Expressing Patience

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Monday, April 22nd. Personal conflict is basically unavoidable. So today, you'll hear simple guidelines to follow in the heat of conflict. Patience is a very, very important aspect of the Christian life. In fact, there's tremendous power in patience. There's energy in patience. There's strength in patience. A person who has learned the secret of being patient is able to put up with, be steadfast in, persevere in, to keep on in situations where other people just want to give up and quit.

Because it doesn't work out fast enough or the way they expect it to work. So what I want you to see in this message is this. We all are to express patience.

But how do we do it? And sometimes it's not easy. It's a whole lot easier to say to someone, now just be patient, than it is to be in the same circumstance and feeling the same frustration and be patient. And it is a little difficult for somebody to say, when you've done your best and you're frustrated and a little bit anxious about it, somebody will say, no, no, no, no, no, just be patient.

You want to say, would you just be quiet while I work this out? Because you're already frustrated enough and now you think, you know, now I'm showing off my impatience. Well, we all have to face those things. What do you do when you get impatient? How do you express genuine patience when there are two kinds of patience I think about? There's that daily patience.

That is, you know, if somebody's sitting in the car in front of you and they're, she's putting on makeup or something and the light's been green ten seconds and you're sitting there watching that. Well, we all have to face those things. But then there is what I call marathon patience. That is, it may be a long period of illness and you have to be very patient through it all. Or maybe it's a bad marriage and you're trying to be patient and there seems to be no end in sight. You have to deal with that.

It can be one of many things. But sometimes they're long drawn out tests and trials we have to face in life. How do we express it? So that's what I want to talk about in this message. And this is the third message in our series entitled The Power of Patience. And today I want to talk about expressing patience. And if you'll turn to Ephesians chapter four, I want us to read the first three verses of this chapter.

But while you're turning, I want to give you a little background. In the book of Ephesians, the first three chapters, Paul spends all of his time talking about who we are as believers and what we have as the children of God. And he talks about the fact that you and I have been chosen in Him before the foundation of the world. We've been predestined, adopted upon us, freely bestowed His love.

He's lavished His wisdom upon us. And he says in Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sins. He says we've been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.

We have the pledge of an inheritance. We've been saved by the grace of God that we are His workmanship. And then he talks about the strength that we have as a result.

So these first three chapters, here's what he's doing. He's saying, now, this is who you are now that you have a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. This is what you possess. You have the Holy Spirit. You have eternal life.

You have this awesome inheritance. You have eternal security, all of these things. So three chapters of that and then he begins chapter four with this word, therefore. So why does he begin with therefore?

Because what he's about to say is this. Therefore, that is on the basis of who you are in Christ, what you possess in Him, now I want to challenge you to live it out, walk it out. So he says, therefore, I the prisoner of the Lord implore you, that is I strongly urge you. I entreat you, I plead with you, he says, to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you've been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Now there are many qualities, many characteristics of the believer, but so many times in his epistles, the apostle Paul brings up this whole issue of patience and notice what he says.

He says he implores us to walk in a manner worthy of our calling. Then if you turn to First Timothy chapter one, he says something interesting here. Paul is talking about his own relationship to the Lord. And if you'll notice this fifteenth verse says, It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am the foremost of all.

Paul says, thinking about his life, the fact that he was persecuting Christians and trying to destroy the Christian faith, he says, I among all, I am foremost of all among sinners, the greatest of all. Then he says, Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me, as the foremost sinner, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life. And what he's simply saying is this, that the patience that God bestowed upon him or showed forth to him, was so awesome he says it's perfect patience. He just put up with him in the persecutions and put up with him and put up with him until finally he saved him and he said, Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that, that is for what reason? So that in me, the foremost, he would demonstrate his perfect patience and as an example to people who are lost, who would believe in him that they too could be saved, saying simply this, whenever you and I acknowledge and when we are patient in difficult situations and other people are looking on, that's one of the most powerful times for us to bear influence and testimony for Jesus, that is to walk worthy of our calling. We walk very worthy of our calling when in conflict you and I are patient, when we are being attacked, falsely accused of whatever it might be. Then you say, well, how are we to respond? So I want you to jot down a few things, something a little different here. And think about how you respond. Let's say for example you go to work tomorrow morning and your boss calls you and he just absolutely, I mean he lets you have it about something that somebody else did and he thinks you did it. The wisest thing you can do, and I want to just give you a few suggestions here.

How do we express patience toward others when there's conflict? How do we do that? Or it may be that, and I can remember that happened to me. I used to work in the textile mills in Danville between, in the summers when I was going to college. And I worked on the dry cans which they had all this, the sheeting went through there. The sheeting was very tan looking.

By the time it got through all the acid it became white. And so they would, it would just weave off like this into big carts. And so I had to watch all that.

