So here we go with devotional humor for August 20th, 2021, starting out with random Robbie ramblings. I lost my wife's audiobook and now I'll never hear the end of it.
My doctor's wisdom to a patient who insisted on closing up their own incision said suture yourself. My son asked me, Dad, are we pyromaniacs? My answer. Yes, we arson.
Are we our son depending on you? Look at that. The app that counts my steps asked me if I died. I sent 10 puns to a friend with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. But no pun intended.
Just so everyone's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene. When I told my contractor I don't want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stare.
I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find. Just saying, right? I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are.
And he replied, I'll be back. You know, the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raising awareness. Don't whine about the grape puns, by the way. And I do love this one.
If at first you don't succeed, well, then don't take up skydiving. So here's the real meaning of hotel descriptions. If it says old world charm, that means there's no bath. No extra fees means no extras. Nominal fee means outrageous charge. Standard is less than substandard. Deluxe means standard. Superior means one free shower cap. Cozy means small. All the amenity means all the amenities means two free shower caps. And plush means top and bottom sheets.
We have one called all talk. Eight year old Sally brought a report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, a teacher had written across the bottom. Sally's a smart girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I'm going to try, which I think may break her of the habit. Sally's dad signed a report card putting a note on the back.
Please let me know if your idea works on Sally, because I'd like to try it out on her mother. Here we have John the Baptist. So John, the youngest son of a Baptist minister, was in church one morning when he saw, for the first time, a baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning he proceeded to baptize, you guessed it, his three cats in the bathtub. The youngest kitten bored very well, so did the younger cat. But the old family tomcat rebelled. The old feline struggled with the boy, clawed and tore his skin, and finally got away. With a considerable effort, the boy caught the old tom again and proceeded with the ceremony.
But the cat acted worse than ever, clawing, spitting, scratching the boy's face. Finally, after barely getting the cat splattered with water, he dropped him on the floor in disgust and said, Fine, be a Methodist if you want. Here we have palm relief. Some botanists had just returned from an expedition to the South Pacific Islands, and were discussing their adventures with their colleagues back at the university where they taught.
What was the most exciting discovery you found there? Asked a fellow professor, one of them replied, The people native to one of the islands had discovered the most amazing cure for constipation. Using only the leaves of the local palm trees, they concocted a suppository which quickly cured the ailment. Another professor asked, A palm-leaf suppository?
Did it really work? Replied the botanist, Sure, with fronds like these, who needs enemas? Here we have the psychic and the frog. So a frog telephoned the psychic and is told, You're going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. The frog says, This is great. Will I meet her at a party or what? No, the psychic says, Next semester in her biology class. May not turn out too good for the frog. Thank you for listening to this week's devotional humor.
Whisper: medium.en / 2023-09-14 12:45:12 / 2023-09-14 12:47:24 / 2