. That doesn't happen in an English courtroom. He shook my hand. And he said, What you said about about forgiveness for your son. is the most powerful thing you could have said in that courtroom.
And I will never forget it. That wasn't coming from me. That was coming from being on my knees in prayer. and asking for resource. and asking for God's perspective on that courtroom.
There'll be people listening now that are saying. I don't know how you got through that guy. That was just So, so tough. But you know It's relative. There's always somebody who's had it harder than you have.
I know that there are people listening to this. who will have suffered, losing people through the most horrendous illnesses. They will have lost children. They'll have suffered violence, There's all sorts of things. Grief is so unique to you.
And I just don't know how people get through Either grief or the extreme hardship and trauma that I've gone through without faith. I just don't know how they do it.
So for me, the hardships that I've suffered. I couldn't have got through them. unless I had literally felt Jesus walking with me side by side. And he has been there. throughout of sense's presence.
And there have been times when it has been unbearable. But again, I come back to the resources we've talked about through the art of survival. Mm. when things become that unbearable. I got a choice.
I can literally roll over and die. Or I can just get on my knees and I can say, Father God, help me, help me now. I choose to focus my attention on you. I choose to cry out to you. I choose to focus on your goodness and your kindness and your mercy.
I choose to walk out the front door. and deliberately not think about What I've just experienced, but I'm just going to look at your beautiful creation, and I choose to focus on that for five or ten minutes. And that'll get me through. The book of James is not written by chance, that's written through the lens of Jesus' brother who will have seen people slaughtered on the streets for their faith. He knew what he was talking about.
And he also knew where he could go for help. and his faith was real. wasn't just a head face. wasn't just a talking face, it was a doing face. My faith teaches me that this battle isn't against flesh and blood.
It is about the unseen world. And as Christians we have to be wise to this. Ephesians chapter 6, it talks about this daily battle about us putting on his armor. as we go through our daily life.
So Irrespective of what's happened to me over this last year, I've never lived my life as a Christian believing it as being anything other than a spiritual battle. I think. One of the hardest times was when I had to identify the body in the mortuary. I remember just before I went in I put my AirPods on, and I listened to, I raise a hallelujah. I went into that mortuary with a battle cry.
I knelt at the bedside. of my dead wife. I held her hand. I stroked her hair. And at that point I declared and I said, Satan, you've made a big mistake.
And I'm gonna make you pay for this. because he who is in me is greater than he that's in the world. It was at that point. that I felt God was calling me. into being a warrior.
to be a holy irritant. The biggest pain in the backside to the evil one in whatever way that I can. Like that person that, when they get knocked to the ground, just won't stay down. And that's happened a number of times in terms of opportunities I've had to minister. to people after Hazel's death.
I've prayed for protection, I've prayed for support through the Holy Spirit. I've gone in fully armoured. and I've been able to minister to some people in the toughest of situations. And it's felt really, really good.
So my process of healing and restoration continues. That's probably going to be a lifelong thing. But I have been able to talk to a number of people about my experiences, but also about how I've got through this and some of the tools that I've been using on a day-to-day basis. I was at a big music festival fairly recently, and one of the stewards who was helping me get my bags to my tent. was asking about me, asking about why I was on my own.
I Told him a brief part of my story and he broke down. And he said to me, that he had just struggled with his relationship. It just broken up. and he had had struggles with addiction. And right there and then.
From the notes that I had on my phone, I was able to talk him through the art of survival. and I sat and ministered to him. for nearly half an hour. I gave them the information and I gave them the links to the website. And it was just the most remarkable time.
I think what I would say through all of this. is that I've had a lot of life experiences. which I pray others don't go through. But they will. I really, really want to help people.
And families. get through the complexities. of extreme mental health. and loss. and addiction.
My heart has enlarged tenfold. Yeah. The thing that sits there most with me. I want to bring the spiritual fight to the enemy. I want to start taking some ground back.
in memory of Hazel. I can honestly say that. carrying this New ministry forward. whatever that looks like in detail. I don't know yet.
