Healing Broken Hearts

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Now, the Devil's Nightmare. Welcome back to another episode of It's Time to Man Up. Welcome back to the Man Up show, your host, Nikita Kolod. And, mental illness is a major issue in today's society, and I'm excited to have with me today to answer some of your questions that you may have had, or maybe provoke some thoughts you hadn't thought about. And with me today, the Vice President of American Association of Christian Counselors, Zach Clinton.

Zach, welcome to the Man Up show. Nikita, thank you so much for having me, my friend. It is always a blessing every time we have the opportunity of interacting. Well, you know, we were introduced just not long ago, I guess a while back, by a mutual friend, someone by the name of Stu Epperson Jr.

Yes, sir. And although our meeting was brief, I was excited to hear about what it is you do, and certainly we want to talk about that today. I was looking at your website, Growing Stronger Every Day, the world's premier and largest faith-based mental health organization. But before we jump into all that, Zach, I always like to give our listeners a little back story on who Zach Clinton is. Tell us a little bit, tell us about yourself, your family, where you're living, and start there.

Absolutely, sir. Well, thank you again just for having me on the show, and thank you for the question. So again, I grew up, born and raised here in Lynchburg, Virginia, central Virginia, right outside actually Liberty University, which a lot of the listeners may be familiar with. But as you mentioned, I had the opportunity of serving as the Vice President of the American Association of Christian Counselors, which actually was an organization that my dad came alongside of a guy named Gary Collins. They were able to start this kind of together way back in the day over 35 years ago, and my dad just felt called into this line of ministry. He actually went to school to be a pastor. My grandfather was a pastor of three kind of country rural churches up in the hills of central Pennsylvania, so that's where my dad got it from. But then he got steered in a different direction as God kind of led him. God placed some mentors, some different men of faith in his life that kind of guided him in this pioneering effort of Christian psychology, and really kind of just sparked him with this interest of AACC.

And so my dad ran with it. I've been blessed of just kind of growing up being surrounded by it my entire life, and just seeing what counseling is all about, seeing what good godly mentorship and just counsel, and just seeing the benefits and also the positive effects of it on just countless lives. And so that's how I got interested in Christian counseling to begin with, but also beyond AACC and my role there. I also get the opportunity of serving as our host and president of our Ignite Men's Impact Weekend and our men's ministry, which is kind of a branch of our event sector that we host here out of AACC. And then my mother, she's been in ministry my entire life too. She hosts the sister ministry of Ignite, which is called Extraordinary Women.

And so she travels the country hosting events just like Ignite, but they're two-day events where there's a Friday night and all day Saturday type of thing. She brings in women from all over the country to come and speak and give testimonials and just spark some encouragement, hope and motivation and into the life of every person and every attendee that shows up there. And then also on top of that, I have the opportunity of interviewing several just incredible mental health, motivational ministry and professional athletes all throughout my Built Different podcast campaign, which is the official podcast of us here at AACC.

I had you on the show not too long ago, cannot wait to release that episode. And then finally, I'm finishing up my doctoral degree in counselor education and supervision from Liberty University. And before any of that, I get the opportunity of being the husband to my incredible wife and my best friend, Evelyn James. So that's a little bit more about me. I love counseling. I love God. And I love sports. And I love intersecting all three. That's amazing.

That's a that's a that's a plateful right there. You know, you got a lot going on. And I mean, just the family lineage, the family history. And, you know, you mentioned Lynchburg, Virginia, Zach. It brings back memories for me even back to my wrestling days. I don't know. I don't know that I asked, but were you a wrestling fan at all, a professional wrestling fan at all, grown up or not even familiar with it? I'm just curious because I hadn't asked.

So I'll be completely honest. I was not the biggest wrestling fan. I was big into football, basketball and baseball. But I had a buddy of mine.

Shout out to my friend Spencer Shock. He was the biggest professional wrestling fan. So like he was a huge fan of yours.

He would die to know that I was having a conversation with you right now. Well, you know, Lynchburg, I'm reminded I don't I don't even know if it's still there. You may or may not know, but we used to wrestle at the Lynchburg Armory. And here's what I remember about the Lynchburg Armory.

