Kerwin Baptist Church Daily Broadcast

Welcome to the Kerwin Baptist Church broadcast today. Our desire is for the Word of God to be spread throughout the world so that all may know Christ.

God designed it. I wanted to read this to you. The man answered, the words were, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Barna Research Company, I was looking up some statistics for this series, and it says that divorce in the church is just as common as outside the church. In the church, 33% divorce rate of marriages. Outside the church, it's a 34% divorce rate. Also, it says that the south is second in the nation in divorce. The south has a divorce rate of 35% just behind the west, which has 38% divorce rate. And leading, the midwest, which was 32%, and the northeast at 28%. Another striking percentage for us as Baptists is that we lead the nation's major denominations in divorce.

Did you know that? The divorce rate is this. We are at 29% as Baptists. Protestant churches overall is only at 25% divorce rate. The divorce rate among generations is a bit of a surprise, too. But in 73 years of age and older, it's 18% divorce rate. In what we would call the home builders, the 53 to 72 range, it's 37% divorce rate. You realize between the ages of 53 and 72, one-third of all marriages are in divorce. The baby boomers, which would be obviously in the mid-age range, is 34% divorce rate. What does this say about marriages in America?

It tells me they're in trouble. And unfortunately, can I say this, that marriages in church are in big trouble. Divorce is just as common in church as it is out of church. You might say, Preacher, I'm sitting here this morning. I've been divorced. Oh, good gracious, no. Listen, dear friend, God can use you and God can do mighty things in your life.

What I'm interested in right now is if you're married right now, I want to keep that together. And that's God's design. And we want to deal with that this morning as we begin this series for the next few weeks, hopefully leading up to our revival period. 1 Peter 3, look at verse 1, if you will. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives, while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair and of wearing of gold and of putting on of apparel, but let it be the hidden man of the heart, and that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. And after this manner, in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in God adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. And notice he gives us an illustration here, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are as long as ye do well and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. The most important thing in all seven of these verses is the last phrase in verse 7.

Preacher, why is it important that we've got to do things the way the Bible says to do it? The last phrase in verse 7, that your prayers be not hindered. Father, I pray you'd bless this series, bless this message today. Lord, begin a work in some of our marriages and in our homes. Lord, as over these next weeks we deal with marriage and raising children and living as a family on the whole and our relationship with the church, Lord, I pray that you'd bless and that you'd work and help folks to understand that your word is not here to offend, although it does. Your word is here to instruct. So, Lord, help us to have open hearts and open minds. In your name we pray. Amen.

Can I say this? I don't know of any instance in my life where I've ever seen anybody that regretted doing things God's way. Let me give you, by way of introduction, as he brought up Abraham and Sarah in these verses. I want to give you some of the marital problems that were rampant in Abraham and Sarah's day. In other words, let me tell you some challenges. Many people say, well, back in those days we don't have what we have now and, you know, there's a lot of things that tear on a marriage and work on a marriage. There's a lot of things that make it difficult today. Back in Abraham and Sarah's day, man, they didn't have TV and they didn't have cars and they just stayed at home and they did this and they did that and there wasn't as much connecting with people and I understand all that, but there were also some challenges in their day. Number one was this, they were constantly on the move. Do you know that Abraham and Sarah, they weren't really able to put down roots till later in their life.

They were constantly on the move, sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of necessity, and there was a constant struggle. So imagine as a wife if you never got to lay down any roots and you never got any stability and you were constantly on the move as they were in those days. Secondly, I notice is this, that there was a lot of infidelity, even in this marriage.

And in those days there was a lot of infidelity, there was a lot of things and just like there is today and there's adultery and fornication that occurs and that happens the same thing nowadays too, but it happened in these days also. The third thing is a blended family. Do you know that nowadays we get married and a lot of times a husband and wife get married, they'll move to a different state or whatever the case might be. Not me, I love my in-law so much I moved right next door to them. It's because I love my mother-in-law so much. We are this close, we really are.

I'm just picking. Do you know back in those days when you married the wife you literally married the family. I mean you stay put right there, you would join families, you would join properties many times. Blended families were difficult, you don't think, you think it was easy getting married and many times a lot of family members would move in with them automatically, which still happens sometimes nowadays. There was frustrated dreams, there was a lot of things that they had planned and wanted but your life was dictated. When you got married, I mean your life was one thing and back in those days many times that marriages were arranged and you didn't even have the choice and there was a lot of challenges at marriage back in Bible days.