Well someone came along, one of the tractors then hit that cart and knocked all that sheeting over on the sideways, sideways which really messed it up because it's supposed to weave out just like it weaved in. Well the boss came by and he just let me have it, just reamed me out and just right in front of a bunch of other people. Well, I didn't know any better then. I was just afraid.

That's the reason I was quiet. And so I knew that I didn't do it. My boss found that I didn't do it but he didn't have the courage to come to me and say, You know what Charles, I'm sorry.

I falsely accused you. But you know what, I never mentioned it. I never opened my mouth.

I never said a word. Now as I said, at that point in my life I was just afraid. But now I know that being quiet is always a wise idea.

So the first thing I want to say is this. Remain quiet when you're verbally attacked. When somebody attacks you, whether you're guilty or not guilty, just don't, just don't blare back.

It never does any good because what do they do? Well, they raise their voice and they talk a little louder and you raise your voice and you talk louder. Now you've got a shouting situation going on and nobody is listening to anybody.

The second thing is this. Not only do you respond by being quiet, but you pray for them. You say, You know what, I don't feel like praying for them.

Well, that's not the issue. The issue is you pray for them anyway. God opened their eyes. Help them to see what's going on. Help them to see that they're falsely accusing me. You know, Lord, help them to see that I made a mistake and I admit it. And if they'd be quiet, I'd be willing to admit it if they'd keep talking.

And God, I don't even have a chance to confess that I made a mistake. And so what happens is you and I have to, listen, we have to remain quiet no matter what. Then we have to control our thoughts. Because you see, if somebody's accusing you and falsely accusing you especially, and you get to thinking about, and here's what happens.

If they're accusing you and you're thinking about what's wrong with them at the same time, well, that's probably true. But look at you. I mean, look at what you've done. Look, look at, and nobody here likes you anyway.

You're the boss, but nobody likes you. In other words, if this is what's going on, you know what, before long you're out of your mouth's going to come something you wish you hadn't said. You control your thoughts by, listen, you focus upon God. Father, I hear what's being said. I want to thank You, Lord. You know that I'm not guilty.

I'm going to trust You to work this out. When you focus on God, you can keep your lips zipped. But unless you do, especially if it's just something that's just really stinging you badly, you have to be very strong not to reply back. So you control your thoughts. The next thing is control is your emotions. You see, you can't let your emotions get into that for the simple reason. You say, well, but I'm an emotional person.

All of us are emotional. He said, walk in a manner worthy of your calling. And that calling is we're to live out the Christian life before the unbelievers and before carnal Christians. And we can because we have the Holy Spirit living on the inside of us to enable us, to equip us to face anything and everything in a godly fashion. We have help.

Our help is on the inside. And so we have to remember that. So what we do is we refrain, another thing we do is we refrain from forcing our opinion upon the other person. That is, if they are after you and really coming on strong, trying to persuade them when they're hot and bothered in a way, and they're already persuaded that you're wrong, the best thing you can do is say nothing. And that brings me to one other thing I want to say here, which sounds like the first thing I said, but I keep saying a little bit different, and that is be willing to listen without responding. You see, when somebody's blaring at you, sometimes we said, be quiet, don't respond. But you may not be listening, you just, you have turned them off. And that's your defense, you just turn them off.

But then you have to be willing to listen without responding. I've told this before, but most of you never heard it. And you need to hear it again if you did.

So, because you're parents. I was in the bathroom shaving one Sunday afternoon, and I was going to come to church to preach and I'd been studying, and so I was really all geared up and ready. And my daughter walks in and I don't know what happened, but she just let me have it. And then when she finished, she walked out. And so, by the grace of God, I kept my mouth shut, I didn't say one single word. And here's the reason, because I did understand that there are times when people are full of something and they need to get rid of it.

And they need to get rid of it to somebody who loves them and who will respond correctly. The rest of that story. About two weeks went by and I called back, I said, babe, what about Dad taking you to lunch? I said, wonderful. I went to lunch.

We talked about a few little things, been sitting there eating. She said, Dad. She said, you know, two weeks ago, she said, I was so ugly to you. And I was so rude. And she said, I've been miserable ever since.

And she said, you never even mentioned, you never opened your mouth. I said, that's right. But I was careful how I said that.

If, you know, watch this. When she said I was so rude and so crude and all the other words she used, I didn't say that's right. That would have been the wrong thing. But when she finished and talked about how she walked out, then I said, well, that's right, I understand that. She said, well, you didn't say anything. I said, Beck, you have a right to say to your father whatever you want to say, because I love you.

And if there's something I need to be corrected about, I want to hear it. If there's something, maybe you were right, maybe wrong, it's not the issue. The issue is you needed to be heard. Here's what she said. She said, if you had just opened your mouth and tried to defend yourself, I don't know what I would have done. Well, you know, you have to learn to listen.