Well, this is early in my career there. We eventually, I think, went to maybe another building or two. But the Lynchburg Armory, it always seemed like there was about 12 people in the audience. Right. And in the really early days, like and it was the oldest building, I think, probably in the city, at least it seemed like it. Right. I always we always questioned and whether and wondered whether it'd still be standing the next time we came to town, you know, but, you know, for real. Right. So anyway, that's maybe not the fondest memory of Lynchburg, but but but in those early days, we actually saw, you know, you mentioned Liberty University saw it grow and grow and grow and grow and grow.

Of course, over those years. But well, I was I was just curious. And I realized this. Not everyone is a wrestling fan. It's almost funny when I run into people who aren't they're almost apologetic.

And I'm like, ah, it's OK. You don't have to apologize. I get it. I get it. Now, not everybody's a fan.

There are some closet fans, but I get it. You know, so that's right anyway. Well, you so you've got a lot going on.

So so you got to be. So how long have you been married to your beautiful bride there? Then married to her for just over two years. We celebrated our two year anniversary, September the 5th. And so it has been it's been such a blessing, Nikita.

And she is such a gift. And it's amazing just to have a partner in crime just to do life with and just every day being intentional about loving each other. For me, as the man in our relationship, just being intentional about leading my wife in the most effective way and also loving her as Christ loved the church, which is with a very sacrificial and a unconditional type of love.

It takes intentionality, it takes investment and it takes taking the initiative each and every day. But it's something that, you know, I'm very excited that I get to step up to the challenge every day to do well. And you boy, you just set a mouthful there for for all of our listeners and especially those who who are married or maybe those aspiring to to one day want to be married. And what you said, Zach, really kind of ties in with, you know, with with my heart, with with man, with man and men's ministry and challenging men to, you know, use the word lead. Right. And because I'm always thrown out there, you know, being a servant leader.

Right. For these men to be, you know, godly men at the at the foundation. But then, you know, godly husbands and godly fathers and and for me, hopefully a godly grandfather, you know, that I'm modeling that to my grandchildren. And and so, you know, on that note, you know, what have you found to be most effective when it comes to serving your wife? You know, Nikita, when it comes to serving my wife, the greatest, I would say, marital advice I was ever given before it even started was by a friend of mine who's a pastor at Woodland Hills Family Church in Branson, Missouri.

His name is Ted Cunningham. He was sitting down with me one day and we were just chatting about marriage, going into it and how to be the most effective and just, you know, the best, like you said, steward of just the gift that marriage is from God. And as we were sitting there, he said that if you can remember this, I think it's going to set up your marriage for success rather than setting it up for failure every day. He said what's natural early on needs to be followed by intentional later on to feel natural again. When you when you get into a relationship or when things are, you know, going really, really well, it's easy, Nikita. I mean, it's natural, right?

It's a natural feeling, but naturally those feelings begin to sometimes wear off the more time you spend together, the more challenges you endure together. And so rather than just relying on what feels natural, we have to take the initiative of being intentional to make sure that we are actually coming alongside of stewarding and loving our lives in the most effective ways possible. So that way, one day it could actually feel natural again.

How do I do that? My wife and I, we focused on three things, and this is some more further advice from Pastor Ted. He said, take a daily delay so every day take 15, 20 minutes where you just connect. No distractions, no devices. Just be able to sit down with one another, have a conversation, get to know one another.

I always say this. I never want to find out everything there is to know about my wife. Like I always want to be learning her.

I don't want to act like or just assume that I know everything about her. I want to ask more questions. I want to be more empathetic.

I want to get to know her every day. Number two, after the daily delay is a weekly withdrawal, getting outside of our typical routine or our typical rhythm to get outside of the house. Have a date night. Prioritize those things. Make sure that my wife is my main ministry and not my job or not my calling or not my vocation, but my relationship with her.

And then lastly is an annual abandon, which is just like getting out of the state, going on a vacation, just the two of us taking adventures together. I have found those three things I really believe have helped enhance and strengthen our marriage beyond anything else. Wow.

Okay. So pause right there because I want our listeners, man, you gave some really rich, valuable stuff right there when it comes to marriage and relationships. I was actually taking what I call copious notes, Zach, as you're talking.

I'm like, man, there's some really good stuff right here. You know, you used the word intentional, which is really good, you know, because when we do our camps and even at our conferences, but especially at our camps, when guys come down to the man camp, one of the words, one of the key words I'm constantly saying is, hey, be intentional today. Like when you go out for your devotional time, be intentional. You know, really hone in, you know, dial in on what you're reading or, you know, your conversation with the Lord out there today or whatever else it is we're doing, right?

