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August 11, 2021 12:00 pm
Mike is joined by Robby, The Christian Car Guy, as they discuss how couples must allow God into their marriage.
This is Sam from Alaska journey podcast of our goal with the podcast was. Hope you try to find your way in this difficult world you chosen Truth Network podcast was starting just seconds.
Enjoy it shirt but most of all, thank you for listening and choosing The Truth Podcast Network. This is good Truth Network welcome to if not for God. Stories of hopelessness that turn to hope. Your host Mike Swick. I'm sure you're going to be so happy with said today show on if not for God is going to be on marriage and if there was ever a category where I thought Mike. If not for God. I have no concept of how somebody gets through marriage without our I really have no way of trying to figure that out but it it is and if not for God. Subject matter is if you guys ever seen the movie dumb and dumber. If you haven't seen the movie. Don't worry about it, but there is a part of the movie where Jim Carrey in the other guy getting his name but there talking and he says I had this girlfriend for a long time and I was dating her for a while and and she would say that you how I never really listen to her. He says I don't know what she was saying I wasn't really listening and then and then breaking up and you know so but hopefully things are not to that point.
I know we had Pastor Steve on and I Steve actually wrote a book called marriage triage and that's where when things are getting a really bad if you want to deftly take a look at that in how it can work from there. But you know I think a lot of people who were married or people who are not married.
Want to get married. Want to know what it takes to have a successful marriage and you read the Bible there's there's actually Ephesians chapter 5, and in we were just looking at this a minute ago but the part for I guess the part for the wives is you know Ephesians 522 through 23 it says wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord for a husband has authority over his wife, just as Christ has authority over the church in Christ is himself the Savior of the church's body and so wives must submit completely to their husbands. Just as the church submits itself to Christ. Husbands, love your wives, here's the other side, just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. He did this to dedicate himself to dedicate the church to God by his word. After making it clean by washing and water in order to present the church took to himself in all its beauty, pure and faultless, without spot or wrinkle or any other imperfection men ought to love their wives, just as they just as they love their own bodies. A man loves his wife a man who loves his wife loves himself. People never hate their own bodies.
Instead they feed them and take care of them, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body, as the Scripture says, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife and the two become one. There is a deep secret truth revealed in the Scripture which I understand is applying to Christ in the church also applies to you every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband. There's a lot in that ruddy well you know that that's what makes it a bit, having been married 34 years, a journey that is actually so fulfilling. At some point. As you begin to actually enjoy what I consider that intimacy that's available through marriage it so critical that you have intimacy with God because that will certain needs were meant to be met by him where we so often are expecting our needs to be met by our wives are wiser and expecting their needs be met by the husband and in some of those needs for intimacy just clearly only come from God. So there's a challenge, you know, I know how I look at that passage, and everybody is have to look at it as I do, but I don't pay a lot of attention. Actually, I mean I see what it says of the wives are supposed to do for their husbands. But I really focus on my part and think okay if if I am having the relationship with God that I should have and he's meeting my needs for intimacy and and and study and all those things being nourished by his word and I feel loved and secure by him. Then I look to my wife and go okay how can I meet you know those needs that she has. How can I love her.
How can I make her feel loved. What can I do you know to make her feel like she's getting listen to, and not that I'm succeeding in this, but I understand at least that right okay bit. I can't force my wife to do any of the above that that that the other stuff that's that's between her and God. But my part as to how I love her well as long as God loved the church and there's a beautiful thing in Hebrew as you study marriage from a Hebrew standpoint is that the letterhead which is see ATT what you think. Think would be check.
That's actually hit it is is sort of like the letter for marriage. It also is the matter for life and and what it is is a male energy that is coming from heaven is called above so you can imagine the mail energy coming down like the light of Christ coming down. That's a male energy. A female energy then reflecting back God's glory back to heaven so that's with Zion actually and so you got this mail energy coming down a female energy going back up and across the top is something called a carrot which is the wedding canopy which is this connection of God uniting the two powers to bear fruit. So when you have marriage what what really is a beautiful thing from my standpoint is is Christ comes down into you man or woman you reflect his glory there some way that your spouse my my spouse happens to be a phenomenal caregiver for children or for elderly adults, even what, or even for special needs which we teach and so by spotting my wife's glory. Like I can see that she reflects God in the way that she is amazing.
