Christian Friendship

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Friday, May 2. Scripture tells us, whoever walks with the wise becomes wise. Today you'll hear about the value of good Christian friends. He was one on His level to fellowship with, and to be a friend to God said that's not good.

The only thing He saw in all of His creation that was not good was not what He had done, but what He had not done up until that time. What He had not done was to provide Adam with another person whom He could fellowship with and whom He could love. So that the very family itself says something about our need to love each other. God has so arranged humanity that all of us do have and can have someone to love and Someone to love us in return that is we need a friend We need fellowship one with the other Now God's design in friendship ultimately is always the building of each other in the Christ lightness That's his total design That's what he wants to happen because you see if I build you and you build me both of us are built up When you get to committed Christians who are genuine friends, I mean real friends You've got two people each of whom has someone to help build him up into Christ like this Now it is difficult to live a Christian life in the world in which we live you say to me time after time You don't know how it is where I work You don't know how it is where I live. You don't know how it is where I go to school Well, maybe I don't but I know that there is somebody there who can be your friend there's somebody there who can be a helper to you someone with whom you can talk together not always agree, but talk together and Fellowship together someone who can be your partner in growing up into Christ like this now I believe the pattern here for this is found in this passage For Jesus had been talking about the vine branch relationship and the fact that you and I are branches that he's divine We live in him and he's living in us and when he concludes that he says These things have I spoken unto you that my joy might remain in you and that your joy might be full Then he tells them that he wants them to love each other just like he's loved them now the design in friendship and fellowship basically is that two people build each other up in a Relationship that will conform them to the likeness of Jesus Christ Now what I want to say to you this morning, and I don't have much time, so I'm gonna move quickly I want to talk about The areas or the things that I feel are essential to developing Intimate fellowship and friendship and there's not one person here who does not need it You see God didn't make us to be an island isolated from anyone else, but we do this even as Christians We ought to love each other to a degree and on a level unknown and unexperienced by the rest of the world Because we have a capacity to love and to befriend someone that the outside world does not have Now I want you to look at this passage because I think the patterns, you know, watch this He says this is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you Greater love have no man than this than a man laid down his life for his friends. All right Let's talk about this matter of what does it take to develop intimate friendships the design watch this now the ultimate Design of which is to create a spiritual walk of holiness in the eyes of God The first thing that's important to developing intimate friendship is a sensitivity That is you need to be aware of the other person and listen We are so wrapped up in ourselves because we have so many things of personal interest It is difficult for us to be aware of other people But if you're going to develop friendships, you must learn to be aware of the other person You must learn to be alert to that other person's needs Alert to the other person's desires alert to the other person's sorrows and heartaches and burdens. You see sensitive and Only when we develop a spiritual sensitivity to those about us. Can we be the kind of friend now?

Listen? Somebody needs your friendship and you need someone else's friendship. You are not isolated. You're not an island You cannot be spiritually or emotionally healthy and keep everything that God has and is doing for you to yourself sensitive to the need now I want you to turn to The hundred and forty-second Psalm, I believe 142nd Psalm I want you to notice this verse and I'm gonna I gave you just several verses here right quickly Psalm 142 and look at verse 4 and I'm sure that all of us at some time or the other have felt like the Psalm It says in this hundred and forty second Psalm verse 4. He says I looked on my right hand and Beheld that there was no man that would know me Refuge failed me.