You know, some outdoor activities, some team building, different things. So be intentional. But I like them and daily delay.

That's really cool. Take a daily delay, you know, 15, 20 minutes, right? Just sit down one on one. Here you go.

Can I add, set the phones aside? Exactly. Exactly.

That's right. No distractions, no devices. No distractions, no devices. I like that too. I'm going to write that down.

No distractions and no devices. And then, you know, the outside, I think you said the outside routine, right? Like a weekly date or just something out of the ordinary, right? That's right. A weekly withdrawal is what we call it.

Weekly withdrawal. Man, that's good. And where, again, where you can just spend some quality time together, just focusing on each other, right? That's right. That's exactly what it is. And then that last piece, like you mentioned, is that annual abandon.

Or you can even reference it and call it an annual adventure. Just getting away and doing something fun together. That's what, you know, I sit down as a counselor with a lot of marriages who are on the rocks, a lot of people who have gone through some really difficult times, Nikita. And sometimes they just have to realize that, yes, like marriage takes work. Relationships take work. They take effort. They take intentionality. Of course they do.

Anything worth value in this life comes with the cost. But they also need to be fun. Like we have to keep them light.

We have to keep them airy. We have to go out and do something adventurous together. We have to understand that we're on the same team. And when we recognize that, you know what, we're on the same team with the same mission, with the same goal, trying to move in the same direction together, that's when good things can actually begin to happen again.

This is the story of his newly updated life story, A Tale of the Ring and Redemption. Go to www.colof.net and donate today. Would your company, business, or you personally like to partner with me in supporting Koloff for Christ Ministries, the Man Up Show, and Man Up Minutes? Go to www.coloff.net and click the donate button.

You can give monthly, annually, or one time. God bless you for making a difference around the world. Many people often ask me, is Nikita Koloff your real name? Well, I have news for you, now you can get the whole story on my audiobook, Nikita, A Tale of the Ring and Redemption, narrated in my own voice, gaining all perspective and insight into my whole life, including my redemption. Nikita Koloff here, and I am excited. Did you hear the huge announcement, the big announcement? Well, maybe it's a minor announcement.

Anyway, Facebook, go look up my new fan page, Nikita Koloff Fans, and like it, and follow today. You're listening to the Truth Network and truthnetwork.com. Man, I'm really hoping, I got a feeling that maybe our listeners will go over to the podcast, you know, this airs of course on Truth Radio every Saturday, and then it goes up on the podcast platform, and of course the latest numbers have been downloaded into 92 different countries, and so this is universal, right? This isn't just Marriages in America, this can be, this advice can be embraced anywhere in the world, right?

Right, absolutely. And so, okay, so I didn't anticipate, you know, we were going to hone in on this, but I'm glad we did, and I was thinking, when it comes to your counseling, you know, there's a proverb that comes to mind, there's wisdom in the multitude of counsel, right? So it's wise, whether you're married, and again, or not married, you know, you don't have to be married, and maybe you're not even in a relationship presently, but you may be hoping one day to be in a relationship, but we know, you know, there's struggles in life, right? So counseling is, I would say, invaluable, and again, there's wisdom in the multitude of counsel, and so your decision to go into counseling and make yourself available, you've already given some great advice, but for those listening out there, maybe they're, you know, whether they're struggling in just their own life and focus and challenge in what to do with their life, you know, I mentioned, you know, the course of the mental illness, and maybe it's better to say mental wellness, what advice would you give for a listener that maybe they don't know where to go get counseling? I mean, what would you say to them?

What advice would you give them? You know, as you've mentioned several times, even opening the show, and you just mentioned again, Nikita, you know, I believe that we find ourselves in what we call around here, pre-COVID-19, pre the last four years of just chaos, confusion, division, strife, all of the different things that have taken place over the last several years. We are in a mental health crisis now. I feel like we're in a mental health disaster. We're seeing things such as, you know, depression, anxiety, addiction, substance use and abuse. We're seeing suicidality.

All of these things are skyrocketing the heights that we have never seen before. And so right now, if there's a listener out there that's struggling, that's going through some challenges, that's going through some adverse and murky waters in life, what I would challenge you to do is just to remember that you're not alone in this fight. You can actually, we have a Christian Care Connect platform through AACC.

