Right Relationships

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Monday, October 16th. Are the connections you have with others healthy and uplifting?

If you'd have to admit they might need a little work, then today's podcast will help you make necessary adjustments to begin building right relationships. Relationships are a vital part of life. God does not intend for us to live like lone rangers. He didn't equip any of us to do it just all by ourselves, but He desires that. And of course, you know, in the Garden of Eden, He said it's not good, for example, for man to be alone.

Truth is not good for man to be alone or woman to be alone. And so God has made us, while He's made us to be dependent upon Him, He's also made us to have relationships with each other to be, to some degree, dependent upon one another. And when we talk about relationships, we're talking about connections. That is, you're connected with people, emotional, whatever it may be, in your job, friendships, whatever it might be. We have those connections in life, and the issue is, what kind of connections are they?

So ask yourself this question. Do I have relationships that I do believe will help me to become the person God wants me to be and achieve the things that God wants me to achieve in life? Or do I know even now, at the very beginning of this message, that they're relationships in my life that I know are not really promoting the will of God, the ways of God, the plan of God in my life. They're relationships that are not really lifting me up and building me up, but sort of tempting me to be slipping away from what I know is the will and purpose and plan of God.

Only you know the answer to that. Relationships are extremely important because the truth is, you and I won't accomplish much in life by ourselves. So we all have that relationship with each other, with the people we love, our family, our friends, God, and all the rest. Now the issue is, what kind of relationships are they? What kind of relationship, singular or plural, what kind of relationships do you have that because of your relationship to that person, those persons, God is working in your life. He's doing something awesome in your relationship to Him.

And He's also enabling you to become, listen, but to also achieve and to accomplish in your life what you really could not apart from Him. That's the plan of God for every single one of us. Now think about this in your family. You have children.

What do you say to them? I want you to become the young man that God wants you to be. Sweetheart, I want you to become the godly woman God wants you to be.

And I'm going to help you do that. So what do you do? You build a relationship with your children. And your two primary goals as a godly mother and father to do what?

Enable them, strengthen them, support them in every way possible. That is, you want to build a relationship with your children that is so strong, so penetrating, so persuasive, so influential, so impacting in their lives that they will want to grow up to be godly young people and achieve and accomplish the things that God wants them to achieve and accomplish in life. Well the truth is that doesn't stop when our children become grown because then they're our grandchildren. But it doesn't stop then because you see we have friends. You have husbands, wives and families and people we work with, people we relate to. All of us have those relationships in life and relationships are very important because if they're positive, they're good. If they're negative relationships, they tear us down.

So let's think for just a moment. What kind of relationships do you and I need in our life that will enable you and me to become the kind of persons God wants us to be and achieve those things that He wants to achieve in your life? What kind of persons? Well I want you to get your pad and pencil out. If you'll jot them down, it'll be a help to you and it'll be a help to someone else. First of all, the kind of relationships that will help you to become that person and achieve those things, number one, relationship, listen, that will build your confidence. Build your confidence in God. Build your confidence in yourself. Listen to what the apostle Paul says.

First Thessalonians chapter 5 verse 11, therefore encourage one another. Build up one another just as you also are doing. So first of all, we need relationships that will do what? That will build our confidence. Secondly, that will encourage us, listen, relationships that will encourage us in those moments when we're discouraged.

All of us reach those moments in our life. We need to have relationships that will encourage us when we are discouraged. Number three, those relationships that motivate us. Motivate us how? Motivate us to do our best. Everyone needs some kind of relationship in their life like that. Motivate that person to want to do their best.

Isn't that what you do to your children? I want you to do your best in school, son. If you're not capable of making an A, that's okay. I want you to do your best. Motivate us to do our best. Not only that, but also stimulate us to greater creativity. We want to build relationships that stimulate us to greater creativity.

All of us have some sense of creativity in our life. We have the right kind of relationships. That person will stimulate us, encourage us, build us up, stimulate us to be more creative because they see within us the potential that we have.

Likewise, those who will energize us when we're weary. There's something about relationships that energize you, that get your mind off yourself and thinking about other things. If you want relationships that will help you become the person God wants you to be and achieve the things He wants you to achieve, you've got to build relationships. But you can't be the kind of person who's got it all together. You don't need anybody and you're a little bit aloof.

Nobody is attracted to that kind of relationship. Likewise, comfort us when we're hurting. We want relationships where people can comfort us when we're hurting. All of us hurt. We're going to hurt in life. We get hurt by people we love. We get hurt by people that we don't even know sometimes probably. We need the kind of relationships that person can come under us with and say, you know what, I understand how you feel.

Just want to assure you that I love you and I'm praying for you, whatever it might be. Then those who will defend us when we're criticized. If you live a godly life, here's what Paul told Timothy. He said, Timothy, those who live godly in Christ Jesus, he didn't say I suggest that it may happen. He said, will be persecuted.