Caregiver at and so how can I bring out the best in Tammy right, how can I love her well by getting her you had to accept the gift she has you know helps her feel fulfilled and and and pushes her torso closer to God through the way that she's reflecting him, and guess what is she feels that type of intimacy with her own gifting and with her own life with God. She loves me well because she sees that my partner about an end interest in it is not I end up having this phenomenal time at often I feel like the luckiest man in the world. I really do like a man.
I was just a mollification. Tammy and I am I just several times.
We are out of the beach and I was just like Manhattanite lines of falling in such pleasant places like wow I just can't believe how wonderful this is to have this partner that actually have the kind of intimacy we have, but it was 34 long hard years and some brilliant raising kids. Oh my goodness, I mean the fights in the day that it was not just a bed of roses. There, it's interesting that you say that because I think it out to a lot of the people that I know who were unmarried. They all want to get married in the end and I almost feel like when you're in the church when you're in a church setting. There's almost some pressure people who are unmarried have told me this, there's pressure that they need to find someone. There was a guy that we have a Tuesday night meeting last night guy name Scotty says so many times he says I go into the church and I feel all alone and you and I see all these people with their married and they've got kids and stuff like that so if you're not married that's okay too, is matter fact I'm sure there are a lot of there are a lot of people who were married.
If you asked them for marriage advice to give you a first Corinthians 7 verse eight it says to the unmarried into the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single good stuff you asked that you know hey you're married I want to get married I this is good for you to remain so just because somebody is married doesn't necessarily mean that they're happy doesn't necessarily mean that they're having a good time.
Everything is good. I heard Pastor Chad who is on the way over here this morning.
He's now back on the Truth Network what he was saying was, he says what what happens is when you compare yourself to other people you're doing is you're comparing your backstage to their front stage in their front stage is whatever they put up on Facebook or whatever they put up on Instagram and he said when were asking people advice on our marriage or people on how do we raise our kids.
He says he actually reminded us of the of the verse where I think it was the apostles they were going around. They said, Jesus was saying you're gonna die an early death. This is can happen to you and think Peter went up to Jesus and he says will, what about John. Remember what Jesus said to them what business of it is yours. If I have him stay until my return. So another words if he lives a full life. Don't worry about what everybody else is doing. It's interesting. One of the things that I've learned for. I think to have some success in marriage relationships is to put the phones down turn the TV off. Take time and have quality time and so what we do at night as we think working to take 30 minutes every night, put everything down. No distractions and were just in a talk, and it's interesting to you say will working to do that anyways right, but there are so many distractions that are out there.
The television, the Internet, the phone all that stuff where you can really live and be around somebody all the time. You don't really get to spend any quality time with that person and I think sometimes we give more attention to people that were not even married to try to do our job. We pay more attention to our boss would we need to do with this. What we need to do with that.
But we need to get that same energy and attention and even more so to our our wife or her husband and her children at home, challenging you would think that wow is is you children get older that things get, but actually the others a lot of pressure with adult children, a lot of stuff going on and on.
The last two weeks.
You know, I can't believe how many things happened.
You know my one dollars boyfriend lost his job, which it 30 something to crisis can over for for him. My other daughter in his relationship had struggles in and it was just crisis after crisis after crisis right and so all you know it's there and then quite often. No.
Tammy has one view of how this should be dealt with in a fit of another and that leads to more crisis and in even more so than that, where I always front, get him in trouble just candidly is I'm a very open person like I would tell anybody almost anything about me or anybody else. My family generally is not in. So when I open my mouth and I tell somebody this or that of the other like man I'm immediately in all kinds of trouble, like just last night, as I recall, one of my kids was, you know, just how could you tell people that this did other than that you know and I'm like oh man I'm so sorry because you know we make mistakes right we do and so sometimes maybe it just means saying you're sorry for. I tried that at GW. I know you don't really think you did anything wrong. So your your apology means nothing to me and them if that so you know it's really I like the way God is rigged this world so we cannot do it without them in marriage is definitely in that light isn't okay. You just do this and everything is going to be good.
