E-Harmony vs. Disharmony, Part 2

Cultivating a healthy marriage is hard work. Few couples would debate that point. But when it comes to the decision of divorce, people have strong convictions about what problems would justify breaking up a marriage. Well today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll reminds us that Jesus spoke about this issue, and we find his teaching in Matthew chapter 19.

In this passage, we read about a group of religious leaders who attempted to trap Jesus with a trick question. In Jesus' response, we find timeless guidance about the grounds for divorce. O love that will not let me go, what a great thought. You have been loved all this past week. Waking or sleeping, you were loved. Obeying or disobeying, you were loved. Saying what you should have been saying and saying what you shouldn't, you were loved. Responding as you should have responded, responding as you shouldn't, you were loved. It was a love that wouldn't let you go. That's the kind of love God has for us.

And he, through frequent statements in the Bible, says we're to have that kind of love for each other. I often think of love as the four letters that spell the word. When I love someone, I listen to them. I respect what they say. O, I overlook things that they should not have done. I forgive them.

When I love them, I overlook things. V, I value. I value their opinions. I value their responses. I value their words.

And E, express. Love is an expressed statement of our lives. God graciously listens, overlooks, values, and expresses his love for us that never lets us go. Thank you, Father, for giving us Jesus, proof of all this. Thank you that he came to die, that we might live, that he was willing to cut short his life, that we might live on into eternity with you. Thank you for the sinlessness that he modeled, that we might know victory over our sinfulness. Thank you for the grace and the truth that flowed freely from him every day on this earth. Thank you for the way he shaped the lives of his disciples, and they in turn wrote and shaped the lives of others. Thank you for your word, given to us by your grace through the faithful sacrifice of those, some of whom gave their lives, that we might have this book.

Thank you for the convenience of it at any time, any day or night, whether rejoicing or troubled, there it is, ready to be read, to guide us, to comfort us, to encourage and strengthen us. Some sit today in this place exhausted. Their lives are marked by serving others, and they have done that faithfully, and they come weary. Some feel unappreciated, overlooked. Some who were once very engaged now are shelved, set aside, easy for them to feel that life has left them by and passed over them. So many needs. There are busy mothers, there are barren couples, there are single and married, there are those who are confused, and those who are full of joy.

Some are in a marriage and they want out, others are so harmoniously related to their mate, they cannot imagine a happier existence. In the midst of all of these needs and a thousand others unnamed, I pray that we will be encouraged as a result of our time together. This is the one place that we as believers are in the majority.

May that alone encourage us. Ours is a desperate world. We witness all kinds of unrest and uneasiness inside the beltway. All kind of confused messages come to us from the news media.

All sorts of individuals represent every avenue of information, some of it truthful to the core, some of it a lie from the beginning. We need your help, Lord. We need the reminders of your love that never lets us go.

Speak to us today on this very heated subject. May we be gracious to hear and kind enough to accept what may differ from what we have always believed, and may it make us better people. May wisdom guide us and truth hold us close. Bless these offerings which we give today in the name of Jesus and for his sake alone we give them and we offer these words in prayer. And all God's people said, amen. You're listening to Insight for Living. To study the book of Matthew with Chuck Swindoll, be sure to download his Searching the Scriptures studies by going to insightworld.org slash studies.

And now the message from Chuck that he titled eHarmony versus Disharmony. No matter where he went there were crowds and no matter where the crowds or how many there were healings. It must have been a time of rejoicing for those who had been sick as well as the loved ones who brought them to Jesus. The Pharisees came. I read in verse 3 they tried to trap him with this question. Look at the question.

Verse 3, should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason? Now why would they frame their question like that? Because that was the going opinion of that day. Most rabbis taught that. It was based on the teaching of the school of Hillel. The school of Hillel was liberal to the core. And those who taught there and those who learned from those rabbis carried the message into Galilee, into Judea, and all over the land of Israel that marriage is for the least reason you can imagine able to be broken by the husband, by the way, never by the wife. There was also another school of thought.

It's on the other extreme. It was called the school of Shammai. H-A-M-M-A-I.

Shammai. Rabbi Shammai taught, and it's very conservative, that under no for no reason whatsoever was divorce ever permissible. Ever.

Under any circumstances. It was the most narrow, hard-line position one can imagine. It was not only unpopular, it was, in fact, unscriptural. For that is not the position of scripture. But remember all of the disciples who were raised by Hillel taught rabbis, and Jesus who is carrying out his ministry around Hillel rabbis, is now being confronted by Pharisees who want to know, is that where you stand?

