The Most Challenging of All Relationships (Part One), Part 1

There's a cultural movement in our times to redefine male and female roles.

In fact, it's become even more complicated than that, as men and women openly declare their decision to identify not with their biological gender, but one of their own choosing. Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll has no plan to address controversial trends, but instead he's intent on sharing what God's Word teaches on one of the most complicated partnerships in life. In our ongoing study in Ephesians, he's come to Paul's timeless instruction for husbands and wives. We're in the midst of a wonderful section of Scripture that I've titled, The Most Challenging of All Relationships. Now obviously I have in mind the husband-wife relationship.

There are many challenging relationships in life, but I've discovered none more so than this one. In our current cultural climate, in which egalitarianism is valued above all else, the passage we're going to cover today from the fifth chapter of Ephesians, verses 21-24, represents unfamiliar and often unexplored territory. To tell you the truth, I feel like I'm walking through a minefield of explosives, representing everyone's fears regarding what I might say today. So very cautiously and thoughtfully, I plan to approach these concepts regarding authority, submission, and daily self-sacrifice. So in preparation for that, I'd like you to open your Bibles to Ephesians 5. I'll read verses 21-24 from the New American Standard Version, and then after that I want to read the same verses to you from the Message.

First, from the New American Standard. And now, I always appreciate the writings of Eugene Peterson, especially like the way he translated this passage. The same verses in Ephesians 5, 21-24 from the Message. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

You're listening to Insight for Living. To search the Scriptures with Chuck Swindoll, be sure to download his Searching the Scriptures Studies by going to insightworld.org slash studies. Today's message is titled, The Most Challenging of All Relationships, and Chuck begins with prayer. Father, we thank you for the truth that sets us free. Thank you for relief from the things that bind us, and for joy that is unspeakable and full of glory. Thank you for the family.

It's so much fun. Thank you for the joy of grandparenting. Thank you for the challenge and pleasure of being a mom or a dad. What a great idea you came up with, Lord. And of all things, you let us have children, and you gave us homes, not perfect places, but places to grow and learn, so that of all things we find ourselves at this age and stage in life, sitting in a big gymnasium with a Bible on our lap, loving it.

And for some, wondering where they've missed it through much of their lives. Lord, this is your word, and I bow before it, and I give myself to it just as if you were saying this to me directly, and I promise to take it personally. Thank you for your grace, mercy, and peace. We give from the bottom of our hearts, Lord, we give our praise to you as we give to no other. And we say our prayers to you as we would pray to no other. And we pour out our hearts to you as we would pour them out to none other. And we give from our wallets, our purses, because you own it all and you have a right to it all.

We're learning what it means to be really generous with your work. Calm our fears, those especially who give sacrificially, remind us that you've never seen your children forsaken or begging bread. And give us in this place a refreshing touch on authentic Christianity, like Christ would be a part of if He were here on earth. We pray in His great name. And everybody said, amen. Some sections of scripture are more like a minefield full of explosives than a treasure chest full of truth.

And you realize when you get into them that this is really controversial in light of the times in which we live. I don't know if you ever saw an ancient map, I mean a really old map that had sections on it that had never been explored before. Ever seen a map that old? Interesting, when you come to those remote, mysterious areas, some of the old maps I've seen show a fire-breathing creature with big scales and a serpentine tail. And the words, here be dragons.

Ever seen a map like that? Because of fear or because of imaginations, those who have never been to those parts of the world think of them as full of dragons. Ephesians 5, 22 through 6, 9, here be dragons.

You talk about explosive, you talk about non-political correctness. This is it. We have arrived. Let me explain where I'm going here. You can divide the book of Ephesians very neatly by cutting it in half. The first three chapters, doctrine. The last three chapters, duty. The first three chapters, our position in Christ. The last three, our practice, our conduct as followers of Jesus. The first three, God sovereignly at work, calling us to himself and placing us into the body, the church. The last three chapters, our walk with him in everyday life and how that works its way out in the workplace, in our social life, with the unsaved and in the home and with the family. Now, it's that section we're looking at that has to do with the home and family that is of great interest to us right now, having come to the center section of chapter 5. And beginning at verse 22 down through verse 9 of chapter 6, there are three major categories, three of them. We're not going to hurry through this.

Not only are we not going to hurry today, we're not going to hurry to get through it. When Martin Luther, the 16th century reformer, came to this section in his translating of the scriptures into German and the writing of his commentary, he called this the Haustafell. This is the, that word means house table. This to him was the household table of duties, Haustafell. And in the Haustafell, there are three areas of relationship.