Now you're going to need to go after God tonight and Juergen have to go after God tomorrow night and you're gonna have to, you know, in order for because you know if if he could give us the formula, then we just take off you know be on our own and you know will talk to you when we need you God and he knows that and so my goodness there's opportunities abound when it comes to marriage, for a deeper intimacy with God because he's got you kinda right where he wants you where like I don't have any answers and I'm not understanding women at this point I don't I don't understand why they are so caught up in this and what you know I have two daughters and a wife and a mother-in-law that it you know quite often in my house and the granddaughter so I'm swimming in the estimate estrogen motion to the point in time and and they just see things differently, but that's the beauty of an and conversely that's my wife and into boys and me set up but I will get a girl covets a little help, but either one of the things were talking about this is Jeff Hoover. His dad had something written on his Bible and this is what it says it says beloved Christian reader in matters of grace. You need a daily supply. You have new store of strength day by day, you must seek help from above, it is very sweet assurance that it really portion is provided for you in the word through the ministry by meditation in prayer and waiting upon God.
You shall receive renewed strength in Jesus all needful things are laid up for you then enjoy. Then enjoy your continual allowance never go hungry.
While the daily bread of grace is on the table of mercy, and I think sometimes we say while I went to a marriage conference three years ago and so I got everything from that that I have to work on my marriage and everything is good to be finding on everything you have to look at it again, but it worked for about three days and then it it it reminds me of what that says we need a daily renewal of grace. And I'm also reminded of what we talked about with with Dr. Tony Evans when he said when he was younger that he met his wife. His wife wasn't acting the same way that he wanted her to act she wasn't feeling as close to him as he wanted to.
He took her on the scariest ride in the whole amusement park and he said it beginning the ride. She was about as far away from me as she could get as the ride started to go on. She was getting closer and closer and closer to me. He said by the time the ride was over.
You would've thought we were one person and so maybe sometimes that if you're seeing that you're having trouble in your marriage. One of the things that may be happening is that it may not of been terrible before, but maybe God was showing you hate her, making it a little bit tougher for you to expose some of the weaknesses so he can help you work on them because for the for the non-Christian, who is listening to this the best you can do is read a book, the best you can do is try to follow some advice by Dr. whoever is on TV. But the good news for us as Christians as we have the power of prayer and that we believe that prayer changes things in God can do things in our marriage that we could never do you get all of Mike's enthusiasm right is that I met Anna and I I see it so clearly and I did what you just described is the heat comes pushes you closer to God on that you know amusement ride. If you should choose to call it an amusement ride or you call it a terror ride depending on you know how your parents is been recently.
It but by the same token, you know what the growth through relationship, you know, and Anna I heard recently that there's this painting of I'm Stephen as he's being stoned and as you look at his face. This was done as I understand from Michelangelo and edit it. It's the person that was describing it says you know, literally. He is engaged with God. Looking at God's face at the point that everybody's throwing stones at him. In other words, he stayed relational with God at a point where people are crushing. His head was stones okay and that's what I would like like when all the stones are coming my way for my family were from my friends are for whatever else is coming at my life.
Maybe it's a person tailgated me this morning that somehow or another I can stay relational like Stephen did there being stoned with with with my face, engaged in his face right in him right there with you in the moment is really that my grace is sufficient for you while you're going through those struggles and not so when I talk about the good points. Marriage, which believe there are awesome is good points come after a great deal of struggle. I you know there's there's a peace that only comes on the other side of war.
Yes yes yes yes.
In other words, intimacy at times means I have to tell my wife stop doing that.
You're driving me nuts. Yes, because I really is driving me nuts. Yes, and that causes a war for period of time.
It is some point in time she needs to know me well enough to know that that kind of thing drives me nuts. One of the things we need when you're talking about this, we are talking about what drives you nuts. Our friend Chuck Riche is been on the show. One of the things that he does is he gives the analogy work takes a blank sheet of paper and he draws a dot on the sheet of paper. He said what you see there, and most people say they see a block.he says you realize 99.9% of the papers white. He's like you're focusing on that… Little black dot will in the same way. Philippians 48.
