Christian Friendship

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Wednesday, September 22nd. The Bible says, whoever walks with the wise becomes wise. Today, you'll be reminded of the importance of cultivating good Christian friends as a valuable help to holiness. I think when you look in the Bible and just think back beginning in the book of Genesis, for example, remember that when God made the creation, everything He made, He says it's good until He got to one thing. When He saw that Adam was alone and did not have someone on his level to fellowship with and to be a friend to, God said that's not good.

The only thing He saw in all of His creation that was not good was not what He had done but what He had not done up until that time. What He had not done was to provide Adam with another person whom He could fellowship with and whom He could love so that the very family itself says something about our need to love each other. God has so arranged humanity that all of us do have and can have someone to love and someone to love us in return. That is, we need a friend. We need fellowship, one with the other. Now, God's design in friendship ultimately is always the building of each other into Christ's likeness.

That's His total design. That's what He wants to happen because, you see, if I build you and you build me, both of us are built up. When you get two committed Christians who are genuine friends, I mean real friends, you've got two people, each of whom has someone to help build Him up into Christ's likeness. Now, it is difficult to live a Christian life in the world in which we live. You say to me time after time, you don't know how it is where I work. You don't know how it is where I live.

You don't know how it is where I go to school. Well, maybe I don't, but I know that there is somebody there who can be your friend. There's somebody there who can be a helper to you, someone with whom you can talk together, not always agree, but talk together and fellowship together, someone who can be your partner in growing up into Christ's likeness. Now, I believe the pattern here for this is found in this passage. For Jesus had been talking about the vine-branch relationship and the fact that you and I are branches, that He's divine, we live in Him and He's living in us. And when He concludes that, He says, These things have I spoken unto you, that My joy might remain in you and that your joy might be full.

Then He tells them that He wants them to love each other just like He's loved them. Now, the design in friendship and fellowship basically is that two people build each other up in a relationship that will conform them to the likeness of Jesus Christ. Now, what I want to say to you this morning, and I don't have much time so I'm going to move quickly, I want to talk about the areas or the things that I feel are essential to developing intimate fellowship and friendship.

And there's not one person here who does not need it. You see, God didn't make us to be an island, isolated from anyone else. But we do this, even as Christians, we ought to love each other to a degree and on a level unknown and unexperienced by the rest of the world.

Because we have a capacity to love and to befriend someone that the outside world does not have. Now, I want you to look at this passage because I think the pattern's here. Now, watch this. He says, this is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love have no man than this than a man laid down his life for his friends. All right? Let's talk about this matter of what does it take to develop intimate friendships, the design.

Watch this now. The ultimate design of which is to create a spiritual walk of holiness in the eyes of God. The first thing that's important to developing intimate friendship is a sensitivity. That is, you need to be aware of the other person. And listen, we are so wrapped up in ourselves because we have so many things of personal interest, it is difficult for us to be aware of other people. But if you're going to develop friendships, you must learn to be aware of the other person. You must learn to be alert to that other person's needs, alert to the other person's desires, alert to the other person's sorrows and heartaches and burdens. You see, sensitive. And only when we develop a spiritual sensitivity to those about us can we be the kind of friend. Now, listen, somebody needs your friendship and you need someone else's friendship. You are not isolated.

You're not an island. You cannot be spiritually or emotionally healthy and keep everything that God has and is doing for you to yourself. Sensitive to the need. Now, I want you to turn to the 142nd Psalm, I believe. 142nd Psalm, I want you to notice this verse. And I'm going to give you just several verses here right quickly. Psalm 142. And look at verse 4. And I'm sure that all of us at some time or the other have felt like the Psalmist says in this 142nd Psalm, verse 4, he says, I looked on my right hand and beheld that there was no man that would know me.

Refuge failed me. No man cared for my soul. I looked on my right hand and beheld, but there was no man, no one to care for my soul, no one to be a friend. And you see what Jesus was saying here in this 12th verse.

He says, this is my commandment that you love one another. As I've loved you, be sensitive to those people about you. Somebody out there needs to know that you care for their wellbeing. Not that you are going to give them something material, but the fact that you care. And you see, so often we want to give somebody something material that we don't want to give them of ourselves.