Get these clearly. Husband, wife, parent, child, master, slave. Husband, wife, verses 22 through 33, parent, child, 1 through 4 of chapter 6, master, slave, 5 through 9. This is a most unfortunate chapter break. You understand that chapter breaks are not inspired. The verses are inspired, but not the chapter breaks, nor numbering, nor the verse numbering.

You understand that. When the original New Testament was compiled from the various writers, the manuscripts were full of a continuation of Greek characters called unseals. And the unseals ran from one fold of the scroll to another to another to another without any chapter break. So we're grateful that the editors in the passing of time gave us such.

But at times they missed it, and at the risk of seeming critical of them, I am far more grateful for them, but here's a place where they missed it. Really, the last chapter of Ephesians should begin at verse 10 of chapter 6. Finally, finally. This is a preacher's favorite word. Doesn't mean a lot, but it means we may be getting somewhere near the end, but we're not there yet. And I think he comes to the last emphasis, which is on the whole world of the demonic forces and the armor of the Christian, et cetera, which is chapter 6, to the very end, and that's the last chapter. But there is a context that is so terribly important that to miss it is to misrepresent everything he says in the hostafel. So I don't want to do that.

I want you to put your thinking caps on. I want you to take your pen out, and I want you to be ready to make notes in your Bible or on the folder that you've been given so that you won't forget these relationships. Let me show you a little tip on how you can see what's being written. Take your pen and circle a number of words. Verse 22, wives. Chapter 5, 22, wives. 25, 5, 25, husbands, mark that. Circle children in chapter 6, verse 1.

Children. Chapter 6, verse 4, fathers, circle that. Slaves, verse 5. Masters, verse 9.

These are all literary hints that help you work your way through the chapter or through the verses, and they're like little subheadings. Paul is a master at this, speaking to wives, wives. Writing to husbands, husbands. Now addressing children, children. And when it gets to slaves and masters, just think of employees and employers.

That'll fit, won't it? Some of you would say that's exactly the way it is. But employee and employers, we'll leave it in that category. In those days, slaves were in the home.

So this is all part of the hostelfeld. That's why Luther put it all in the same category. These are the most challenging of all relationships on earth. Husband, wife. Parent, child.

Employer, employee. Challenging. Full of the possibility of conflict and full of emotions. Some of you listening to me right now are not talking to your mate because you've got an unresolved conflict. Your intimate life has gone down the tubes. You don't relate well to each other. You don't even like the look or the touch of one another because the conflicts are there and your relationship has gone south. A few of you hate your jobs. You don't have a good boss or you're a boss and you don't enjoy the people working for you. There are conflicts there.

Some of you are children still living under the roof of your parents and you don't have a great relationship. So these are charged with difficulty. Let me give you a couple of three statements. Can I do that as I have thought about these verses? The entire section sits in an important context. The entire section 22 chapter 5 verse 22 through 6 verse 9 sits in a very important context.

You know what the context is? It's the filling of the Spirit. Do you notice 18, 19, and 20 in chapter 5 and including verse 21 is all one sentence. There's no period until the end of verse 21. It starts at verse 18. It runs on, on, on, on to the very end on the subject of submission. It begins with be filled with the Spirit. It's a command.

It describes what happens when you are filled. You speak to one another in songs and you worship with one another. You are grateful for what is occurring and you are submissive to one another.

It closes in verse 21. That's the context. Now, that leads me to my second statement. All the relationships depend on the same concept, submission. All of the relationships depend on that context, verse 21, be subject to one another. Wives, submission to their husbands and to his God-given role as their leader, their head. Husbands must apply submission in their love for honoring and supporting their wives and treating them with enormous respect. Children must understand submission or there will be a breakdown in obedience. We obey because we submit.

We don't submit, we don't obey. Every teenager, every child, everyone still living at home under the roof of parents needs to know what the verses one to three are saying. Fathers, verse four, need to know and apply submission or they will provoke their children to anger. Fathers, we are given to demands and to perfectionism and to a critical spirit and we expect more of our children than we should more often than not and it takes the filling of the spirit which brings about a submissive spirit that teaches us how to lead them graciously, firmly, yes, but graciously, humbly. People who work for others, verse five, are obedient to their bosses because they have a submissive spirit. Those who are bosses, verse nine, called here masters, treat their employees well and with respect because they have a submissive spirit.

I think you get the point. Submission is the concept that flows all the way through. Think of a bottle of ink breaking at verse 21 and then kind of flooding right down through the verses 22, chapter five through six, chapter six, verse nine.

It flows all the way down. You missed that. You missed the whole point.

Third statement. The truth of this section of scripture has been missed and misapplied. Religious fanatics and fools have caused immense harm using this section of scripture to teach an unbalanced position on submission and dominance. Domination is never, never spirit-filled leadership. It's sinful. It's overbearing. It is exacting and unfair abuse. That's not what the scripture teaches. Whoever teaches that twists the passage to make it say that.

