Anger and Forgiveness - Part 1

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Monday, October tenth. Are you feeling angry because of the actions of someone who hurt you? In today's podcast, you'll discover the only cure for a wounded heart.

The series Letting Go of Anger continues. The Bible says, Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ Jesus has forgiven you. But that's not always easy, is it? And so, I want to encourage you to listen very carefully because this message could absolutely, if you listen to it, by the power of the Holy Spirit, change your life.

But even more than that, I'd put it like this. It'll set you free. Many people are very angry and know it. Many people are very angry and do not know it. And they're living enslaved by an attitude. Because you see, anger, bitterness, hostility, all of these are very enslaving attitudes. And no matter who you are and where you are, as long as that's in your life, it's like this caustic poison just leaking through your entire system.

And while you may not show it on the outside, on the inside it's eating away at you. Because physically, you cannot avoid the consequences of anger. So, I want you to listen carefully for your sake. This is the fourth message in our series on letting go of anger. We've talked about the whole idea of how do you know whether you're angry or not, and then the consequences. And then the third one was about what I want to finish up today, and that is how do you handle anger? And somebody says, Well, you just ask God to forgive you, and that's it.

No, that's not it. It's not that simple. Sometime it's very difficult. And I want to begin with the whole idea of clarifying some meanings. That is, some definitions.

That is, what do we mean? If I should ask you, Well, what is forgiveness? You'd say, Well, you just don't hold it against them anymore, or something like that. So, I want to give you three definitions that I want to encourage you to write down so you can relate to them. Anger is a strong feeling of intense displeasure. Hostility or indignation as a result of a real or an imagined threat or insult, frustration or injustice toward yourself or toward someone who's very important to you. So notice, it's a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility, indignation as a result of something you imagine happened or something that really happened.

And that's what anger's about. So what's forgiveness about? Well, forgiveness, watch this carefully, is the giving up of resentment and rage are part of anger, expressions of anger. The giving up of resentment against someone and our right to get even no matter what has been done to us. If you don't understand what forgiveness is, just saying, Well, I'm not going to hold it against them anymore, you're forgiven.

Saying you're forgiven and experiencing forgiveness is two different things. The giving up of resentment against someone and our right to get even no matter what has been done to us. It is the surrendering of my right to hurt you back if you hurt me. If I really and truly forgive you, I give up my right to hurt you back, to pay you off for what you did to me. Now, what is unforgiveness? Unforgiveness is the deliberate, willful refusal to give up one's resentment and right to get even. Based on the wrongful thought, somebody needs to pay.

And this is the thing that oftentimes keeps people from being forgiving. Somebody's got to pay. Here's what he did to me. Here's what she did to me.

Here's what he did to my wife or my husband or my child. Somebody's got to pay. Unforgiveness demands payment by somebody. Forgiveness says don't hold it against them. That is, I don't hold it over their heads to pay me back for something that happened.

Now watch this. It's the giving up, surrendering. What Paul says, lay it down, put it aside. Putting aside our right to get even with someone. So, with those three definitions in mind so that you understand what true forgiveness is and what unforgiveness is, there are some obstacles oftentimes to forgiving people. That is, it isn't always as easy as it sounds. And so, what I want us to do is to look at this whole issue of how do we handle this matter of anger in our life and what do we do about it. So, there are some situations and some attitudes that make it very difficult.

And one of them is this. In other words, first of all, one of the obstacles to forgiveness is wanting to forgive somebody. Listen, once you really and truly want to forgive, you can. But it's an obstacle until you do. A second obstacle is this, and that is rehearsing whatever they did to you. And you know there are people, you'll hear them, they'll say, Well, let me tell you what so-and-so did. They tell him, they tell her. And two weeks later, they're still telling it. Months later, they're still telling it.

Years later, people are still talking about what so-and-so did to them. And the truth is, rehearsing it is a hindrance to forgiving. And then, of course, the whole issue is pride.

If anybody needs to go to anybody, they should come to me, not me go to them. So, pride oftentimes is a major issue keeping us from being, forgiving in our life. And then sometimes fear.

Fear of what? Well, fear, they'll take advantage of me if I go tell them that I'm asking them to forgive me for something. Or, they'll reject me.

Or, I'll look like I'm just being weak. And so, with those attitudes, a person is not more than likely going to do it. And when you think about, somebody says, well, you know, they'll misunderstand me.

All of these are excuses for not dealing with the issue. You may be misunderstood. You may feel rejected. You may be rejected.

You may feel weak. And all of these things may be true. But all of these will keep you from being liberated.