If you go to AACC.net, if you search find a counselor, you'll actually be able to find a Christian counselor in your local area that you'll be able just to pull up right on Google and just be able to find somebody that hopefully would be able to spark some truth into your life. And why I recommend, especially as a believer, faith-based counseling is because we understand this, Nikita, that there is only one wise counselor, and there is only one Prince of Peace, and there is only one source of hope, strength, and encouragement in this life, and his name is Jesus Christ. And so in recognizing that hope is a person, I believe that it shifts our perspective. It ignites this sense of patience within us.

It helps us reveal our purposes in this life, but ultimately I believe that hope is found in his presence. And so what I want people to recognize is even when you're going through some of the most challenging moments and experiences in your life, and you're asking all the wrong questions, you're asking all the why questions. God, why me? Why are you allowing me to go through this?

Why not somebody else? I'd rather people shift their perspective, and rather than asking God why, I'd rather them ask God what. God, what is it that you want me to learn in the midst of this season? God, what are you trying to teach me, or what can I learn in the midst of this time?

But even I would even ask the who questions. God, who is it that you're trying to connect me with? God, who is it that I can positively impact or influence even in the midst of this valley season that I'm going through?

Because when you recognize those questions, you understand that we serve a good, good Father who doesn't just allow us to go through bad things, but he's actually in our midst experiencing them alongside of us. I think of Romans 8-28, for we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love God and who are called according to his purposes. Or Philippians 1-6, for I am confident of this, that he who began a good work in me will see it through to the day of completion in Christ Jesus our Lord. And lastly, I always love referencing this verse, even in my own personal life, Isaiah 43-2, which says, When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.

The flames will not set you ablaze. Why I love counseling Nikita so much is because I believe that God loves using people as conduits through which he channels his messages of hope, encouragement, and motivation to a dark, broken, and hurting world. When the world says that brokenness is equivalent to embarrassment, what I would say is vulnerability is strength. So when you can be open and when you can be fully you, fully broken, God calls us to the altar not to be healed but to be broken. So that way he can be the one that can ultimately be our ultimate source of healing.

And so that's what I would challenge people out there today. If you're broken, it's okay to not be okay. Just seek help and understand that not only does God give us friends for the fire, but there's also always a fourth man in your fire as well. That's good, Zach. That's powerful words. Several things come to mind even as you're sharing that with our audience. First thing that comes to mind is there's an enemy of our soul who thrives on isolation, right? And all the different things you mentioned, whether it's anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and all of those sorts of things, it seems like stems from people who kind of isolate themselves for whatever reason.

They become isolated to reach out. And then you and I are really on the same page. I love what you said about the why and the what and who. I learned years ago, and again, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking the why question, right?

I mean, Jesus on the cross said, why have you forsaken me, right? He's talking to his father. But like you advised, I've come to learn for myself to kind of bypass the why question and go right to the what question, as you mentioned. What, Lord, do you want me to learn from this? And then I like the who.

Who are you trying to connect me with? And, Zach, I've learned this as well. I've learned that trials and tribulations and troubles in life, Jesus said, hey, in this life, you're going to have trouble, right?

You just are. I mean, we live in a fallen, broken world. And and so it's not a matter of of of if we're going to have any any trouble, trials or tribulation.

It's just a matter of when. And then it's how we approach it and how we address it. Right. And and then who we surround ourselves with. So what's some amazing advice? So I imagine, Zach, it's got to be incredibly rewarding. And I'm guessing just like our camps are not 100 percent foolproof. In other words, every guy that comes to man camp, I can't say there's a success story, but I will say a larger portion of men that come, it is very life changing. I imagine in the counseling world, you know, there there are a lot of success stories, you know, maybe not 100 percent of the time, but it's got to be very rewarding. Right. What you're doing. It is, Nikki.

And I love it, again, just because I love journeying alongside of people. So that's how I view counseling. I don't really view it as much as like advice giving.

I don't really view it as me having all the answers, because, again, there are times, there are sessions, there are moments where I am praying in the midst of session that just the Holy Spirit would intervene, that the Holy Spirit would give me the words to say, because some of the things that people are going through and that they're enduring. You know, I can't speak to their level of pain. Right. Just like we always say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I always say that pain is in the heart of the beholder. Nobody can speak to somebody's pain and exactly what they're going through or enduring. We may be able to relate, but I can't say I get it. I know exactly what you're going through, because nobody can say that. But what I love doing is just coming alongside of people and just reminding them again that they're not alone in this fight, reminding them that they have somebody in their corner that will help pick them up when they fall, but also will help push them when they need to be pushed a little bit.