No man cared for my soul I looked on my right hand and be held but there was no man No one to care for my soul. No one to be a friend and you see what Jesus was saying here in this 12th verse He says this is my commandment that you love one another as I've loved you be sensitive to those people about you Somebody out there needs to know that you care for their well-being not that you are going to give them something material but the fact that you care and You see so often we want to give somebody something materially. We don't want to give them of ourselves and the Lord taught me real less not long ago someone had a couple of folks had done something nice for me and it helped me out and and I wanted to do something for them and My first response was I knew some need that they had so I wanted to buy them something But someone who knew these two folks said to me, you know what? I think they'd really rather have They had really rather have you give of your time to them and just share yourself and let them share themselves with you and tell You what's on their heart and you give them some guidance for that future life as they talk about that future vocation Don't bother them anything. Just give them yourself and I had to go home get on my knees and ask the Lord to forgive me And I meant that because my first impression was too busy Do something else do the quick thing do the immediate thing do the easiest thing what they need was not something I had to give they just needed me and I had the greatest time Sharing myself and listening to them unburden their hearts and the people all about us Who need us as friends, but if I'm gonna be a friend, I've got to be sensitive Then what somebody needs is my heart what somebody needs is the warmth of yourself What somebody needs is to know that you care and that you do love them enough that you'll take time To listen to their particular needs the second thing. I want you to notice not only Sensitivity but submission you see in order to be a friend You must learn to be submissive if you'll turn to Ephesians chapter 5 because one of the verses we forget is The verse right before that now, I don't know that any of us really know everything this verse means But if you look in Ephesians chapter 5 and you'll notice He said there for example about being filled with spirit and speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs Then verse 20 says giving thanks always for all things unto God the Father the name of the Lord Jesus Christ verse 21 Ephesians 5 21 says Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Listen. Did you know that to be a friend? You've got to be willing to submit yourself to someone else You say well now I thought submission was limited to God and limited to husbands and wives. No, it's not you see when you're someone else's friend, you've got to be willing to accept that person as They are not like you want them to be you see this is one of our problems as a Christian Sometimes we want to pour somebody the mold say be just like this if I'm going to be your friend I've got to be willing to accept you just as you are You must accept me as I am and we must submit to each other.

Now. What does that mean by submitting to one another? That means that I must yield to the person you are Recognizing that while I'm yielding to the person that you are I am in so doing and gonna motivate you to yield to the person that I am and therefore we can begin to Cooperate with each other in building up one another but now most of us are like this man if you're gonna be my friend you Got to do this and so you see that's not friendship That is a casual acquaintance But to build a friendship that will conform us both into the likeness of Christ means I must be willing to listen to you pour Out your heart. I must be willing to submit to your dislikes without Criticizing you and you see so often we Christians are so guilty of that We can't be anybody else's friend because we can't submit to anybody You see friendships gonna cost me something now I think sometimes a lot of Christians in their casual talk are oftentimes very very damaging in their jokes about each other now I think we ought to have a good time with each other But you see a genuine friend an intimate friend must be willing You see what I'm saying is you must be willing to yield your personal rights yield your personal desires Back off from what you think is best for the moment in order to watch that other person be built up in his or her life Now the third thing if I'm going to be someone's friend if I'm going to build up someone in friendship Not only does it take sensitivity and submission but sacrifice notice what he said Greater love hath no man than this that a man laid down his life for his friends You know when Jesus would say he's taking the initiative. He's laying down his life for his friend You and I in order to build the kind of friendships that God wants us to have we must take the initiative We've got to reach out there a lot of people who want you as a friend Who desire you as a friend who need you as a friend who don't have the capacity to reach out?

They don't know how to reach out. They've never had a friend They don't know what friendship means and because we're the children of God and because we have him indwelling us We are the ones who are to reach out and take the initiative to be somebody else's friend You see a friend is a person who can bear who can shoulder your adversity and it's gonna cost us something It's gonna cost us our pride Because there's sometimes we need to be the friend of someone else We're gonna have to take the initiative We're gonna have to reach out and there are times when we need a friend that we're gonna have to let them reach into our Heart we're gonna have to learn how to respond to someone Who desires to be our friend and someone whom we need is a friend? And I believe we have a very very unhealthy Society today because We as believers are unwilling to share our heart with each other You see there's a sacrifice the sacrifice is my pride I've got to be willing to lay that down before my friend and say Fella step right into my heart and take a good look. You may not like what you see, but here's the real me.