What we're talking about is freedom from the enslavement of anger, hostility, bitterness, resentment. All the things that happen in a person's life when they're unforgiving. And so, this will keep you from being forgiven if you're not careful. Then, of course, you always get negative advice. Well, if I were you, here's what I would do. I wouldn't go to them.

I'd, here's what I. And oftentimes, your so-called friends, listen, they sometimes want to protect you, want to defend you. But sometimes, friendly advice is not godly advice.

And you have to discern between the two. Well, you don't need to do thus and so when the truth is that is exactly what God wants you to do. And then, of course, there is partial forgiveness. And that is, well, look, I can forgive Him for this and this and this, but not that. Partial forgiveness is like partial obedience.

Partial obedience is disobedience. And partial forgiveness is unforgiveness. And so, things that people think such as these oftentimes keep them from seeking forgiveness and working things out in their life. And then somebody says, Well, I just don't feel like it. Well, if you wait till you feel like forgiving somebody who's hurting you more than likely, you're not going to do it.

And then, of course, the whole issue is, I've tried and it didn't work or how long is it going to take? And so, what they oftentimes is they want to be able to say, Well, I forgive you and that's it. That settles it. It's one thing to say it. It's something else to experience it in your heart. And so, as you think about some of these, you might ask yourself, Is that my attitude?

Is that the way I feel? And then one of the things that a person will do oftentimes to avoid genuinely forgiving is this. They'll think about the situation, what that person said or what they did. They'll say, Well, they probably didn't mean that.

It was probably a mistake. And so, if you try to justify somebody else is wrong to you in order to not face forgiveness, then what you do, you're still enslaved by an unforgiving spirit. And I'm telling you, I'm going to show you in a moment, unforgiveness is a very, very critical, dangerous thing.

Not only does it affect all your relationships, affect you physically, but listen to this passage of Scripture. And what I'd like for you to do is I'd like for you to turn to Matthew chapter six. You've read the Lord's Prayer many, many times, I'm sure. At least that's the pattern prayer, really. This sixth chapter of Matthew, I want you to look at this for a moment.

Jesus has just talked about how to pray and He's giving them the pattern there, our Father who art in heaven. And so, He comes down to the last part and He says, And forgive us our debts, or our trespasses, or our sins against others, as we also have forgiven our debtors, our trespasses. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Amen. Then He says, watch this carefully. This is a conditional sentence. For if you forgive others for their transgressions toward you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

That makes this one of the most critical statements in the Bible. If you forgive those who wrong you, the Father will forgive you. If you refuse to forgive those who wrong you, the Father will refuse to forgive you.

Now let's clarify something. This is not referring to salvation. The Bible says in Ephesians chapter two, eight, nine, that for by grace you've been saved through faith, that not of yourselves, it is a gift of God, not of works lest any panache in boast. And so, we're not talking about salvation. We're talking about our spirit toward someone else, our willingness to forgive someone else for what they've done. And so, what Jesus is saying here is this, that my unwillingness to forgive someone else, my refusal to let go, my refusal to lay it all down, places me in a position where the heavenly Father will not forgive me of my sin. Now this has nothing to do with salvation.

It has to do with your daily walk. Salvation's a subtle issue. Now think about this for a moment, because people read this and they just read right over it.

This couldn't be any clearer. For if you forgive others for their transgressions toward you, your heavenly Father will forgive you, if it's a conditional thing. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

Now is that serious or is it not? Here's what it means. If the Father is not forgiving toward me for something that's going on inside of me, then that means my relationship with Him is not right. And that is a sin. And living in willful known sin is a condition. God will not answer our prayer.

Watch this. If He did, He would be condoning sin, agreeing with sin, which would be out of His character. I don't think people realize how absolutely critical it is to have a forgiving spirit. Because it affects every aspect of your life. And I think one of the reasons many people are not blessed in their life is because they have anger, they have hostility. Something happened maybe way back yonder or maybe yesterday and you just can't forgive. Well, they don't deserve it.

This is what they did. And they deserve to feel the blunt of this and on and on. All you're doing is causing yourself pain, unforgiveness like a boomerang.

It comes back to you and you're the one who hurts. Unforgiveness is a critical, detrimental, destructive attitude that absolutely will destroy your life and separates you in your fellowship with God. Separates you in your fellowship, not your relationship. You're saved once you're saved. So, we need to be very careful about how we think about what Jesus said. Because we always look at that prayer and think that's just wonderful.

