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August 9, 2022 6:00 am
Welcome to the Kerwin Baptist Church broadcast our desire is for the word of God spread throughout all me know join is now for a portion of one of our services here at Kerwin Baptist Church located in Kernersville, North Carolina James chapter 1 were going to continue with our series on the family.
James chapter 1 in I guess even more specific on marriage for these next few services we started last week with God's design the way God designed this morning were to be speaking on the subject of God designed communication. If you have ever read any books on marriage.
If you've ever been any marriage counseling. If you've ever needed marriage counseling is one common theme that is always always the problem. It's the man know that sodomy there is one theme that is always the problem in its communication men hate that word women get frustrated with the word and but it is biblical and were going to deal with that this morning actually were going to do that this morning into night. The two-part message. I guess you would say on communication and marriage know me, let me say this right off the bat this morning. I know I'm doing what God asked me to do, but the fear sometimes is that some people can't attorney off. They think that their marriage is great or if they're not married or something like that is a why don't need this was to me, dear friend.
You need okay and I know this is what God has asked me to do and I believe here's why we been praying for revival.
We been dealing a lot with prayer, but I think sometimes that God can't do what he wants to do is look at me want to get this EE really can't work at church the way he wants to. And that's because we as families haven't allowed him to work in our homes or at each other, our marriages are back-and-forth or there is almost a nonexistent marriage is no all these things, which is against how God planned and then we want to come into church in the we want God to do something great. We walk away saying well.
The preacher didn't have it today will nothing happened today, and yet what's going on at home oftentimes stops what God wants to do a church. And so I just know this is exactly what God asked me to do and and some people say well bus got some orange on a written snort and let her have it.
Dear friends cannot tell you that that gets old. It was every service I've got to do what God has asked me to do and this is very important in it.
You are not the only ones that need this. I need this to and in studying on marriage and different things through God's word. It is helped me a lot. James chapter 1. Look at verse 19 and 20. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath notices for the wrath of man work. If not, the righteousness of God.
God here just gave us biblical communication. Three things we should be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath say will how to how does that equate to marriage what he meant. What were going to share that with you this morning before we pray, let me give you a question this morning. The real question is not whether or not were going to have conflicts in our marriage.
The real question is how are we going to settle the because conflicts will come. Father I pray that you would strengthen our church today by strengthening our marriages in our homes. What I believe that's the steps that we must take the Lord help me to have and portray a heart of love as we share these things from your work floor.
There's so much to share.
But Lord, I pray that you help us to do it in a fashion that would be easy to understand in your name we pray. Amen. Prof. H. W. Jernigan, who was a German sociologist ditto large study and I thought this was very interesting. He claims that married couples chat with one another 70 minutes a day in their first year marriage. This drops to 30 minutes a day in the second year and then it drops to 15 minutes a day in the fourth year of marriage. His research show that by the eighth year in the average marriage, a husband and wife typically share hardly any small talk and become nearly silent, with only necessary communication. Let me illustrate this way, have you ever been out to eat and looked over and saw a couple that obviously it lit.
It appeared as if they been married for a while I've ever just watched not try the AA by speedier because I'm sure it happens to a stupid average time of the disc on a sit look at MRI. Okay I'm not trying to. It happens to me to not know if any of you ever see me out eagerly watch you talk to Julie.
I know what you know why oftentimes there's just no communication. The fun of being with each other in the excitement of being with each other and in the communication that small talk.
Just not going on and and here's the problem.
Everybody needs that whether they admit it or not. And so what will often do is will find that in somebody else. When God designed it that you go on between the husband and the wife that communication may give you as this passage teaches us three points this morning and I want to listen really closely, you can number one you say how can I handle conflicts in my relationship.
How can I communicate through these things. Number one tune in tune in. The Bible says that we should be swift to hear quick to listen. Unfortunately, in marriage, we are often quick to argue and we are quick to give our point, but God here says that the way we are to handle conflicts is to be swift to hear, oftentimes we jump to conclusions before we listen to anything we want to make sure that we are heard but yet we don't seem to take time to hear what the other person has to say. Listen to me this morning when we listen, we encourage the other person to talk and you know that oftentimes a woman will say it does the marriage counseling which are not near as much for the Job done quite a bit of it, especially the past 34 years and and oftentimes wife will say we just don't talk to me and after that marriage counseling session. I know why he hadn't had the chance. And what I've often seen as she really does anyone know what he has to say. She's just mad that he will talk but you don't want to hear it anyway and I heard the same vice versa to see when you and I when we have a pattern of listening when we are all along. What are what are made in our partner sees that we're willing to listen and that we we were swift to listen to and we want to hear what they had to say that will in time encourage them to talk to you.