I Wonder as you think through your mind, is there anybody today? that you'd be willing to tell that to I mean besides maybe your wife or your husband is There any friend that you have that you'd be able to say step right in I want you to look around and when you finish looking around I want you to tell me what you see That's friendship and you see It costs me my pride because genuine friendship is built on mutual trust for each other Sacrifice Is part of being a friend and we've always said a friend in need is a friend indeed. That's right That's true and To develop friendships means that I must be willing To take off my cloak and let my friend on the inside because only on the inside Can he help me and I want to tell you everybody needs an intimate friend But for whom he or she can bear his or her heart It takes more than sensitivity it takes more than a Sacrifice it takes more than submission. It takes one other thing that I want to mention here It takes sharing listen to what he said Henceforth I call you not servants with a servant knows not what his Lord do it But I have called you friends for listen for all things that I have heard of my father. I Have made known Unto you now listen True friends not only are sensitive to each other But they share the interest of one another two men can carry anything easier than one and You know what Christian friendship is Christian friendship is two people sharing each other's load Intimate friendship is willingness to sit down face to face and Say let me tell you what's on my heart. I just need to get this off my chest and It may be that you need to say some things that you wouldn't say to anybody in the world But you need to say it to somebody You may say it in a way that if some other Christian heard you said they'd say No, you'd say things like that But you know the two friends listen, what did I say in the very beginning? They don't judge each other Now mark that down Genuine friends don't judge each other They're not looking for something to criticize They're making themselves available to be a help never a hindrance you see friendship demands that we share now listen, I I want you to think for just a moment.

Is there anybody today? Anybody That you can say I'm sensitive to their needs I Really submitted to them because I want to build them up. I just accept them like they are. I really am sacrificing to be their friend because sometimes it's difficult to be their friend and I'm really sharing What I am what I have to help them to grow up because that's God's ultimate design and friendship to build up the other fellow Can you say that about anybody?

You know what? I'm afraid I'm afraid not even some husbands and wives can say that You may be married But are your friends? Now listen When we are sensitive to another person When we submit to their needs When we sacrifice in order to build them up When we share ourselves with them, you know what we do ultimately we shape that life And I want to ask you this morning, is there anybody any other believer whom you love enough To be sensitive submissive to sacrifice to share to shape that life like Christ Now listen If you've never been saved you need a friend and I want to tell you about him his name is Jesus Until he becomes your friend. You'll never understand what friendship is all about for you. See you can't be sensitive and submissive and sacrificial you will not share nor can you shape until first of all Christ is living within your heart and Giving you the capacity to do so. I Want to encourage you to accept Christ this morning. He'll become your Savior He'll become your Lord. He'll become your life. He'll become your friend and He'll never leave you a friend that sticketh closer than a brother Then for all the rest of us Maybe you're one of those lonely people this morning.

Maybe you're a senior citizen. Maybe you're not but you're just lonely Remember what he said to have friends you must show yourself friend I want to challenge you to reach out to somebody and I believe God will honor your reach and he'll give you a friend who'll build you up into Christ like this Then what about all the rest of us moms dads young people? Are we allowing ourselves to be a friend? Somebody's out there weeping and wanting us But they can't have us because we're too busy Are you willing to be somebody's friend Father we thank you that you're our friend You said I've not only called you servants, but I've called you my friend. We know you're sensitive to us and you've surely sacrificed for us and you share with us every day and We know that you are shaping us into your likeness And father it's so easy to be selfish so easy to think only of ourselves or our family When there's so many people about us Who need us? Not what we have. They just need us But father what is more beautiful than two believers? is working to build up the other in Christ likeness Teachers how to do that Teachers how to love each other How to befriend each other how to reach out to one another to be willing to take the initiative to create friendship to give of ourselves to offer ourselves To forget ourselves In order to forge into the other person's life those traits of character and temperament That will honor you And we'll thank you for that in Jesus name Thank you for listening to Christian friendship if you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or in touch ministries stop by in touch Dot o RG this podcast is a presentation of in touch ministries, Atlanta, Georgia