Are you in the liberal camp? From Jesus' previous teaching, let me add, which he gave at the Sermon on the Mount, check out Matthew 5, verse 32, he addresses his position and refers to adultery as being a reason for divorce. And they knew he believed that. And they knew he didn't believe all of these other trivial reasons. Let me also add they were very clever on back to the subject of Perea. You remember who ruled in Perea? Herod Antipas. Remember Herod Antipas? He's the one who seduced his brother Philip's wife, who left Philip and married Antipas. John the Baptizer criticized Herod Antipas for that illicit relationship, that poor reason for breaking up a marriage and taking on another wife. And by the way, the wife he took was a woman named Herodias who later had John the Baptizer beheaded because she hated him for his criticizing them for their unlawful marriage.

They're in Perea. They were thinking perhaps there's something Jesus would say that would get him in trouble with Herod Antipas. Whatever the reason, it was a loaded question. And Jesus' answer is an in-your-face answer.

He doesn't back down. I want you to see it for yourself beginning at verse 4. Haven't you read the Scriptures?

Which by the way was a rather insulting question. These are the people who spent their life in the Scriptures. They knew the Scriptures better than anyone else except for Jesus himself. But he says, haven't you read the Scriptures? They record that from the beginning, and now notice he goes back to what is called a passage of primary reference. Genesis 1, verse 27, and Genesis chapter 2, verse 24. Genesis 1 and 2 would be the passages of primary reference where marriage is just beginning with Adam and Eve.

He says, haven't you read about that? In the beginning, God made them male and female. And he said, this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two, but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.

So he comes to them with a very narrow position and says, look at what God has stated as he established the guidelines for a marriage. To begin with, there was one man, one woman there weren't groups from whom a man who didn't enjoy his wife could choose another wife. There was one man, one woman, so that would hold him together. To begin with, there was the joining or the bonding, the cementing of that relationship, which is seen in the word joined to his wife.

And that cementing would keep it from falling or coming apart. Third, the two would become one flesh, which is a mystery, nevertheless, a true one. When a man and his wife are joined together at the wedding, they are seen before God as one flesh. You can't divide one. It is drawn together by God in that permanent bond and is a one flesh existence.

And fourth, in the beginning, God's announcement commanded whom God joins together, let no one split apart or separate. Period. End of answer. By the way, they weren't interested in an answer. They were interested in an argument. So they quickly come back with, what about Moses? Look at their response. Then they say, why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away, they asked.

What about that? You can read it for yourself in Deuteronomy 24, where back in those days, wife had gotten so messy. Relationships between husbands and wives were so complicated, so messed up that Moses stepped in and conceded with God's approval with a permission to break a relationship so as to clean up the mess and bring back order in the camp. And in fact, if you will notice for yourself, Jesus replied, Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard heart. It wasn't commanded.

It was a permission. But it was not what God had originally intended. His original intent is stated in Genesis one.

I tell you this, and by the way, don't miss that. At the beginning of verse nine, God has spoken Genesis one and two. Moses has acted due to Deuteronomy 24.

Now Jesus with equal authority says, let me state for you to remember this. I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else, commits adultery except for porneia. Rendered in my Bible unfaithfulness in your Bible, it may be except for adultery or fornication it may read. Let me go into this and I'll help you understand the meaning of porneia a little better because it is a crucial phrase. This is called the exception clause, except for immorality.

The word porneia from which we get our word pornograph or pornographic is a broad term that encompasses all illicit sexual activity. It would include but not be limited to incest, bestiality, homosexuality, fornication, adultery. Here he clearly states this is an acceptable reason for there to be a divorce.

Now hold it, hold it. I always take the time when I get to this verse to explain that we still must address the subject with wisdom. Is the partner engaged in this as a lifestyle? Or was this a one-night fling that he feels terrible about or she feels awful about? Not a lifestyle, not something that is continued, no.