The more godly you live, the more criticism you're going to get. And so we need people who are on the front line of our life that no matter what we're doing or being obedient to God, when people criticize us, they're there to defend us. They stand for us. They believe in us. They know the truth about us, not what somebody thinks about us.

They know the truth about us. We need people out there, the kind of relationships that they will defend us when we need them. Then people who will forgive us when we make mistakes. We all make mistakes. We're going to make mistakes. We all falter and fall at times in our life.

We need the kind of relationships. Listen, that when we make a mistake, when we falter or when we sin, not only does God forgive us, but our friend forgives us. Our relationship forgives us. You know, I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. You're forgiven. I'm not going to hold that against you.

You know what's right and I know you'll do better next time and I would just cause you to watch out for this or whatever it might be. We all need those kind of relationships. Forgive us.

Forget it and move on in life. We need the kind of relationships. Listen, people will love us when we're unlovely. Sometimes we act unlovely. We don't always act just exactly right.

But the kind of relationships you and I need are the kind of relationship people, they'll love us anyway. They understand who we are. They understand they have their moments when they're not lovely.

They also understand that God is the kind of God who loves us when we're unlovely. He loves us unconditionally, not when we deserve it. Thank God He doesn't love me only when I deserve it. He loves me when I'm unlovely, never when I deserve it because you and I can never deserve His unconditional love. We need the kind of relationships when we're unlovely, we are sort of out of sorts. Somebody loves us just the same because their love isn't conditioned upon whether we meet their requirements of doing everything just right or not. Then, of course, we need the kind of relationships that people accept us just like we are.

They accept us as we are. And once in a while I hear people talk about changing somebody and people say, well, you know, I'm thinking about marrying and so forth and somebody says, well, do you realize, well, I know, I know he drinks, but you know what, I think I can change that. Forget it, you're not going to change them. Only God can change them and more than likely if you marry somebody, listen carefully, for the purpose of changing them, you're marrying them with the wrong motivation.

You say, well, that's not my sole purpose. I love them with all of my heart, but I do want to change them. That's not your business. It is your business to live a godly life and let God change.

Now, I'm simply telling you this, that if you marry somebody and you already have in mind what you don't like about them, what you want to change about them, you'd better stop and ask yourself the question if you're ahead of God's schedule in your marriage. Likewise, somebody who will confront us when we're wrong. You know what? We're all going to be wrong about things.

Nobody's perfect. Thank God. You know what? You're not free into your eyes.

You know what? I make mistakes. I sin against God. I have to be forgiven. I'm human.

I'm natural. You know, once you can just accept the fact, we're going to make mistakes. We're all going to make mistakes. All of us are going to blow it sometimes, and so we need somebody who will confront us and say, I need to tell you, you hurt my feelings. Or I just want to say to you that what I heard you say to him or to her was really not the kindest thing you could have said.

Now, your friend, your relationship may not be quite that kind. They say, you know what? I'm surprised at you. It doesn't make any difference. I'm simply saying this.

The goal is to become the person God wants us to be, achieve the things that God wants us to achieve in life, and so it's not always going to be easy. We need people who will indeed confront us. Then we need people who will serve us.

Now, watch this. I don't mean somebody who is a servant like somebody who's a doormat. I'm talking about someone who sees our need and is willing to come to our aid and to rescue us in that particular need. All of us need folks like that. We need people at times who will do just that, who will serve us. Then we also need people who will be patient with us.

We need relationships where people are patient. We all get out of sorts once in a while. And so we have to have a little pity party or whatever we do and have it affect you.

And what happens? Somebody has to be patient with us and say, okay, you know, he or she, they're going through this and they've been there before and we just let it ride. They'll get over it and everything will be okay. Be patient with them. All of us need people to be patient with us.

All of us. We need somebody who can understand what we're going through, not get upset because we're not our normal self on that particular day and some kind of relationship that is able to say, I understand where you are, why you're there, and it's okay. Now all of these, listen, all of these are qualities, actions on the part of other people. All of us need those kind of relationships.

So ask yourself this question. Do you have anybody, I mean any one person in your whole life, do you have any one person with whom you have relationship? And one of our goals in life is to build you up and to encourage you, to motivate you to do your best, to stimulate you in your creativity, comfort you when you're going through difficulty and hardship.

Love you, be patient with you, somebody who will confront you, someone who will pray for you, accept you just the way you are. Do you have anybody in your life when you go down all of these things, when you go down all of this list, do you have anybody who matches up to that for you? Say, man, I'd like to just have somebody had two or three of those. Let me ask you a question.

