Conflict & Resolution!

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Welcome back to It's Time to Man Up. Nikita Kolov, no longer the Russian nightmare. Well, I guess I am kind of still the Russian nightmare, but more the devil's nightmare and special in-studio interview today with a dear friend. We were just discussing before coming on air just how long ago we met, I guess about 14 years or so.

Chad Slotta, amazing story. Chad, welcome to the show. Nikita, thanks so much. It's so great to see you. It's amazing how you look like I haven't saw you just yesterday.

You look great. It's good to see you. Somebody told me earlier, Chad, they go, you don't have any wrinkles.

You're how old? They go, what's up with that? I go, I'll just give the Lord credit and say good, clean living.

That's right. Working out, good, clean living. Working out, good, clean living. And yeah, I try to take care of myself, but for the most credit, because they're like, especially wrestling fans will go, dude, you used to look the same.

And I'm like, well, I got maybe a couple of little gray hairs mixed in on the Fu Manchu there, but you know, so anyway. I appreciate the invitation. It's great to be here. Well, it's great to have you here. You got such a really, for me, a fascinating story.

I think it's perfect for the show. So we go back, I think we're say 2007 when we first met and you came to my home church, the refuge, Pastor Jay Stewart, who I've had on the show in the past and you came and on staff and you moved down, you moved down from where? We were living in Michigan at the time.

That's right. I have been a long time Wolverine fan. North Carolina is the 10th state I've lived in. So I've seen just a lot, a lot of the country, a lot of different places, but grew up a Michigan Wolverine fan of all things. Wow. Well, you know, I grew up in the big 10 territory as well.

So I have to say, I am a golfer fan, but you know, don't hold that against me. But, but 10 states, 10 states. So out of the 10 states that you've lived, which of those 10 was your favorite to live in? Honestly, it is, it's North Carolina and you'd probably, you'd probably expect me to say that, but really after having lived in a lot of different climates and met a lot of different people and truly the art, we have the greatest country and this is just my firm conviction, the greatest country on the face of the earth. And I've met some amazing people, some amazing Americans, but living in North Carolina and seeing what God's doing here and really the emphasis right now on North Carolina nationally in a lot of ways and how pivotal North Carolina is on the national scene.

I think we have an opportunity to reflect well for the Lord and to make a difference in a, in a very important place. Yeah. Now I've only, three, I guess three states.

I forgot. I spent a couple of years in the Nashville, Tennessee area, but predominantly up in Moscow, Minnesota. I'm kidding for all you listen. There is no Moscow.

There are people looking up on a map right now. Where is Moscow, Minnesota? That preacher guy lied.

He lied. There's no, but I did grow up in Minnesota, Minnesota, but I lived in the Carolinas longer than anywhere else now. So like I qualify myself as a native Carolinian, I think.

That's right. Well, we're raising our, our three beautiful children here. They love it here. My wife's from the New York area. Absolutely loves it here.

So North Carolina is home. So, so yeah, tell, just take, take us, take a minute and tell us about your beautiful family. Well, I've been married for, it'll be 23 years this year. Wow.

It feels like it's gone by so quickly. And our three kids, 16, 14, and 12, two girls and a boy, and just so proud of them seeing how engaged they are with the Lord, you know, primarily, which is obviously the most important, but also with, again, what's, what's transpiring in our nation, preparing themselves for leadership and to be citizens and to make a difference for the Lord in whatever area God calls them into. My oldest wants to be a veterinarian, so she's earned a job, actually a really neat story. It's a quick one, but she wanted to learn more about being a veterinarian. And this is something, Nikia, that I don't know if nationwide, if this is still being taught, I hope that it is, but she wanted to start shadowing a vet. So she had a connection and went in and started just observing.

Well, so you get apprenticeship almost. Like that. And, and I said to her, I said, sweetheart, just start doing the dirty work, show up early, stay late, clean up, do the things no one else wants to do.

And, and I believe good things will happen. So she starts doing that. And the vet says, well, hey, why don't you, if you'd like to come in more often and observe, would love to have you. And I said, okay, now you need to get yourself a set of scrubs because you dress for the job that you want. You don't dress for the job that you have. So look the part, go in there, continue to do the hard work. And pretty soon, as a matter of fact, it was about six months ago, the vet looked at her and said, hey, you've been doing such a tremendous job.