I want you to notice the first thing that I see in this passage and there's two major things we're going to deal with today. Number one, God's design for the wife. Look at what we read in chapter three, look at verse one if you will. Likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.

Notice that word own. Now I'm not going to get off on my little tangent but far be it that a wife should be more obedient to a boss, more respectful to a boss, more kind and more sweet and more serving to a boss than they are to their own husband. The Bible says that wives would be in subjection to their own husbands. Notice this, that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chase conversation. Number one, I noticed under God's design for the wife that there was to be an attitude of submission. An attitude of submission.

Number one, ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands. Now I did not say the act of submission. I said the attitude of submission. Wives, may I challenge you this morning that much of submission is not just the acting of it, it's the attitude involved in it. Attitude is everything, isn't it?

And what I hear says his design was that there would be an attitude. You say how do you get that out of it? What does he say in verse two? Your chased conversation.

That word conversation means way of life, your behavior. And what he's saying is this, my design for the wife is that she would have an attitude of submission to her husband. That she would be in subjection to him. And what would happen is even if this husband was not a believer, and even if he would have no respect for the word of God, verse one says, he would have no respect for his wife's behavior. And the Bible says that God could win that husband not necessarily through the word, but by the behavior of the wife.

An attitude of submission. Let me read you another verse if I could. First Corinthians chapter 11 verse 3 says, but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God. Look at me.

That means this. God is over the man. Man is over the wife. Look at me wives, everybody says well that's just not fair. Why do I have to submit to him? Well let me tell you the way God's kind of had mercy on you, the man has to answer to God. You're in subjection to the man. If you do something, the man has a greater responsibility. The man will answer directly to God for how he treats you. You will answer to God for how you treat your husband. An attitude of submission.

Now listen to me, I know this isn't popular nowadays. And there's always instances where there's some idiot husband, excuse the expression, treats his wife like a dog. You know always picking, always this, and just being a jerk, and then he looks around and expects her, why don't you submit? And by the way usually a husband that looks at a wife and accuses her of not being submissive is that kind of husband. Because a husband that loves his wife as Christ loved the church isn't going to even accuse her of that. But if you're accusing you better be careful because if you're accusing her of that, you're assigned that you're not being the right type of husband that's easy for her to submit to. Can I have an amen right there ladies?

Okay, just want to make sure we're all on the same page. God's design was an attitude of submission for the wife. Second, I see an adornment of serenity. An adornment of serenity.

Look at verse 3, if you would. Who's adorning? What does that mean? That means the way you put a package together. It's the way you present yourself.

It's the emphasis that you put on certain things. Who's adorning? Let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair. And of wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel. Now I always have people say, yeah see right there, you're not supposed to fix your hair up, you're not supposed to wear jewelry, you're not supposed to wear makeup. Wait a minute, he also says, or putting on of apparel. We're going to be biblical.

What, are they supposed to go around naked? Then we got more problems, don't we? Now the wear and the ring is the least of our problems. Listen to me, what God is saying here, and you all know this, is God is saying that God's design for the woman is that the outward beauty wouldn't necessarily be her top priority.

Although it should be a priority. The inward man, he says in this verse, should be the top priority. Notice what he says, I want you to look very carefully at this. Look at verse 4, but let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a what? Meek and quiet spirit. So what God designed for a woman is that she would have the adornment of serenity, a meek and quiet spirit. Now don't think I'm some male chauvinist up here, you're saying, oh well, listen, did God say that or not? Okay, God said it, let's not argue over whether, God said it so we have to believe it, now it's my job to just share it and teach it. What God is saying is this, that a woman should not be the one that is trying to take over the man, she ought to have a meek and quiet spirit. And that ought to be her top priority over the outward appearance. Wow, this isn't popular at all, is it?

I should have done this on Wednesday nights. This is going nowhere fast. Okay, well why is that important? Look at verse 4, the very last phrase of verse 4. Which is in the sight of God of great price. Ladies, look at me, God says this, let me tell you what means a lot to me is when you have a meek and quiet spirit. God says that's valuable.

That's valuable. So you can argue all you want, get mad at all you want, but we're talking about what God designed and what God thinks is valuable. And God said, let me tell you something, as far as how you look and how you decorate yourself, that really doesn't mean a whole lot to me, God says. What I think is valuable is when a woman has a meek and quiet spirit in a chaste conversation.

That's the way God designed it. Let me show you what else I see here is that not only an attitude of submission, not only a dormant of serenity, but third, an affirmation of speech. Look at verse 6. Even as Sarah, notice this, obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. What does affirmation mean? It means that you build up the other person. And what God said that Sarah did is that she submitted to him as Lord, but she called him Lord.

