God's Mandate For Christian Husbands and Wives, Part 1

What does it mean to be a godly husband?

You'll find out in this episode of Leading Your Way with Dr. Michael Yusef. Godly headship of the husband in the home results from the working of God in a man's life. A godly husband leads his wives not by giving authoritative utterances, but by leading by what he is, not who he is, by what he is. Most of us know a couple who've been married for decades, seeming to be the shining example of love and life.

And we know other couples who've struggled, eventually splitting after just a few short years of marriage. Well, coming up on Leading the Way audio, Dr. Michael Yusef begins a series diving into biblical marriage. It's called God's Mandate for Christian Husbands and Wives. So listen today for words directed to men of all ages. But if you're a woman or a wife, don't go away. These are biblical words for all.

Here's Dr. Michael Yusef to begin this episode of Leading the Way. There are hundreds of battles right out there in the world that are being waged right now in the field of conflicting ideas regarding husbands and wives and homes. There are myriads of views and philosophies that are bombarding us in the media. And they all are struggling to capture our attention.

They all are struggling to gain our allegiance. And I believe that in a time like this, that we are to go to the most assuring place. We are to go to the source of comfort for answers. That is the infallible, inspired, inerrant Word of God. Now I'm fully aware that there are some, perhaps many, in the mainline churches today who would see the biblical view of marriage, the biblical view of the role of a husband to be outmoded, to be obsolete, to be old-fashioned, to be offensive, to be in opposition to progress and cultural consensus. Yet in my estimation, our biggest problems begin when we depart from the revealed mind of God in the words of the Scripture. Our troubles begin when we depart from the revealed mind of God as we have it in His Word.

And the sooner we understand and obey what God has to say to us, even in this conflicting society, if we understand and obey the role of the husband and wife in the Word of God, the greater I believe our peace will be, the greater our harmony will be. So I begin where the Scripture begins. And the Word of God said that God created humanity. But when He created humanity, as you read on in Genesis in the expounded edition in the next two chapters, you find that God created the man first, Adam. He made Adam out of the dust of the earth and He breathed upon him and He created him in His own image. That is to say that He created him with an ability to relate to Almighty God, a gift that has not been given to any of the species that God created.

But then there's more. God gave Adam certain commands and certain responsibilities. He gave him certain instructions, all of this before He created the woman. And it is clear that Adam was able to communicate to his wife what God told him. For you notice if you read on that when the evil one tries to persuade Eve to disobey God and ignore His command, Eve recites to the evil one verbatim exactly what God told her husband.

Now the evil one went to the woman first in order to create dissatisfaction in her role, in order to create confusion as regard to their role. For Adam was given the responsibility of leadership. He was given leadership responsibility in the garden. He was asked to name all the animals.

He was in charge of the garden. God created a helpmate for him, a woman, a woman over whom he is to spread his wings of love and protection, a woman over whom he is to support and to nourish and to take care of and to cherish, a woman over whom Adam is to express a loving tender relationship. But where was Adam when his wife fell?

Have you asked yourself that question? Where was he when Eve was tempted? Why didn't Adam exercise his God-given responsibility of leadership? What responsibility did he take when finally God confronted him with his sin?

None it would appear. Instead of leading, Adam was following. But even more devastating than this, he wouldn't admit that the buck stops with him. Adam abdicated his leadership responsibility. He blamed God for giving him the wife. It's the only time that God said it is not good when Adam was alone.

Everything in creation was great and God said it was good, it was good, it was good. With Adam when he was alone he said that is not good and therefore he gave him a gift, a gift of a woman. But Adam abdicated his responsibility. He blamed God for giving him that gift. Instead of correcting his wife, instead of leading his wife into repentance, he found a sorry excuse. Instead of saying honey, you remember what I told you God said?

He said let's try and see what it's like. And from creation on, there isn't a happy marriage anywhere where the husband abdicates his role of headship and leadership. I am yet to see one happy marriage where the husband is not exercising his headship in the home.

I am yet to see a happy marriage when the husband hides or shrinks from his responsibility as a priest of his house. For God created man to be the overall decision maker at the home, to be the head of the home, to be the priest of the home. And when the chips were down, God held Adam accountable. The New Testament writers held Adam accountable. Romans 5-12, Paul said therefore a sin came into the world through one man and death through sin and so death spread to all because all sin. Now this is not based upon a supposition that we should absolve Eve from her sin.

She too has sinned and therefore she too received the judgment of God. But God made Adam to be the head of the Adam family. God made Adam to lead his family. Not to follow. And God does not ask men to lead their homes, to lead their households, to exercise spiritual responsibility, to exercise moral decision making without giving them the wisdom to do it.

I believe that with all my heart. You see, when sin entered into the world, the roles were reversed. When sin entered into the world, man abdicated his responsibility.

Well, some of you are saying, okay, what kind of leadership are you talking about? I have to tell you honestly that this particular subject has been misunderstood for years, generations, for too long I believe. And society like all societies always swing from one extreme to the next. That's the way societies react. In the past, men have mistreated their wives. They have treated them as second class citizen. And men have interpreted leadership to mean dictatorship. And now we have swung to the other extreme in modern day. Men abdicated their God-given responsibilities. But let me tell you something.

Hear me right. Biblical headship in the home is innocent of both those things. Godly headship of the husband in the home results from the working of God in a man's life. Godly husbands lead his wives not by giving authoritative utterances, but by leading by what he is, not who he is, by what he is. You see, authority for the sake of authority may disclose an unreasonable, insecure husband who has to dominate in order to bolster his own ego. But Godly leadership is a man who speaks with spiritual authority and don't confuse spiritual authority with being authority on spiritual things.