I want to bring you on and start paying you to do what you've been doing for free. So the first job that she had, she earned. I didn't give it to her.

I didn't get it for her. She trusted in the passions that God had put on her heart. She did the godly thing, served, and God has rewarded her for it. So I'm super proud of her. And our middle daughter wants to be in the space program at some point. She has great dreams to go to Mars.

Well, the Artemis program, I mean, we have watched more launches of more rockets in the last six months. It's been great. And I'm having fun coaching my son in basketball and hanging out with him and just having a ball. That's awesome.

Well, beautiful family. I'm not surprised. And 16, 14, and 12, did you plan that? Like two years apart? It just happened that way.

God planned it. Yeah, that's right. Okay. Well, and so you come to the refuge in 2007. You're on staff. We meet and I just felt an instant connection with you. Absolutely. We've done things together ministry-wise over the years. And I know that was, I think, I could say, a great experience for you under Pastor Jay's tutelage, so to speak. Oh, absolutely.

He's wonderful. And then it was on your heart, Chad, to go to Cary, North Carolina and plant a church. And so you did that. We did.

Yeah. In 2007, when we came to the refuge, one of the things that I share with Pastor Jay was just some future dreams and thoughts and said, hey, you're my pastor and I trust you to hear from the Lord. And when it's God's time and you're in agreement, then we'll step out and go for it. And so we served, did the best that we could, and made so many great friends. It was really hard for us to leave the refuge, especially friends like you and just enjoying those relationships.

But he did. Pastor Jay blessed us, and we had the opportunity to go to Cary, really a place that is—and this is true, I think, of all cities. It's kind of an interesting conversation that we could have at some point. The fight, the spiritual fight and the spiritual battle right now that we see over cities. Cities are seats of authority.

Seats are places where culture is promulgated, where people interact. And you can see nationally the spiritual battle over urban centers in particular and suburban centers. And so I felt like God planted us in Cary, really in the center of the triangle, three urban centers, an opportunity to influence a lot of folks. And I don't know that I'd recommend that anyone else do this, but we moved, and moved our family, rented a house, and literally—we didn't even know where the park was. The idea for our first outreach, we were going to go door to door and invite folks to come, but we thought, let's get down to the park and let's pass out some water bottles and some balloons to some kids and see if we can— Yeah, I remember.

Yeah. So we show up. It was the weekend before Easter in 2010, and we had rented this big helium tank. So we're down in the park, and it was freezing cold that morning.

It was one of those late cold spikes. So nobody was thirsty. They didn't want any of our water bottles. And then we would inflate these balloons for the kids, and they were shrinking as fast as we could inflate them because the helium kept condensing.

Oh, no. So it was the funniest thing, but we went door to door and just had a great group of folks with us. And I'll never forget the first single mom and her daughter that came to a meeting we were holding at a local hotel.

And they were the only ones that showed up that night. We had a small group of people that were working with us. And God reminded us how important it is to love every individual person. We don't see people as commodities. We don't see them as opportunities.

We don't look at relationships as transactional. We see people for who they are and their humanity and their story. And I remember her very well and her daughter and just the opportunity to reach them, make a difference in their lives.

And over a seven-year period, God built a beautiful small congregation in Cary. Yeah. And I know I visited a few times, spoke a few times for you and was just blessed every time I was there and just a part of that ministry and what you were doing. And you transitioned out of that. I want to get to that in just a couple of minutes about your transition from that out into the marketplace currently. Yes.

But we'll hold off on that for just a minute. Before we came on air, you were talking about – we were just talking about the Church as a whole and conflict and conflict resolution. And you were sharing with me that you just finished a dissertation or something?

Yeah. So I just really love learning, enjoyed and pursued a lot of education kind of over my career and just finished a doctorate of ministry in 2020. And of course, you're required to choose a topic to write on for your dissertation. And I have to say, Nikita, that as I look back on my leadership as a pastor, probably the area that was the weakest, as I would evaluate myself, and I think it's wise to do that, was my ability to handle conflict and to address things that needed to be addressed.