And most parents think that because they're their parent, they don't have to listen. You know what? Have you ever been a child?

Sure you have. And when you thought you were right about something and nobody, they wanted to squash you and just put you down and stomp you a little bit and don't open your mouth. Why? Because I'm your father.

I'm your mother. Don't you open your mouth. Well, you know, sometimes they need to open their mouth. And you have to be strong enough to let them vent it all out without blaring back.

You have to be patient as a parent. Another illustration. One time when I was president of the convention, we were having a very important meeting and these particular people were invited in to give a report. And so the first three men came in, gave a report, and I was seated like in a triangle.

I'm seated on the opposite end. And so the next man who came in, who had a very important position, he came in, he sat down and he knew that he had the right to give his report. He launched this vicious, brutal, hostile, angry, bitter verbal attack upon me.

I hadn't done anything. And this went on for about ten minutes. It just went on and on and on. And so I sat there and watched this man and listened to him. And then I thought to myself, because I wasn't about to blink, not even going to budge a muscle. When he finished, I never said a word. I saw the most perfect demonstration of a man who made a fool of himself, number one.

Secondly, discredited his position so that when he walked out, there was no conflict because they didn't even want to be associated with someone who was so totally irresponsible in his comments. Now sometimes it's hard to sit and listen to somebody do that to you in front of somebody else. But you know what? Don't you ever forget this. You always win.

You always win doing the right thing. So when I say learn to listen without responding, very important. And then of course, to be willing to be forgiving. And second Timothy chapter two, listen to what the Scripture says, second Timothy chapter two, because we have to forgive people what they do to us.

It doesn't make any difference what they do. Listen, verse twenty-four, the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach patient when wronged. Patient when wronged.

That is, we have to be willing to forgive no matter what. Then I think another thing is to express encouraging words. No matter what somebody's doing, you can say, well, I certainly appreciate you telling me this. Or please forgive me if I have been in a way misrepresented something.

Or I want you to know how appreciative I am that you were honest with me about your feelings. There's something about being encouraging that works on people. So you have to be very encouraging no matter what's happening and have a positive attitude.

Thank you very much. So when you and I learn to respond in those situations, here's what happens. The strength of your testimony gets stronger and stronger. The impact of your life becomes stronger and stronger. And what happens is people who, maybe I'd criticize you for being a Christian or you had this, when the unbeliever sees you respond in the right fashion, when you're being abused, you know what happens? It makes an impression on them because they think, well, I couldn't stand that.

They see something in you they wish they had. That's why I named this whole series The Power of Patience. There's energy, strength, fortitude, steadfastness, and patience.

And when the person is not patient, those things you'll find missing. Now, I want you to turn first of all to Psalm twenty-seven. We're going to stay in the Psalms. Just a few verses here. Psalm twenty-seven.

And look if you will in verse fourteen. Wait for the Lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.

That is, be patient, wait for Him, don't jump ahead of Him. Then look in Psalm thirty-seven for a moment. And notice if you will in the seventh verse of the thirty-seven Psalm.

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently, that is willingly wait for Him. That is, don't fret. You see, three times in this passage He says don't fret. Verse one, do not fret. And He says in verse eight, do not fret. And He says again in verse seven, do not fret. Fret not, fret not, fret not. The only thing that's going to keep me from fretting is being patient. Because if I'm not patient, I'm going to fret.

And fret means I'm going to be anxious and so forth. And then I want to give you one other in Psalm twenty-five for a moment. Look at this passage. Psalm twenty-five and this is sort of undergirds what we've said about waiting and being quiet. Let's start with verse one. To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in You I trust. Do not let me be ashamed. Do not let my enemies exalt over me.

And then listen to His statement. Indeed, none of those who wait, who are patient with the Lord, will be ashamed. You never have to worry about God being too late, not fulfilling His promise. When we're patient, He says what? When we're patient, we have the favor of God. So, think about it for a moment.

Who is it in your life that's the biggest test to your patience? Well, let me ask you this. What are you going to do about it? Let's ask this question.

What should you do about it? Well, I should be patient. Well, I want you to be sure you don't miss the next message. Because you see, we have to learn to be patient. Patient isn't a gift that God hands down. We don't get patience by simply praying for Him.

Oh God, please give me patience. Now, there may be some situations that you get me to walk into, you may have to say, oh, God enable me in Jesus' name. That's an emergency prayer. Pray it.

Absolutely. Emergency prayer. But that's not the way you become patient. That may be patience for the moment. But you and I want to be patient people. We want to be worthy of the calling with which we are called. And when we are, when we begin to show patience toward others who need to see a testimony, hear a testimony of what God is doing in our life. Thank you for listening to Expressing Patience. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or InTouch Ministries, stop by InTouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of InTouch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.