Two are not the same. Spiritual authority reveals something about the inner life of the Godly man. Spiritual authority reveals the character of God as it is reflected and worked out and perfected in the life of the husband. And that is why Genesis 2 24 makes a statement that was repeated both by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the apostle Paul. He said, therefore a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh. It is the man, you notice, who leaves and cleaves. He is the one who shoulders double responsibility. And that's why the scripture said that in some mysterious way, that in some way that is beyond our comprehension, a husband's relationship to his wife, a husband's headship of his wife in the home, depicts Christ's relationship to the believers, to the church. Don't ask me to explain it.

It's a mystery. Now men, I know you're listening. God bless you for putting up with me. This is a solemn business. This is an incredible responsibility. And God knows I do not speak as a perfect husband, but I can tell you what the word of God said. If you turn with me to Ephesians 5 25, this very famous passage and the following verses, you will see exactly the responsibility that God put upon the husbands in the home. The scripture said a husband is to love his wife. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. One of you will ask, I said, wait a minute, is it the same quality of love?

Yes. That's a scary assignment, it is. I think for too long, we've taken marriage very lightly. But somehow God equipped men to live up to this calling. The calling of the headship in the home. How does Christ love the church? Well, look at the following verses. He gives himself up for her.

God's love is all sacrificing. Not a tinge of selfishness. Not a thought of me first. Not a word about being fulfilled first. Not a word about being tired of giving. Not a word about finding another woman and fleeing off the coop.

Not a word about if it doesn't work out, we can get a divorce. His love for the church is constant. It is willful love. It is determined love. His love for her is not dependent upon her feeling.

It is not dependent upon her mood. It is a constant love. His love for her is nourishing, is cherishing, is sustaining. But there's another thing about this Ephesians passage. In instructing husbands and wives, you will find in this passage none of the iffies. It doesn't say that if he loves you this way, you submit. It doesn't say if you submit, then love her as Christ loved the church. Now you must say, now wait a minute, this is a tall order. I know it is.

Can any husband live up to this? There's only one way in which this tall order can be fulfilled. It is through obedience to God and to his word. For I believe it is obedience that undergirds the very structure of the marriage. You see, the lines of authority all worked out from the day of creation. From the very fair pages of the scripture and they run straight through the scripture.

I don't understand how we can stumble over them. The man is responsible to God, not to his wife. And the wife is responsible in the Lord to her husband.

This is God's tendons, not man's. This is God's design, not society's. And when we obey it, we find fulfillment. When we obey it, the result is oneness, is peace, it's harmony, it is serenity.

But when we get it out of kilter, here begins our trouble. The one final instruction in the word of God that I want to share with you, the husband's. It's found in 1 Peter chapter 3, along with some good wisdom for wives as well. 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7. It says, live considerably with your wives, bestowing honor on them as the weakest sex.

Since you are joined heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers might not be hindered. You know what, I read that verse I don't know how many times. And in that one verse, there is enough practical wisdom to fill a counseling manual. Understanding and obeying this verse alone and make all the difference in a marriage. It gives a definition of what love is. Here's what the dictionary said. The dictionary defines the word considerate as being observant of the feeling of others.

Showing thoughtfulness and kindness. Being considerate doesn't mean that you will do all your wife's work. I'm not saying that.

Or it's going to say like modern society said, reverse your roles. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying become her helpmate.

No. But it means that you husbands will be sensitive to her needs of being appreciated. Of being sensitive to her need to be understood.

To being sensitive to her need for affection. It means that you will have a high degree of empathy about what her life is like. It means that you will not belittle her and you will not take her for granted. And that you will not abuse her. It means that you will act in honor toward her. You're going to act in honor toward her well-being as a person.

The gift of God that God has given you. Why is Peter saying that men ought to do this? Because husbands and wives together, he said, are heirs of grace together. Because of Christ's death, both together have received a joint inheritance. Not one piece here and one piece here, a joint inheritance. You share it together because you both are one. This leaves no room for selfishly grabbing for one's share of life's goodies.

Because God's kind of inheritance to the husband and wife are bound together in one inheritance. In oneness package of the grace of life. Can you imagine life without grace?

Without that special God-like touch? See, grace is bound in the character of God. The God who wants and does want to enrich us.

A God who does not deal with us according to our deserving. And Peter's saying, joint lives of the grace of life is that grace that comes to us because Jesus chooses to grace our homes with his presence. He is full of grace and truth. When he is made truly the head of the home, his character inflicts us. His life-giving spirit produces love, joy, peace.

Husband must be considerate to their wives. Why? Listen to what he said in that verse. He said, lest your prayers be hindered. God doesn't promise to answer the prayer of the disobedient. God doesn't promise to answer the prayer of the unjust. God doesn't promise to answer the prayer of the thoughtless. God doesn't promise to answer the prayer of the unfaithful. For it is only when the husband obeys God that the home goes the right way. And both husband and wife together have an opportunity to experience the happiness, the contentment, the harmony. Not going to experience perfection.

Don't misunderstand. We are living in sin where we are in the flesh and problems will always arise. But the overall picture is secure because it is founded upon obedience of men, of the priests of the home, of the heads of the home, to the word of God in loving their wives, in cherishing their wives and in nourishing their wives. Thank you for joining Leading the Way for a message from Dr. Yousef's series called God's Mandate for Christian Husbands and Wives. You can listen again at ltw.org or you can stream the message.

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