And so as I had this opportunity and this doctoral program, I decided to redeem what was the weakest area and try to make myself as much of an expert in that area as I possibly could. So studied, obviously beginning with God's Word, studying His Word and then what others have written on the topic, and discovered in research that I did and some surveying that most – a vast majority of church leaders in particular, whether either paid or volunteer, have had zero, zero training in conflict resolution. And it's not just because it's the church.

It's because we're human beings with sinful hearts. There's going to be conflict. There's going to be disagreement. I've sat down with folks, interestingly, a group of guys I exercise with, and a friend said to me, you know, I have this buddy and his marriage is really challenged and things aren't going well with his marriage. I said, well, why don't you – what are you going to do about it? You know, are you going to sit down and talk with him? And he said, no, I could never do that. I could never risk the relationship. I mean, what if I made him mad or what if I offended him?

So I'm just going to kind of stay out of it because I don't want to lose a friend. And I realized in that moment and others as I researched that addressing conflict and being 100% honest while being 100% respectful is a skill set that everybody can learn. And pastors and leaders in particular need to learn that because how can – as you and I are brothers and you've called things out in my life before, which I've appreciated, it's – Darrell Bock I have a history of doing that. Others have told me.

David You're willing to do that. That's boldness, which is great. But not everybody has that personality.

And a lot of people shrink back. They're 90% honest in a relationship. They're 95% honest in a particular interaction. But they leave something unsaid that needs to be said that if it were would strengthen the relationship.

And it's that anticipation of losing a friend that – a lack of confidence in the skills that you'd have as an individual that caused people to shy away from that. So we created a conflict resolution training program that we've begun to present in churches and would love the opportunity to share that with a lot of others if possible. Darrell Bock Okay.

Yeah. Well, we'll make sure by the end of the show people know how to get in touch with you and can reach out. Now key to Kolov, the Russian nightmare here for Crescent Automotive. If buying a car is a nightmare for you, my friends Brian and Jamie Johnson at Crescent Automotive make it simple to find your pre-owned dream car with no hassle, affordable windshield pricing. No matter where you live, they will get your American dream car to you, baby. DriveCrescent.com is all you need to know.

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We so appreciate our listeners. If you will support this program with a financial gift of any amount, I will send you a personalized copy of my latest book, Nikita, A Tale of the Ring in Redemption. Go to kolov.net.

That's kolov.net, kolov.net, and make your contribution today. You know, I'm reminded of two scriptures and you saying that. One about me holding you accountable and vice versa. Proverbs 27, 17, some are probably familiar with that, as iron sharpens iron. So one man or one person sharpens the countenance of the other or the countenance of their friend, depending on what translation you're looking at. But the other one, back to the guy you're referring to, who's like, ah, I just want to maintain a friendship. Well, man, read your Bible, because there's another proverb comes to mind that says, open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. So he's saying, wow, I just want to maintain the love there.

Well, is it really truly genuine love? Because if you genuinely love them, I find then you're willing to openly rebuke them in love, in love, in a loving way, even if it might cost you the friendship, or maybe only temporarily, because that person, that friend may come back months later and go, man, thank you. I didn't appreciate it at the time, and you did not make me happy when you did that. But it really helped me grow as a person.

And so you're right. Well, I commend you for putting that together, and I'm with you. Man, more people, if they can learn that skill set and how to handle conflict in and out of the church, right? And then you can model it for others, especially church leaders.

Again, paid or volunteer, if they can develop those skills and then model them well, it's not just a matter of keeping unity in a particular local church or being successful organizationally. In a marriage or whatever. There you go.

That's exactly right. We're talking marriages. We're talking friendships. We're talking discipleship between brothers. We've all had that brother that maybe we're in an accountability relationship with someone, and you just knew that there was something there that you needed to call out but didn't know how to do it.

And that's a responsibility that we have. You mentioned that scripture about ironing, sharpening iron. Well, every time I've seen iron sharpen iron, there's always been sparks. Little friction.

Little friction, a few sparks. And we shy away from that so much, and I wish we wouldn't. I wish we would man up in the sense of being willing to step up and say what needs to be said. Well, hence the name of this show, the Man Up Show. There it is. It's time to man up. Although we have a lot of lady listeners, and to you ladies out there, thank you for tuning in, dialing in to hear what men are talking about. There you go.