And the Lord taught me a real lesson not long ago. Someone had, a couple of folks had done something nice for me and it helped me out. And I wanted to do something for them. And my first response was I knew some need that they had. So I wanted to buy them something. But someone who knew these two folks said to me, you know what I think they'd really rather have? They had really rather have you give of your time to them and just share yourself and let them share themselves with you and tell you what's on their heart. And you give them some guidance for their future life as they talk about their future vocation. Don't buy them anything. Just give them yourself.

And I had to go home and get on my knees and ask the Lord to forgive me. And I meant that because my first impression was too busy. Do something else. Do the quick thing. Do the immediate thing.

Do the easiest thing. What they needed was not something I had to give. They just needed me. And I had the greatest time sharing myself and listening to them unburden their hearts and the people all about us who need us as friends. But if I'm going to be a friend, I've got to be sensitive that what somebody needs is my heart. What somebody needs is the warmth of yourself. What somebody needs is to know that you care and that you do love them enough that you'll take time to listen to their particular needs.

The second thing I want you to notice, not only sensitivity, but submission. You see, in order to be a friend, you must learn to be submissive. If you'll turn to Ephesians chapter 5, because one of the verses we forget is the verse right before that. Now, I don't know that any of us really know everything this verse means. But if you look in Ephesians chapter 5, and you'll notice he said there, for example, about being filled with spirit and speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.

Then verse 20 says, giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Verse 21, Ephesians 5 21 says, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Listen, did you know that to be a friend, you've got to be willing to submit yourself to someone else? If I'm going to be your friend, I've got to be willing to accept you just as you are. You must accept me as I am, and we must submit to each other. Now, what does that mean by submitting to one another?

That means that I must yield to the person you are, recognizing that while I'm yielding to the person that you are, I am in so doing and going to motivate you to yield to the person that I am, and therefore, we can begin to cooperate with each other in building up one another. But now most of us are like this, man, if you're going to be my friend, you've got to do thus and so. You see, that's not friendship. That is a casual acquaintance. But to build a friendship that will conform us both into the likeness of Christ means I must be willing to listen to you pour out your heart.

I must be willing to submit to your dislikes without criticizing you. And you see, so often we Christians are so guilty of that. We can't be anybody else's friend because we can't submit to anybody. You see, friendship's going to cost me something. Now, I think sometimes a lot of Christians in their casual talk are oftentimes very, very damaging in their jokes about each other.

Now, I think we ought to have a good time with each other. But you see, a genuine friend, an intimate friend, must be willing. You see, what I'm saying is you must be willing to yield your personal rights, yield your personal desires, back off from what you think is best for the moment in order to watch that other person be built up in his or her life. Now, the third thing, if I'm going to be someone's friend, if I'm going to build up someone in friendship, not only does it take sensitivity and submission, but sacrifice.

Notice what he said. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You know what Jesus would say? He's taking the initiative. He's laying down his life for his friend. You and I, in order to build the kind of friendships that God wants us to have, we must take the initiative. We've got to reach out. There are a lot of people who want you as a friend, who desire you as a friend, who need you as a friend, who don't have the capacity to reach out. They don't know how to reach out. They've never had a friend. They don't know what friendship means. And because we're the children of God and because we have him indwelling us, we are the ones who ought to reach out and take the initiative to be somebody else's friend. You see, a friend is a person who can bear, who can shoulder your adversity, and it's going to cost us something. It's going to cost us our pride, because sometimes we need to be the friend of someone else.

We're going to have to take the initiative. We're going to have to reach out. And there are times when we need a friend that we're going to have to let them reach into our heart. We're going to have to learn how to respond to someone who desires to be our friend and someone whom we need as a friend.

And I believe we have a very, very unhealthy society today because we as believers are unwilling to share our heart with each other. You see, there's a sacrifice and the sacrifice is my pride. I've got to be willing to lay that down before my friend and say, fellow, step right into my heart and take a good look. You may not like what you see, but here's the real me. I wonder, as you think through your mind, is there anybody today that you'd be willing to tell that to? I mean, besides maybe your wife or your husband. Is there any friend that you have that you'd be willing to say, step right in.