It will encourage them to communicate with you. Listen to me second when we when we listen helps us to understand the other person see a lot of times we see things only through our eyes in our mind. We just don't understand how anybody could feel any different way than I feel and you never will. If you don't hear what the other person thinks or says or how they see it. But oftentimes if we will listen to the other person. It helps us to understand them and helps us understand why their thinking what their thinking, by the way, when God gives us command. This is not just in marriage. This is in life we got it we gotta be swift to hear, by the way folks don't take everything you hear as face value when you got when it when they're individuals in a church that have a conflict. You better be careful to listen to one side, you better here. Everything you better not jump to a conclusion. Swift to hear me give you reasons why many of us don't listen in our marriages number one where defensive where defensive. A lot of times we just know there's a conflict. We feel like we've been attacked and we get defensive and we start automatically trying to defend ourselves and give our point.
All these things and the reason this is where defensive and dear friend. If you have a close marriage and where you have a marriage that communicate really have to drop that you have to be willing and open even if it hurts to hear what the other person as second not only sometimes we defensive.
But second, we assume we already know what they're going to say so we don't give them a chance to say and by the way, this is arrogant and III suffer from this am to be open and honest with you I suffer this, sometimes with my wife. I think sometimes I know her so well. I know exactly what she's going to say and you know what many times I'm right, I know exactly what she's going to say but the problem is there are numerous times where she's not going to say what I think she's going to say and she's not thinking what I think she's thinking she's thinking and saying something totally different in different a lot of times you and I don't listen because we think already know they're going to say no open our ears close our mouth and listen to what they have to say if I say amen third thing is this, oftentimes we don't listen because we're thinking about what were going to say next. Us men are bad about this yet is my say I was out of a see. The Bible says in the mouth of babes is wisdom. Oh, you know, oftentimes, when you're talking with your mate. You're not even listening to what they're saying while they're saying it, you're automatically rehearsing and getting in line what you're going to say next. It's like his chess match and dear friend listen to me. God says this, that if you're going to handle conflicts in your to stop this thing you're going to keep unity not only in interpreting a marriage you have to be swift to error. So how do we listen number one by observation. That means this, you listen not merely with your ears but you listen with your eyes and all the ladies in the church said those men like to look at the football game while you're talking sweetie, we need to talk okay and then I say, what did you hear what I said yeah origin may look yummy. This is this is not listening. This is listening looking at the eye to eye, listening to what they have to say. If you're like me, but they pick the worst times all men said. And if you're afraid you are just hit what to him pack sissies out there hello motor yeah whatever you come home you better work when you get finally get my recliner get that remove any of the working all day. That's what she wants to talk, you'll send the car drive 30 minutes you will say a word you get in front finally have a ball game a lot. She wants to talk know the Bible says it doesn't say be swift to hear when it's convenient.
It says swift to hear, that's communication you have to listen with observation that's with your eyes not your share. Second, you have to listen with concentration. That's how we communicate with concentration.
I need you have to focus on what the other person is saying with a submenu and are very good at looking listening and nothing's going on were just zoned out many of you ever watched TV show called Duck Dynasty and if you ever watch that you have and you need to. Everybody's little redneck influence in their life is one down there is, shows his wife and him talk on a boat, she just talking on modularity just on the boat and in the interview he says I just learned over the years men I can zoned her out like but you just said that on TV, of all things.
He said I just got Dragon just at once I yell, and he said I can just zone out and see just enough this to meet Phyllis.
That's funny, but you and I have to zone in not so now you and I have to concentrate on what they're saying you say preacher you go ahead. He only say something will wake you come to my office will she's left you when you go to my office when she found somebody that would listen artwork folks listen, I'm telling you what is biblical and we need to listen. Our marriages are ending left and right, it is because were not doing what the Bible simply says to do, but only by observation, not only by concentration but third we have to listen with consideration, that means if you have to think about the meaning behind the words that are said without jumping to a conclusion. Oftentimes wives will come and say I can't talk to my husband. It's not that he will listen to me. But as soon as I tell him how I feel. He just jumped into a tirade and says while you say that's not fair at all these things wasn't me fellas alive have to be able to say what she feels without being scared of your reaction is to be consideration was any consideration. It means that another person look at me. Everybody men and women. Other people are entitled to have their own opinion. Did you know that last by clarification.