But in terms of wanting to Talk about the events. about the last five years. The trials, the hardships, and getting through I really don't feel that that is Too much to bear. coming out the back of that. I just feel so compelled and just so sure.
that this is what I need to do. I heard a very wise person Um in America a Christian guy talk about one of the best ways to overcome trauma. And that was to find meaning in it. That's not a meaning in the sense of why it happened, but what you then go on to do. And if I stay silent on these things, It's almost like Hazel's death was for nothing.
And I'm just not prepared to go into that space.
Now it might be that this ministry It's just for a season, it might be for a year or two. But it feels to me it's really important to tell the story. and to reach out because so many people Suffer in silence. They think somebody won't get it, somebody won't understand, they don't know where to turn for help. And it's that old analogy.
If I can just help just one person. It'll be worth it. One person like me. One person like my youngest son. It'll be worth it.
We've managed to connect through Hazel's story. to literally thousands of people. One of the incredible benefits of being in a Christian community is that there are people that do love and care for you. One of the biggest challenges that we have in churches is that people don't really share I mean share properly, share at a level that actually gets into the depth of our life experience. We're very happy to ask for prayer for kind of the superficial things often.
but when we're really struggling with whether it might be grief. matters relating to addiction. All sorts of things. We're just rubbish at speaking up. And so my advice to people is get alongside somebody and start opening up, start talking, start properly sharing your life.
And then get help. because you're not on your own. There are many, many people that struggle. With mental health, that struggle with addictions of all sorts. You're not on your own.
We often feel that we are. And it's only by exercising that little bit of vulnerability holding your hand up and saying, I need some help here. that we can help each other through this.
So my advice always would be to make somebody aware of what it is that you're going through.
Okay. Because help is there. But unless people know They can't help. The Bible is one big story of love and restoration. Why do we pull ourselves out of that and say, everything's okay, I'm fine?
Yeah. It's okay not to be okay. That's an expression that's used all the time. We just need to get better at speaking up about that. and drawing friends.
and colleagues alongside and walking side by side. You've been listening to Living on the Edge, and this is Chip Ingram. There's not many times that we pause our entire ministry and program. to let you hear a story. But now and then there's a story that so resonates we find it's absolutely essential to pause.
I had a chance to spend some time with Guy this summer when I was doing some pastoral training. and as we met, he said, I could not have made it through this. apart from the support of fellow believers. You can't go through life alone. I needed people so badly.
Second thing I heard him say was, you know that little book that you wrote, The Art of Survival? I may have read that a few hundred times. Because when I got to the point where God, why, and the struggle, and the hurt, living with the death of my wife and dealing with the reality of my son with the mental illness, the forgiveness toward him and the journey moving forward, He said I had to continue to go back to God is sovereign. God is good. Because in my experience, it didn't feel that way.
and it was a long, painful journey. But it was God's word. and God's people. and choosing to trust when my emotions just were all over the place. And I just want to say to those of you who feel like there is no hope, God loves you and He's for you.
and if we can help you. We long to. That's right, Chip. And I think the most impactful, direct way we can help our listeners is through our resources. Because, as Chip always says, this is about life transformation.
Over the past few programs you've heard firsthand how a simple little book can dramatically alter someone's life. And that's our goal as a ministry. We want to see Christians truly living like Christians for the glory of God and the good of all.
So if you know someone really struggling right now or going through an unimaginable tragedy, tell them about the art of survival. It may be the lifeline or the hope they're desperate for. Visit livingonTheEdge dot org to learn more. And while you're there, let me encourage you to also check out the powerful video testimony of Guy's story. You'll better connect with what he went through and witness with your own eyes the strength of his faith through this entire experience.
So go to livingonthege.org today.
Well, from all of us here, I'm Dave Druy, thanking you for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge. I hope you'll join us again next time.