But here's what He says. He says, if you don't forgive your brother, if you don't forgive others, the Father will not forgive you. And so, we're not talking about salvation. We're talking about our spirit toward someone else.

Our willingness to forgive someone else for what they've done. Now, turn to the eighteenth chapter of Matthew and here Peter deals with the whole thing. Eighteenth chapter beginning in the twenty-first verse. Listen to what he says, Then Peter came and said to Jesus, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Now, Peter thought he was being pretty good at this point because the rabbis said three times. So, Peter thought, well, I'll beat that. What about it, Lord, if I forgive them seven times?

How does that sound? Well, he got a little jolt because Jesus said, I said to you, seventy times seven. Now, how many is that? Four hundred and ninety.

Four hundred and ninety. You've counted them up. How many times have you counted them up?

So, let me ask you this. How many times have you sinned against God? Four hundred and? Four hundred and forty? Why did Jesus say seventy times seven? He had a very specific reason for saying it. And He didn't mean four hundred and ninety times. What did He mean?

Here's what He meant. I'm not giving you a measuring rod so you can decide how long you can be forgiving or unforgiving. Because by the time you've reached four hundred, you've forgotten all about how many it is.

In fact, most of us forgot many times ago. And all of us would have to fall in the category, God, I can't count how many times you've had to forgive me for something. So, what was He saying? Peter, there's no end to forgiveness. Seventy times seven, and we think about seven being a complete number. And He reasoned He said seventy times seven is, Peter, I'm not giving you a measuring rod because there is no limit to forgiveness.

You may not like somebody, but forgiveness and liking them is two different things. Then what He did, He settled this by giving him a parable. And I won't read it all to you, but just sort of give you an idea of what He's saying. In the twenty-third verse, Jesus said, after having said that, though this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.

Now, I put it in modern terms. So, here's what happens. This man owes his employer ten thousand dollars. And so, he calls for the debt to be paid. And so, the man says, I can't pay it. I, you know, give me, he says, please be patient with me. I can't pay it now, but I will.

And so, the employer says, okay, I'm going to be compassionate to you and I'm going to forgive you. So, this man goes out and somebody owes him one hundred dollars versus ten thousand. And he finds the guy that owes him a hundred dollars and he says to him, you need to pay up. He says, well, I can't pay up. Throw him and his family in prison.

In other words, whatever's necessary, but just do whatever's necessary. He can't pay. The man said, please be patient with me, which is what he said. But now, he's unwilling to do that and so here's what Jesus said. Then summoning him, his Lord said to him, you wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with Me, should you not have also had mercy on your fellow slave in the same way that I've had mercy on you. And his Lord moved with anger, handed him over to the torturous until he should pay, repay all that was owed to him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart. Not from your lips, but from your heart. Now, that's a very strong, it's a parable, it's a truth.

It's a principle. And so, think about what Jesus said. He said, I forgive you for all the things that you have done toward Me. You're four hundred and ninety-one sins against this man's one sin and you won't forgive him? You see, the truth is, you and I have no justifiable reason, not one, for not forgiving others for what they've done to us or what they will do. There's no justifiable reason according to the Scripture.

Not one. He didn't say except if and but and when. He said, you forgive, Father forgives you. You don't forgive, Father doesn't forgive you. This man mistreated his slave and would not forgive him. And Jesus said in this parable, send him to the torturous for him to pay. And what He was simply saying is, it is a very dangerous thing for a person not to be forgiving. And I think we handle it rather lightly. And we say, well, yeah, I've forgiven him. But listen to me again.

Forgiveness from the lips can be meaningless unless that forgiveness is a true, genuine expression of the heart. And I'm fully convinced that many, many people are suffering. They're suffering in their finances. They're suffering in their relationships. They're suffering on their job. They're suffering in their home with their children.

You name it. Unforgiveness is a divider. Unforgiveness by its nature is a destroyer.

It is an enslaver. And sometimes people never deal with it. They don't want to because they say, it was so unfair. I did this.

I did that. And look what they did to me. God doesn't expect me. God expects me to forgive.

It may take me a little while. He expects me to forgive. He's unable us to forgive no matter what.

What did He say? If I'm not willing to forgive, then what happens is He's not going to forgive me. That is, I can't be in a right relationship with Jesus Christ and have an unforgiving spirit toward anybody. No matter what's going on.

And the same old thing comes up, but if you only knew. I've met a lot of people, been through a lot of things in life, and that's enough of my own to know, yes, you can. Thank you for listening to Anger and Forgiveness. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or In Touch Ministries, stop by intouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.