Furthermore, culture has discounted God's clear teaching and principles. There are ultra and angry feminists on the one side who have won the day. There are frivolous lawsuits that have frightened us and caused us to give up ground we should never have given up, both as husbands, as parents, and as employers. Gender blending has added to the blurring of roles and responsibilities in the workplace, in government, in the military, and especially in the home. And get this, in a humanistic-inspired attempt to address and punish degrading acts of unfair and abusive behavior, society has gone too far and thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

If you think I have exaggerated in saying, here be dragons, let me give you a little project. Tomorrow morning when you're having coffee with the people at work and you're sitting around a little table enjoying a cup with them, just say, yesterday our pastor preached on wives being in submission to their husbands. Don't say anything else. You know why you're laughing? Because you know what you will hear. What? You mean you go to a church like that? He must be some wild-eyed fanatic, some kind of insecure little boy trying to get out and get control of you.

Please. I'm a lot of things, but an insecure little boy I am not. One who cares desperately about the teaching of scripture, I am. And I'll go down fighting for that till the last day of my life. So let me urge you to do two very difficult things aside from concentrate, which I always expect you to do.

I'm going to ask you to do two things. I'm going to ask you to think biblically instead of culturally. I'm going to ask you to reason theologically instead of humanistically.

Some of you are saying, what? I'm going to ask you to think biblically. Before you let your culture tell you where to stand, stay right here in the text so that you are riveted to the word of God rather than your times. You will be forever relevant, but I tell you ahead of time, you will be terribly out of step and misunderstood. Face it. As Jesus said to his followers, the world will hate you.

The world will hate you. It's tempting to let cultural trends dictate our personal view of marriage and the family, but how much better, as Chuck Swindoll has suggested, to let God's word become the guiding light in our homes. You're listening to the first part of Chuck's message titled The Most Challenging of All Relationships.

It comes from the verse-by-verse study through Paul's letter to the Ephesians. Chuck titled this comprehensive series Becoming a People of Grace. To learn more about this ministry or Chuck Swindoll, visit us online at insightworld.org. Now, before we hear a closing comment from Chuck, I'll remind you that Chuck and Cynthia Swindoll have selected a book that they believe will help you think biblically and reason theologically throughout the new year of 2021. It's a daily devotional called Good Morning, Lord, Can We Talk?

Mornings in the Swindoll home begin with time together. Throughout their marriage, Chuck and Cynthia have set aside an hour every morning, seven days a week, to sip coffee, talk, listen, and pray. Their morning routine has cultivated a deep love in their relationship, and it's also the inspiration behind Chuck's 365-day devotional, Good Morning, Lord. If you're looking for a meaningful way to begin your mornings throughout the new year, this devotional book from Chuck will guide you. Plus, it'll help you bring your prayer requests before God as you learn to articulate what's on your heart and bring those personal concerns before Him. To purchase a copy of Good Morning, Lord, go to insight.org slash store or call us if you're listening in the U.S. Our number is 1-800-772-8888.

Chuck? Not long ago, I heard a fascinating statistic. In a meeting with other ministries like ours, one gentleman said they had conducted some research on their audience. They discovered that for every 100 people listening, only six people actually responded.

Let me say that again so you can grasp it. Over the period of one month, for every 100 people listening, only six people called in or wrote or went online to give. I find that astounding. Ninety-four percent of the people who listen today will never even pick up a phone or write a letter or, for that matter, give a donation online. So let me ask you a very direct question. Are you one of the 94 or are you one of the 6? If you're one of the 6%, we cannot overexpress our gratitude. You are providing insight for living for the majority who have yet to respond.

If you're one of the 94, doesn't it seem logical to you that it's time to do your part? Don't underestimate the significance of your gift. Regardless of the size, any financial donation goes directly toward providing these daily visits together and to furthering God's work around the world through Insightful Living Ministries. It's been a demanding and, I might add, a very fruitful year for us.

I can tell you this. Our financial reserves are depleted, so our need is urgent. God will use your special year-end contribution to replenish what Insightful Living needs so that we're postured for yet another year together. So please, pick up the phone, go online, or send a gift in the mail today. Thanks so much. If you're listening in the United States, call us at 1-800-772-8888, or to give a donation of any amount, go directly to our website at insight.org. Once again, you can give by calling us if you're listening in the U.S., dial 1-800-772-8888 or by going online to insight.org. Tomorrow Chuck Swindoll continues his practical message about the most challenging of all relationships right here on Insightful Living. The preceding message, The Most Challenging of All Relationships, Part 1, was copyrighted in 2000, 2001, and 2009, and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2009 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.