This has in mind an ongoing act of illicit sexual involvement with someone other than one's partner. When you want to do a study on marriage and divorce, may I repeat this, you need to study Matthew 19, 1 to 12, Genesis 1 and 2, First Peter 3, 1 to 7, Ephesians 5, 24 to the end of the chapter, First Corinthians 7 for sure. So there are chapters, and Deuteronomy 24, there are chapters, there are sections of scripture that will all be a part of your study, because you want to determine what is the reason I can use that is justifiable before God. Many of them are stated clearly in the scriptures, or I should say those that are stated are stated clearly. Let me add something here that is often not said from a pulpit. We are to wisely apply the scriptures with common sense. In other words, if we are not able to find in print a specific statement Jesus made, or Moses wrote, or God included, or Paul revealed, or Peter wrote, or whoever it may be, it doesn't mean that is the limit.

When we use common sense and wisdom, we must deal with issues such as mental and emotional cruelty, brutality to the point of danger, ongoing cases of extreme abuse, where the lives of the spouse and the children are seriously in danger. I'll get into that more in a moment, but I want to just prime the pump with those thoughts. Be careful about being so narrow that if you cannot find a verse, then you're doomed to live in an impossible situation there. Now, when we get to verse 10, please observe the disciples' response.

I'll come back to what I was getting at in a moment. Look at verse 10. Jesus' disciples then said to him, if this is the case, it's better not to marry. Now, why would they say that? Remember their training? All from the Hillel school. All of their rabbis had taught for whatever reason, and it was really a number of reasons, and most of them were absolutely trivial. They were raised with this. They believed this, and some of them were still not married. Some were, but most of them, I believe, were not yet married, and they're saying, that's better not even to marry.

I have talked, by the way, to children of divorced parents who are afraid of getting married, and they would say in a conversation, it's better not even to marry because of what I know and what we've been through as a family. It's that sort of response. Well, in light of what you have said, Jesus, it's better not even to step into that world and to step into it and deal with all the complications that can arise. Go a little further with Him here. Look at what Jesus says. Look at verse 11, a very unusual response. Not everyone can accept this statement.

That may mean some of you. You're listening to a message from Chuck Swindoll, built on Jesus' teaching in Matthew 19 about marriage and divorce. Let me urge you to join us again tomorrow when we'll feature the conclusion of Chuck's message. And I'll also remind you that there's a way for you to dig even deeper on your own. And to do that right now, every message you hear on Insight for Living has a corresponding set of study notes posted online. This makes it simple for you to read the passage in Matthew and then to make your own observations about this teaching from Jesus. To access the Searching the Scriptures studies, go to insightworld.org slash studies. And then in addition to our Searching the Scriptures studies, at our online store you'll find a variety of helpful books and audio recordings by Chuck Swindoll on topics such as the family, marriage, and divorce.

Just use the search function to find what you're looking for at insight.org slash store. Now bear in mind it's not the purchase of resources that fuels the ministry of Insight for Living. We rely on voluntary contributions from friends like you to make these daily programs possible. And if you're among those who give, let me encourage you with a comment we recently received.

This person said, I live with a disability and although I have my master's degree, I'm passed up for full-time employment because of my wheelchair. So your Bible teaching and broadcast keep me grounded and faithful while I remember that man looks at the outside, but the Lord looks at the heart. Thank you Chuck. Well this listener gave his gratitude to Chuck, but it really belongs to those who partner with us. Your contributions truly make a difference in touching lives. To give a gift today, call us.

If you're listening in the US, dial 1-800-772-8888 or give a donation online when you visit insight.org. You've heard him teach about the Holy Land, using word pictures to make us feel like we're actually strolling through the Old City. Learning about Jerusalem is fascinating for sure, but seeing the land of Israel with your own eyes is life changing.

In fact, it's absolutely magnificent. And now you can see Israel with Chuck Swindoll and the gracious hosts and experts assembled by Insight for Living Ministries. Join us on an unforgettable 12-day tour, March 6-17, 2022. At special sites along the way, I will teach from God's word, we'll worship at the Mount of Beatitudes, and share the Lord's Table at the Garden Tomb. In fact, we'll sail the Sea of Galilee together, and we'll visit places where Jesus walked and taught. To learn more, call 1-888-447-0444. Just imagine walking along those sacred sites and seeing the Bible come to life before your very eyes. Mark your calendar for March 6-17, 2022, and make your reservation by calling 1-888-447-0444, or go to insight.org slash events. Insight for Living Ministries' tour to Israel is paid for and made possible by only those who choose to attend. I'm Dave Spiker, inviting you to join us again Tuesday when Chuck Swindoll continues his message about marriage and divorce, right here on Insight for Living. The preceding message, eHarmony vs. Disharmony, was copyrighted in 2017 and 2021, and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2021 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.