I want you to look around, and when you finish looking around, I want you to tell me what you see. That's friendship. And you see, it costs me my pride because genuine friendship is built on mutual trust for each other. Sacrifice is part of being a friend. And we've always said, a friend in need is a friend in deed. That's right. That's true. And to develop friendships means that I must be willing to take off my cloak and let my friend on the inside because only on the inside can he help me.

And I want to tell you, everybody needs an intimate friend before whom he or she can bear his or her heart. It takes more than sensitivity. It takes more than a sacrifice. It takes more than submission.

It takes one other thing that I want to mention here. It takes sharing. Listen to what he said, henceforth I call you not servants, for the servant knoweth not what his Lord doeth. But I have called you friends, for listen, for all things that I have heard of my Father, I have made known unto you. Now listen, true friends not only are sensitive to each other, but they share the interest of one another.

Two men can carry anything easier than one. And you know what Christian friendship is? Christian friendship is two people sharing each other's load.

Intimate friendship is willingness to sit down face to face and say, let me tell you what's on my heart. I just need to get this off my chest. And it may be that you need to say some things that you wouldn't say to anybody in the world, but you need to say it to somebody. You may say it in a way that if some other Christian heard you say it, they'd say, ah.

No, you'd say things like that. But you know, the two friends, listen, what did I say in the very beginning? They don't judge each other.

Now mark that down. Genuine friends don't judge each other. They're not looking for something to criticize. They're making themselves available to be a help, never a hindrance. You see, friendship demands that we share.

Now listen, I want you to think for just a moment. Is there anybody today, anybody that you can say, I'm sensitive to their needs? I've really submitted to them because I want to build them up. I just accept them like they are. I really am sacrificing to be their friend because sometimes it's difficult to be their friend. And I'm really sharing what I am, what I have to help them to grow up because that's God's ultimate design and friendship to build up the other fellow. Can you say that about anybody? You know what I'm afraid? I'm afraid not even some husbands and wives can say that. You may be married, but are your friends. Now listen, when we are sensitive to another person, when we submit to their needs, when we sacrifice in order to build them up, when we share ourselves with them, you know what we do ultimately?

We shape that life. And I want to ask you this morning, is there anybody, any other believer whom you love enough to be sensitive, submissive, to sacrifice, to share, to shape that life like Christ? Now listen, if you've never been saved, you need a friend and I want to tell you about him. His name is Jesus.

Until he becomes your friend, you'll never understand what friendship is all about for you see, you can't be sensitive and submissive and sacrificial. You will not share nor can you shape until first of all Christ is living within your heart and giving you the capacity to do so. I want to encourage you to accept Christ this morning. He'll become your Savior, he'll become your Lord, he'll become your life, he'll become your friend and he'll never leave you.

A friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Then for all the rest of us, maybe you're one of those lonely people this morning, maybe you're a senior citizen, maybe you're not, but you're just lonely. Remember what he said, to have friends you must show yourself friendly. I want to challenge you to reach out to somebody and I believe God will honor your reach and he'll give you a friend who will build you up into Christ like this.

Then what about all the rest of us, moms, dads, young people? Are we allowing ourselves to be a friend? Somebody's out there weeping and wanting us, but they can't have us because we're too busy. Are you willing to be somebody's friend? Father, we thank you that you're our friend. You said I've not only called you servants but I've called you my friend. We know you're sensitive to us and you've surely sacrificed for us and you share with us every day and we know that you are shaping us into your likeness. And Father, it's so easy to be selfish, so easy to think only of ourselves or our family when there's so many people about us who need us. Not what we have, they just need us. But Father, what is more beautiful than two believers working to build up the other in Christ's likeness?

Teach us how to do that. Teach us how to love each other, how to befriend each other, how to reach out to one another, to be willing to take the initiative to create friendship, to give of ourselves, to offer ourselves, to forget ourselves in order to forge into the other person's life those traits of character and temperament that will honor you. And we'll thank you for that in Jesus' name. Thank you for listening to Christian Friendship. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or In Touch Ministries, stop by InTouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.