That means this. You gotta think it through until you both get it straight means will something said and you don't fully understand talk about clarify. Make sure men make sure women that you understand what your husband are what your wife is trying to tell you I have been oftentimes they will.
She tells about me and I just can't put it all together. Does it it rambles it yet.
It just doesn't feel us men work on a black and white and we'll talk about that next Sunday we were speaking on God designed a difference in men or women are different chemically, physically, emotionally, were to go into all that. Next we need to be here because it's very informative and it's funny to you need to be here next week, but I want to get this is that oftentimes we as men when they say that we don't really get what we say we get it, and then two weeks later, we make the same mistake and the wife says I've called you that before and we say no you didn't forget. She did we just didn't understand.
We went on without making sure we understand men to get in trouble if you don't make sure you understand what she is saying or what she is trying to say. I have felt sometimes women will say one thing and they mean something totally different and there's no way anybody could've interpreted that, but you better if you know what's good for you. Number one, two in number two tone down Bible says that we should be swift to hear. Secondly, what slow to speak, marriages and verses this morning course universe. 19 obviously you can't get any clear that James Bonnie Regis in verse Proverbs chapter 10 verse 19 listen to me as I read him in the multitude of words there want to not sin but he that refrain of his lips is wise.
Proverbs 17 says he that hath knowledge.
Spare us his words. Proverbs 2123 who, so keep with his mouth and his tongue keep with his soul from troubles. Wow you don't want that ball from the frying pan. Keep your mouth shut.
Ecclesiastes 5 verse 20. Listen to this, be not rash with thy mouth.
Let not thine heart beat a hasty to other words as if it be not rash with thy mouth.
Let not thine heart be hasty to utter anything before God for God is in heaven.
And now upon, therefore, let thy words be few.
For a dream, for the multitude of business and a full voice is known by multitude of words did you get that all full voice is known by a multitude of words you want to find a full find somebody you just can't shut their mouth that preachers meet at her with no I'm not just telling you the Bible you know that as husbands and wives there some destructive games we play, and I want to give them to you this morning. Number one this I got what I would call we become the judge what you pay attention want to listen us. We become the judge what is that mean means we ask that we we act and we blame our mate.
Oftentimes, when it comes to communication between a husband and wife one or the other becomes the judge we blame them. This is all your fault. It's as if you're passing the sentence. It's as if everything is according to you it's as if you have the power to pass a sentence over everybody in the marriage.
We become the judge second. Sometimes we become the professor and that means this we act superior. We act as if we know more than they know it, even when they're trying to tell us their feelings we have this look on our faces. If you know you're talking but you don't understand any of her experience that when you're trying to tell somebody they say they want to hear you're trying to talk to and you can tell by their look that they think they know more than you and it already.
While you're talking you can just feel that they just think you're so much smarter. Number three. We become a psychologist and that means that we assume that we understand everything before the other person doesn't reanalyze that we tell them why they have all these problems and we let them know. This is why you be this way. This wire this way sweetheart.
This is why you're this way wife. This is why you're this way. Husband let me tell you why is as if we become a psychologist for we become a historian. We keep a record we bring up everything when it's convenient for us.
It's amazing how we can bring up things from years ago when it's in our favor, but the other things that are in their favor. We can't remember for the life of us, for we become the dictator means we want to rule we want to show that we're in charge. We automatically assume, yeah, that's what men do hold on.
That's what women do a lot to they want to let the husband thereby know the house who's in charge losing control with a something I'll call the shots around here. Now they won't say that publicly, but that's exactly the way it is.
Six. We become the critic we compare our mate with other people. We begin to critique what you're not in it.
I'll wait here and there. Not a good husband like so-and-so is with his wife, so-and-so got her this so-and-so got her that so-and-so provided her with this menu manner like will so-and-so's wife. She could visit, she did visit what she does for him every day. You know this, we become the critic and what were doing is instead of edifying.
By the way the Bible says that we are not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, not just to be together for the use of fine edification where here to learn more here to grow and oftentimes when we get with each other as husband and wife were supposed to build each other about what we do is we tear each other down thinking that will bill the other person when you tear somebody down. It stays that way. Last we become the preacher we act holier than thou boy I've seen people do this. I've seen him do it in my office is like all of a sudden somebody that is as carnal as they get. Also new start having marriage problems boy though act like they're just the most spiritual person this side of heaven with a some friends is nothing but hypocrisy cannot say is your me to come to your marriage. You better not be the judge. You better not be the professor you better not be the psychiatrist you better not be the historian you better not be the dictator he better not be the critic you better not be the preacher you want to just be quick to listen, slow to speak early this morning. Not only should we tune in tone down but third we need to lighten up Bible says slow to wrath the Bible is a fee. It's amazing.