Although I do have ladies from time to time, women on the show as well. Well, that's amazing. And any other thoughts on that aspect of the ministry aspect or the resolution aspect? I just would say to leaders, men and women, as you were just saying, there's something to be said for evaluating your leadership and evaluating your skills, finding the weakest area and being willing to address that. And it does take a lot of courage. And I'm not saying that to point to myself as being courageous, but it takes God courage and God confidence in Him and in the Holy Spirit's ability to redeem those areas and strengthen them. But when you do, oh my goodness, the impact, because you're willing then and able, and this is when I teach the program, I always begin just confessing some of the challenges that we walk through.

And there were many. Personal experiences. The personal experiences of failure, saying I'm not coming at this as an expert, but one who has learned through my own pain how important it is to have those skills.

Again, another great point. I just recently did a marketplace workshop for a friend of mine, Jeffrey Gitimer, and some highly successful, 25, 30 highly successful entrepreneurs from all over the country. And I basically approached it, opened up with, hey, I'm not coming to you today with information from theory out of a book, although I've read a lot of books. This is from personal experience, what I'm going to share with you today. And I found that that is one of the best approaches. And so, well, I commend you on that. And I would just say for the record, for all of our listeners out there, and I mean this when I say this, you're a great leader. So anyone who jumps in on that program that you're offering is going to be blessed for sure.

Thank you. If they become a part of that, whether you're a pastor or a church leader or just need help with a relationship out there in life, certainly what you're going to teach is going to be invaluable. Well, let's transition, if we can, in our remaining minutes here to you. Really you stepped out of the ministry. I know you were sharing with me on the phone how you have a family-owned business, a family-run business, which, by the way, the story about your daughter is just remarkable. I just want to say this, that young people listen to what he said earlier, or parents listen to what he said earlier about what his daughter walked through. And of course, I think you've modeled that for her and all of your children. But you had a family-run business, and so you stepped away from ministry to take over the family business.

Take a minute and tell us about that transition. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, my dad in 1999 secured intellectual property on, and you'll know what I'm talking about, in the middle of a keyboard on a laptop computer, a Dell or a Toshiba and HP computer. There is a little mouse in the middle of the keyboard.

It's called a track point mouse, and on there is a little rubber cap. And since 1999, our family's owned the patent rights and manufactured those little rubber caps for just about every big, major manufacturer of laptop computers. It's been an incredible God story. We're 100% United States-based.

All of our sourcing is here in the United States, and we export overseas. And it's been a thrill to see how the business has been able to invest in ministry and contribute dramatically in the planting of our church and in other endeavors. But so for many years, my dad ran it, and he just was such a great leader. My dad, one thing I'd say about him is, and I'm talking about him in the past tense, and I'll explain why in a moment, but he was always willing to learn. If he didn't know something, he would research it and learn it and outwork you.

It just was kind of how he did, and that's how he built an incredible business. Unfortunately, in 2016, we learned that he had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And so when he was diagnosed, I don't have any brothers and sisters. And as I prayed it through, the only right decision in that moment for me was to step away from ministry and to carry on the legacy that he had built and take care of my mom the best that I could. And so we have a great relationship with a wonderful church in Durham called Kings Park International Church. Pastor Ronald Lewis, now Pastor Reggie Roberson, is there, and they were kind enough to welcome the members of our congregation that wanted to go over there.

And so we kind of merged in with them, and I got nine wonderful months working day in and day out with my dad on the business before he passed in 2018, at which time I took over as CEO of our company, which I'm honored to run today. Well, and in a sense, Chad, and I say to people all the time, just the fact that you're not staying on a platform on Sunday and preaching from a pulpit doesn't mean you don't have a ministry. All those who are Christ followers have the ministry of reconciliation. If no other ministry, you have that.

And then for those who are out in the marketplace, which you now are, that in itself, again, is a harvest field. It's a ministry out there. And so I know, just based on your ethics and integrity, how you're running that company, and the Lord's hand on it, how it's prospering. The company is a soft product?

How do you say that? Yeah, the company is actually, we use GIV LLC, which stands for God-Inspired Ventures. And our main product is called the Soft Point, and so we kind of have a unique corporate structure that way. But it was always something we wanted to give honor to the Lord and refer it to as the GIV side, giving honor and glory to God for all that He did.