Right. There's that support challenge continuum. I want to encourage you.

I want to be the first one to pick you up when you do fall. But also I want to give you a kick sometimes when you need to keep going and you need to be motivated in certain areas of your life. That's good. So that's my whole goal and that's my view of counseling. And that's why it's such a blessing, yes, in my life. That's good. And now you mentioned, we only got a few minutes left here, but you mentioned impact weekends. And so, of course, people can access this one-on-one counseling. And what might somebody expect?

Just take 60 seconds if you can. What might somebody expect on an impact weekend and how often do you do those? Yes, our Knight Men's Impact Weekend. So we're having two actually this year. Typically we've only had one. Our first one will be March 8th and 9th in Lynchburg, Virginia at Thomas Road Baptist Church.

Our second one will be October 18th and 19th down in Grand Prairie, Texas. And we are so excited just because, you know, God really shows up in those Knight Men's Impact Weekend. Thousands of men gathering together to grow in relationship with God, in relationship with one another. Kind of our theme this year is going to be even if. I think there's a difference between only if and even if people.

Only if people are the ones that, you know what, they'll stay true to their standard only if things are going their way, only if it's easy and it's convenient. But I want to help people understand that there are even if people, out of Daniel chapter 3, even if people say even when it's hard, even when it's difficult, even when it hurts, even when I don't get out of life what I was hoping or expecting to get, I'm going to stay true to the standard and my faith within me rather than succumbing to the expectations, the opinions, and the circumstances around me. At this weekend we'll have speakers like Tim Tebow, we'll have Pastor Tim Timberlake, Pastor Craig Rochelle. We'll have Brian Dawkins, we'll have number one motivational speaker, Eric Thomas. We'll have a band, we'll have workshops about hunting, fishing, sports.

Everything you can imagine because we just want to help men align their everyday passions with God's eternal purpose for their life. Wow, what a great lineup of speakers. I'm familiar with a good majority of them. E.T., the hip hop preacher. E.T. That's right. E.T. 's in the house. That's awesome. Pastor Tim Tebow and the others.

Wow, what an amazing line. Greg Rochelle. And so where can people get more information? Give us the website again for the counseling and where can people get more information as well on the Impact Weekend?

Yes, so for the counseling you can go to aacc.net and you can find out all the different resources that we offer through the American Association of Christian Counselors as well as our events. But also for specifically the Ignite Men's Impact Weekend you can go to ignitemen.net and that's where you can find all the information to register today. Ignitemen.net March 8th and 9th up in Lynchburg, Virginia.

Gosh, that's, you know, my birthday's March 9th. Come on, sir. I may have to come up, Zach. I may have to come up. But I have to check my schedule, you know, speaking schedule as well. But man, Zach, it's been great to have you on the show and I know you just some of the things you shared today is going to really bless a lot of people. And I got a feeling they're going to go back and listen to the replay just because of how much great content that you gave everyone today. And I really appreciate your heart. I appreciate what you're doing, your passion.

I can hear it in your voice. And just thank you for being on the Man Up show today. Nikita, thank you so much, my friend, for the opportunity. I love you and I love what you're doing.

I love doing ministry alongside of you. Well, and again, and I appreciate you. And all of you out there in Listening Land, I hope that you took some real nuggets.

You're probably, maybe you're driving in your car or you're like, oh, man, I wish I'd had a notepad or pen or a pencil and was able to write some of those things down. I want to encourage you, go over to the podcast platform and just dial up. If you don't have the Truth Radio app, get the Truth Radio app on your phone and you not only have access to the Man Up show, but so many other amazing podcasts and radio shows, live shows and catch the replay. Zach Clinton, great to have you today. Great to have all of you listening in week in and week out. Go out today and live a God-filled, God-blessed life. This podcast is made possible by the grace of God and your faithful prayers, support and generous gifts.

May God bless you for your continual contributions. Go to Kolob.net and donate today. If you are enjoying the Man Up show, would you help us spread the word? Tell your family, tell your friends, tell your neighbors to download, subscribe and leave a comment. Hi, Nikita Kolob. Be sure to check out the Man Up show now available on television, broadcast and podcast. Go to MorningStarTV.com or the Truth Radio Network. Check out your local listings or better yet, download the Truth Network app today. Nikita Kolob here.

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