Ephesians 4 2600 this.
Do you know the verse be angry and sin not let not the sun go down upon your wrath. You know that verse does not say not to be angry that verse says be angry and sin not the verse never says it's a sin to be angry just as be angry and sin not what how can you be angry and not sin well is very easy. Number one, you have to be angry for the right reasons means this year only angry at the sin, not the person.
Why do you think Jesus when he turned over the tables in the moneychangers, look at me Jesus when he showed his anger had the right reason to be angry. They had perverted the use of the temple, but at me. Dear friends, is not what is not wrong to be angry when we are angry at the right things when you're angry for the right reasons not wrong. Second, you gotta be angry at the right things, not the center but the sin oftentimes you know what women say the mistaken people sometimes think you know Christians that use that term lightly but Christians are just a bunch of crazies you know why because so-called Christians have bombed abortion clinics in different things like enemy that's wrong you know why because were mad at the sin of abortion.
We don't go kill innocent people because of it. You got it does not wrong to be angry abortion because that's against the Bible.
What's wrong is if we let that anger causes to do something is not right so we can be angry and sin not for things as you gotta be angry in the right way.
That means this our anger should move us to do something right about the situation not wrong. You know what if you're angry about abortion. Don't go blow up a bunch of clinics that's obviously ridiculous, it's wrong. That's against the Bible as much as abortion is. But if you're if you're angry about it.
Get out do something about get out help in a crisis pregnancy center help volunteer educate some some some young pregnant women about the dangers and what the Bible has to say and do something right about it. That's how we can be angry and not sin. You know that's what marriage is all about. We gotta be slow to be angry if there's problems in our marriage. We can't take it out on our life and we can take it out on her husband hit auto move is to do something right about it not something wrong about stories told the little boy sitting on his front steps with his face, cradled in his hands looking horribly depressed. His dad came home and saw many asked him what was wrong.
The little boy looked up and said we'll just between us dad, I'm having trouble getting along with your wife to one of the biggest problems in marriage is just getting along.
God handles this with this slow to wrath means to take a lot to get you upset sometimes it didn't take much this would give you couple things this morning were not far from being done if you have an uncontrolled temper number one.
The Bible says that that means you are very foolish. Ecclesiastes 79 says be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry, for anger rested in the bosom of fools. If you have an uncontrolled temper means your foolish number two. The Bible says that means you're very weak in character. Proverbs 1632 he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that rule is his spirit than he that taketh a city proper 2922 and angry man starts up strife in a furious man abounded in transit Russian dear friend, you and I got to realize that we ought to be humble enough to the point that we would be willing to admit that I have not been treating my husband or my wife right that I have been bursting and screaming and hollering and losing my temper and you know why instead of trying to argue the point of why you lost her temper and is trying to be the critic and the professor and a psychiatrist and trying to throw the blame of you losing your temper on your May ourselves enough to know I got a problem I gotta fix with God's help I can get victory over this Bible says slow to wrath, to give you some advice this morning when you have a disagreement only give you three things. This is free right the rest. You owe me, but this is free when you have a disagreement number one have it at the right time have it at the right time, don't do it before meal don't do before social event. Don't do it all the way to church.
We all are that heavenly and you fight like a cat and dog: the parking lot come out hey brother or sister in Christ, how are you in just a wife or she goes a Sunday so yeah those kids shouldn't see like why you know dad just let mom. She just poked him in the eyes.
Another hug and a kiss and in the foyer. Kids know what's really happened all day.
Number one have it at the right time. Number two. If you have a disagreement habit in the right tone keyboard soft and sweet as you might have to eat them like I may have thought about this for but this is just free advice. There is a certain level of volume in a person's voice.
When you are a husband or wife and you get above that that person no longer is listening to what you're saying there listening to how you said it, and you are doing no good because even if you're making a good point.
You're knocking to make that point because your screaming because your hollering. Thank you for listening to you receive the blessing from our broadcast. The current Baptist Church is located at 4520 Old Hollow Rd. in Kernersville, NC. You may also contact us by phone at 33699351924 Kerwin Baptist Church.com enjoy our services live all Armenian on her website and church. Thank you for listening. Kerwin broadcast God bless you