Watch this now. Is there anybody in your life to whom you're that? Is there anybody in your life to whom you have so related yourself and built relationship that you want to build them up? You want to motivate them, you want to stimulate them, you want to encourage them, you love them. I mean, whatever is best for them is what you're looking for in life. You're willing to serve them, willing to give, willing to pray for them. Or do you find yourself so self-centered, only thinking of yourself, that you're always looking for what somebody can do for you? Listen, very important, we build godly relationships.

The kind, listen, that are pleasing to the Father and the kind that help us achieve God's goal for our life. Now, there are other kind of relationships. There are those relationships, listen, that are not positive influences like the ones we just described, but there are those relationships that do what? They do a number of things to us.

Number one, watch this, you better get this list down. Number one, they dim our vision. What I mean by that is they cause us to sort of say, well, I know this is what God wants me to do, but I know this is what I ought to be, but they dim our vision. The second thing they do to us and because of relationship, they discourage us, discourage us from really and truly wanting to be that godly person in life and achieve.

The third thing they do is they drag us down. And what do I mean by that? Simply, you'll finally say, well, okay, I guess, you know, maybe that really isn't what God wanted for my life, after all, when you know it was. I guess, you know, I just probably won't ever become anything, I guess, and you know what you do? They derail you in your thinking.

Finally, they defeat you. You give it all up. And ultimately, wrong relationships can destroy you. You say, well, now, wait a minute, I'm into that kind of relationship, what can I do?

Well, you have four solutions. You can pray for God to change the other person, not persons. Pray for God to change them. Will they always change?

No. You know why? Not because God can't, but because they don't want to change. When somebody doesn't want to change, refuse to change, God very seldom will God put such pressure on them and make them change.

He gives them some sense of free will. So one of the things you can do is you can say, well, I'm going to just trust God and I'm going to pray that somehow God will change them. Secondly, you can give up your goals. You can give up your dream.

You can give up your desire to be a godly person and to become the person God wants you to be and achieve the things that God wants you to achieve and give it up. The third thing you can do is to separate yourself from that relationship. It may be the job you're in. It may be a loving relationship with a person. It may be a friendship. Or you may be a person who's married to someone.

Now, watch this carefully. What I'm not going to say is what I'm going to say. You may be in a relationship with a person, doesn't have your goals, not interested in your life, your future, anything else, only in themselves. Listen carefully to what I'm saying. I'm not saying that you should divorce a person because of that. I'm saying you have to face that relationship. You have to deal with that relationship.

There may be situations and circumstances in which a person absolutely cannot live with someone else because of danger or whatever it may be. I'm saying that God can take the most difficult relationships and when we put our faith and trust in Him, we can endure far more than we could ever realize we could. And there's one other solution that you have.

The fourth solution is this. You can persevere and determine to be the person God wants you to be. And listen, that you're going to achieve the things that God wants you to achieve by His help and His strength. No matter who you live with or what the relationship is, you're not giving it up, you're not laying down, you're not walking away, you're not giving up in failure. You're going to trust God to use all the difficulty, all the hardship, all the criticism.

Listen, all the control mechanisms, all the manipulation to do what? To make you a godly man and a godly woman. But of course, it would be far better to have the right relationship.

So I would say this to you. Before you get married, you need to sit down with another person and find out what are their goals in life, where are they headed in life. When they look in the future, what do they want to achieve in life? What do they want to accomplish in life?

Somebody says, well, I just want to get married and be happy and be in love and have children. End of story. Well, you know how long it takes to get all that done?

It doesn't take a whole lot, long. You've got the rest of your life to live. Then what? So the children are here and they're gone, now out of school and now you're a grandparent.

Now what? You better sit down and do some hard, cold, serious, godly, spiritual thinking and find out who is this person, where are they headed in life, what are their goals. And if you listen, and if you cannot say with a whole heart, a godly heart, listening to God, I do believe that I can link my life with this person. We have mutual goals. We want to walk in the same direction. We both want to be what God wants us to be. We both want to achieve the things that God wants us to achieve. We're committed to each other. Listen, we're committed to each other till death. We want God to accomplish his purpose in our life. We're committed to one another. We want to build up each other and encourage each other and comfort each other and motivate each other and stimulate each other and all the other others. That's what we want in life.

Not that I think I'm in love. That's not enough. There's got to be something deeper, stronger. There's got to be a foundation that is built on what?

The truth of the word of God. When it's built on this, listen, when it's built on this, you have a far better chance, a far better opportunity of making it work. You say, well, it always worked. No, because sometimes people change. But what does that mean about you? Does that mean that you have to change and give it up? No, because God lives on the inside of you. Whatever situation and circumstance and relationship he allows into your life, if you will respond to him in the correct fashion, he will turn it for your good no matter what.

Don't ever forget that. No matter what, he will turn it for your good. Thank you for listening to Right Relationships. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or In Touch Ministries, stop by InTouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.