She obeyed, she called him Lord. And wives, look at me, what God designed is for you to build up that husband. Because whether he wants to tell you and admit to you or not, and whether you as a wife realize it or not, husbands need that. They need the wife to build them up. They need the wife to affirm them, to let them know, to feel secure that, you know what, I appreciate you, I respect you.

You've been a good man, a good husband. What do wives often do? They tear them down. And as they tear them down, then they say, well, look, he doesn't even do this.

Well, who would after being torn down for years? Wives, if you want your husband to be a better man or be a better provider, or whatever the case might be, it's not going to happen by you tearing him down, telling him how much he's not a provider. What's going to happen is if you start building him up and bragging on him, letting him know that you love him, that would make him want to do more. You don't, listen, don't waste your time watching these sitcoms where you've got a sarcastic wife and, you know, all the time in sitcoms the man is either some pervert or some whipped puppy. And the wife has a sarcastic, loud mouth, putting down everybody, kids, everybody else, and everybody thinks that's so funny.

Look at me. God doesn't think that's funny. God said that a wife is supposed to build her husband up.

Call him Lord. Fourth thing I see is accommodating service. Verse 5 and 6, it says, For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adored themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are. Notice this, as long as ye do well. So that means God's design for the wife is that she would do something.

What is that? Accommodating service. We find, and we're going to show you here in Genesis in just a few minutes, that God's design for the wife is to be a keeper at home. It doesn't mean that a wife can't work a job. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that if you have to do that, I'm saying that I think that God says that the woman should be the keeper at home. The man is to be the provider. God's Word doesn't mean men that we can't vacuum the floor every once in a while and wash the dishes and change some diapers. I mean, I'm going to tell you something. The generation before me, men didn't hardly change diapers. In this generation, you better. You better. If you want supper, you better.

There needed to be accommodation of service. A couple sat down to eat their first meal as newlyweds. The wife said, Today I learned how to make meatloaf and banana pudding. The husband looked at his plate and he said, That's wonderful, honey.

Which one is this? Dr. Howard Hendricks said that people get married with a picture in their minds of a perfect marriage. Then after a few trials, they discover they aren't married to a perfect picture, but an imperfect person.

When this realization occurs, Dr. Howard Hendricks says they will either tear up the mental picture that they had or they will tear up the person. That means that we have this picture of what we think marriage and what we think life's supposed to be and what we think our wives should do and what we think our husbands should do. And then we get married and we find that we're all just imperfect human beings.

And one of two things is going to happen. We're going to get rid of this mental picture that we had our little dream world and we might operate and say, All right, Lord, thank you for what you've done and operate on it. Or we're going to spend our life trying to change that other person into what we want. That's why we have one out of three marriages in churches divorcing.

Because we've not done it the way God designed it. All right, ladies, you're done. It was rough, wasn't it? All right, men, I got a whole long list for you. Second, in this passage, I see God's design for the husband. Look at verse seven. So it was just one verse. Hold on. Likewise, ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. Now, if you can hold your place there, you've got to see this real quickly. It will be done in just a little bit. I want you to look at Genesis chapter two.

You've got to hold your place there. I want you to look at Genesis chapter two, if you would, because you've got to see this. Genesis chapter two, we're going to deal with these chapters later in the weeks ahead. But I want you to notice verse 15 of Genesis chapter two. The Lord God took the man and put him into what? The Garden of Eden to what?

Dress it and keep it. Now, who did this? God did this. God, the Bible says, took the man. God put him where he designed him to be. And so God basically gives us here his design for the husband, for the man. Number one, he is to be provider. What did God say? God put him in the garden to keep it and to dress it.

Number one, dress it. What does that mean? Well, this word dress in the Hebrew means to cultivate. It means that God told Adam, you go out, you dig the dirt, you put in the seed, you work hard, you sweat, you provide, you grow, you get the food for your family.

The husband is to be the provider. You say, well, I don't agree with that preacher. Let me read you another verse. First Timothy chapter five, verse eight says, But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Any questions? God says if you don't provide for your own family, you're worse than an infidel. I don't find anywhere in God's word where God gives any room for lazy men. And usually the complaining men are lazy men.

Because when they're out working hard, they don't have time to complain. They just want that recliner or that bed. And that remote, amen?