Okay. And in speaking with ministry, I was just looking at my notes here, because I'm seeing a slot of global ministries. So how's that tie in? Yeah, we've run a small foundation for a number of years, Leah and I, and we have an incredible board of directors that have been with us since 2004, just amazing leaders, amazing folks. And so for many years, as we were kind of building, we were asking God, Lord, what are you doing with this foundation that you called us to start? And it was wonderful, because when we went to plant our church, the foundation was able to sow a tremendous amount of capital and resource so that we were able to bring on some staff and really kind of hit the ground running financially in ways that you might otherwise not have been able to do. And now we're using that platform just to reach directly into lives.

Last year, I just was looking at our numbers, and last year we gave away almost $75,000 in grants directly to ministries and needs. We were able to send a $15,000 gift in particular to send one family to South Africa, and I wish that they could hear. They moved. Talk about courage.

Talk about the Man Up show and manning up. I mean, a father and mother and their three sons leaving all that they knew here to go to South Africa to lead young people to Christ. Just incredible stories, and it's just been an honor to be a part of that. Well, they can hear this interview. If they have the technology, have them download the Truth Radio app. I will.

You bet. Well, for all of the listeners out there, as you're listening to Chad's story as he shares, I feel you would probably sense where his heart's at, because you're all about people. Whether you're standing on the platform or you're out in the marketplace now like you are running a company, I know you're all about people. They gather that even from your story about your daughter and just your family and what you're doing as a global mission. Any other final thoughts, Chad, that you would want to share for our listeners?

A last thought on there can be a ministry, there can be the marketplace, there can be conflict. Pick something and... Yeah, I just would mention this, Nikita. I appreciate the opportunity.

Thanks again for the invitation. It's been so much fun to sit down and talk with you. But I'd say the title that we gave our conflict resolution program, the training program, is just one word, and that word is engage. If I were to leave the men, women, the young people that are listening to us today, if I could leave them with one thought, it's to stay engaged. Stay engaged in your relationships.

Don't be passive, be active. Stay engaged in your schools. Stay engaged in your churches. Stay engaged in our country. I have a tremendous burden in this season, Nikita, for our country because I believe that biblical values are under assault and under attack like never before. And as I said, I know, and you I'm sure would agree, a lot of that is a spiritual battle. It's not just how we're going to spend tax dollars in our day that we're debating about.

These are bigger issues, societal issues, foundational issues to the freedom that we believe was endowed by our Creator, not by any government or entity. And so I just would encourage everyone to stay engaged, stay engaged in prayer, and God will use you. Okay.

And the website where people could find you? Yes. If you're interested in the conflict program, anybody can go to conflictsuccess.com, conflictsuccess.com, and we'll be able to help them out from there. And slottagloballmissions.com I'm looking at as well. That's right.

They want to learn more about Slottagloballmissions, softpoint.com if they want to learn more about your company. There you go. Great to have you on. Hey, great to have you tune in once again to the Man Up show and hope you enjoyed this conversation with my brother Chad Slotta.

Want to welcome you back next week and just spread the word, subscribe to the podcast. We'll talk to you again on It's Time to Man Up. Men, I would like to challenge each of you to consider spending five days with Lex Luger and I at Man Camp, pursuing the heart of God. Ladies, if you're listening, we'll send your men home better equipped to be men of God, godly husbands, and godly fathers. That appeals to you. Give them your blessing and encourage them to sign up today at mancamp.info. Pastors, if you would like to bring Koloff for Christ Ministries and Man Up Conference to your community, go to koloff.org and email me.

Remember this, It's Time to Man Up. All feet agree, Clemens carpet is where you need to be. With carpet, vinyl, tile, and hardwood from the top brands, Clemens carpet does it right from beginning to install. Voted number one by you in the Reader's Choice Awards. Doug, Chad, Benny, Pee Wee, and the team at Clemens carpet look forward to seeing and serving you soon. This is Nikita Koloff and I want to thank Clemens carpet for supporting my new show Man Up, Saturday afternoon at 1230 on the Truth Network. Nikita Koloff here.

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