It actually says. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever over things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things, so I know so many people who are married and I heard Pastor Chad get this tell the story when Tommy said he had a husband and wife. You came into them for marriage counseling and he said to what's going on with your marriage and in why sit there of the husband's right next to him and she says my husband is not any good. He doesn't take out the trash. He doesn't listen to me. He's not this. He's not that the other whatever Pastor Chad said after a few minutes, I think you should get a divorce that he said he sat back and he asked the wife he says to let me ask you this. What is something that you like about your husband. She said he works really hard. He goes to work every day he worked really hard and she started to talk about this and expound on this and in talk about the good things that she liked about her husband and she he said after a while they were moving closer and closer together and I believe it ended up working out if you want the recipe for disaster. In your marriage focus on everything that's wrong with your spouse and focus on everything that's right with you and there will never be any reconciliation of beautiful example of that very thing. However, you know. Intimacy requires honesty by it did.
It really does in my opinion and am of done shows on this to one of my recipes for good vacation is one or two good fights gives his people's expectations get raised on a birthday party of your most the kids get extra while the member it together while all the time but yes extra while the part of course because guess what I'm Zürich speculate their expectations of what this day is going to be of of what I meant to get what I'm gonna receive always raised and and so are your expectations on vacation while when things are not happening to meet your expectations, you know, obviously, can take that to God and all those things but the other thing is, sometimes you need to take it with the up with the people that are with you so that you can share and they might share with you some of their expectations are being met and and you can begin to see wow how to love this person better right and when it comes to all kinds of minimus, e.g., would I wish my wife would be completely honest with me. What is it that's hurting you. What is it that is making you feel better.
What is it that makes you feel great, you know because as I get that kind of information. Right I can act on it, it might cause my feelings to be heard. It might cause me to do a lot of other stuff but true intimacy requires at the heart of it right. Real communication real like going take off the mask and say this is this is where man in it and I believe it also requires two parties.
I don't know if you've ever seen this, but there's a triangle that people of done work God is at the top of the triangle man is on one side of the triangle woman's on the other side of the triangle. That's ahead to Derek that you're describing that I'm that it's at the top of the letterhead right, right. And so what happens is as the man in the wife get closer to God.
They actually get closer to each other as they get further away from God. They get further away. Romans chapter 1 verses 20 about a week ago I was actually was in the morning for work.
What I did was in front of my mirror. I was getting ready and all of a sudden I just started to quote this verse out of nowhere. Romans chapter 1 verse 20 and what the verse says it says for since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities, his eternal power and divine nature had been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made so that people are without excuse, and so that I don't care how much you think you've got things figured out. If you're not getting closer and closer to Jesus getting closer and closer to God through his son Jesus Christ that you can have everything else figured out you could have the best marriage you can make the most money, but man, you're missing the whole picture, you're missing the whole picture. On the other side me there. There is people who really made their marriage may not be great things maybe talk with your kids. Nothing else seems to be getting better. I tell you what you're getting closer and closer to Jesus. You may not be able to control everything else we have control over how seriously we take our relationship with Jesus Christ writing new love idealizes the always think about the line when you talk about that line the Jesus said he was talking about. I'm fine dress from that kind of thing in John 14 many races apart from me you can do what nothing is interesting getting David in the in the 16th Psalm says my goodness is nothing look verse two. My goodness is nothing apart from you and so is interesting to me that King David knew that that wow what can I do without Jesus, absolutely nothing, so you know in order to bear any fruit. Good fruit requires being connected to the vine just it just really test and and so we know what wonderful advice that I could ever give anybody his is to spend time quality time in the word of God. Because if you try to find him. He's not are defined using that book every word.
It says in the beginning was the Word and the Word was God and the Word was with God, so I mean there is there's Jesus right there and you can read one of those words that Jesus is not in there all those expressions assess by spending time there. You do get the ability to bear much fruit and you do get closer to God. Just like what you're talking that's hidden in and says in Scripture it says that Psalm 75 it says we praise you God, we praise you for your name is near close people tell of your wonderful deeds.
You say I choose the appointed time is I judge with equity. When the earth and all its people quake it is. I to the arrogant. I say both know more into the wicked. Do not lift up your records do not lift your horns against heaven do not speak so defiantly, no one from the East or from the West from the desert can exalt themselves. It is God judges he brings one down. He exalts another in the hand of the Lord is a cup full of foaming wine mixed with spices pours it out and all the wicked of the earth.
Drink it down to its very dregs. As for me I will declare this forever I will sing praise to the God of Jacob who says I will cut off the of all the wicked with the horns of the righteous will be lifted up not forgotten to mention having these turbulent times.
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