Yeah. He's supposed to be provider. That means this, men, we are to provide their physical needs, their spiritual needs, and their emotional needs. We are to provide. You see, for some reason, a lot of men think, well, bless God, I've worked so-and-so hours a week, I put food on the table, I gave her a house, she ought to be happy. Listen, you provided money, and you provided food. But God says we're to provide more than that. See, men think, well, I provided. Well, you haven't provided for her emotionally. And you haven't provided for her spiritually.

Your job's not done. That means, men, we're not just supposed to go out and work and put food on the table and pay bills. We're supposed to love our wife. We're supposed to take care of them. We're supposed to provide. When they need comfort, we're to provide comfort. When they need help, we're to provide help. When they need encouragement, we're to provide encouragement. When they have emotional, spiritual needs, we are to provide that.

We are to be the provider. Dr. Adrian Rogers, in one of his books, I was reading one time, and I wrote these seven things down because I thought this was very intriguing. He said there are seven emotional needs that a wife has that a husband should fulfill. And I wrote these down, not knowing that I'd ever pastor, but I want to give you these seven things.

I thought this was really good. Number one, he said that husbands need to provide stability and direction from a spiritual leader. A husband needs to give his wife stability and direction.

He needs to be the spiritual leader. That means this, in a world of chaos, a wife should have a husband that's stable. In a world of things that change, a wife should have a husband that has direction, he has stability, and he is the spiritual leader of the home. Unfortunately, many times in church, the wife's the spiritual leader.

And I'm here to tell you the Bible says the husband's supposed to be the spiritual leader, and I'm going to prove that even more later. Secondly, he says that a wife should be provided with this. The husband should make her know that she alone is meeting the needs of her husband.

A wife needs that. A wife needs to know from her husband that his needs are being met by her and her only. Wife, let me say this, if you really want your husband to feel that, then you need to meet those needs. A wife wants to hear sometimes, I'm the only one meeting my husband's needs, but then they don't want to meet those needs. So you need to meet those needs, and then husband, you need to make your wife know that she is meeting those needs, and only her. Third, a wife needs to know that her husband delights in her. Men, does your wife know that you delight in her?

You say, preacher, what does that mean? You know what I mean. Does your wife know that she's your life? That you love being with her? Some of you say, well, how do I make her know that without that actually being the case? Fourthly, I better get off that, a wife needs to know that her husband enjoys setting aside quality time for her. A wife, men, does not need to think that you are reluctantly giving her some time because you know you have to.

Well, you are killing yourself, and you're killing her. A wife needs to know that you want to take time just for her, to talk. Some of you men are like, yuck! To talk. Any of you ever been to any marriage seminars, they'll say, now listen, you need to look at each other, and you need to stare into each other's eyes, just for a little bit, just look at each other, then you need to talk.

I don't know about you, it doesn't happen that way at our house. If we get the chance to even look at each other in their eyes, one of us is dozing off immediately while three kids are crying. Listen, I know how life can get, but husbands, your wife needs to know that you want to spend time with her. And she needs to know that you plan that. And that you put job, and golf, and hunting, and fishing, and other things secondary to her.

And all God's people said. Fifthly, he said that the wife needs to know that the goal of her husband is to protect her in all areas. Husbands, we don't get this sometimes.

We'll say, you weren't even in danger, it wasn't that big of a deal. But she has to know from us that she's protected, and that we're going to protect her, and that our whole makeup is wired around the fact I'm going to protect you, even from yourself, even from people, from problems, I'm going to protect you. You say, preacher, I can't protect her from everything, you're right. But she needs to know you're giving everything you can to do it. Sixth thing is that her husband, she needs to know that her husband is aware of her presence even when he is doing other things.

Now this was a big one for me. My wife needs to know, look at me men, I'm going out playing golf with the guys. When I go out and play golf with the guys, my wife still needs to know that I'm thinking about her, even when I'm out playing golf with the guys. Now I'm not trying, I've got a whole bunch of problems, but I find just the way our marriage is, we don't really get a lot of time, we try, we carve it out, whatever, with kids and baby and health problems and all this stuff right now, we just can't. But I find that even when I go play golf or even when I go do something, I miss her.

And there's been a couple times I've been out playing golf or something, I'll text her and I'll say, I miss you so much. Thank you for listening today. We hope you received a blessing from our broadcast. The Kirtland Baptist Church is located at 4520 Old Hollow Road in Kernersville, North Carolina. You may also contact us by phone at 336-993-5192 or via the web at kirtlandbaptistchurch.com. Enjoy our services live and all our media on our website and church app. Thank you for listening to the Kerwin broadcast today. God bless you.